Fault Lines In My Brain

 I have a strange way of thinking and using my brain power, quite different to many people I think.  The INTJ mind is analytic and also it doesn't exactly do empathy or such.  Despite my best efforts there is something very strange going on these days which is "interesting" to me but not at all productive or I suppose neither is it destructive (at the moment).

Here goes, Let me see if I can give you an example.  Many years ago before I knew my ex that well, I had a number of girlfriends and knew quite a few socially, platonically I suppose you'd say but of course there were sparks and things in there - there has to be I suppose.  INTJs are notoriously bad at picking up the signs, absolutely dreadful would be my assessment.  I wouldn't know if a girl was coming onto me unless she grabbed me and gave me a ful smacker kiss or some other blatantly obvious sign.

So having set the scene, my mind wandered the other day back to an embarrassing (now) scene where I spoke to one girl about going on holiday and she wasn't keen and so I took another where upon said first girl turns up out of the blue.  Now I've only just realised what that probably meant and it's dawned on me, especially since I saw a few photographs with the both of us in that perhaps I didn't pick up on the messages at all and the photos also seem to reflect that.  She was a lovely girl too, dark black hair and beautiful eyes.  So now, it suddenly all becomes clearer than it was back then why she was put out and also that things could have been different for the other girl was my ex and we were married 32 years and had two wonderful daughters.

So, the past is the past and I kind of live by that but this has bothered my subconscious especially as a friend mentioned the young lady to me a few months back and we both mentioned how much we "liked" her.  Truth being that it's like the Bear's Den song, Evelyn - a personal favourite:

"Evelyn, our relationship was strictly platonic

If platonic means I was madly in love with you

And a part of you was oblivious

Another part of you knew and kind of liked it"

It got me to thinking and of course, it's love's old story again.  There's a couple of times that I was reminded of how things might have worked out differently.  Perhaps that parallel universe I am so often wishing for might come into play for thinking about it now, I wonder how my life would have played out with her rather than my ex?  I imagine that life would have played out quite differently.  Then I realised that I really did fancy this girl a lot but I enjoyed all the company of the girls we hung around with.  One, who I fancied a lot has been in touch recently from NZ where she's moved to recently and we used to just be drinking buddies and had a really great time.  I wonder if she realised?  Probably although you know what, much as I liked her and some of the other girls and spent time with them - I was far too shy to take things any further.  I suppose they enjoyed my company because I didn't flirt with them and just treated them as I might do any other friend.

I have no idea why my brain is wired like this and what it is trying to achieve, working its way through a scenario that didn't exist but I suppose that is why? It's computing the various outcomes and of course, it's fantasizing about something that never was and in this version of the universe can never be.  

Interesting Dynamics

 I was thinking as it is my Nephew's birthday that I haven't seen him for over a year now and before that 2 years and before that 2 years again.  OK, sure he now lives in Holland or Denmark maybe, I'm not sure so I sent him and electronic card.  My other cousin I haven't seen for 7 years.  

I say this as we were all very close.  For the former I was a bit of a father figure as his father left home and lived a long way away as a consequence.  They get on fine but I spent a lot of time with him, holidays and all that sort of stuff.  My cousin lived with us for a while and then got a house share nearby and so I collected him, drove him a fair distance home, we gave him a room and all that sort of stuff.

It's a funny old world where you merrily go on your way and suddenly detach from your past like that.  It doesn't worry me as in many ways, they are independent people with their own lives to lead etc.  I find it curious that this has happened but I don't go out of my way to do anything about it I was just thinking after all that you do for people should you expect a "reward" that they'd keep in touch?  Perhaps not.  I hope that whatever influence I might have been on them was a good one and that they'll be using those in their lives.

I wonder if later in life things will change?  Given the way that I haven't stayed in touch with people, I'd be somewhat surprised if they do, I only have a very small circle of friends.

Just How Effing Difficult Is It?

 We live in a lane that has one way in (unless you drive down a green lane and have the keys to the barrier at the end about a mile away.  Thirteen houses in the lane, we aren't part of the management group that looks after the houses further down the lane.  They maintain the road etc

So today, the road is closed, no notice, certainly none with the County Council that I can see.   Now, late for an appointment we are told that we should have had a text on a WhatsApp group which we are not members of.  In fact I think that four or five houses are not part of the overall management group.  Eventually after merry hell is kicked up we get through.  Call me old fashioned but perhaps a note through the door would have been polite?  I've a tanker due to deliver fuel and another delivery and OH had a meeting to go to, if I'd been meeting the Accountant I too would have been held up.

They of course said but Hey, you can go down the green lane but little did they know that too was blocked off with a set of emergency vehicles making repairs.

I am hoping that we get at least an apology for this - it's a bloody nuisance but if, as happened last time, we knew the lane was going to be closed, we could at least plan around it like parking the car elsewhere and holding deliveries back.

What a bunch of numpties and Muppets if they couldn't work out that they hadn't informed everyone - there's only 13 houses FFS!  Not even heard of the person who was meant to be organising it either, luckily I can work out who it was and where it lives.  Given what they do for a living it is surprising that they couldn't manage this simple task.  

I Really Can't Be Bothered

 Yet again I find myself thinking (and not doing anything) I can't be bothered.  It's become normal and I can't say that I like it.  I was always Mr. Busy and was always on the go but now, not so much. 

I'd like to get on and do most things but can't get the enthusiasm together.  Things are too much bother and whilst I do set myself things to do, I find it easier to not do anything.

It's crazy as I'm going to get busy with the business and I've been working on the website, social media and all of that but even that I am not getting things done as I should.

It's definitely part of this general malaise I'm in and it's annoying as I kind of think I know what it is that's giving me this slough I'm in.  I suppose that I really should address it but its big I think and a decision perhaps that I may not want to take.

We will have to see what happens I suppose and whether I'll tackle what the root cause is or dance around the symptoms.

A Year On

 Ew, I was bad a year ago, very down in the dumps.  I'm a lot better but no where near as good as I should be.  Not sure why that should be.  Old age, now a pensioner and not really clicking with life the universe and all that still.  I;m OK but just OK if you know what I mean?  Things aren't getting done and I'm still procrastinating but not as much as I used to.  I still dislike going out or going to events even though I'd probably like them.

So I'm thinking about what to do about it but we are right in the launch window of the music app and I need to be doing stuff for that, despite technology and my developer not cooperating with me to achieve it.  Once again we've fallen at the last hurdle and it gets somewhat depressing that we are back here, two years after I read the riot act to them and 18 months later than the promised delivery. 

My mother isn't well and at 87 I need to make a decision to go and see her I think.  She has tests next week and that would be worth going along to offer some moral support.

It's adding this pressure in the background but at least I'm not carrying around all the cr@p I was dealing with last year.  But, I just need to cast off this malaise and get myself going again.  It's all very mundane and routine here and routine seems to stop me doing things which isn't great!

At least I know what it is and I think I can do something about it and I kind of wonder if I actually know what I need to do but I'm not prepared in the back of my mind to actually do it?  It could well be that you know.  I already know the answer but my mind is burying it away from me?

Carbon Reduction Plant

The children are at it again aren't they £22BN for something that's not proven to work so they can take CO2 out of the air and store it.

When I was at school 50+ years ago they taught the Carbon Cycle and you'll never guess what is brilliant at taking CO2 out of the atmosphere???

That's right TREES FFS TREES that's all you need to do but we are ripping the bloody things up, millions of them to stick Windmills in their place!!!

PLEASE can we get some grown ups in charge PLEASE!!!

Rantings

 It seems all I do these days in rant on about stuff.  Today is no different.  So yesterday that Carbon Capture sh1t that didn't work but is sure to now even though it is unproven and untested, yes that.  £22 BN thank you very much.  Where on earth are they getting all this money?  Of course from us...  They are rank amateurs this lot and indeed the previous lot weren't much better.  My old mum could do better.  She kept a tight rein on the finances and she wouldn't invest in any stupid stuff, she didn't borrow money and you only had it if it was absolutely necessary, was the price she was prepared to pay for it and was value for money.

Other stuff makes me annoyed that perhaps shouldn't so today an interesting advert came through for a 2 week trip to Egypt and a Nile Cruise and I thought that looks a good price, I wonder how they can do that?  Well one click and without reading much further it was clear that this was only part of the price (around £500 each) you then had to add luggage, around £70 each then you had to add excursions around £200 each and that's as far as I got as I imagine there were more charges for fully inclusive and so on.  VAT is meant to be shown inclusive but not all companies do that so you have to check you aren't going to get shafter with a 20% uplift to your purchase! 

I notice that Brighton Council were blinking in the bright light as they walloped their car parking up to around £30 a day or some such and to their utter amazement people didn't come into Brighton any more?  No sh1t Sherlock, really?!!  Well, without doubt you learn the hard way.  I imagine when business start failing through low footfall then the business rates revenue to the council will then decrease and once again they'll be wondering why.

Locally too, the parking went up a couple of months ago and two businesses who had been established a long time have shut down citing lower footfall.  Another is trying to combat this by offering to pay for people's parking who come to their store and spend a certain amount.  I see that our own "clever" Chancellor has suddenly realised that Non-Dom taxation won't work as these highly mobile individuals can choose to pay the Government of just move on, when your'e that wealthy, what would you do and why would you help out the Government of Envy?  The 20% whack onto education fees is backfiring as they say around 80,000 children need to come out of private education and go into the state system.  It looks as if they didn't calculate that either.  They don't understand cause and effect they never do.  If they just stopped all vanity projects, called people in charge of large operations to task properly and stopped spending money like its going out of fashion, they might make a fist of it but like all of these people, they kowtow to their masters.

I also see that the £1.5BN saved by stopping the pensioners fuel payment may also be backfiring on them too as more and more pensioners sign up to Pension Credit that they hadn't been claiming before and that starts to kick in.  It isn't just the heating they get but also other benefits like dental and eye care and their state pension gets topped up too.  I really hope that kicks them in the teeth (metaphorically) as they haven't got a clue.  

It's nice to let them make mistake after mistake and get exposed for what and who they are.  A bunch of amateurs for sure, a laughing stock in the wider world and they make Joe Biden look coherent and competent.   

There's plenty more to rant on about I'm sure but this will do for today.

Same Mistake - But It's OK, It's Your Money They're Spending

 I do not suffer fools gladly, never have, never will.  If you've been on the end of one of my terse put downs you'll know.

Seems our Government are at it again.  You need to realise that the way you prove your case to the public is with evidence and data.  My mantra has always been to use the scientific method, look up the work of Richard Feynman and how he worked and you'll see that if you have an idea, a hypothesis, you then test it with experiment and data.  If experiment and data do not prove your hypothesis or idea then it's wrong..  It isn't half wrong, partly wrong, almost wrong.  NO It's wrong!!! 

So our bright a a button environment bloke or joke as I should call him is now going, for the second time, go for carbon capture as a way forward.  So this is sucking out of the air some of the 400 parts per million of CO2 that wicked nasty life giving element that he alleges can heat up the world.  Go on you try the experiment.  Take a 100,000 seat stadium and pop 40 people in the crowd and let them warm up the rest of the people....  Utter bolloxs, complete nonsense but everyone seems to buy it. 

So he failed to do this last time and spent sh1t loads doing it and failed and now he wants to double down and do it again!  The bloke is certifiable, he's completely nuts, he should be off the streets in a straight jacket.  It doesn't affect him but we all have to pay for his folly.  When the lights go out in a few years time he'll blame something else but we will still have to pay.

Why oh why do we have these complete numbskulls in charge?  He's got no idea.  YES I do, I used to work in the energy industry and so can actually explain all of this.

The great unwashed make me laugh though when they state that the wind and solar whilst intermittent, the electricity can be stored in batteries.  Well, you'd need batteries the size of counties to do this.  The cost would be absolutely eye watering, they'd not last long say 15 years at best and they just don't have the capacity.  Think of all the heavy metals and nasty liquids these things are made up of.

I honestly cannot believe how we are even in this state, fo people not listen, not understand basic physics, economics and scale?  How many of these people survive in the real world I've no idea.  A thousand years ago they'd be the ones who'd be useless at hunting, making fire or anything else!  

I hope that it all ends very badly for these idiots in charge, I imagine the damage done to the people and the economy won't even be reviewed.   

Sad Terminal Cancer Patient Not Seeing His friends At The End

 I happened across this story earlier today and a young man, I think he was around 27 or 28 hasn't got long to live, his cancer is terminal and his friends have melted away and that is sad.

We don't know how to deal with death I think. I'm as bad as the rest, I did try talking to my friend who died last December as much as I could but he couldn't really hear me and I made a typical hash of it as he knew he was dying and sort of said so much to me and I wasn't prepared for that. I should have been, I knew he was ill (but not terminal) and so perhaps I should have made some notes of things to talk about and cheer him up.

It sort of lines up with my own experiences in that only close friends really stayed by and I was surprised that some people who hardly knew me took time out to visit, that was most unexpected.  Close friends melted away and some barely spoke to me and others, you could see were visibly shaken when they saw me. I bought the Tee Shirt which (as chance would have it I am wearing today) which was from Monty Python's Spamalot and has the words "I'm Not Dead Yet!" across the chest.

When you say you have Cancer that's the immediate thought that people (who have not had it) think.  "Are you alright?" probably means "You're not going to die are you?" Human nature, lack of understanding about the disease and our inability to deal with dying and our friends dying especially.

I'm called a lot of things and one of them is cold.  I am cold, my father's death whilst it was sad, was not unexpected.  It was a blessing as he really didn't deserve that last set of weeks in the Hospital with some staff not really being the caring professionals you'd like to think existed.  Luckily we were there to effect responses during the day not so much at night but there you go.  

So people ask why I don't do the "Facebook" thing you know, "Happy Heavenly Birthday Dad!" or "It's x years since you left us" or "I know you are looking down on us".  I don't get the point of that at all.  He is no longer here and like all those before him we said our goodbyes and life goes on.  He never wanted a memorial for people to pilgrimage to his headstone and I think likewise. Yes, he was my dad and a good one too, we had great and not so great times and in all of this he lives on in me and in my head so what more do I need to do?  If I didn't say enough when he was alive and I'm all cut up about it, what would posting in Facebook achieve?     

Back to the point, this poor chap has sort of found out the hard way that people cannot really deal with the facts that he isn't going to be around for long.  I have sympathy for both him and his friends but I think it's a shame that they don't go over and see him.  Grab some beers and crisps and go say goodbye with some dignity and perhaps some light humour for not to be there will surely play on their mind in the future.  They'll probably turn up at his funeral and all say what a great bloke he was but not that they were scared of going to see him in the run up to his final days.  

We have a very bad time with death - we perhaps shouldn't but it's another taboo sort of subject.  I wonder if the do-gooders have something to do with that?  

Here's How We Are Signalling Our Virtue Today

 I have just seen an advert where an electricity and gas company the ones that supply the public is offering heated blankets to old people and in another move, food boxes.  How about bringing the prices down first?

On a slight tangent how can you be selling something one day and then taking 50% off of it the next?  That's some profit margin and you're still making a profit selling it at half the price. 

There's a lot to be said for just selling stuff at a price that's reasonable and both the customer and the supplier are happy.

It seems that everywhere, businesses are signalling their virtue and jumping on the latest "thing" whatever that may be.  You can take any current "thing" and someone in the marketing and PR department will push out some utter twallop about how their company supports <insert latest cause here> but actually, if it backfires on them, they drop it like a sack of hot spuds.  Why?  Well, they don't actually believe in the "thing" that they said they support if it doesn't positively impact their bottom line.  That's the bare truth of the matter.  If you signal your virtue and your revenues and profit can be attributed to said virtue then that's great and shareholder value is positively impacted.  The moment it ceases to do that, is the moment the campaign is dropped.

I dislike any of it and the TV gets switched off, the website changed and so on.  To me, it's callous use of peoples current emotions in pursuit of that great God PROFIT.

There's not a day goes past when others, not Corporations, pick up some metaphorical gauntlet and proudly display to the world (or at least those who will listen to them) that they are, I don't know, let's pick at random, Vegan or Net Zero of Just Stop Oil you know, something like that and off the go on their uninformed way, yelling at people, using charged language and not really understanding what they are on about.  

I know it has happened for a long time but I'm totally fed up with the brainless mindset of these people, they are constantly wrong, and often really do not know their facts but that doesn't stop them, they don't stop talking long enough to listen and they fire off warped and unproven "facts" and raise their voices if you attempt to tackle their views scientifically.  I hope it stops as it might end up like one of the jobs I did years ago where we got slated for a problem that wasn't ours.  At the moment when we were getting berated for the problem by some senior management types, a chap from another organisation walked past, bold as brass, and proceeded to do exactly what we were being accused of doing.  Not once, but at every desk, he basically destroyed our work.  Someone went over and dug him out.  There was a stunned and very awkward silence.  My No.2 then said "Well, do we get an apology or does someone get a smack in the mouth?!"  We did get a very grovelling apology and were taken out for a very fine meal.

Someone With A Bit Of Courage

I defined my working life and many jobs by the way I wouldn't stand for any nonsense and I'd walk rather than suffer it.  I'm not an easy person to get on with because I demand high standards that I keep myself.  INTJs are wont to do that.  They set high standards of themselves and others.  If you fall short professionally then after a few chances and no improvement your'e generally going to be toast!

A politician has resigned on principal yesterday citing the PMs and his cabinets propensity to, how can I put it nicely?  Have their interests elsewhere than the people they are meant to represent.  They are making a laughing stock of this country and they look like a bunch of total amateurs - more like children in a sweet shop than serious politicians.  I don't suppose they see themselves as we see them.  I'd send them to bed early with no supper that's how petulant the little buggers are.

Anyway, someone has stood up - they haven't forced a By-election which I think they should as it would show what the people think of her as an individual but also the Labour party's standing.  Hey, she's going to be an independent.  However, she completely exposed the Labour Party for what it is and in doing that, respect to her for her stand.  Her constituents will be better served in some ways but the financial pain and the sleaze will not go away.  I'm not sure what wil hapen - the Budget is in a few weeks and I imagine we will see what happens after that.  We are all expecting that they will come for us for more money.

I recall the other times they have come for us, especially when I was a business owner.  On one occasion my shares were destroyed by a Banking collapse that my shareholding company had to pick up a failed bank and lo and behold, my shares (which are still seriously damaged) now count in pennies rather than the many pounds that they were.  At around the same time there was a bit of legislation aimed at disguised employment that was a sledgehammer to crack a nut - IR35 it was called.  It affected my business and so I did what anyone else would do, I changed the business to suit my own circumstances, arranged financies and contracts accordingly and shut it down.  So in the end, I'd rather not work my arse off for someone who waved their arms and did me harm.  Covid legislation killed my business off a few years ago too.  Lots of people made shed loads but not my business which having just been fed with a large lump sum of my savings to launch it and no chance of getting the advertising revenues back and no previous trading history, lost the lot! 

In business I've nearly always decided to leave them to it rather than suffer fools.  Back in the day I could pick a phone up and start with a company the next day if needed and so when I got fed up and sick to death of all the politics and back stabbing, I'd just leave and let them get on with it.  So what if they fell flat on their faces, maybe they'd learn something, but I doubt it.  Human nature is strange.  Why pick a fight with me in your own company and make my life difficult when it was difficult enough working in these circumstances.  Just leave and let them get on with it.  Then give a wry smile as you knew they'd be up for hours and hours trying to rescue things.  

More and more I'm just saying to people, "F off, do it yourself then"  Even recently I'd been trying to alert someone to something and then they, out of the blue started getting all verbal about the situation that I'd alerted them to, trying to blame me so bang, cut them off, block them, mute them and forget them.  F*** them and any of their ilk.  I don't need that sort of nonsense in my life and I no longer suffer it.  

Just do it, it feels great to shut these f*****s out of your life.  Courage.  Do It! 

Getting Away With It

I wondered as I read the latest sleaze allegations and the pathetic way our new politicians carry out their duties on the domestic and world stage how they actually get away with it.

When I made it to senior management, I'd had years to observe, record, in myself amend and work out how I was going to conduct myself when I reached high office.  My late father recommended that I start "at the bottom" and work my way up even though I was qualified to go straight into a higher graded, office job.  So I started as an Apprentice, on building sites, going to training college and part time block release college to attain my qualifications.

Being the way I am, I was able to watch how people were treated and how they reacted to such treatment and worked out, early on, how the majority of my fellow workers wanted to be managed.  I've said it before that if you want to get the best out of people then you treat them as you yourself would wish to be treated and being an adult and not treating people like kids is also to be recommended.

I could write a book on this but let me get back on point with our "Glorious Leader" who parades around glorifying in his suit, his wife's clothes and so on, bungs from donors and thinks that whilst asking us to cut back he can spunk away money on clothes given by someone else to the tune of £20,000 - many of us, Pensioners, get £12,000 a year!  So nice of dear Leader to run our noses in it.  The others are the same, it's coming out already (normally they have the sense to do this 3 or 4 years into their term of office) and they all look like hey are on the take.  On top of their salaries they are getting money from unions and other donors and some are very well off indeed.  Why would you want to sponsor an MP?  Yes, we all know why.  It's always been the same but this isn't some African or South American dictatorship, this is the United Kingdom FFS!

Who in their right mind then tells us, the people, that we have to expect big pain financially yet these lot spend money like water, our money for there is no "Government Money" that does not exist any thing they spend come from us.  They just spunk it out and put their hands in our pockets to pay for it.

I'm not sure how this will end really.  I don't think anyone has the patience to wait for four more years or five to get rid of them.  They are truly hated and need to somehow be brought down to earth.  Our Foreign Secretary wasted no time in telling th UN that he was an oppressed black man forced into slavery or some other bollocks (I switched over at this part).  I think he was meant to be putting the UK view on Israel but no, ten seconds in it was all about him and his oppressed background.  I hope people laugh at him to his face.  This man who turns up in a suit but wearing trainers!  Dick head.

I really hope that they all are enjoying not being able to be out in public without getting verbally abused.  That their local pubs are banning them after all they have their blades out for pubs with the no smoking in public nonsense also coming along.  Like prohibition, and we all know how that ended, these things don't actually do what the theoretical politicians and bureaucrats want to do.  It goes underground.

I like that us Log Burner folk (well we don't have mains gas here or drainage - like millions of us) are threatened with a fine for polluting over a certain % or some such nonsense.  Where I live, everyone has a log burner or open fire and I'd be surprised if anyone would report someone for the odd smelly or smoky chimney - it happens occasionally - more so when everything is cold and you are setting up.  I have my meter so can happily show someone the readings before sticking the meter up their arse!   Why, all of a sudden?  I imagine that as they can't tax Log fires they can fine their owners.  For sure, in Town perhaps there's a point and if people don't actually know how to run a log fire efficiently then perhaps I can see their point but as usual some numpty thinks taking control of my life is what they'd like to do.

This petty interference with our day to day lives is getting beyond the pale now and surely people will kick off about it.  

I'm going to do what I usually do and that is anything to make life harder for them.  Getting back to old fashioned letters that someone has to take the time to answer.  Calling out every mistake and contradiction.  Asking for clarity you know, being a pain in the arse for these people.  To me, if they want to play silly buggers, then I'm your Huckleberry for sure.  Just be politely awkward (such a difficult word to spell) and make them run through lots of circles.  If they are after £20, let's have 10 letters forwards and backwards and let's pay it in loose coinage.  After all it's only fair that I give these people as mush sh1t as they give me, plus some.

What A Mess

 The international press must be having a right laugh at our politicians and their bizarre sets of faux pas made, it seems on an hourly basis at the moment.

What with stopping Oil and Gas exploration by one minister which means that Tax revenues won't flow to another minister.  To a Foreign Secretary making "reparations" for climate justice!!  Perhaps he should have asked the minister who looks after that and then try and tell us how the books balance where there £12Bn going to reparations but they are taking £1.5 Bn off of pensioners?  I could go on but it just beggars belief.  The early release of prisoners (some dangerous ones) has also resulted in the wrong prisoners being released early.  They happily had their mates pick them up in flash cars, cracking open bottle of Champagne.

Then there's the bungs and stuff going on and everywhere you turn someone is making something up to curtail our freedom, take our money and at the same time rub our faces in it.

I don't know  how long this will last, normally they have the grace to wait a few years before we uncover this sort of nonsense. Right now it's right in your face.  Accepting £20K here and there when you can already afford it yourself and guess what, you can't pay your pensioners their £300 a year fuel allowance after stuffing a further 10% on the bills as well?

I suppose I just ought to buy in more popcorn and watch them implode!

Breakfast With An Old Friend

 When you have Cancer, it can be a lonely journey.  By that I mean that even with the support of friends and family, no one really "gets it".  Many want to try and help but their "How are you?" question is really, more like "Oh God, you've got Cancer. Are you going to die?"   which is why I bought my Monty Python Tee Shirt with the words "I'm Not Dead Yet!" on it.

Everyone means well but the internal horrors of what it does to your head and the actual horrors of what it does to your body and the blitzkrieg that is the surgery and treatment are far from their minds when you respond.  In fact, it is more likely that you do, what I did and end up reassuring people that you are alright and more importantly that they are alright because they are SO uncomfortable and just want to know that you aren't going to die.  That's the bottom line I think.

So, my friend and I had similar but not identical Cancers and we were both in surgery at the same time and we were both recovering and not saying much to the wider world.  Our shared experience meant that we came together to work on a project after we had recovered and we remain in touch and I think we are "strange bedfellows" as we have business and cancer connections but we aren't particularly friends who go out together for much more than the occasional beer, curry or, like today, breakfast and we chat through things.

We both have  our head struggles and we are both quite different from normal people.  Sounds bizarre I know, but what I mean is that we are both "scientist" type personalities.  We were both heavily involved in an industry of absolutes. So what on earth does that mean?  We both worked on facts, data and right and wrong, yes or no, real world information and objectives and outcomes.   Neither of us dealt with or accepted bullsh1t as that in itself would not get the projects done.  Chancers and idiots could not be tolerated.  In my early days, I was trained to not kill people because every action I did could indeed do that.  If I had wired up a system incorrectly, it could easily do that and I carried this through in all my work.  If you mess something up it can have repercussions, maybe not terminal but certainly it could affect many people in different ways.

So we both have minds that question everything, challenge accepted thinking etc because it wa our job and what we do.  So we click on many things and whilst we are similar, we work in different ways and like different things but our bullsh1t detectors and spider senses are almost identical.  We may not produce identical strategies but we tend to arrive at the same conclusions. 

It's good to get out together and chew over the cud so to speak.  We probably tackle politics, head stuff, meaning of life, emptying the mind of lots of stuff and so on.  We agree on much but have differing views and approaches about it.  It's refreshing and we both normally come away feeling a lot better.  It is interesting how we can be up or down at the time too.  This time I was all calm and clear where previously it may have been the other way.  

Anyway, it was good to talk and nice to meet up and I ought to do it more.

Offended - The Loser's Guide To Taking Offence

 It never fails to amuse me at what offends people and how upset they get.  I am sure that there are people who's only function in life is to waste Oxygen and to be professional Offence Takers.  You see them on the news, on Social Media and elsewhere in day-to-day life.  Who are these people?

Well, I enjoyed someone saying that they were idiots who would take offence at anything to get noticed.  Other explanations are that this is the way in which people act now.  

I am offended by badly produced music, poorly written books, bad quality food and drink and many other things offend me but I don't react the way many do forcing or imposing their offended selves onto others.  If you don't like something, don't do it / watch it / listen to it / etc you get the picture.  

Taking offence is a thing that only one can do it is something that affects you and you alone.  Of course you can get collective offence but let's just look at this bonkers ways of dealing with it.  Me?  Well, I remove myself from the source of the thing that is offending me.  If someone is being an obnoxious tw@t well, just leave them to it, walk away, go elsewhere.  It works nicely when suddenly in a bar or restaurant you just excuse yourself and leave.  I've done it a few times and just let them get on with it.  It's interesting to hear what they thought about it but also that isn't my problem.  I removed myself from being offended.  I could have got angry, annoyed, bit back etc etc but what's the point?  If they are being offensive, by leaving I withdraw from it.  Generally these people are idiots too, so leave them to it.

The TV Programme they are watching becomes offensive to them.  Turn it off, walk away, go read a good book, listen to some music.  Emailing someone saying you were offended just puts a tick into a spreadsheet where turning it off dents ratings and that has it's own affect later on.

Dislike a comedian's jokes and are offended.  Good God!!! You go to comedy gigs and expect not to be offended?  Comedy is the one medium that invites you to consider whether events are worthy of being exposed for what they are.  I dislike comedy live gigs but enjoy a good comedian ripping apart the Government of the day, religious groups, special interest groups and anyone else who dares tell us that they are experts in their field and dares put their head above the parapet.  

I suggest for your own sanity that you loosen up, make time for quiet reflective walks in the countryside and some quiet meditation time.  There are lots of things that irritate me and annoy the hell out of me (as you probably know) and I vent here on the blog.  I turn off the Tele or radio, walk away and disengage rather than get all offended and sulky.  Try it, try turning off the TV.  It's very therapeutic indeed.  

I like that now Government Ministers are taking offence at us, the great unwashed, getting pissed off with them and people making their voices, it's amusing that they, our servants, think they can impose their fantasies on us.  When we say no, they are offended and upset.  How my heart pumps purple p1ss over that, to use an old expression.  

I like that people are offended because I unfollow (I think that is the term) or block or mute them.  Free speech is also followed by free don't listen as well.  You see you are free to say what you want as am I (within the limitations of hate etc as proscribed in law).  At the same time, I am not compelled to listen to what you have to say or what your opinions are.  If you offend me, I can switch you off, block you etc.,  You don't get to say who you aim your free speech at or whether anyone has to listen to you.  That's how it works.  I do like how offended people get when I block them for being offensive :-) It's funny n'est pas?

Anyway, hopefully you either have or haven't taken offence at this post, if you thinks it's offensive then you know what to do?  Block or unfollow simple as.  

Close to three months now

 I could murder a beer right now (it's OK search engines and social media police - it's a well known British expression used in every day parlance).  Having been told off by Arsebook for posting about our Veteran's Tommy Day initiative you just never know when the "I'm Offended" Algorithm or whatever they call it these days takes down your post.

So, let's get back to three months and the only alcohol I had was when I was away in August.  I've lost a fair bit of weight and I'm definitely in ketosis and I feel a lot better.  The Keto / Carnivore diet seems to be working its magic and weight loss now is slowed a bit but still noticeable.  When your clothes begin to fit and then feel loose you know it's working.

I don't weigh myself and do all the measurements stuff as I don't see that it actually helps that much - I think I might have a look next month just to get an idea where I'm at.   I don't seem to get any hunger pangs but I have to say I do miss a nice beer in the evening or something sweet every now and again.  I will have to wait until Christmas to have some beers and sweet things and then get back to eating properly.

I actually feel very well indeed, my only problem being getting too hot - this time of year the weather doesn't know what it wants to do and a warm night with autumn/winter bedding makes me too hot so I have to come downstairs and sleep down here.  When I get hot, I get claustrophobic too and so in a larger room I find it more comfortable.  Other than the odd want for a beer or a sweet and every now and then the urge to want a snack (which is in my head really) it all goes well.  I don't mind things like offal and fat and so on which are good for a carnivore diet.  It makes you satiated and it makes the body burn off its reserves.

Other than that, all is going well.  I feel good and feel fit but I still have this procrastination problem which I am tackling albeit it does seem difficult to overcome.  Soon I'll be up to my eyeballs in work as the App nears testing phase and hopefully we can finally launch it, long overdue as it is.  Who knows, we might even make some money!

I'd recommend taking some time away from alcohol if you can.  I'm stubborn and so it is easy for me once I've decided.  I like that we now have 0% beers and so occasionally I enjoy one of those if out for a meal.  I now steer away from chips, pasta and anything that's got carbs in it - most restaurants have a salad or will swap chips for salad.  In some ways this is the most difficult area but I was able to have a prawn cocktail the other day and avoid the sandwiches and banquettes others were eating.  As I said earlier, it is a little difficult but once you've got things under control and once you feel good and can see the weight fall away it's well worth doing.

Good Grief - Can It Get Any Worse?

 I suppose it probably can get worse but what on earth is going on with this new government?

Suddenly there's a run on people's pensions as it looks as if they are going to change the terms of those.  These long term financial vehicles allow a tax free withdrawal of 25% (cannot remember the limit).  So I used mine the year before I retired but you can do this from age 55 and not 65 like I was.  Well, blow me down if the Pensions industry isn't stating that lots of people are now inquiring about crystallizing their pensions and withdrawing their 25% now before the government get their hands on it.

The removal of the pensioner's winter fuel allowance also looks to be having some effect too.  A lot of people are worried that pensioners will wind down their thermostat and try to save money but will ultimately end up in Hospital as they get hypothermia, fall over and so on. 

The PM is under pressure to explain all of the freebies he gets and I hope someone asks him about his tax free pension and in fact all MPs pensions, their heating allowances, expenses and other such stuff.

It's a bit like Marie Antoinette territory at the moment.  I see non stop policies and ideas being tabled that are ruinous and the only people who can see this are the public who, contrary to politician's beliefs, are not stupid yokels.  The new labour laws being tabled will probably end up in higher unemployment.  If I was running a business, I think I'd take the money and run about now looking at how they want me to pay more energy costs, employ people who would like to come to work at hours to suit themselves and not the business and so on.  It looks to be a disaster.

What else can they do, They've p1ssed off major countries around the world, we have a  Foreign Secretary who doesn't seem to appreciate who are friends are on the global stage and some have outright stated they won't work with. We have more tax burden on the way we are already at 70% and just keep getting screwed.  The National Debt is now more than a year's GDP.  

They are very unpopular which is good, no one trusts them apart from their loyal supporters and those who did vote for them (they got less of the vote than they did at the previous election where the Tories got a 90 seat majority.  The electorate punished the Tories and we knew what was coming (at least those of us old enough to recollect the damage the last lot did).  

Both main parties are cheeks of the same @rse anyway.  They both p1ssed on us, the electorate and both killed of my businesses through their policies.  They probably didn't see that in killing off those businesses that their take became zero and any chance of tax revenue was destroyed so they shot themselves in the foot by imposing stupid rules on those businesses at those times.   It's hardly worth running a business or employing anyone these days and it's looking as if it will get harder.  The damage they do when they step in and want to control your life.  

The unpopularity of this bunch of chancers is incredible and I don't know anyone who doesn't have contempt for them, they laugh and takes the p1ss out of them and no one looks up to these people as "betters" or leaders, they just don't command respect and they certainly haven't earned any.  The anger is quite palpable and they are getting derided in the street and verbally abused (as they should be).  They think being unpopular is because they are taking tough decisions.  It's actually that people smell the hypocrisy and also the great attribute of our country is its "fairness" - at heart most people accept the rights and wrongs of looking after the frail and weak and protecting our families, women and children.  We offer and have fought for people the world over and our tolerate manner gets us sh1t upon by our government and by certain elements of society.  There comes a point where this anger boils over and whilst fighting and rioting are never the answer, it feels like the dam will break and the government are poking us with a stick at the moment and we are getting more and more angry about the idiocy that is being dished out in our name.

I do not consent to this and I know millions more do not.  There's the odd buffoon who tells you that this is all for our own good but they'd be happy to pay 100% tax, be told what to do and to be kept scared of every warm day in case the world boils to death.  Luckily they are few.  They do exist though and so deeply are they bought in to the narrative that they'll have you believe that by burning £20 notes one after the other ad infinitum will solve all the ills of the world.   

How Far Does The Rabbit Hole Go?

 As we appear to be falling into the Rabbit Hole with our new Government I wonder how far this fantasy land, ideological, stupid, insincere lot will take us before something happens?

The PM is roundly hated and appears to have no vision or stance on anything.  His charisma bypass was obviously a resounding success and he stands for nothing and I like that he is so far detached from the people that he cannot understand why he is getting heckled and roundly booed everywhere he goes.  He has the ability to not understand the anger of people, like me, who have had money taken away from them.  We have a small fixed income, way below the minimum wage - lower than that and their idea of good housekeeping is to take that away.  I find that if you did what I did and saved for my old age and invested in shares and pensions savings, you get taxed on any dividends (over £500) and CGT I believe (if you sell any assets) is around £3,000 threshold down around 75% from what it used to be so you're basically taxed on just about everything you've done to stop yourself being a strain on the resources of the state!   

I know what you're thinking but it isn't meant to make sense at all is it.

I see the bloke who is the Business Minister has never run or been in business.  The Foreign Secretary must be kicking himself as after denying certain aid to Israel, I bet they didn't share what intelligence they had and blindsided him.  I see certain countries just think he's an idiot.  We could have told you that.

The energy minister is likewise a bit of a divot too.  If you stop Oil and Gas development how do you intend to levy your wealth taxes on an industry that will now be laying off people and moving to elsewhere in the world where it easier to do business and indeed the Tax situation is better.  It's no good producing our own fuels when we can buy them in at higher prices and be held hostage to deliveries.  However, at lease we ticked the "how Green Were My Policies?" Box. 

The £22Bn "surprise" black hole has been tempered by another surprise £10Bn that's been found.  I see they've got their finger on the pulse of the economy there then!!  The books are never balanced and never audited are they?  But we gormless morons of the public don't question it or ask for the details.  I like that the DWP were asked for the impact assessment of taking the winter fuel payment away and had to state that no impact assessment had been done and no figures were available.  A couple of years ago, the very people who imposed this reduction in winter fuel payments did their own calculations and when in opposition stated that around 4,000 pensioners would die if the then government took it away so - what's changed?

I see my Water bill has gone up, my electricity and my kerosene bills have all risen so that we can pay the green levy and increase the wealth of the energy businesses.  I'd say that in the 7 years I've been here my bills have doubled and it's down to these idiots in power who get rewarded for making these decisions.  It doesn't materially affect them of course as they have index linked generous pensions, expenses and nice salaries to cover it.  They will not know what it is like to be cold and worried about money like some of our elderly are.  

The silly season continues with more freebie scandals and obviously that isn't deemed a problem either.  The haves sure like to rub the have-nots noses into the sh1t don't they?

I don't think it has stopped yet and there doesn't appear to be a plan, just total destruction of the country.  There's no vision, no planning, no assessments and no risk planning at all.  They stare blinking at the outcomes of their policies and wonder "how did that happen?" they don't seem to realise that their actions cause some sort of reaction later down the line.

Schools will be an interesting one albeit I feel for the parents and the children in this.  As of January (not even the beginning of term) VAT will be applied to the fees charged by private schools.  Well, if you have one or more children at private school, that's a 20% hit for each one of them and surely, unless you are really well off, that's going to hurt along with fuel prices and all the other bollocks coming down the line.  Understandably, these parents are approaching their local councils to put their children into the state school system and guess what?  There aren't enough places and the councils are screaming they cannot meet their legally obliged duty to educate these children? What next, if you have two children, will you have to choose which one to educate at private school and so on.  The politics of envy and greed and this Government have always done this sort of thing.  There's no impact assessment and it is unfair to give too little notice of this huge 20% hike to parents.  Given that most of this shower of sh1t were privately educated you'd have thought they'd know better.

I am though pleased to see that these MPs are getting heckled, banned from various establishments too.  It cannot be nice to be heckled and yelled at and called names wherever you go but maybe, just maybe, they might reflect on why that would be?  Why would their adorning public hate them so very very much?  How can it be?  It's pretty obvious that they've probably p1ssed off everyone in the country and their own supporters more than most.  Ten million pensioners to start with, parents of children in private paid for schooling.  The general public have noted that there's been no negotiation on all the public sector pay demands and those have all been paid and settled at the expense of the public.  There answer to obvious things that need fixing.  Don't fix them, just throw loads more money at the problem!

So how far does the Rabbit Hole go?  A long long way I'm afraid :-)

AI - fun ways of creating with AI

 You can see this is going to be a game changer and I've just put a couple of examples below of various images I've imagined and AI had produced them from my description.  These are super impressive and you can get AI to build some amazing scenes for you - the more descriptive you are the better the outcome. 

I'll leave you to browse these.  I am quite taken with the first 4 which look like oil paintings. 

Interesting Take On Things

 It's edifying to read that you're not quite as alone as you think you are in today's weirdest of times.  Have a read of this article and see what you think.

I wondered how many people reading this blog know who I am?  Am I male or female, white or black or something else?  If you read regularly you only know me from what I write and potentially how I write.  It's fair to say that if you've read my early stuff and certain posts you know I am a male, you know that I am probably what they now describe as far right and yet I'm probably Conservative with a small "c".  Years ago the Liberals (as they were then) appealed as it seemed that you could wear both the need for capitalism with the social conscience needed for those worse off than yourself.

But I am going to leave it there for now because as you read you make up your own picture based on your experiences and the way your mind works.  

What I like about the article above is that it sort of encapsulates some of what I've been banging on about for ages.  

"We know that they are lying, they know that they are lying, they even know that we know they are lying, we also know that they know we know they are lying too, they of course know that we certainly know they know we know they are lying too as well, but they are still lying. In our country, the lie has become not just moral category, but the pillar industry of this country.”

― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

It should come as no surprise that we are coming to an interesting time where we finally get people calling out what it is for what it is.  Climate Change is a way of robbing you of your money and making you pay more whilst others get rich at your expense because you think you are saving the planet.  As I said yesterday or the day before - we could really do with some climate change so we don't all freeze to death this winter.  It's a nonsense, it doesn't make sense, it's had 50 years to meet predictions and as my great idol Richard Feynman said  "If it disagrees with experiment, it is wrong."  and no one seems to challenge it because you get set on by the people making money from the scam.  For a scam it is.  

We can look at Electric cars and I often ask myself if they are so good, why, when we had these in the late 1800s and early 1900s did they not take off then?  It's because ICE cars were more efficient, cheaper, more reliable, could cover a great range and son on.  It's still the same.  My car can do close to 800 miles on a tank of Diesel.  Less on urban runs but long runs it eats the miles up.  I'd have to stop at least twice if it were an EV on a long run and instead of a 5 minute fill the tank up I'd have to wait for a space and then spend 20 minutes (or more) whilst it charges up.

There's lots of things that need being called out, it's like the Emperor's New Suit isn't it?  Only the young boy called it for what it was - everyone else was coerced into ignoring what they saw with their own eyes.  

Yet another "The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." George Orwell, 1984.

Wake up everyone, question everything, challenge accepted thinking and challenge the lies that they propagate to subdue you.  I like that people are so indoctrinated now that they feel they cannot do anything about it.  Getting people to actually go and vote would be a start, getting them to grow a set of balls and go with their convictions would be another.  Take a risk, buy the ticket take the ride.  That's somewhat paraphrased 

“No sympathy for the Devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it up to forced consciousness expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten.”

― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Call it out, say that the person is lying, get them to prove what they say, don't take it for granted.  Pick holes in their argument for the rhetoric is full of gaps and omissions.  As they spunk our hard earned money away on frivolous schemes that will not deliver anything they say it will, other than profits to the stakeholders and pain to us users question them, expose their lies and their rank hypocrisy.  Watching them get richer at our expense and doing nothing about it is as cowardly as it gets and those who should know better, those empowered to do something about it turn a blind eye for perhaps they too are tainted with the blood money of the citizens of this country?  Who knows.

The unpopularity of the current incumbents is gladdening to see as they regularly get booed, driven out of places and told in no uncertain way what the public think about them.  They look worried and so they should be.  They are about as popular as a curry brewed fart in a spacesuit and are getting the message just how unpopular they are.  We still have idiots abounding in this country who "identify as" or some such, again, just change the wording from identify as to psychological illness and you'll see through what this is.  I like the child that identified as a cat and was told to use the cat litter tray, had cat food and milk placed in dishes and was told to go out at night - goodness me, that changed their fantasy quickly and rightly so.  We need a bit more of this rather than pandering to fantasy ideas.  If someone displayed these sorts of traits years ago we'd have either ridiculed them but more likely I think we'd have got them sectioned.

Call it out, all of it, for what it is.  £22 BN black hole but they steal £1.5 BN off of pensioners so they can give £11BN in Climate reparations to others all the time holding back third world countries and limiting their ability to lift their populations out of poverty.   Half a Billion a day goes into the NHS that £182.5 BN a year!  Lord alone knows what they spend the rest of the mony on.  But to take money away from an already vulnerable group, we are on fixed incomes and that money was part of the calculation when I retired, is a callous move.  They are coming for more from people's savings and investments.  If you do such things to help in your dotage, this lot will just steal that too, for that is what it amounts to now, 70% tax burden in this country and they want to raise it more.

The 10 million pensioners are angry, wait until they raid that actual workers of this country and let's see how things go.  They've managed to flat-line the economy in just a few months so God help us for what is coming - I think I'll read u  about Venezuela and see how to deal with it! 

Anyway, question everything, get them to explain it, prove it, watch their eyes as they make up their stories and then catch them out when they contradict themselves.  

Cold in September

 It's turned cold these past few mornings, enough to make me put my fleece on and also my snood keeping my neck warm.  There was a report on YouTube this morning which stated that between 50 and 70% more people die of cold than of heat and I'd think that's quite true.

I have been in extremes of heat and cold and have to say that when I was at -44C it was quite sobering to feel how cold I was (getting frostbite even though protected).  Seven layers plus an insulated suit, googles, balaclavas, gloves etc and it was still pretty cold.  I have also been in 44C heat in France, some years ago it was stifling, the local mountain was being water bombed to put out the wildfires.  I didn't feel that I was in trouble but it was too hot to work and the swimming pool was very welcome.  So which one was I more likely to die from?

I often think that when people tell me the dangers of "global warming" they aren't really thinking straight.  A question I've often asked is can you live without any clothes on?  By that I mean can you survive in the UK without heating, hot water, clothes and bedding etc.  The answer is, of course, no.  You would most probably suffer from hypothermia and that's because without the things we use to keep warm we would most probably die.  We aren't built for this particular climate because, humans developed in equatorial Africa.  They spread around the world and adapted to their environments. Look at the differences between the extremes of those living in the Arctic (Eskimos) and those living in say the Brazilian rain Forrest.  

On the few days it is nice weather in the UK you could probably do OK to go without clothes but I doubt you'd feel inclined to forgo clothes overnight unless it is a really hot one in the 20s maybe.  It cannot be done.  So a 1.5 degree difference isn't going to do anything to make this fact go away.  Fifty or more years ago I recall being told that in my lifetime we would have a Mediterranean type climate by now, that vineyards would cover the land and that crops would have to be grown further north.  There are, granted, a few vineyards and some award winning wines but really, is it like France?  No, we are an Island and we don't have the continental weather as we are a maritime climate.  Many centuries back in the Medieval and indeed more so in the Roman period things were a lot warmer but we aren't back to those heady days of increased warmth.  

These are my basic "So What?" questions for people who demand "Climate Justice" whatever the hell that is.  They spout on about how Greenland and the Arctic will melt etc., yet the Arctic hasn't returned to the condition of the 1930s when you could navigate through in summer.  Ask someone to step out of the sunshine on a sunny day and work out what the difference is in terms of degrees C.  Well perhaps try it for yourself.  You step into shade and you immediately feel, I'd suggest, a good 5 Degrees colder if not more.  Without having an accurate measurement you'll not know but you will feel a difference.  I very much doubt any of us can tell the temperature to even a few Degrees and I can often tell you when it is over 25 because you can definitely feel it but I doubt I am anywhere near accurate.  So 1.5 Degrees isn't really measurable by us humans but if you have a measuring device it is.  I defy anyone to actually know what a small 1.5 Degree change is.  How about today it is 20 Degrees or 8 Degrees given a maximum and minimum by the Met Office.  That's a 12 Degree swing in a day and so why on earth would a 1.5 Degree change in either of those readings give me cause for concern?

So far no one has given me an answer about natural variability either.  The weather (it's completely different to climate BTW) can be 4 seasons in a day here in the UK changing rapidly.  "Extreme Weather" is used to sell newspapers, headline TV shows and frighten people.  We may get a gale for example.  It doesn't last for years or days, it's generally over in a few hours such is the nature of these things.  It can rain at anytime in the UK.  Is it extreme or natural variability, does something that is measured in parts per million have anything to do with it?  How can it, basic laws of thermodynamics don't apply to weather and climate goons apparently.  

The Labour government here has stripped old people of a winter fuel allowance just as energy prices rise (they aren't in other countries BTW) by ourselves shooting ourselves in the foot over how we make energy.  So they take money away, double the bills and expect nothing to change.  People will die this winter as they cannot afford to heat their houses etc.  I've put in some fuel earlier this year which I hope will last me, I also have my log burner which will be doing a lot of heavy lifting this year as I get it to heat the house as much as I can.  Of course they are scaring everyone with fines if your chimney smokes.  First of all, they'd have to stop everyone around here not using their fires.  They'd also have to make sure it isn't when you are building your fire.  The biggest problem is unseasoned wood which does create smoke.  I'd normally have my AGA on in the kitchen which can warm the whole house but I'm not sure that the finances can work out on that - I'm doing the maths now on that.

We aren't designed to live in this climate, we need heating, lighting and clothes etc.  I think we should welcome a 1.5 Degree increase in heat although, by natural variability it is as likely that we will drop 1.5 Degrees instead of gaining by it.

Oh well, it's cold out here at the moment and Autumn is coming.  We will have to wait and see. 

An Imagined Letter To My Angel

 I was pleased to get a nice comment about my post Glimpsing My Angel and after the incident I wrote a little more - I've changed certain parts to provide anonymity to the post and who it is.  

I hope that it is not too sickly sweet but it may give a deeper insight in to things.

That was a surprise, my phone sent a message reminder and it was a photograph of you, it took my breath away looking directly at the camera with your wonderful eyes and perfect smile and it brought memories flooding back of perhaps the most wonderful time of my life. Seeing that photo of you quite took my breath away and I just wanted to let you know how I still love and remember you and how I cherish those fantastic memories.  Safe to say, I got a bit misty eyed, maybe they are tears?  

I recalled feeling properly loved, wanted, special, really alive and I glowed with beingness (if that is even a word). I wandered the fields around where I lived, past the golden corn ears waving in the wind, through the woods and past the Church grounds, the sun warmed my body as if in a foreign country and I'd never felt like it before or since.  

It is such a deep connection, when I think about you, my whole body feels it. Music, arts, literature, everything my lovely, absolutely everything. It's all in tune, in harmony, in unison, in balance. It's wonderful, amazing, unfathomable, and I tune in to some sort of cosmic energy. This without alcohol or drugs by the way LOL.

In our secret garden, the softness of you breath, the light touch of your skin, the smell of your perfume, your hair, the water trickling some way off, the insects moving through the air, the scent of wildflowers and your presence.  How utterly beautiful that was on that late afternoon meeting. It was a perfect day. I'll remember it forever . 

You have the most wonderful presence about you, so beautiful both inside and out, a smile to melt the hardest heart. Eyes that sparkle with affection, humour and a little mischief too, a mouth ready to smile and so softly and gently kiss.  Beauty inside and out. Did I ever mention your beautiful blue eyes LOL?  

You changed my life and exploded creativeness I never knew I had. Poetry, music, literature but most of all you opened my heart and mind to love and I'm forever grateful that you did that.  For good or bad, I've kept those poems and notes safely stored.  I've no idea if they even partly expressed how I felt about you, what you meant to me and how I tried to fumble the words together for just how extraordinarily amazing you truly are.

I do think of you often and smile fondly remembering the way you made me feel. For a while I felt cursed that I had not met you years before but of course, that's not what was planned for us.  I hope I made you feel that way too?

The little time we had together was absolutely magical and I feel so lucky that I was privileged to share that. 

You truly are wonderful and bring joy and light into this world. Please continue to do that. You were my guardian Angel and my life changed forever because you took me somewhere magical, you opened my heart and mind.  

I remember feeling so broken that I could not spend the rest of my life with you but realised that the time we had was probably meant to be short, yet forever memorable and meaningful. 

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say I still love you? I really do, and there are no regrets or bitterness just a warm feeling when I remember you.  The odd tear I might shed is more happiness than regret. I hope and pray that you are happy and enjoying life.

You are wonderful. I bet everyone you know, knows that. The sweetest, most beautiful, Valentine there ever was. Please always be that Angel who came my way and stayed with me for a short but unforgettable time in my life.

Of course it will never be the fairy tale or Hollywood ending. In my dreams it is of course.  Yet I close my eyes, listen to my music playlist, and there you are, right in front of me and my fairy tale ending plays out in my mind and in my dreams. You look perfect, wonderful and a tear escapes my eye just because you are you.  Wow (not my most romantic phrase of course).  

I hold dear that in a parallel universe, the stars are aligned such that we would be together and happy.   

Love always

xxx

Don't Watch It!

 A new series of Strictly Come Dancing apparently.  Didn't watch the last one, not watching this one.  Last Night of the Proms and once again, it didn't make it onto my TV again.  It hasn't for many years now since they dumbed down the music, wound up the rhetoric, allowed the audience to display activist's flags and apparel and tried to get classically trained singers to sing modern music - it doesn't work.  Both have become unwatchable.  

Football (Match of the Day - soccer to our US friends) is fronted by someone who isn't sure whether he wants to be a football pundit or a political commentator.  I lost all interest in Football 12 years ago and I barely watch it.  

Awards like the Oscars or BAFTA, The BTA and so on are awful.  Infested with self righteous people of notoriety.  These people (in general I know a few exceptions - documentary etc)  pretend to be someone else and get paid greatly well to entertain us.  Somehow they too think they are some sort of political campaigners, pundits on climate change and any other hang your hat on activism.  Unwatchable trite nonsense by people self congratulating each other over how well someone else thought they did their day job.  What next?  Milkman of the year?  Delivery Driver awards?  It's about as interesting as that luvvies.

It's as if they aren't even bothered anymore.  The awards used to be interesting, what films were made and who made them etc but now it's a lecture on who I should vote for or what I'm doing to the planet.  I love that some of them fly half the world to come to these events, in a private jet and then lecture us about carbon emissions - it's a joke!.  

Yet none of them see it and I cannot change the world but I can change my world.  If everyone changed their world maybe things would improve?  These things need an audience and if they don't get one, then they are going to have to ask why.  But many people have the idiot box on whilst looking deeply into their smart phones and liking posts by randoms.

My stance on new car parking fees is to not go to the places that are charging them in the vain hope that revenues will plummet and they change their minds.  I get a 'free' bus pass so I'll use that and change from paying out to using that paid for by the people who impose the car park charges.  People need to vote with their feet and their cars and spend their money elsewhere not kowtow to these impositions.

There's some cr@p coming down from Government soon that will affect more and more people in this country and at some point, everyone has to say no.  It's got too big for its boots, it openly in your face wastes our money and then blames us for it.  There's a point where it will overstep the mark and it will be interesting to see what everyone does.  

I've always been rebellious and dislike being told what to do by people who think they are my elders and betters but frankly can only tie their own shoelaces with the help of an instruction card and to borrow Blackadder's phrase "I wouldn't trust them to sit the right way up on a toilet."

These people are dangerous and they need to do the admin job we ask of them.  This self appointed 'Ruling Class' need to stop spending our money and fleecing us and realise that they are the servants not the masters of the people.  Better than that, the people need to realise that fact too and once the realisation has hit home, they need to do something about it.  

Silence is Golden

 As the song says, Silence is Golden, and this afternoon was a case in point the sun was just about staying out from behind the odd cloud and it was an autumnal sort of heat, enough to allow you to sit out and just enjoy it.  I put on some music (Troika by Nick D'Virgilio Neal Morse and Ross Jennings), it's quite soothing and very Crosby Stills Nash and Young vibes.  

Then I just sat there and let the sun wash over me and just listened - of course there were planes overhead flying into and out of Gatwick, a lone Spitfire circled around the house and the Sheep at the back were chatting amongst themselves and even after all this time the Lambs seemed to lose their mothers with regularity requiring the shrill bleating and deeper responses from their mothers.

I didn't think about much just thought I'd enjoy the sunshine and take stock.  There's something brewing in my head and I need to spend some time working it through.  It's to do with the old restless me I guess.  Am I happy?  Will I ever be happy?  Should I accept where I am now and all that sort of nonsense? I am prone to this sort of thinking and it's part of the way I am.  It's to do with the time of year and 

This sprung to mind as I write.

The law of unintended consequences

The law of unintended consequences is a frequently-observed phenomenon in which any action has results that are not part of the actor's purpose. The superfluous consequences may or may not be foreseeable or even immediately observable and they may be beneficial, harmful or neutral in their impact.

Not for the first time in history are decisions made, lots of money spent appeasing a certain interest group who were lobbying for it and the unintended consequences come to light.  I suggest that these are common sense really so taking the Welsh decision against all the popular public's opinion to drop speed limits to 20 mph.  Here is the link to the data.

Here is a graph that is telling although I agree that not too much should be read into it at present but here it is nonetheless.

So there is something here stating that it is possible that these collisions would have occurred if it was still 30 mph.  We have 20 mph limits around here, they've taken away the ones on the Trunk Road as that really was a step too far.  I've spouted off about it before too.  I don't like it but neither does my car and so I so 20 mph in second gear and make a lot of noise and I'm sure that the car pollutes more in 2nd gear than 4th but there you are.  People overtake me doing ridiculous speeds way over 40 or 50 on a 20 mph road.  People are frustrated because they've always driven at around 30 and now they are constantly looking at their speedos instead of concentrating on driving.  You can see the frustration.  I think that 20 in the High Street and by Schools, Hospitals is perfectly acceptable preceded by flashing red lights telling you.  What I find unacceptable is restrictive kerbs that push you out into the path of oncoming traffic, loss of road real-estate caused by adding cycle paths that cyclists do not use as they continue to use the narrowed vehicle lanes. 

I am certain the rise in accidents is through distraction (I tend to use cruise control to limit my speed so do not need to constantly check my speed) as they take their eyes off the road to look at the speed and also on manual cars try to change gear to try and maintain what little speed they have.  It is difficult in modern cars to maintain 20 mph in anything other than 2nd or 3rd gear.  My car doesn't like me trying that in 4th gear which is of course more economical.

All I see is more noise and pollution than before, more crazy overtakes by frustrated drivers, the road rage type aggression that goes with it is increasing and it's aimed at the drivers who are sticking to the speed limit.  I am probably going to start reporting these from my dash cam soon as it is getting silly out there.  A motorbike overtook me the other day going at unbelievable speed, so much so that I was convinced he was going to come off as he went over the hatched (no overtaking) lines with all the debris!  

I see that there has been no improvement in London's air quality although it is pretty good anyway.  In fact some places it's got worse.  Of course, no one has wondered why that is?  There's no invisible barrier as you drive into the London Boroughs to pay this "tax" of course not and there's nothing stopping the wind blowing stuff into London from somewhere else or blowing it out by the same means.  Such is the bare faced bollocks we are being confronted with by these half-wit con men called politicians. When will the house come crashing down, when will the people say they've had enough?  I hope it is close and that all of this theft comes to an end soon.  I think once the October Budget arrives people will have had enough and we will have to see what happens next. 

Off the booze and weight loss progress

 Being stubborn by nature it wasn't so bad to give up drinking beer and I'm only touching the 0% beers if I go out, or water.  I'm carrying on with the Keto/Carnivore eating it's not a diet in the way people say it is, it's going back and stopping eating highly processed foods and especially carbohydrates.  Complex ultra processed carbohydrates are in most food that comes out of a factory and so I'm avoiding those.

When dining out I've been known to eat a salad or just have a steak without fries, or a mixed grill without fries and that means I can avoid the tempting potatoes and pastas etc. I certainly don not eat those at home anyway.  

I noticed today, doing some work in the garden that I am a lot thinner and I don't have my stomach digging into me when I bend over to do anything.  It was actually a little painful and could make you feel slightly nauseous but not today.  Getting up from a kneeling down position is also a lot easier but I really want to lose a good two or three stones more if I can and then work on sticking to things.  It's OK to have the odd sweet or dessert and it's OK to have the odd drink.  I actually finished off a half a pint of beer my friend didn't want - and we shouldn't waste beer.  

The trouble I had before was that I had beer in the house and I'd happily sit down to listen to music, watch the TV, do some work or read a book and open a beer whilst doing so.  1 beer can easily become 4 beers and before you know it, that's a habit every night.

Now I drink a bit more coffee, sparkling water and  occasionally Bovril which is a beef flavoured drink perhaps with some yeast in (like Marmite although I'm not sure about that).  It's tasty and stops cravings for drinking and also if I'm feeling hungry which is rare.

So far I've definitely lost weight especially around my waist and my face and neck area are noticeably thinner.  I normally notice that my arms lose weight too but this time, whilst there is some loss, my watch isn't coming lose like before but it is beginning to feel that way.  I notice my trousers fit better and my belt is ready to go in a notch already which is good.

The main thing is to keep at this and continue to gradually lose the weight.  As I have said before, it took years to put the weight on and it will take some time to lose it.  In the interim, I just need to keep at it.  

It is infinitely doable. 

How to meet the leader of the free World

 I really don't have a lot of time for Joe Biden but I see our Foreign Secretary today went to visit, no doubt to talk about how he intends to start WWW3.  What amused me was that he was wearing a suit and.... wait for it....wait for it.... Trainers (are the called SNeakers too?).

I'm sure that the President will be impressed.  That's if he actually knows who these two clowns that have come to see him are?  Foreign Secretary and Prime Minister of our wee little island.

In other news it appears that this bunch are still intent on stealing our hard earned so they can give it away to elsewhere in the world.  I suppose we just ought to let them get on and screw everything up - it is after all what they normally do.  Socialists are meant to look after the people but it feels like we are going full on Venezuela!

I'm not dreading the October budget, I'm looking for was to buck the system.  To become ungovernable if at all possible.  I need to think of ways of making a nuisance of myself that keeps me within the law but at the same time limits paying anything out to these clowns who get paid their heating expenses but have stolen mine.

I do hope that Starmer meets Karma as soon as possible.