The Dark Night Of The Soul - Disturbing

 Well that wasn't nice yet again and I continue to fight these demons.  It feels like life has no purpose at the moment and it's tough.  A hot night but I managed to sleep with the aid of the air cooler and so that's good.  

The Dark Night of the Soul is something that strangely enough I was researching for a paper that I wanted to wrote and possibly present.  It's a stage where the ego is destroyed and can be seen in many ancient records but the actual "ceremony" isn't written down as such.  It's a death and re-birth thing and in some cases involved actually being lowered into a coffin or sarcophagus.  Yes, well, I am on and off with this at the moment, in and out of being fine and then plunging into dark places.

It doesn't help that it is very hot here at the moment and so trying to do anything active is pretty pointless.  I did about 10 minutes walking and then 30 minutes gardening and that was plenty. 

I was once again up early but managed some sleep downstairs in my armchair. I am trying to get rid of things that are just lying about cluttering the house up and that have no more use.  They hold some sort of connection to my past and I wonder if I am being overly nostalgic about getting rid of them?  It would't be like me to be like that but you know, as I see these things from my youth it just might be.  But, the stuff is just sitting there, doing nothing, gathering dust when someone, somewhere can make use of them and in addition I can get a bit of cash for them too.  

 I am just going to have to work my way through this and work on gradual improvement.  Last year was horrendous and I wrote about the day that the darkness just flooded over me, the room went dark and like that bit in the Matrix where Neo went into himself and into the mirror it actually felt like I could feel the darkness come over the room and then enter me and work its way down from head into my body - it was f*****g scary as anything and I just got up and picked up my 'A New Earth' book by Eckhart Tolle reached for the chapter on 'The Pain Body' and dug my way back out from there.  It sort of feels like that at the moment, waves of despondency and doom and then periods (like now) of relative peace and some sort of understanding.

It is quite destabilising though as I am never sure which "me" I am going to get and sometimes it comes unannounced.  I had settled in to sleep last night, I had probably slept for 5 minutes when I woke up with a start and if it hadn't of been for the OH, would have had to get up and wander around until I could return but OH suggested that I do my breathing and relaxation and that worked.