Working at Home again

I bit off a bit more than I thought with this document. It is turning out to be a major undertaking. I thought a day would break the back of it but it is day two (and half way through) and still I am crashing my way through without much in the way of a result - just loads of pages that need to be aligned into a coherent story. At least I have the Internet radio going www.spotify.com is impressive.

It is GCSE day here so L is going to find out how she has done in her exams. We will know later on today how that has gone as they have all disappeared off to the school to get them.

I appear to be fine and glad I am not having to go up and down by train to work. I will probably go in tomorrow but again, the strange part of this is that I add 3 hours to my day to do what I can do sat in my home office! Bizarre as that may seem it is still the mindset of most businesses these days - it is a crazy scenario as I don't get as much work done at the office as I do locked in my own office here.

End of the second day

Yesterday we had a reunion - at the last minute - of the 3 families. Not a script for the Godfather but the 3 families who have all grown up together, holidayed and meet up a number of times a year including Christmas.

I got to sleep about midnight and I was dog tired. Today, the family came up to see my building and have a tour and then as they left after lunch a friend called and we ended up drinking all afternoon and getting home after a curry in London way gone 9 pm. I am working from home thank goodness tomorrow. I am going to bed early tonight as I can barely keep awake.

It was interesting when I said that I felt I needed to get away on my own to think things through. Interesting why? Well my mate said he'd come along with me - which kind of defeats the whole object really :-)

First Day was OK

Kind of. It was very tiring and I kept forgetting that I must not stretch so. I was quite tired so I left early and got home about an hour early. That was just right - perhaps I'll keep that along for the rest of the week to ease myself back in.

It was nice to see my colleagues again though and there was much lively banter going on. Nice to be back.

Getting ready to return to work

I ought to be grateful that I can actually go back this time after the last time and my close to 6 weeks off.

It will be a bit rude getting up at 5:30 tomorrow again but hey, I need to get back to it. I now need to wait to find out when my appointment is due. Hopefully not to clash with my trip up North and then on to see my parents.

I'm wondering also whether to take myself off for a week or two just on a sun holiday even if just on my own. I just fancy getting away and having a long think about things.

Things? I think that the news is pretty good from the biopsies. I think that this can be a turning point in terms of getting beyond the serious bladder cancer bit and on to living with it. I'm probably not making much sense about this at the moment. I think that this is a threshold, a change in the journey and it means that I can feel a change in my mood, a slight lightening perhaps but also a void that may need to be filled - I just don't know yet.

Anyway, just something I'm becoming aware of. Things change all the time and this next set of results will, I hope, allow life to move on. Let's face it, it will never get back to "normal".

Crazy Sunday Sport

The Ashes are returned, the World Championships finish and F1 is back. It's been a non stop day of channel hopping, internet watching and trying to coordinate it all. Luckily a few pints of beer to steady my hand on the remote and all was well. It cannot be said for my notebook which has again given up the ghost.

Back to work tomorrow but I do think that I might need to consider doing some work at home or only doing a few days this week. I do feel surprisingly weak considering I've had a week off to recuperate. Anyway I will see how I feel when I get to work.

Gauging how my recovery is going

I went out last night and was home at about 11:45 - I had a few beers and a nice curry with great company. However, this morning I didn't get out of bed until close to noon. I was really tired. I knew that I was struggling a bit when we were at the pub. It was an interesting sensation as I had walked down there. It is a fair walk but not particularly long or arduous. I just felt slightly light headed - and yes - that was before I had a beer :-)

I am taking it easy again today. I think I will go into work on Monday but will probably just do a few days and do some days working at home to make sure that I recover properly - I forget quite how much these procedures take it out of you.

The weather is behaving itself today and so it is quite pleasant being at home and just lazing around.

A beer an a ruby

A Ruby Murray (Curry) to be exact. This time last week I was cursing my luck in my ward, unable to reach my MP3 player, eating my Jacket Potato and Baked Beans and trying to get comfortable.

Tonight, our local Curry House has provided discount vouchers and so 4 of us are going out for a few beers and then a nice curry. I am going to walk down as it is about 20 minutes away and downhill so not too strenuous.

I am looking forward to it and just hope the showers have passed by now. Thank goodness it is a lot cooler (less humid) today than it has been.

Getting There

Well I feel a lot better and do so everyday. A has departed for the V Festival this weekend - it looks to be a good one weather-wise and a good line-up of bands including Oasis - so I'm sure she will enjoy the experience.

Formula 1 is back and I'm just watching the first practice session, the Ashes cricket is on, the World Athletics too so there is plenty going on. Somewhere along the line I was meant to be doing some finances and a little work but what I might end up doing is spending a day or two next week doing that and go back part time.

I continue to take it easy remembering that on one of the earlier occurrences I managed to set myself back quite seriously through driving and exercising too quickly.

Ooooopppps don't lift that

Totally forgot tonight. The shopping arrived (the Internet is good sometimes) and I just went to help out (as you do). Picked up a bag and was immediately reprimanded and then I realised quite how heavy it was!

You forget so quickly that you mustn't strain yourself. The trouble is, you just don't feel that you can't!

It doesn't look as if I've done any damage - I'll check tonight and tomorrow.

Things - their transient nature

I was also considering that "things", objects, keepsakes, even photos, videos of my family and things generally don't mean much to me since I have had Bladder Cancer. It may sound strange but I am not so attached to them now as I was before. There are now very few things that I would like to hang on to or keep.

I like seeing my photographs but realised that being there and experiencing the places was better than having the photos - I can always look on line and see where I have been after all?

So maybe there is some sort of switch that goes on/off that takes away the need for nostalgic keepsakes and attachments to inanimate objects?

Again, just one of those things that I have noticed. I really should get out more :-)

It never goes away

Interesting thought I had about this overnight that you never really get closure on bladder cancer in particular. By that I mean that you are always monitored for signs of recurrence. Some people I know are on the second occurrence of BC. I think in their case, if their BCG doesn't work then they will need to have their bladder removed and curiously, at that stage, you no longer have bladder cancer as you don't have a bladder for it to operate in.

By hanging on to your bladder you are always susceptible to BC returning. In a way, you can understand why their is a two part battle going on. On the one hand you do everything to keep well and on the other hand your brain is the other thing you battle against. Keeping on top of it is important, keeping positive.

More Pictures - Copenhagen Opera House

The absolutely stunning sight of the Copenhagen Opera House. 14 Storeys high. The remainder of them? They're under the ground level. The roof is the size (area) of two football (Soccer) pitches. An amazing addition to the City. I really liked Copenhagen - it was great to walk around and see it and the spires everywhere. The Canal sightseeing trip was excellent. As before, click on the image to make it larger.

Harry Potter

A spur of the moment decision this afternoon to go off and see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. It was OK and we went to a place called Bluewater. I have managed to avoid Bluewater since it opened - I thnk it is Europe's largest shopping complex (I could be wrong) . Thank goodness for google maps you can see an aerial view below.

I think I have managed not to go there for 9 years. It looked OK though and there weren't as many people there as I thought there would be.

It was actually quite nice to get out of the heat and into some air conditioned comfort.


View Larger Map

Lazy Day

It is really hot today - they say 30 C later. I am just taking it easy. I ache a bit and whilst I'm not that bad I do feel aches around my groin area - it feels quite tender and so a nice easy time is called for.

I've sat indoors for the morning and will probably go outside as the sun slides around the side of the house. Middle of the week and I hope that I will be fit enough to return to work on Monday, it certainly feels OK so far. i might even give myself a part time week next week to ease back into work.

A Beer with Flocky

That was nice. A couple of pints of beer at lunch time down at my local pub. Very nice too. Beer is OK to lubricate and irrigate the bladder. Just mustn't drink too much so as to bring on a headache of course.

It is a lovely day outside and so I have a couple of beers in the Fridge and will sit outside and enjoy a cool beer in the afternoon sunshine. This recuperation lark is nice....

Each day gets a little better

Of course that's how it should be and each day sees an improvement to the aches and pains from the operation. I'm certainly a lot better than I was last time and whilst I feel that I could get up and do something more strenuous, experience has told me to take it easy this week and do nothing to set myself back.

Because you can't see the internal injuries it doesn't mean they are not there. Mind you it doesn't mean that you shouldn't get back to normal as soon as possible either, you just have to take it slowly.

Flocky Bicep is coming over to buy me a coffee or a beer later today which I will look forward to as he is great company and bound to make me feel good. Not that I feel anything other than positive at the moment. I certainly have my sense of humour back and the depression and gloom of a few weeks ago are long behind me. Clear again means that the possibility of recurrence continues to diminish (but not go away).

This is another step in the bladder cancer journey, another tick in the box, each time you pass a milestone, a new path opens up and things become less dim, clearer and the path ahead looks more positive. You can start to look wider, higher and towards the horizon. You can begin to plan a bit more and you are less inhibited by your disability for disability it is. Physically and mentally.

Looking forward to seeing Flocky later today.

Boiling up a bit

Not sure what this is - it feels like after the BCGs I had sometimes. If I eat I get really hot straight afterwards and I'm boiling hot now too. I know it is reasonably warm outside but I've felt quite hot since I've come back and have been sleeping with a fan switched on blowing on me for two or three nights now.

Other than that I'm a bit tender and ache a fair amount around my stomach and groin area. It is still a little stingy to urinate but nowhere near the stream of fire of the past.

Getting used to sitting around and attempting to not strain myself is fun. Day time TV is rubbish and perhaps tomorrow I will spend a little time taking myself for short walks to ease the boredom.

The Amazing Rock Church - Helsinki

How about this Church, carved out of the bed rock itself. Quite modern but a most wonderful roof dome above. Click on the images to make them larger and see the details.

Continued progress

I have the usual aches and pains including, now, my arm where they probably pulled me about a bit.

The annoying thing is that I really can't get about or do too much or I risk knocking off the scabs and starting myself bleeding and having to have more time off.

So I am sat around here just taking it easy - I suppose there could be worse things to do?

I'm Not Dead Yet

Those who know me and my sense of humour will be pleased to note that I wore my Monty Python "I'm Not Dead Yet!" Tee Shirt the morning after my operation much to the amusement of some of the medical staff.

I have to say one Doctor gave it a double take and actually walked back in. "It works on so many levels" I told him. And that it does.

I'm not dead yet, I'm very much alive and the news keeps getting better and better.

I learnt tonight that I may have to continue to have these full cystoscopies for the rest of my life but at varying frequencies although one authority recommends them yearly for the rest of life for high grade patients such as my case. I suppose if it means having those and staying alive most of us would come around to that way of thinking. But again, advances in medical knowledge may mean that it will change over time anyway. Who knows, I'm just glad that I'm still here 3 years after I thought I wouldn't be and I'm more upbeat after this operation than I have been in a while.

Anyway, I made my little statement and kept my sense of humour and as someone told me after they rang a few hours after I got out - I was still laughing and joking even though I felt rough. It's good medicine, you should try it sometime!