Whoa - even heard the morning alarm

Well - what can I say, still deaf but getting better. I can hear the keys on my PC keyboard and I heard the alarm go off this morning. All in all that is a major improvement. I've still got some problems with my "good" ear - it would be the one I don't have trouble with giving me all the problems! Typical.

I can hear muffled sounds from the good ear and I can hear high pitched sounds from the bad ear so all in all I am probably beginning to get to a point where the congestion will be cleared and I can hear again.

I feel pretty weak though I was surprised about that. I have informed work that I probably wont be there for the start of the week. If I am realistic, I doubt they'd see me much before next week the way things are going. It seems to be taking a long time to clear up.

Longest I have ever been ill for

It must be about the longest single spell that I have been ill for since I was a kid. I don't remember ever having had such a set of heavy colds, or their side effects and still feeling rough this long into them. I intend, once again, to get off to bed early and dose up with various drugs and potions to see if I can continue the recovery. It is just so slow. Heard from yet another friend who has this together with the deafness. Her family are yelling at her to make themselves heard :-)

It is infuriating that I cannot get on. I do hope though that I might tackle the University stuff tomorrow and see if I can give that a go and get some work done there.

Some Improvement

Well slowly, slowly is it getting better. I can actually hear sounds in my ears and I can actually hear the odd noise full on and grab bits of conversation. Everyone sounds like robots :-) It is quite a strange thing.

I'll keep taking these decongestants. They do stir up your stomach a bit but at least things are getting better.

It's life Jim - but not as we know it

Always had a soft spot for that particular phrase :-)

Well the drops did their magic in a way - I am going to try another whack overnight. Certainly one ear is clearing up the other not quite yet but they are definitely doing something.

Let's see what overnight brings. Hopefully I can start to recuperate properly tomorrow?

Blimey these are the ticket

Nose Drop decongestants. Wow they've got to work already - it isn't pleasant and my ears are ringing and making all sorts of noises but at least it seems to be doing something to get things moving. Judging from the fall out they certainly seem to be working on clearing out my head of debris :-)

The trouble is that it has increased the tinnitus and drumming - hopefully just whilst it is clearing things out I hope. Will just have to go and sit down quietly whilst it does it.

I mean "No one's going to die!"

One of the phrases that rattles around in my head when someone gets massively upset over something utterly trivial.

A bit like the old boy who was sat at the wrong place for a luncheon and quite indignantly came up and told me so.... He was all puffed up and red faced about it.

I just asked "Did it make you food taste any different?" he said "No"

Case Dismissed!

Nobody died or was about to. How important can it have been? :-)

I like the insight you get with BC but not everyone gets my sense of proportion or humour for that matter.

Small signs of recovery

At least I can hear a tiny bit out of one ear and whilst I still remain deaf I can feel the pressure easing off my ears. Mrs. F. Is going to the Pharmacist to see if they can suggest anything. Apparently lots of people have had this and ear drops seem to be the way to go. I certainly appear to be much less congested and the steam treatment appears to have done its work.

I'll see what today brings. If I can get somewhere with clearing this up then I can work out getting fit, getting back to work etc.

Rationalising what I said Yesterday

I took a bit of a step forward yesterday in as much as I realised that I no longer have the high powerful, full on, pressure cooker of a job I used to have and that I have a quieter, manageable, nicer and altogether pleasant job. The years and years of getting ready for the year's dashing and travelling and arguing and so on are no longer there, the habit of getting wound up ready for it is a problem - I still act in that world even though it is no longer there.

I have to come to terms with no longer "being the boss", no longer doing my own thing whenever I want to do it and in some ways no longer having the rank, position, money, kudos and ego that went with the old me. If you know me, you will gather this is a massive shift if I can actually achieve it.

The "pressure" I 'think' is there probably isn't at all anymore, I don't need to walk around like some coiled spring anymore and I don't need to set all these high goals. That is easier said than done. I've always been ambitious and always been involved in high profile major projects and so, going in to work and doing a 9 to 5 isn't me at all.

AND YET it has to be in a way. Why get a second chance and let it slip? Why go back onto the treadmill of working my butt off and work away from home for months on end. Sure, 4 or 5 times the money I am on now is a good incentive but now there ARE more important things in life than money and perhaps savouring what time my Consultant and her team have managed to buy for me is a better prospect than spending that time working for some Corporate who wouldn't know talent and good value if you branded it on to their arm.

So I was working out what DO I need to do this year?

1. Make the most of being better, exercise, lose weight, improve my health and live well
2. Go to work, sort out whether a contract or permanent position don't overdo it
3. University Stuff - Make time and do it
4. Lodge and all that - giving most of it up this year so pressure coming off
5. Other Business Interests - put in some time and keep the balls in the air
6. Pay attention to family a bit more now you can

So that's my list - not much at all is it? How can there be so much rattling around in my head about what I need to do and when etc. It is all "in your head Mr Tweedy" (Chicken Run). So I just have to work on clearing it out of my head and it is gradually coming together. I certainly don't see this mountainous obstacle I saw two or three weeks ago.

I won't be able to change overnight but I can make a start by clearing out the times I have here and dumping the baggage of the past etc. Still not sure how I will battle the work gremlin who tells me I should be working elsewhere but I think I can sort this out somehow - I may just need to be creative and hope that the employer's can also be creative and flexible as the last thing we both want is for my creativity to be lost in the process.

I just hope that I can keep remembering to keep focused on the "few" things I have to work at. It isn't much, there is no need to worry about the scale of these things either. It will be interesting seeing how I cope with this "simpler life" I cannot imagine it will be easy for me but - as a good friend often tells me "you've done your bit - you may as well have a rest".

There is more of this to run - I'll try and revisit it as I work at it.

Productive but quiet day

I finally have the recipe for getting on with my work. I can't hear anything so no interruptions. It does feel a little strange to be this badly deaf. I often get this with a heavy cold but not this bad. I have just had a 20 minute session over Vick and Hot Water breathing in the steam under a towel.

I can hear occasional sounds and clicks but need to let nature take its course. It is massively frustrating of course. I was due to go to my Family History AGM but really don't feel up to it. Driving without hearing would worry me and I won't hear the lectures or anything else anyone has to say anyway.

I managed to get a fair amount done though today and a lot of preparation work is now completed. If I can just get a good run at it this weekend perhaps I can get back on track and get my Uni work in as well.

I haven't worked out what to do about work yet. I can't go back like this as I'd be a danger to myself as well as everyone else. I can't hear a phone, a fire alarm etc.

At least I can still work a bit from home which is useful. I've actually put up my year wall planner and started to make notes on that about what I am up to this year and all of a sudden, I've got lots of things to do and places to go. Excellent. All the F1 Grand Prix are already marked on, plus all my Lodge meetings as well as some of the visiting I am doing. All in all it looks good so far.

I'll see if I can run the momentum through the weekend.

No - still deaf

Cannot believe that it was all so close and then all so far again this morning. I was quite encouraged yesterday as I felt I was gradually beginning to get the odd clicking sound in my ears but overnight I had to revert to the hot bag to sooth my neck and ear which were aching. I wonder if the decongestant powders aren't actually doing what I need and are working to actually restrict things and not free them up.

I'll be trying to do some more vapour breathing again today to see if I can unclog things. It is beginning to wear a bit thin after a week of this.

Steam it out

A long hot steamy bath with eucalyptus oil and the hope that it will free up my poor decongested head and in turn mean I can hear again.

Off to bed early to see if I can shake it off finally and try and get back to normal and then back to work and so on.

What a nightmare. Trying to talk to people is a laugh as I can barely hear what they are saying except when on the telephone. Oh well. Let's see if this works.

Back under control

What a funny old month it has been. As I suggested earlier things would get done that needed to be done. I am not certain whether my University work can be saved but I might be able to do that if I put a BIG effort in this weekend. If I can do that, they will let me delay my assignments by three weeks which would allow me to catch up and get back on track.

I keep thinking to myself "what else are you doing that takes up your time" and in reality I couldn't tell you. I just seem to fill the available time with doing things. All effort and no achievement as my boss used to tell me many years ago.

Maybe I just need to hear those words next Thursday? Maybe that is it. Am I putting everything on hold awaiting the outcome and then the next steps? The "missing something" is still there and needs to disappear. Not sure what it is that is missing as of yet, I am guessing that it will crystallise next Thursday or soon afterwards. Could be a spiritual thing, could be a work thing, could be a personal thing, I don't know.

I shouldn't have a worry in the world really should I? What have I got to worry about? Work? I haven't been there since mid December and yet the office still runs without me and things are still getting done. What does that say about my job? Leisure stuff - I can have as much as I want, there is no stress. My friends are all under stress with the recession, where the next order is coming from etc. I don't have any of that. I'm giving up a number of my key jobs in Freemasonry this year. Again, nothing to worry about there. A few more meetings and I retire.

It is as if I don't actually want to put down any roots or make any firm commitments or decide on anything because there is still that little nagging doubt in my head. If it is gone by this time next week (and I do hope it is) perhaps I can get on and release a bit, I'm the only person holding me back.

I'm often my own worst enemy.

Well that's a small step for me

Up early, clear head and can actually breathe quite nicely. Still got the cough that isn't actually doing anything and the profound deafness.

Ho hum, at least some improvement though which I will take. I was getting to the point of wondering whether I'd ever be well again the way it was going.

I am however, going to spend as long as is necessary making sure I AM well before returning to work this time. I have ever expectation that the last 4 weeks have knocked the stuffing out of me.

Thump, thump, thump, thump, whine

Grrrr. All I can hear in my head. I don't remember ever being this deaf with a cold before. Apparently they tell me this one, if you are prone to that is a real bugger for it. I can just start to hear my right ear clicking in and out and catching high pitched noises.

The head over a bowl of hot water and Vicks Vapour rub didn't quite do it but it brought back old memories of the bronchial tube thing I used to have when I was a kid. It looked like a tea pot that had been pulled up in the middle and the centre bit had a large cork with a plastic mouthpiece on it. You drew breath in through your mouth inhaling steam and this sort of bronchial mixture which had been mixed with the hot water. the outlet/spout was actually an inlet to bring air in to mix with the steam. It was different if you used a bowl as you just stuck a towel over your head and breathed over the bowl but kept your eyes shut as the fumes made the edge of your eyes water.

I haven't used any of these for 45 years or more!!! And where on earth the memory of that evil bit of porcelain came from I'll never know :-)

At least today I was able to do some work and get on with things. Not at a pace I was happy with but at least I could concentrate and there was no extraneous noise to distract me. In fact I got one important document out. Now if I can concentrate and get another finished tomorrow I might just be making some serious inroads into my pile of things to do. Hey there may be an upside to this cold after all.


Well I am going to try and lie down quietly and not wake the house again with this cough. It has the barking sound of a performing Circus Seal and even I can hear it over the deafness so it must be bad.

A good thing the Mayor didn't bring in

An extension to the congestion charge - it would have cost me a fortune by now! No really, I feel completely bunged up. The easiest thing to do would be to chop my head off and immerse it in paint thinners for a day to clear it all out.

However, I don't think radical is needed. I shall try the old fashioned method of a bowl of hot water and some eucalyptus and see if the vapours sort it all out for me!

Here's hoping. It is beginning to drive me wild only listening to my heart and the "bells" :-)

A good Omen?

Steve K and andyp both have dates with their GP/Consultants next week and I think both on the 22nd January.

Guess what just arrived from my Consultant? An Appointment for next Thursday 22nd January 2009 at 11:15.

I hope that it is a happy circumstance and a good Omen that we are all being seen on or about the same time.

Fingers crossed for all of us.

"Dave Sky-Nando - It IS your Destiny"

Bad night

That wasn't nice, it all seemed to be going well as I got myself to bed about 9:30 and sorted tablets, syrups and all that good stuff out. Mrs. F. got to bed and then it started:

Cough, cough, cough, cough; cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough.

A moments rest, a sip of water, tickle in throat appears to have gone, lay down:

Cough, cough, cough, cough; cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough.

and

Cough, cough, cough, cough; cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough.

Cough, cough, cough, cough; cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough.

It wasn't getting any better I did the honey and lemon trick, lasted 5 minutes:

Cough, cough, cough, cough; cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough.
Cough, cough, cough, cough; cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough.
Cough, cough, cough, cough; cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough.

I took myself downstairs and after an hour all was under control. Mrs. F. appeared saying I should get back to bed but sit upright.

I did as commanded, climbed the stairs, set up pillows appropriately, slid into bed trying not to disturb. Huge involuntary gulp of air:

Cough, cough, cough, cough; cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough.
Cough, cough, cough, cough; cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough.
Cough, cough, cough, cough; cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough.
Cough, cough, cough, cough; cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough.

After 10 minutes of this I again took myself downstairs, double dosed on Honey and Lemon and Benylin and then after a while got it under control enough to realise at 7 in the morning I was being awaken by Mrs. F. who suggested I go up to bed. Pretty good advice, my feet were like blocks of ice and my neck was a bit stiff. I had three hours or so in bed, had a shower, have dosed myself up with various drugs again and will see how today goes.

I'm still very deaf indeed. All I can hear is my heartbeat and high pitched whistle in one ear.

Let's hope that I have broken the back of this cold today - I could do without another night like that or Friday night....

All making fun of me :-)

Family - great - they don't actually do sympathy do they? All I get is smirks and smiles as I can't hear what they are saying and I have difficulty knowing IF I AM SHOUTING or not as I can't hear myself talk properly either.

I hope it gets better tomorrow

What to do next

Bit of a quandary. Do I head off to the doctors as most people I know who have had this have complained of the deafness? Do I stick it out for a few more days? Don't know. It is a nuisance of the first order and not being able to hear things makes it all very disorienting. All I can hear is my heart beat in my ears all the time plus the high pitched tinnitus. No wonder it drives people mad, it is very annoying, you need to distract yourself from it.

I just hope that I can get rid of this quickly and get back into rebuild mode :-) Things like this, I find, never come at a good time. Of course, is there "ever" a good time??

Hello World

I have crawled out of my pit in the late morning this time and can't hear anything that is going on around me :-) It is very surreal, especially if people start talking and then walk away from you or change their voice to quiet half-way through. I have to keep asking "what did you say?"

The whole street can hear my TV - sure of it. I have been cheering myself up with the Monty Python TV series DVDs I got for Christmas, watching the odd episode when I emerge for my hour out of the bed. Subtitles on so I can get the gist of the noise.

I'm a little disappointed not to have my results yesterday but then again, I wouldn't have been able to hear what was being said to me and I could have infected the Hospital or got something on top of this. Will just have to wait. I'm sure if it was something worrisome I'd have been informed some other way. Although, my Appointment yesterday was in the Urology Nurse's area which would have been interesting - the site of my BCG instillations!

I am going to venture downstairs now and have a little food and see how I get on with things today. The head cold seems to have gone, the sore throat is less, the cough is worse and the ears are the same as they were.

When you feel this bad, my advice is not to go near a Vet!