Back under control

What a funny old month it has been. As I suggested earlier things would get done that needed to be done. I am not certain whether my University work can be saved but I might be able to do that if I put a BIG effort in this weekend. If I can do that, they will let me delay my assignments by three weeks which would allow me to catch up and get back on track.

I keep thinking to myself "what else are you doing that takes up your time" and in reality I couldn't tell you. I just seem to fill the available time with doing things. All effort and no achievement as my boss used to tell me many years ago.

Maybe I just need to hear those words next Thursday? Maybe that is it. Am I putting everything on hold awaiting the outcome and then the next steps? The "missing something" is still there and needs to disappear. Not sure what it is that is missing as of yet, I am guessing that it will crystallise next Thursday or soon afterwards. Could be a spiritual thing, could be a work thing, could be a personal thing, I don't know.

I shouldn't have a worry in the world really should I? What have I got to worry about? Work? I haven't been there since mid December and yet the office still runs without me and things are still getting done. What does that say about my job? Leisure stuff - I can have as much as I want, there is no stress. My friends are all under stress with the recession, where the next order is coming from etc. I don't have any of that. I'm giving up a number of my key jobs in Freemasonry this year. Again, nothing to worry about there. A few more meetings and I retire.

It is as if I don't actually want to put down any roots or make any firm commitments or decide on anything because there is still that little nagging doubt in my head. If it is gone by this time next week (and I do hope it is) perhaps I can get on and release a bit, I'm the only person holding me back.

I'm often my own worst enemy.