Luckily it isn't all back full on volume, I had that once and it was if every one and everything was SHOUTING at me. Going outside and hearing traffic was very frightening.
So that is something and I hope that over the weekend will gradually get better.
It's strange that I should be a little angry or perhaps resentful about having to do another year's worth of treatment. It shows you how your expectations change. I'll have to go back to having my original worst case scenario mindset when I go to see the Consultant. If I go back 30 months then would I have settled for it being 42 months to get better? Of course I would. In fact back in those days I expected that I wouldn't be discharged, if all went well, until I was in my 60s so I need to reset expectations.
I'm probably angry because, once again, I find I need to rely on other people and also that it limits what I want to do. I'm obviously finding "learning to live with it" a bit more difficult than I thought I would but then that because I didn't think I needed to anymore.
A lot of people were concerned that I was seriously depressed about things and I can see that from the tone of my e-mail to them- I used the word bad where perhaps not so good or some other words were more appropriate but at the end of the day I was probably angry and a bit depressed for a day but I have an underlying logical mind and when you look at what is actually presented and not forgetting that I am not an Oncologist or Urologist or a Doctor then it makes sense that to be absolutely sure then a course of maintenance is the best course.
I'll get over it. It looks like my retail therapy has just arrived at the door. I bought myself a six nations Rugby shirt so when I do go down the pub I can wear that.
I also feel the need for my Monty Python Tee Shirt to get an Airing. It has emblazoned my favourite phrase from when I was just diagnosed:
"I'm Not Dead Yet!"
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