Rationalising what I said Yesterday

I took a bit of a step forward yesterday in as much as I realised that I no longer have the high powerful, full on, pressure cooker of a job I used to have and that I have a quieter, manageable, nicer and altogether pleasant job. The years and years of getting ready for the year's dashing and travelling and arguing and so on are no longer there, the habit of getting wound up ready for it is a problem - I still act in that world even though it is no longer there.

I have to come to terms with no longer "being the boss", no longer doing my own thing whenever I want to do it and in some ways no longer having the rank, position, money, kudos and ego that went with the old me. If you know me, you will gather this is a massive shift if I can actually achieve it.

The "pressure" I 'think' is there probably isn't at all anymore, I don't need to walk around like some coiled spring anymore and I don't need to set all these high goals. That is easier said than done. I've always been ambitious and always been involved in high profile major projects and so, going in to work and doing a 9 to 5 isn't me at all.

AND YET it has to be in a way. Why get a second chance and let it slip? Why go back onto the treadmill of working my butt off and work away from home for months on end. Sure, 4 or 5 times the money I am on now is a good incentive but now there ARE more important things in life than money and perhaps savouring what time my Consultant and her team have managed to buy for me is a better prospect than spending that time working for some Corporate who wouldn't know talent and good value if you branded it on to their arm.

So I was working out what DO I need to do this year?

1. Make the most of being better, exercise, lose weight, improve my health and live well
2. Go to work, sort out whether a contract or permanent position don't overdo it
3. University Stuff - Make time and do it
4. Lodge and all that - giving most of it up this year so pressure coming off
5. Other Business Interests - put in some time and keep the balls in the air
6. Pay attention to family a bit more now you can

So that's my list - not much at all is it? How can there be so much rattling around in my head about what I need to do and when etc. It is all "in your head Mr Tweedy" (Chicken Run). So I just have to work on clearing it out of my head and it is gradually coming together. I certainly don't see this mountainous obstacle I saw two or three weeks ago.

I won't be able to change overnight but I can make a start by clearing out the times I have here and dumping the baggage of the past etc. Still not sure how I will battle the work gremlin who tells me I should be working elsewhere but I think I can sort this out somehow - I may just need to be creative and hope that the employer's can also be creative and flexible as the last thing we both want is for my creativity to be lost in the process.

I just hope that I can keep remembering to keep focused on the "few" things I have to work at. It isn't much, there is no need to worry about the scale of these things either. It will be interesting seeing how I cope with this "simpler life" I cannot imagine it will be easy for me but - as a good friend often tells me "you've done your bit - you may as well have a rest".

There is more of this to run - I'll try and revisit it as I work at it.