Hearing is still way down but gradually - all so gradually - getting better. The Antibiotics are continuing to give me their known side effects. - which doesn't make for feeling a great deal better. The high dosage I have been given most certainly can't be helping in that direction.
I'm in a neutral mood this morning and I still can't quite believe that I've got to go through another two rounds of BCGs and Operations but I'm not anti doing it, I just know that they are out there waiting for me. It is the shock of thinking that it was the last of them and putting them behind you to then find them back on the agenda that is the shock. It is also that, I'd only recently come to terms with the fact that I hated these things and how unpleasant they were as I'd previously suppressed that. The last operation which, let's face it, should have been routine pretty much wrecked my Christmas and New Year and I'm sure that these colds, Flu and ear infection just followed up on how weak I was post op.
So - neutral about things which I sure will change the more I think about it. It is difficult to discuss things when you can't actually hear what people are saying and so after a short time I am sure that I will get a better attitude and be a little more positive than I presently am. I intend to go out with friends when I am better and talk it through with them as they always help me to see reason. At the moment I am in the denial and angry state and know that i shouldn't be but that is just the nature of how your mind works. I know I will change my mind and that it is good news - it just doesn't look that way to me yet.
I'll be watching my attitude change with interest in the coming weeks :-)
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