What The Hell Were You Thinking

 Uttered by me on many occasions and almost hourly these days.  So they've knighted the London Mayor.  Speechless what on earth were they thinking?  The trouble is I don't think that their ideology allows them to think, it's very catholic and totalitarian, almost dystopian at the moment and this headlong rush to the bottom isn't over by a long way.  Everything that they touch is the opposite of Midas and is rapidly turning into mahogany (soft and brown) stuff.

Education is being destroyed and for no good reason other than spite.  Maybe, finally, people will wake up to what and how these people are?  It is no longer education it is indoctrination and still, no one is angry.  The answer will be more tax and more fines and so on until there is nothing of any value left.  It's already happening and 2025 looks to be the year that the economy collapses alongside some of our European neighbours.  

De-industrializing in the name of a cult (that of Climate Change) does absolutely nothing except show how f*****g stupid you are.  Destroying your own country to appease fanatics is not exactly a grown up approach to this and it will end in tears and more damage to us.  Already people are paying substantial energy bills and the time will come soon when we will only be subsistence living.  There wont be any money to spend other than on food and fuel.

It worries me that there may soon be a large snap against all of this and no one can see it coming.  If you tax the cr@p out of people and they don't see anything for it, then why should they cooperate?  I'm trying to find ways of just not obeying and not cooperating.  It would be nice that everyone in the country started not complying and stating that they no longer wish to be "governed" by these people who think they have some sort of authority over us.  But then I expect too much of "the people"  when I was in business we used to have a saying that 98% of people want to be told what to do and the other 2% were project managers!

Oh well, let's see how it goes.  The list of wasted stuff goes on and on, the oppression of the people continues and at some point someone has to say no, enough is enough.  Let it come sooner rather than later and let's hope that the damage can be undone.  You can imagine that they having spunked all the money away will have to try and work out how to pay to put it all right again.  

That's A Bit Better

 I was in a very dark mood yesterday.  I'd woken a few times during the night and the last time around 5:30 I decided enough was enough and went downstairs to try and get to somewhere bigger.  Claustrophobia is a strange thing it isn't really logical but I've had it most of my life since being squashed into a confined space at school and a few similar things.  To this day I dislike trains and the underground especially, I hate crowded rooms and theatres too are difficult spaces for me.  I calm myself in planes and try and mitigate where I sit and so on.

My hypnotist friend has moved away and he was able to do a number of things including stopping me smoking and to get me OK with going into hospital and facing the operations etc.  I taught myself to be less angry about how long things took in the hospital but that's another thing.

I came downstairs and sat quietly and a series of things happened that just seemed to make me more angry and the black dog descended.  I got the right (moved) bin day but had put out the wrong bins so they weren't collected!  That really made me annoyed as did catching the bin on my car and the contents spilt out!

I was brewing up in my mind how it "always seemed to be me" and all that ego / pain body stuff and whilst I realised that was what it was it didn't make my humour any better at all.  As I often say it's best to leave me alone at times like that.  There are genuine concerns though and stuff that I have to address this year.  I think I've left these long enough.  Stuff that is not in my control and that need to be sorted.  Stupid stuff to some but to me with my tidy mind and practical approach to things it's getting oppressive and the claustrophobia is caused in some measure by these things.  Inability to get to things as other things are in the way.  Rooms full of possessions rendering the room unusable.  Access to areas in the house impeded by boxes and items that make it difficult to walk past without going sideways.

Yes, I need to sort this out, it's gone on for too long and I'm sure this is what is making me be more introverted than I am normally and also bring on the moods too.

Something's Not Quite Right

 Tinnitus off the scale yesterday and today.  Not sleeping particularly well and feeling very hot when in bed and not generally tickety boo.  Actually feeling quite dark inside and the weather - it's foggy again and oppressive out there - isn't helping lift my mood.  Yes, dark, foreboding perhaps?

I think that a lot of this is to do with suddenly changing my diet to a "Christmas" diet too many carbs, alcohol, sweets and so on.  I don't normally eat these things and as you are aware I've stopped drinking beer and only have a very small amount of alcohol so my body is probably wondering what on earth I am doing stuffing the left over Christmas food and drinking beer again plus all the other things like dates, figs and so on.

Add to that I'm beginning to feel disconnected from the house too.  It isn't "home" at all and there's no space to live in, it's limited and at time claustrophobic.  So I'm feeling dark about that and not happy with things as they are.

I always do get depressed at this time of year anyway and it normally picks up when I get involved in something or other.  The trouble is, lots of this stuff is out of my direct control. 

So How Was It For You?

 Nice to see my daughters and grandchildren but cut short which was a little annoying so really didn't get to speak to them much.

New Year's Resolution incoming I think is to do my own thing now and just go and see them and have done with it.  I've been trying too hard to care for everyone and I felt a bit like the House Elf on Christmas Day I have to say.  

I'd worked my butt off and everyone else was tired?!  Exactly.

Think that it might be an interesting year to be sure.  I hope you enjoyed yourselves anyway.  I kind of did but I am feeling a bit like the servant at the moment.  Let's say it's not a cooperative and mutually inclusive time.  

Christmas Hearing Issues

 I managed to wear my hearing aids for most of Christmas Day but into the early evening I got tired of them and took them out.  It's amazing how effective these tiny little aids are.  The only issues I have is getting the setting right.  I have 80% hearing in my damaged right ear and about 95% in my left but, of course, it's more about the various frequency problems and this awful Tinnitus which I thought I had got rid of about 6 or 8 months ago.  I'm going to retry the exercises and see if I can reduce it at least.  

The aids do somehow mask it but you still know it is there.  The noise of things like breathing or rustling paper, a switch being turned off and so on are quite loud and noticeable now so they seem to be doing a good job.  I'm hoping that this company in the USA will ship to the UK, I've got an inquiry out with them about getting some tinnitus relief hearing aids.  Someone in the UK has them and they swear by them but when I went to their site they do not ship to the UK!!!!  When I asked them they said there are no agents in the UK - Didn't really answer my query but hey!

So off to my daughter's to see her, my other daughter and my grandchildren which will be great.  Really pleased to be able to get to see them, it will lift my spirits I hope.  Just loaded the car with stuff - it looks as if I am on a humanitarian mission with red cross parcels!  

Arghh Tinnitus Back Loud As Hell

 So is it that I had a few beers last night?  I was on my feet all day yesterday cooking and looking after energetic and Christmas hyped 5 year old?  I don't know but this morning it is very loud indeed.   am downloading a background noise file and so hopefully I can pump that through my headphones and see if that helps.

In other news, here we are again, Christmas Eve.  I can't say I'm particularly Christmassy about it.  Albeit that the making Mince Pies and the like was fun yesterday I'm not really feeling up for it this year.  Maybe the first decoration going up today might make it different.  SO far the house has only got some Mistletoe and a Door Wreath and my outside lights :-(

Must go and try and get rid of this tinnitus, it's totally the wrong sort of bell ringing for this time (or any) time of year!. 

Better Today - Tinnitus Much Quieter

 Thank goodness and I've been up early to greet grandson and we had him today.  So it was a day of cooking with him as "Junior Chef" Mince Pies, Sausage Rolls and he'd lost interest by the time I did the Gammon and there's still two lots of pastry to use up.  I have ideas for that tomorrow when he isn't with us.

He's a lovely lad and not bad for a five year old really.  He is quite adept at reading the cooking instructions which was great for him to practice on.

I now just have a few things left to do and I can relax I think.  Everything that "I" need is here, not sure about anyone else's needs but I'm OK Jack! 

I am going to go get some rest as I've been on my feet since 6 this morning and I'm not getting any younger!

As I often say, Christmas Dinner is only a slightly bigger Sunday Roast - I enjoy cooking it more than I enjoy eating it strangely enough.  So a few presents to wrap, a beer has been poured and I can get on with pottering around in the kitchen tomorrow and doing last minute fussing ready for the big day.

How Fast Is This Trip?

 Good morning, it's 22nd December, Christmas has arrived in its box all ready to throw in the oven, Turkey, Gammon, Vegetables, Stuffing, Pudding the works.  So that's a weight off my mind and it's early so that is even better.  The Tinnitus is bad again and I am trying to play some white noise in the background to see if this will help.

I looked at a Facebook group and an old friend dropped me a line.  I then realised that it was just over 50 years ago she and I were regularly meeting up and seeing each other - platonically - we were school chums and hung out together.  She's now in New Zealand and keep in touch irregularly.

It made me think how fast those 50 years have gone.  Blink and you miss it is often said but it kind of feels like that and yet I can recollect things that must have seemed interminable at the time.  Bladder Cancer for one took around 17 years or so to not "be a thing" in a day-to-day way.

I had the pleasure of No.1 Grandson being here yesterday and he is very young but also very bright he reads and writes extremely well and yesterday he was reading even cursive writing to me and suddenly he decided to write a list of things he'd like for Christmas none of which, of course, were what he'd ever asked for before.  Thank goodness that Amazon Prime was there and I could sort that out.  

I'm going to get into "The Christmas Spirit" today I think.  It should be an interesting Christmas if nothing else and I need to shake myself out of my despondency.  I need to lift my spirits and be thankful as time marches on and the wake up call is that I now have time to do anything I want but I am squandering it on minutiae which is a proper waste.

How fast is this trip?  It is very fast indeed when you look back and yet it felt like it was interminable at the time. 

Very Bad Tinnitus Again

 Well this is strange as I can normally get rid of Tinnitus or at least make it a lot quieter.  It seems to have come back again with vengeance today.  I've tried some white noise perhaps I'll try with headphones when my uninvited company goes home.  

As usual I'm doing some sorting out for people, searching for parts and solutions to problems.  It's a difficult thing isn't it when you get asked to do something for someone.  I'm a bit of a sucker and I am quite happy to do something like this because 1) I can 2) it interests me 3) it also annoys me a bit too.  I actually don't have to do this for my kids because they've learned (from the master LOL) how to go about things like researching, getting the best value for money and things like that.

It feels to me that these sorts of things either aren't taught or things are too easy these days, until that is, they prove to be too hard or difficult.

Anyway, it is keeping me occupied when I should be doing other things. It isn't distracting enough to send this ringing screeching noise away from my ears though.

   

Hearing Aid Trial

 These are expensive hearing aids but not the exorbitant cost of the shop bought ones.  I have had them in for about an hour now and I can say that the Tinnitus is a little less but it is still there.  They are really loud on the lowest setting but as I read they will be as you aren't used to them.  They are set for indoor and on the lowest volume and I can hear myself breathing, the PC fans whirring and the noise off of this keyboard is surprisingly loud too.

Things going on outside are also more noticeable too.  The whole experience is quite strange as either I was really deaf or these are really loud :-) I will try and wear them for a good few hours to see if I can get used to them.  The last few times, in loud places they were too much and I had to ditch them quickly as I could hear quite a bit of what the table behind me was saying but hardly anything my table was saying.  I think it is practice at the end of the day.

Onward, onward....

Tinnitus - Wow It's Bad Today

I got this years ago when I got really ill just over and after Christmas and got both ears infected.  Gosh I was so ill but I had to attend a meeting a give a talk - it was in 2009 and I was a few years into treatment and I'm guessing I probably picked the cold up at the Hospital.  I don't know, whatever it was the Doctor (you could actually go and see them back then) was horrified and prescribed me the biggest dose of Antibiotics he could.  It did the trick but ever since I've had this blasted Tinnitus.

I can normally get on and work through it but today it is so loud I can hardly concentrate on anything at all.  I'll try some exercises I found that worked in a minute to see if that fixes it.  

So that has decreased the volume which is good, the screeching high pitched noise is still there but quieter.  I think I might try my hearing aids and see if that fixes it by making me concentrate on other things.

Ho hum.  You just have to live with this and oftentimes I can just blot it out or ignore it.  

People Are Getting Sick To Death Of All These Lies Surely

 The Internet is interesting in that you can go and research what people said but a few years ago and then listen to what they say now.

I used to say that I rarely lied in business as I couldn't remember what lie I might have told and I'd get found out and I'm not very good at it.  Instead people found my direct approach threatening which is funny.  I say funny, perhaps disarming is correct.

I once went to a customer because his supplier was messing me around and could not finish on time.  I knew what to do about it and I knew that he wouldn't be happy but, go armed with a way out and don't lie.  What actually happened was interesting because once the anger had subsided mere seconds in reality that his job wasn't going to be finished and that it was his side letting it down I told him how I could sort it out and gave him a way out of his embarrassment and a way we could both "win".  Shortly afterwards, the sales managed heard about what had happened and went to the customer and rather than check with me what was going on, spun some cock and bull story about what he'd put in place, blah, blah, blah.  The customer, rightly so sent him away with a flea in his ear and explained that everything was under control and that he might like to talk to the person that was actually running the job, me.

Lies get you no where at all and when you tell the truth you don't have to remember what you said as it was the truth and not some fabrication.

Our politicians are getting caught out time and again by having said one thing and now doing the total opposite.  It's obvious they are lying, they are way way out of their depth.  They don't understand their briefs and they certainly don't understand much about politics, world stage stuff, people and communication.  Their approval rating is on the floor as they p1ss off more and more sectors of the public.  It's unbelievable that they didn't see that inflation would rise, unemployment go up, business move or close down and so on.  It was blindingly obvious to all but an ideological zealot that if you messed with these things something would happen elsewhere.  So now we have them going back on pensioner's heating allowance, WASPI women compensation (that they were going to redress) and many other things and all in the space of a few months their ratings are down, they have zero credibility and I am certain that they will soon find it difficult to go anywhere without being heckled and abused in public.  Deservedly so.

It is rotten to the core but some of us have known that for years but now, right in your face, they are lying, misrepresenting, misinforming and using some sort of propaganda style tactics more at home in the period of the Berlin Wall and the Communist East.  It is horrific and you can watch as the car crashes and the ship sinks and they rearrange the deck chairs and stare at the headlights wondering what is coming next.

The Chancellor's plans are falling apart and I am surprised she and the PM are still in office.  I think many thought they'd be out by Christmas but then there were other things that wold all be over by Christmas that didn't turn out that way I suppose.

It would be nice to find some sort of civil disobedience tactic that would impact these utter lying charlatans.  The very worst people I have ever seen, no experiences, no honour whatsoever and certainly not a clue when it comes to Governing.  At the moment, every thing they do is aimed at giving money to non participants in this country's wealth and taking that money from us and p1ssing it up the wall.  They need to be gone, the lot of them.  

The One Person Everyone Hated At School or Work

 Our present government cannot have any friends left.  Of the 67 or so million of us in the UK there can be very few who have not been  impacted by this awful bunch of amateurs.  Today they have denied the WASPI women their compensation and so you can add all those women to the 10 million existing pensioners and every working person, farmer and car owner, tax payer etc.  

Is there anyone who isn't currently p1ssed off with this bunch of totally useless w anchors? I mean who goes out and antagonises just about everyone in the country, blows huge holes in the ability of businesses to do business or employ people and expect things to ge better.  We are heading for a recession at the least I'd expect and a lot of this is to do with their own financial mismanagement from what 15 years ago was it?  They blew around £160BN and left us to pay for it.  Everything is in a state of decline, the power and energy sector, cars and manufacturing, armed services are underfunded and by whopping up the tax on employment thos industries that rely on cheap workers (care homes, hospices and others) are suffering.  Banging VAT mid term on schools ruins children's lives, taking away fuel allowance will kill (by their own figures) 4,000 vulnerable old people.

The people that need help can't get it.  They don't know how to turn on a smart phone let alone use an APP or apply online.  F**k these people who just don't give a stuff about the vulnerable it really does make my blood boil that these people have no idea beyond their metropolitan view of the world of what it is like to live in the country, grow food, try and travel with non existent transport (if you want me to use it then provide it properly) and so on.  They think we all have IT at our finger tips and this isn't the case.  

I really think they do not comprehend how hated they are and this latest set of proposals are just going to get people more angry and I certainly hope that everyone starts to make bloody difficult for them all.  I certainly intend to do my utmost to take my time about things and perhaps make it a little more difficult to do business with me.

There can't be many people left who even think that this government have the aptitude for or skills to run the country.  They are burning money away in crazy projects outside of the country and at the same time overseeing the demise of their own people.  In the words of the old song "There may be trouble ahead!" I hope so.

Pretty Sure This Is What It Is

 The more I think about it, the more I am certain that it is the let down or disappointment around this time of year that gets me down.  It will never be the same as when you were a child, the magic is different.  Then you get your children and things change and it's all about them and then your circumstances change - mine did, I left just after Christmas so 2014 so next year is 11 years.  So much has happened but here is the thing.  Everything changed that Christmas of 2013.

Everyone knew I was leaving and so things were awkward to say the least.  The parties and get togethers were tinged with difficult conversations and I recall that I went out on a number of occasions on my own.  I spent a little time on New Year's Eve down at my local pub and chatted to a couple of people there but there wasn't much to keep me there.  I'd split up with my wife and I'd just about gotten over the disappointment of not being with my angel either.  It was a miserable time and full of tension, trepidation and anxious worry.

I recall I was pretty down and not looking forward to much although I was looking for a place to share with my friend.  Looking back now and remembering it all I was clearly very down in the dumps and that was the last time I'd have the traditional parties with friends and the family I had back then.  I don't suppose I'd realised that these "friends" would have to choose sides but they did and that too is fine, it's human nature I guess to do that.  So I felt isolated.

So I was doing all my Christmas Cards bot electronic and physical yesterday, the family history newsletter and so on and I was on my own in the kitchen looking at my reflection in the window and it occurred to me that perhaps trying to recreate the Christmases of my past or live up to the hype shown on TV etc just isn't possible.  It never lives up to what you expect.  I have purchased all of the food and drink and I'm still not feeling festive or happy.  The house is a tip at the moment, not a decoration in sight and the only Christmassy things on show are the Advent Calendars.

It doesn't feel like Christmas, all I am doing is indulging in excess for a week or two and actually, I am not enjoying that either.  All this food and drink isn't making a difference as such.  I like the change but my stomach and body are reeling at the shock of carbs and sugar and alcohol. 

Yes I am pretty much convinced that it is this combination of things plus I don't really see my children as much as I should that drives this depressed winter blues I get.  My father also suffered from this as well and I have even when I had family Christmases at home so it's something deeper too.

Well, this food isn't going to eat itself and I'd better try and get into the Christmas Spirit if at all possible.  Here I go :-) 

On The Run In

 I've got just about everything sorted now, a few items to arrive in the next few days though.  I am writing my Christmas Cards and by the end of today I should have all of those done, newsletters done, family history circular and all electronic cards sent.  

That is if the App doesn't get delivered this morning!  I doubt it will.

The Christmas Cake was made yesterday to a different recipe as we haven't been able to find the "family" one anywhere! I cannot remember what we did last year and the year before but I'm certain we made it to the old recipe.  Anyway, this one uses a LOT of brandy and the place smelt like a distillery yesterday! 

In other news I've been getting into the Christmas spirit but actually I've noticed something.  I cannot drink anywhere near as much as I used to as my body is giving me warning signs to stop.  That's good, I don't want to overdo it.  I realised just how much food I have in the house now and how much of this stuff is carb loaded.  EEEeeekkk!  I hadn't realised quite how much I'd purchased and so I wonder whether to just go through it all and then crash out and back to normal or do I keep these treats for say one day a week which I used to do when I did the Tony Robbins (?) diet. That was you ate the same things every day for 6 days and on the 7th day you could eat and drink what you liked.  It was OK and I lost a lot of weight but the 6 days stuff was a real bore after 6 or 8 weeks.

In other news our government are staring down the barrel at a series of problems of their own making and I hope they are having sleepless nights as they do so.  Our economy is shrinking and the budget certainly accelerated that.  The VAT on schools looks to have not only a terribly negative impact on children in as much as their education is interrupted and they are having to move schools but also it looks as if the local councils cannot fulfil their statutory duty to provide school places to these children either.  It's another self inflicted own goal and again playing with people's lives and not understanding the consequences or worse still knowing the consequences and doing it anyway.  

Our Foreign Secretary thinks Syria is a neighbouring country to Libya.  Just because they rhyme does not mean that they are in the same locale.  I remain singularly unimpressed with the lot of them and I don't know what they are going to do next because the economy on which they are "going for growth" is grinding to a halt and soon to go into reverse wiping out just about everything they had tried to do.  As I said before, all I can do is watch in eager anticipation of the huge car crash that they are steering into.  Every correction takes them towards the target and they look gormless and have no real feel for government.  I like that they are going to free controls for planning but not the controls that are killing building at the moment, green stuff, over reach of red tape, environmental controls and so on.  Fixing part of the problem and over burdening the rest of it is like a see saw and moving the weight from one end to the other.  It isn't rocket science as I used to tell my team.  It's very simple.  Make things complex and tied up in red tape and suddenly it isn't going to happen.

I have a Dashboard I like to look at here https://grid.iamkate.com and it shows how our energy is generated and from what and where.  It's been miserable here for days and days and at best "renewable" as they call them have been around 5% or 6% of the generation,  Gas taking around 70% of the load.  In 5 years all of our energy is meant to be renewable.  They cannot see, nor will they countenance any voices saying "hold on, what do we do if the wind don't blow?" This blind cult like behaviour must surely lead us to having no lights left on in 2030.

Oh well, car crash incoming and I'm curious to see what happens and how quickly it's an utter disaster unfolding before our eyes.

It Can't Be That Difficult?

 I had to install a very expensive centrepiece feature light in our dining room.  It's ridiculously high up to the eaves and so even with my 11 Tread Ladder it was tip toe stuff.  As it was the apex of the roof I had to adapt brackets and make holes in the roof to fit it.  It took two of us around 3 hours I guess in total as there's more to it than that.

So it's started to malfunction and the manufacturer wants nothing to do with it I have to talk to the retailer who, surprise surprise, will give us our money back but not replace it!  FFS.  The most practical way to deal with this is to swap it out as the base can remain and it just needs a few screws and electrical connections swapped and that is it, done.  No, they want the whole thing returned.  It's crazy just let me swap it.  No take it back and they'll refund and then we can buy another from somewhere else!  

I'm not impressed it means that the work done to hold the base to the apex all has to come out.

Get it from eBay says one - but what guarantee do I then have?  Why is it so bloody difficult to get something practical sorted rather than the complete pain in the arse this is going to be? 

What's With The Self-Harm People?

 Setting aside those who do actually and physically self harm and I do know a few, this is actually about the present situation here and this government's continuing act of national self-harm.  Today the figures (pre-budget) showed a further contraction of the economy by 0.1% and that's the second month in a row.  The things that were set out in that budget will, I am sure lead to industries being ravaged here in the UK.

We do have a very high quality specialist manufacturing base here but let's face it, China own most of the worldwide production of good old fashion manufactured goods.  Just look where most of the things you buy come from and I think you'll be surprised (or not).  What our rulers seem to miss is that the very act of self righteousness and virtue signalling our "green" credentials is costing jobs and industries cannot compete.  It isn't just labour costs but the raw materials which we now have to import or the parts which we now have to import but now add the costs of employing people and all the add on taxes dragging at the bottom line and of course, we are no longer productive and our cost per unit is killing us.  It's all stacked up for a monstrous car crash which they alone cannot see coming.  

Whilst we bang on about China and India being more polluting than we are (CO2 is not a pollutant BTW) they have cheap power and they have huge economies of scale and are highly competitive.  They already have wind and solar but more importantly they have small reactor technology far beyond ours and can implement it in a few years not decades like we do.  Our lack of agility and our lack of vision presently result in a race to the bottom with ourselves and Germany neck and neck as to who will reach the bottom and then, not content, start to dig further.

Making ourselves poorer both culturally and financially will be our undoing no doubt about it.  I like that the public sector do not understand that they don't produce anything.  They don't get that they are the biggest consumers in the economy.  They contribute nothing of economic value and they are unable to deliver what we pay them for.

I watch the robotic government who cannot answer a straight question struggle with basic facts and statistics.  They parrot bite size phrases that mean nothing and are as much use as the proverbial chocolate teapot!  I can't actually watch them on TV now.  In the good old days you'd be able to give them a bloody hard slap and tell them to wake up and sort things the f**k out!  Absolute waste of oxygen the lot of them. 

People, Service and Community

 Humbled to do a little bit for the community last night.  I set up my PA and Projector with Christmas images and music for a charity gig performed by members of a band that sets out to let people of all abilities play together.  They meet once a month and practice and there are lots of volunteers who assist them.  They had written their own Christmas song which they performed for a small audience of parents and carers.

They obviously loved performing and they are lovely, we all smiled together and then there were Carols at the end.  I did a very little but I was so gladdened to see that people give up their time and spend it with those far less fortunate than ourselves.  The leader is a lovely chap with a great personality and he led them to write their own song.  It truly was excellent and everyone had a part to play.

Finally I felt that my faith in human nature was reestablished and watching these musicians helping their charges to make expressive and quite charming (in my eyes) music really did lift my spirits.  I felt quite surprised that they gave me a round of applause at the end for my tiny contribution to events.  I see that they got a lot out of it even though, to me, I did what I was able and it wasn't difficult for me to do what I used to do day-to-day. everyone else deserved far more recognition than I.  Although on reflection I get it.

Anyway, it is heartening that we have people like these who give up their time, at this busy period in the year, to help and inspire others.  It checked my natural cynicism shall we say. 

It's Still Weird - This Sick Feeling

An old friend wrote to say they were "under control" after Prostate Cancer treatment - all is being held at bay so to speak.  Then shocking news this morning as someone I knew died yesterday.  I knew her to say hello to and it was unexpected to say the least.  It is something that has obviously upset me albeit only the suddenness of it all.  Things trigger emotions inside of you so someone else you know going through treatment is unconsciously bringing it all back and someone that I expected to see in a month or so is no longer with us.

Most of my Christmas deliveries have now been made - a couple later today and that is it apart from the Christmas in a Box which is due 22nd.  I've got just about everything I need to get excepting a few items.  Christmas is often anticlimactic for me.  I wonder if I try and reconstruct the Christmases of my past and they never quite live up to the hype?  There's a strangeness about this year that I cannot quite put my finger on.  I imagine it's just me trying too hard when I know, deep down, it's going to be a disappointment once again.  Keep trying I suppose but something isn't right.

I feel stomach churning sick and it's more like a nervous sick, a worried sick if that makes any sense?  I've tried too hard and I need to not do so.  I'm also quite conscious that the App isn't ready and it should have been.  I really wanted to get it out there for the world to download and try but, once again, it just isn't going to be.  It's a nuisance I have to say as it is the right time of year to launch especially when everyone has their new gadgets for Christmas.

I have spent too much money and time on Christmas and so I just need to reset myself for next year and decide quite what I want.  

Watching These Idiots

 These politicians are complete amateurs.  I had to laugh as once again they can't keep the same story among the lot of them.  The Chancellor stated to the CBI that there would be no ore tax rises in the next 5 years. or as long as they are in power.  Now, a few days later, they need to review and the PM thinks there might be a need for more.  The Foreign Secretary leaves the door open for Syrian migrants whilst the Home Office shuts the door.

The utter chaos these guys sow is beyond belief.  They seem wholly unaware of the contempt we, the people, hold them in, but more so, they don't seem to see what we see and that's the crash coming down the road at us.  Already there's talk of reduced recruitment and investment, there's big job losses coming in the car industry and what people also miss is the suppliers will also lose out too.  

Their great plans are in tatters already because they have no idea how they can achieve these things and stealing our money appears to be the only way they think they can do this!  Good luck to them if they think any of this is sustainable.  It feels like we are once again going to get flattened by the ineptitude of our government.  It's not worth working as they steal t off you!