That's A Bit Better

 I was in a very dark mood yesterday.  I'd woken a few times during the night and the last time around 5:30 I decided enough was enough and went downstairs to try and get to somewhere bigger.  Claustrophobia is a strange thing it isn't really logical but I've had it most of my life since being squashed into a confined space at school and a few similar things.  To this day I dislike trains and the underground especially, I hate crowded rooms and theatres too are difficult spaces for me.  I calm myself in planes and try and mitigate where I sit and so on.

My hypnotist friend has moved away and he was able to do a number of things including stopping me smoking and to get me OK with going into hospital and facing the operations etc.  I taught myself to be less angry about how long things took in the hospital but that's another thing.

I came downstairs and sat quietly and a series of things happened that just seemed to make me more angry and the black dog descended.  I got the right (moved) bin day but had put out the wrong bins so they weren't collected!  That really made me annoyed as did catching the bin on my car and the contents spilt out!

I was brewing up in my mind how it "always seemed to be me" and all that ego / pain body stuff and whilst I realised that was what it was it didn't make my humour any better at all.  As I often say it's best to leave me alone at times like that.  There are genuine concerns though and stuff that I have to address this year.  I think I've left these long enough.  Stuff that is not in my control and that need to be sorted.  Stupid stuff to some but to me with my tidy mind and practical approach to things it's getting oppressive and the claustrophobia is caused in some measure by these things.  Inability to get to things as other things are in the way.  Rooms full of possessions rendering the room unusable.  Access to areas in the house impeded by boxes and items that make it difficult to walk past without going sideways.

Yes, I need to sort this out, it's gone on for too long and I'm sure this is what is making me be more introverted than I am normally and also bring on the moods too.