It is interesting that I never quite get to a point in my life when I am happy or satisfied and I often, like just now, get to a low point in thinking or existing, I don't know what that is.
I know what it is that troubles me but I seem powerless to actually do something about it. I expect far too much of people and I find that anyone who doesn't perform their job to my standards is an issue to me.
These are problems I've had all my life but I do find bad service, incompetence, hypocrisy and other such traits annoying. I've someone who didn't wrap the goods up properly which arrive broken will not refund me unless I post back (abroad mind you) the item. We are both strongly disagreeing in our own respective languages and I will have great joy in making it very difficult for them but it's for a few pounds and it's the principle in this case. Giving me less than 10% of the value back isn't what you do when you've screwed up.
I've fixed (partially) the data loss problems and everything is now being backed up but I don't like the industrial outcome of my solution.
The heating system needs attention but I haven't got the quote yet so I really need that to budget for at the moment the IT costs have taken that money I put by.
The App Developer is about to deliver me more bad news. What a surprise, it's slipped again and I've got to the point now where I really cannot be bothered to be upset anymore about it. I have never known anything so bad. There is a book called "The Mythical Man Month" by Fred Brooks it was published way back in the 1970s I think. It led to Brooks's Law and projects fall behind one day at a time and it is an interesting read. I used to talk about this as part of my job and I used the analogy that if it took 1,000 men I month to build a mile of road then if I put 30,000 men on it, we'd do it in a day! Here lies the challenge of Project Management in that it isn't a spreadsheet world and you cannot just add more resource and expect things to be done quicker (there are lots of reasons).
So, it's a classic tale of optimism versus talent versus in this case and in what will soon be seven years, he has only hit one target milestone and that's the first one. So what do I do? I've already got angry, helpful, given extra money and been hard and soft man with him. I've read him his future in my Crystal Ball and it isn't pleasant. It will be what it will be but my fabled Christmas Launch originally for 2019 hasn't happened yet again.
I find myself in a sloth of despondency yet I don't need to be. I know this, I try quite hard to not be (perhaps where I am going wrong). I should just be in the moment but it seems it's just one thing after the other. Of course you shouldn't worry about these as what else can you do but I feel that I am piling stuff on and not taking it off. I need to start to care less or not at all about such things and get on with my life and start to enjoy retirement. At the moment, I miss work even though I feel that I am working a lot more than I should.
I will have to tackle this as I feel that it is dragging me down.
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