Despite the fact that my mum is visibly looking older and struggling with her legs, her knees in particular which upset me greatly, it should come as a bit of a surprise that my mind was a lot clearer yesterday and this morning. I managed to sleep reasonably well but was disturbed at 6 by OH and so I got up and came downstairs.
The heaviness in my head is almost gone and it somehow feels clear again. Sure the thoughts are there but I think I can deal with them. It's been a struggle I have to say but as long as I identify the bad thoughts and deal with them as soon as they arise then that's something.
I have a mixture of "problems" and so I intend to work on them as best I can. Health and fitness need to be part of the approach as I notice that I am not eating properly which means I'm out of condition too and part of me feels old and worn out so I need to look after myself and to take care of my physical and mental well-being.
The heat has subsided and so that allows me to get out and do some work which also means that I can 'get things done' which again should help.
I'm left with two impressions after returning from my mum's and that's I need to just start to adjust to being old but not turning into someone old (doesn't make sense I know) and that I need to treasure each day and get out of this current rut and don't slip back. Easier said than done.
So it is also a bad time of year of course. It will be 20 years tomorrow that my first Bladder Cancer operation will have happened. Interesting journey since.
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