No Wonder There's Problems

 I am trying to give up my phone and PC/Tablet and switch my attention away.  It is only when you realise the way that your attention is being sought all the time that you realise how, for example, ADHD and similar problems manifest themselves.

My phone goes 'bing' and I look at the little screen to see what it is? It commands my attention and requires my feedback and interaction.   My emails demand attention and action (or do they) and I find myself using phone and PC to get things done but there is little or no substance to those things.

So I've been working slowly, to unsubscribe from emails - I think that it will help.  I try to (and fail miserably) to look at Facebook only once a day - this needs more practice as does glancing at Instagram albeit that might be the only way I might know where one of my daughters is in the world and what she might be up to.  She's on a year out going around the world bless her.

It's been hot by any standards and I managed to sleep with one (possibly two) interruptions overnight and slept past 7.  I have an early morning delivery arriving so I needed to be up but 7 is great.  I cleaned the air cooler which has meant it operates better and it certainly did work better as all the filters and the evaporation screen were cleaned out.  It is going to be a hot day again today and it really precludes me from sitting here doing anything on the PC.  It is too hot to do anything in the garden and so there's been a lot of sitting around doing little - that has and hasn't helped my head space.

I am feeling a lot better but my head drifts in and out of strange places - without over doing it I didn't want to be here (no not the suicide question for you SAMS out there) but I wasn't certain where I wanted to be.  I am still having the death and getting old stuff and it's because my purpose disappeared and I wasn't ready for it.  I had a plan if the business was successful and one if it wasn't which it turned out to be and there problem was that I'd got the exit plan sorted out and there was suddenly a vacuum in my day to day life and purpose and unlike me, I hadn't given any thought to the missing part.  I say unlike me as I am usually well planned but of course, this is now about me, not someone else or anything else and I didn't think that this would be something I'd need to consider as it is emotional and people orientated and as an INTJ I swear I'm more Vulcan than human :-) 

Another restful day with deliveries of food incoming and time to try and reflect on the good side of retirement.