It's hard to take for me, that the one thing during all that hard work and anguish with the business was I didn't plan to be retired - I wasn't expecting it at all as I thought I'd still be working and could work out an Exit Plan and then retire.
Little did I know how quickly things would come to a head and I was so busy doing all that was needed that it passed me by how busy I was working on it and how suddenly everything changed.
Twenty years ago, things changed in a flash, I went from being a 'normal' person working away, finally in my dream job and along came Bladder Cancer to disrupt that. The ripples of that disruption exist to today. I should know I suppose, but who has plans that would have predicted that?
So I am wobbling through this period of my life and making the best of a bad job really. Rudderless and blown this way and that by the winds is not a place I like to be. My hobbies, such as they were, are not really of any interest at the moment. I have "things" that just lie around and need to go. Lots of IT equipment that in reality isn't needed anymore and I need to just get rid of. It's a little too hot to work on all of that although I have done a little bit and sold some bits. The other stuff can wait until I commit to documenting and selling it.
Additionally with my eyesight now requiring correcting it's best to wait until my new spectacles arrive and I get used to them, the change is quite noticeable and the cataract that has caused it will need to be addressed at some point in time too.
At least I am sleeping a bit better, my mind is a lot emptier and I intend to work on my health and my head in particular. I don't want to fear growing old but seeing my mother at age 89 struggling with her mobility is a concern. Oh well, at least I am not feeling anywhere near as bad as I did so I'm out of the morbid state and I hope climbing out of that trough I was in. I really do not want to go back and re-visit it, it was a nasty, dark and frightening place for sure.
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