Suddenly (well the last 6 months maybe) there's nothing to get up for, nothing in terms of purpose and an empty space in my body / head where it used to be full. It is very strange and I am dealing with it in perhaps the totally wrong way I guess?
I don't want to do anything. Does that make sense? Nothing truly interests me anymore. I don't like my "stuff" I don't feel up to reading. I listen to music but sporadically not all the time like I used to. Not much excites me either. I do things to keep occupied, today I fixed the silicone sealant in the wet room and di a bit of maintenance on the sink whilst I was there. Some mould treatment for an area I spotted will happen tomorrow or another day when the treatment arrives.
I really cannot be arsed to do things. I promised myself I'd go for some walks and I've only partly done that. I stopped drinking, I don't know, end of August I guess. sticking to that. Do I miss it? Yes I do but I've lost at least an inch if not a lot more off my waist so why go back to it. I looked when I went shopping and I just didn't fancy it and neither do I fancy a glass of wine yet I have bottles of the stuff here.
I don't see any "purpose" in life now as it (my working life that is) was how I defined myself I suppose. The tasks that I could do overwhelm me at the moment yet I can do a little each day to chip away at them I suppose. I'm happy just to give it all away if I'm honest. In fact I have a few boxes going soon of stuff I no longer use or want.
I suppose I'll get through this but it needs some effort and enthusiasm which I just do not have right now.
I do feel like there is a huge hole in my body, hollowed out mentally and physically.
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