Retrospective

 Bladder Cancer is treatable and curable.  That's great news I think.  It is a bit of a nuisance as it can recur which does worry me and I'm sure other past sufferers. Someone happened to mention it last week and it was strange really because they suggested that I really did look ill and they were all worried about me.

I said that I felt the treatment was actually the worst part as I didn't know I had it until the presentation of the symptoms and the operations and the treatments for Immunotherapy were  actually quite challenging although not all the time.  You could do fine one week and the next it felt like you'd been hit by a truck!  Writing this I do reflect that I was looking quite ill and grey or drawn.  That's the worry too I think as you drag around this pall of grey doom around you.  

Apparently I was brave!  I don't recall being brave at all.  To start with I was sh1t scared and that I was going to die from it.  However as time went by I learned to live with it and deal with it.  A good hypnotherapy session got my head away from the fear of going into the Hospital and I can't say that anyone enjoys all the tests and so on.  I certainly hated them and still do as a matter of fact.  Not brave.  Perhaps stoical and practical might be more likely.

At this present moment I'm reasonably content with my health.  I've been on no booze (or very very little) since July and I am only having the odd glass of wine and odd beer now.  I am looking forward to Christmas so I can have some beers and wine etc and also let myself have a few off Keto meals.  I am more carnivore / keto than I have been previously and I am intermittent fasting.  I'm about 2 stone lighter.  My belt has gone in a notch almost two and I feel OK.  I wished that the fat around my middle would melt a bit quicker but as it took many years to put on, it will take quite a while to lose.  However, a few inches off already and visible signs such as loose clothing and feeling a lot better than I have for a while.

Head space is still a problem but not as bad as last year - I was in a horrible place then.  There's lots of sh1t going on with the business as well as me just trying to get on with things that are on my to-do list.  I wonder whether a short break might assist me?  I don't know, something is needed and of course, now I am on my own with the business, I am committed to getting that sorted out! I am thinking of getting things moving in the business and then taking a short break but we will have to see how things turn out.

Around 25% of my life was taken up with Bladder Cancer but almost all of that time was to do with treatment and follow up procedures.  I was pretty much clear of Cancer in the first 6 months.   Thereafter it was follow up operations and tests that took their toll of me because you are never sure are you?  You never know when they might say "It's Back!!" 

It's survivable and the know how to treat this.  That's great news.