And Still These Reflections Come

 I don't know if there is a reason for reflective thoughts maybe it is a sign of something. Just now I was sitting here and my grandson has just been for Fireworks and some Supper.  It's nice to see him and we miss him because we used to look after him two days a week and now he's at school so we only get to have time at weekends and when school is on holiday.

It reminded me of seeing my grandfather, my father's father.  He was a really nice man, quite dapper and charming.  A really interesting man but also blessed with "our" sense of  humour and so you were never quite sure when he said things if it was real or not.

When I was an apprentice I worked up in London and I'd occasionally drop in to see them if I was around.  He developed cancer of the throat and had to have a tracheotomy.  He could speak by covering the hole in his throat and I used to try and get to visit him in Hospital mainly taking lunchtime off to go and see him or seeing him at the end of the day.  I was lucky that somehow I could "make time" between site visits.

One particular day he was having a lot of trouble and we were just about managing to communicate as he also had a notepad and pencil but I could see that he was really frustrated and Flash - that's one of my recurring dreams - it's just flashed before my eyes.  It's me leaving the hospital via the other entrance/exit and I see this in my dreams and I've just clocked why!

Back to the story so I said my goodbyes and waved to granddad and he gave me a weak smile and a wave and we were both a little miffed that we hadn't been able to chat like we had before.  Well that was the last time I saw him because he spoke to my parents that weekend and he had arrived at a decision that he didn't want us (my brother and I) to visit anymore and whilst I was disappointed I think I knew that he didn't want us to see the last stages of his life.  My mum and dad pretty much told me that he wanted us to remember him as our grandfather and writing that just shook me a little.  I miss him even now and there were a number of things, as children, that you recall.  The reward for a visit was always a shiny coin of some sort perhaps half a crown which we would thank him for and hold tight or give to mum for safe keeping.  He would occasionally give us a little glass of Ginger Wine which stung and then warmed your throat!  

I like that he made a decision like he did and so I never got to go and say goodbye but I think maybe that's the right decision to remember someone in the best light and not being the last thing you remember about them.