Not Said Much About Bladder Cancer Have I?

 If this blog proves anything it is that Bladder Cancer is (mainly) survivable if you catch it early enough and you change things to give yourself the very best chance.  That life goes on and is the same mixture of good, bad, downright ridiculous, humourous and all the ups and downs we suffer and enjoy in our chequered existence.

I have the occasional flash back and I still have remnants of the claustrophobia and general distrust of the modern medical profession.  Don't get me wrong they sorted me out and cut out the cancer and treated it and along the way I saw the very best and very worst of it all.  I found out I have this Vasovagal syncope which occurs when the part of the nervous system that regulates heart rate and blood pressure overreacts to a trigger.  Mine is if they try and clear a cannula or back pressure a catheter or try and put a cannula in.  No matter how often I say it, they don't listen and out I go!

It took close to 17 years start to finish and the ups and downs along the way have been just that, stuff that happens.  You get tired and worn out, you forget and overdo things.  You struggle with silly things, weight, supplements, diet, drinking (or at least I do) and many other things and for me, I tend to overdo things to extreme sometimes.  I go all in on a particular diet, a set regime and then I drop it and perhaps come back to it.  I'm human but also I'm a little bit obsessed with things when my INTJ brain sets to work.

I've got into silly ruts, gone high and gone low, been full of life and alive and gone to meet Black Dog.  Far too often I think the Black Dog has visited me.  It's something that I have struggled with all of my life, I over analyse, I don't live today often enough, I procrastinate, go into risk management mode and generally, I seem to be aimlessly wandering at the moment.

Not sure what it is although deep, deep down inside I think I do.  I worry too much even though I know I shouldn't and the older I get the more things trouble or annoy me. 

I'm alive, I'm a Cancer Survivor and I owe it to myself to be a little bit more grateful.  Not sure if I owe that to anyone else, perhaps my consultant who by prompt action and skilful intervention saved my life.  Maybe you do owe those who looked after you to live your best life.  

I need to reflect on this a little more - other people getting me down because of their faults (not mine) are dragging me down.  I shouldn't let them should I.