I Suppose That's It - It's All Over

 That middle bit of your life, from leaving school to retiring, that phase is well and truly over now.  The hard work and greasy pole are behind me and there's a bit or regret to deal with.  There was little glamour to be had when I was an Apprentice learning my trade but I was a specialist and so I went on to do some amazing things and surfed the big waves riding on the inexorable rise of the microprocessor and programmable logic controllers up through PCs and software development and then on to global change programmes.  Right at the cutting edge of IT.  It's been a ride and in a way, in my own way, there was the glitz and glamour of all the travel and the high powered work I did.

This final whimper of a project where once again the self fulfilling prophecy brought about by big Egos and a complete disregard for process, ROI and risk management indicates that things don't appear to have changed mush.  All my life I've been the Code Red guy, parachuted in to work out what went wrong and then attempt to fix it.  

I've worked with all sorts from the unbelievably brilliant to the complete numpty promoted to high office was ahead of their ability who preside over massive failures and then act as if they knew the remedy all along.  Quite how they get to the high positions and remain there is again way beyond my pay grade.  I know that soon they will "ran out of skill and road" as the Police say.  How often that happens.  

I really enjoyed those hard problems, dealing with people from all round the world and I enjoyed what I term to be the glamour of specialized speaking events, high level business consultancy and getting things done, novel thinking and the travel (although that's not always great) in business class or above the 4 start hotels and visiting almost exclusively in Europe some great places.  A good salary, nice car, expenses and training.

But now that's gone of course. That period of my life is behind me and only now am I letting go of it.  My business interests will soon be next to nothing and that will be a good thing but whoa, this adjustment to life without those challenges and pressures is in itself, it's own endeavour. 

I said in an earlier post that I feel a weight has lifted from me and indeed that is so.  The unease remains a little but I am dealing with that as the stress levels dissolve.  Soon, even though I expect the last push back, it will be over and the strain and the pressure I feel both physically and mentally will continue to fade into a past memory.

I have lots of things to do to keep me busy but they are not glamorous or fun but I will tackle each with a new perspective and trust that I will enjoy them once I get started.