It's all doom and gloom out there at the moment - wars and conflicts, Labour government, and so on but here, the Sun is out for the second day in a row. It has been grey, raining and gloomy for months but now a change in the Jet Stream (I guess) and weather patterns and the move towards lighter days as we turn to face the sun means that we have blossom everywhere in our Hedgerows particularly and the birds are getting pretty excited as I see nests appearing once again. Lighter mornings and evening and my mood becomes lifted.
I struggle every year in Autumn and Winter and this year wasn't much different and I've had a couple of pretty depressing years. I think that will all change soon. I am almost certain that I will close the business and that will lift a huge weight off of me. After a few months that should all just be a memory and I can get on with being retired. Something ties me, like it always does, to try my best and keep working as if I am actually employed by some strange force. Conditioning from the past perhaps.
I need to "Get it our of my head!" that I am not an employee slave and whilst I have committed to trying to do my best, surely by now, I have done that? It all needs to go away and I need to dedicate the remaining years to enjoying myself and my family - my grandchildren too I feel have been neglected and I need to work on that - not to put things right but to actually spend some time with them (if they want to) and doing some things for my family and for me. I have done a lot for other people and generally had that thrown back in my face so now, let's go and do things for me!
It doesn't need to be anything huge either of course. Just enjoy the independence and look after myself would be a good start.
No comments:
Post a Comment