Feeding The Crocodile

 Winston Churchill famously said, “An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last”.  We see this more and more these days.  Cowardly politicians will not go and take the hard route to tackle the ills of the country having actually caused those ills in the first place.  Looking after your people should be your first sworn duty but not this omnishambles of the past 20 or more years.  No, they cannot be brave and tackle the problems made by them as appeasers and servants to the wet liberal metropolitan elite (let's call them woke).  

Every move they make actually makes things worse and more complex and appeasement and change is forced on people along with more censorious draconian limits on our liberties and ever more tax paid by us to fix the haemorrhaging of cash to anywhere but where it is needed.  The list of projects the money is spunked up on is outrageous. The leaking of money by public servants (they are no longer civil) who are not business people is truly mind blowing.  Billions here and billions there and we have forgotten how to build things and how to control and manage money.

Gradually the public are seeing it for what it is.  There's been a shift in the overton window and the noisiest uninformed people, the real racists and bigots who believe themselves to be good and kind are rising to the top like scum in a septic tank.  We can see them now, we see that they are the very thing they accuse us of being.  The be kind brigade are anything but, the tactics they employ are to display to your face outdated pig ignorant set in their ways birdbrained lacking in basic knowledge yelling hypocrisy.  They cannot actually debate - these are the loud, braying of fools.  I don't really watch them as they are embarrassing to themselves and to the public at large.   

Asked what far right is or fascist few can tell you.  They scream racist and bigot but that's all they can do because that is the limit of their argument and generally the limit of their vocabulary.  It was amusing to catch someone asking these protesters where a certain country was that they were protesting about, they weren't sure exactly where it is.  Another asked about research which proved they were rattling on about something that was opposite of their stated protest.  They have no depth of knowledge in their subject and no arguments, no data, no peer reviewed science, no evidence and certainly no debating skills.  Denier, Bigot, Racist, and any other sub human response will do and if you yell it loud enough you've won the argument.  

We've let them get away with this uneducated, unwashed mass to get away with it because no one challenged it, no one stopped the lies and propaganda being bandied about and no one stopped the insults to our intelligence.  Cowardly we let them get away with it and those at the top need to hang their heads in shame for the damage done to this country and its people.

It looks as if the awakening is happening and let's hope we start standing up to this rot and if they want to shout and cry, give them something to cry for.  

Limbo Land

 When you want to have something sorted out and it's still three weeks away.  When the App is about to launch but you've still got to do the final UAT and resubmit it and it isn't ready for that test.

So many things are just in that limbo land and there's little you can do until they arrive.

To be fair there are things I can get on with but not enough to get me sat down and just thrashing my way through the list and achieving milestones and ticking them off.  I need some small but vital bits of information until I can actually do work without having to go back over it and edit or tweak it.

It's like being an athlete called to their blocks and awaiting the set and starting gun!  I don't want a false start, I want to hit the ground running so to speak.  Finding something to occupy my mind is necessary.

And Just Like That

 My attitude has changed.  You cannot change the past, you cannot predict the future nor should you worry about it either.  What will happen will happen and whilst the uncertainty is there because you cannot second guess what's about to present itself you can only do your best.

I know that I am prepared now and I just need to control what I can control and with the preparation I have already done and following the process we will get there and it will be what it will be.

My brain has to go through a process to get to where I am now, a playing of all the scenarios and that being said, the rest will just be what I cannot control.  I can control myself and that's fair enough but I cannot control the uncontrollable.   

"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know."

Donald Rumsfeld

Yes - That LOL.

Clarity Of Thinking

 One of the payoffs when you do a lot of thinking (and writing) is that you start to clear in your mind what things actually are.  Not a "Eureka!" moment really but it was not as yesterday's blog post a moral dilemma at all.  In fact there is no moral ground at play here. It's not about business either, it's about some sort of revenge.  It's a bit around about face in as much as clearly, in his mind, I have wronged him and he is going to destroy everything albeit he does not realise that even if he could replace me, he'd have to compensate me for all the work I've done and the investment.

He doesn't give a toss about me and he is being motivated by blind rage.  The initial shot across the bow was deeply troubling but smacked of something wrong.  Once I had returned fire it wasn't really accepted (even though I supplied the evidence) and the threats toned right down but the illogical questions remained. Now we have a business procedure to endure to remove me and the reasons given are the same as the first and second letters.  Then you can see through the cracks of it all.  The headlines for why he wants me gone are actually down to his own actions in the first place and he cannot see that his actions have consequences. 

I know people generally cannot see the wood through the trees but this is another level really.  When someone initiates an argument and then shifts the blame back onto you, it is known as blame-shifting or scapegoating within the practice of gas-lighting, a manipulative behaviour intended to avoid responsibility and make you feel guilty or ashamed. This is a form of emotional manipulation designed to deflect attention and control the narrative, often used by individuals with narcissistic tendencies or in abusive dynamics. That is very broadly what is happening here, he seems to now live in a dream world where, in his mind, he can run a tech business but he owns no IT equipment and almost lives off grid.

This fantasy appears to be the problem as he instructed me to do a series of things which I did and then accused me of doing those exact things!  

So rather than me feeling sorry for him or pitying him, my whole attitude has changed.  It's a matter of survival and he needs to get it off his chest I guess but his actions if they were successful would damage the whole business and his "friends" interest in the business too. If they vote with him at least I will know who is for or against and that will determine what to do after that.  I doubt that any of them and him have the detailed business knowledge to make the decision that is required and have no idea other than my statement to comprehend the magnitude of the problem.

In his blind rage, he has lost the logical argument and he has not undertaken his research.   You should never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake" is a famous aphorism attributed to Napoleon Bonaparte.  There's whole books relating to this and I've used it throughout my career.  On one occasion, a number "team" members were out to make my life hell, the customer however, was very supportive of my work.  So much was piled on me that I had to keep going to the customer and request extra time and money for the project which I submitted in new plans to the "team" at regular meetings.  It was an 18 month project and my 6 months turned out to be close to a year.  Once I had my work signed off by the customer, I casually slipped into the conversation as I was about to handover and leave whether he had granted extensions to the other teams who were responsible to complete the 12 months work (originally).  The customer had granted no extensions, no extra money etc because no one had asked for it.

So there we have it, they made my life hell but can you imagine that they had asked for no more money - they were still paying out for quite large teams (£ Millions) and no extension of time so they had 6 months left to do 1 years worth of work.  It was interesting watching the penny drop on the team and my arsehole boss who had turned the dogs on me.  My part of the project made money, delivered a sound piece of work, commended by the customer and they had taken their eye off the ball.  They didn't look like they were laughing at all.  

I still have my Programme Manager's Mantra from all those years back written by Sir John Harvey Jones: “The only good thing about no planning, is that failure comes as a complete surprise and is not preceded by a period of anguish and fear.”

And so, whilst it has taken me a while to get there.  It's now pretty clear that this is just a sad angry old man who's made a huge miscalculation, now doubling down and digging further into trouble.  He ignored the olive branches and life raft thrown to him by me.  Blinded by rage he probably needs to play this card which he supremely confident of winning, if he gets his friends on his side he will turn up confident of victory as he thinks (incorrectly) that he has the required votes to win.  I can just let things go on for a few minutes, let him have his say, and then watch as his victory and dreams dissolve into dust before his eyes - you need a 51% poll but the number of share votes you have totalled do not 51 share votes do not make 51%  it doesn't work that way. 

Recalling a similar outcome many years ago, my right hand man, when you could say such things to people, having been accused of something and we proved beyond a doubt that it was someone else, the culprit caught red handed as we were investigation with the customer, looked directly at the accusers and stated "Well, do I get a f*****g apology or does someone get a smack in the mouth?"  We actually got a very nice slap up meal!

So the main thing is that if you play the scenarios and try and understand what the motivation is and work out your numbers, then you can enjoy them getting their comeuppance!  

The Moral Dilemma

 The problem I seem to be having is that what's coming up next is going to go down like a fart in a spacesuit.  One of us is going to completely defeated and deflated and they don't seem to realise what's in store for them.  After some pretty vicious attacks threatening all sorts of actions, those actions disappeared and they presented a "gotcha" to remove me from office.  There's no plan to their action, they think that removing someone from office doesn't have consequences and it's totally wrong of course.  There's no logical argument that is correct and there is a naive view that I will hand over control of the business I've built expecting my cooperation and no consideration.

So that's the latest Regicide manoeuvre after me fighting off the first one and totally ignoring the second.  Third time lucky I guess?

But the dilemma is that it never needed to be this way.  It's a vendetta and there's me feeling almost sorry for this chap and worrying about it.  The old days I would have metaphorically stuck the boot in but now, I find that a petty thing to do.  Clearly he deserves it but he is blind with anger and has worked himself into a froth and he cannot get out of it.  I do not know if he's been Worm Tongued into it but it is his final throw of the dice and he thinks he is going to "win" and there are no winners in this there's no win/win and perhaps no lose/lose either.  One of us is going to win and one is going to lose.  He just doesn't realise that I outplayed him around six months ago.  I guessed that there would be one final throw of the dice and rather than picking up my olive branch he's played the final endgame, all in.

I ask myself why, when he's made my life hell does it concern me.  I suppose because it would be a shallow victory indeed and it will end with his defeat when I tried quite hard to get to a win/win and he felt he could not talk about it just pay more and more money to send the letters to me.  I don't know if he is doing this himself or is being advised by someone.  This last gambit is a big risk but I don't think he has worked that out.  It strikes me that no one has discussed this with him in detail or evaluated the risks especially as there is every possibility that the rug will come out from under him but anger and rage and vengeance do that to you I suppose.  

It's not fair, it's not a match of equals and has only one outcome and perhaps it is that that I am concerned about.  When I was in business years ago, you could get your opponent angry and once you'd done that and they started acting irrationally you'd won.

I will probably just play it cold and clinical, I don't need to shout I just need to follow the procedure, follow the script and quietly present the facts.  I am concerned that he will just get angry and become violent, certainly his correspondence is incendiary, threatening and ugly.  I just hope he will be too shocked by the outcome to react.  It's not nice being the harbinger of doom but then again, I have to remind myself this is all self inflicted and only he is to blame for painting himself into a corner.  

Ideology Trumps Common Sense

 The last week should tell you all you need to know about Socialism / Marxism. A government in deep trouble appear to think that you can tax your way out of some of the worst figures you've ever seen.  Huge debt, job vacancies plummeting and house prices falling with sales struggling.

The answer of course is to insult our intelligence, talk incoherent nonsense and tell us how kind you are by trashing their opponents whilst not telling us anything that they've achieved (because they haven't) in the past 14 months and taking a leaf out of Nero's playbook.  The way to combat illegal migration apparently is the well thought through policy of digital ID. Close to 3 million people have petitioned not to do it and their answer?  We are doing it anyway!  So by pushing this ID system it stops the boats?  Ihre Papiere, bitte! 

They throw insults at us, piss on our shoes and tell us it's raining and must be quite deluded because they think they are the good guys, they are doing the right thing.  If they all didn't have that nasty nasally thin squeaky issue affecting them so they can talk down to us as if we work for them I imagine is why they cannot actually smell the Coffee and observe what we see day in day out.

I go back to some of the worst managers I ever had and it was the same back then, so wrapped up in their self importance, they somehow actually thought they were doing the right thing and often said so and yet they had not a clue and stood surveying the total collapse of their part of the business and proclaimed that "it is good!" 

Not one of these people have any idea because they've never really had a job, never really had to speak to people.  Rules for thee but not for me every time.  They preach hate and think it is love  they are the very worst of us.

As I used to say and perhaps I need to start saying it more often "They are the very thing they accuse you of" for it is a mirror on their own thinking (I use that word lightly).  When you point the finger at someone there are always three fingers pointing back at you.  

You kind of hope that it all ends rapidly and we see what was described in Proverbs 16:18, which states, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall"

I Am Sure I Never Used To Be This Highly Strung

 I am quite anxious at the moment.  Dealing with irrational and unstable people used to be OK back in the day but this is another level.  A business matter is OK I guess but this is nasty, personal, ad-hominem attacks and relate to something he "thought" I said.  Rather than let that go it has metastasised into this full blown personal series of attacks and now a removal from the company as director.

Don't throw stones I was taught, keep it business (if it is business) and at least comprehend that there is no plan should he succeed, the company will go to the wall especially as he will not compensate for any work or expense undertaken.  Hence, it's personal.  Added to that he hides behind solicitor's letters.

We always referred to this sort of person as a coward. It's a slightly deranged, vendetta fuelled below the belt nonsense of the very worst kind.  He seeks to remove me which he can only do by now involving his friends, fellow shareholders for without their unanimous vote it cannot become reality.  Indeed if he garners their support in his head he will defeat me and then take my place.  Under the old regime that would indeed work yet he has not been involved for almost a year now so that his eye is blinded to the new structure which will fail his attempt at a coup d'état.  But I get to see the whites of their eyes and that's probably a good thing.

 But, I find it stressful, far more than I ever did in the past and I think because this guy whom I've known for a long time turned from a nice well mannered person to a rude vengeful person in a few days. It's concerning I wonder if he is ill? I am probably more worried about how he will take to losing the vote.  Ideally if just one of his friends having now read the accusations that he has made and then seeing his original letter that kicked all of this off abstains or votes against then he will lose his motion, without me worrying too much.   Here's the thing though, I out vote him and his friends and I am sure that he will kick off when he loses, that sort often do as they have no plan B and they fail to accept that their own actions have consequences.

Years back I used to ruthless in this sort of scenario and it was part of the job to skewer people who acted a bit like this.  They'd get to the end of a meeting to suddenly find that they'd been hoisted by their own petard.  Like in martial arts, you use their own strength against them and only afterwards would they realise that they left with less than they arrived with.

It troubles me that this chap is coming for me in the most vile and disgusting ad hominem way and has finally built himself up to his full height to face me in a meeting and his "empire" will crash and burn before him.  I don't think he has the mental ability to see his arguments lost and suffer defeat and I, feel sorry for him.  I don't like the idea of his inevitable defeat playing on his unhinged mind but as I said above, there are plenty of examples of this sort of behaviour, Hoist by your own petard (Hamlet), those who Live by the sword, die by the sword etc

I am trying not to be vengeful and I am finding it difficult given the awful things he has said about me and the off hand way he wishes to dispose of me from the business (no compensation, surrender of shares for no consideration etc).  So perhaps, just perhaps, I need to reflect on this that I am fighting my own internal emotional battle on his behalf, trying to forgive but it is my ego wants him to take a punishment beating for how evil he has been to me and that's not really the way, my way.  

The struggle is that he's a sad, vengeful, vindictive old man and I am about to deliver a crushing blow to his vexatious behaviour and I have tried to resolve this amicably but he wants "his day in court" well in a meeting where he topples and overthrows the King and picks up the reins himself.  He will probably be extremely upset at the end of the meeting and I care about that.  Maybe I do not need to.  I just need to look after myself and the business and forget about him and his strange behaviour.  It's like those neighbours disputes you see on the news where they've been feuding over how high their hedge is.  

It isn't worth worrying about of course, he's the one being an arse not me.  Whilst this is the last throw of his dice it probably wont be.  I am sure he will keep on sniping from the sidelines.  Good luck to him and to me, I just need to re-read this and re programme my head.

End Of The Month

 So the meeting has gone back to the end of the month.  In some ways that is OK, today I have the release candidate to test and so I hope, if all goes well, we can release it and start to actually turn some money over.  That will be really useful to cover off the bills and to know whether it is viable.  If it isn't, then that's another story of course.

The other matter is of course still ongoing and vexatious.  You can hardly believe how horrible people can be but then I had heard that he can be a bit nasty and now I can see what they mean. I'll be ready for him when he comes for me.

FFS, Of Course It Won't Be Easy

 One of those days - the meeting has gone back three weeks and so the agony is drawn out even more.  Oh well, I can stop concerning myself about it now and see how things transpire I suppose!

Whilst I dislike the stress this is causing me, I will at least have an interesting time when the time comes.  The coup de grâce will be interesting...  I need to have a little more faith in my abilities and not worry so much.  

Countdown

 Not the popular TV show, the countdown to the meeting this Friday to resolve this 1 year long nonsense.  Some people.  You have to try really hard to understand what planet they reside on and why they are completely illogical.  I did some more detailed research yesterday and found out some more intriguing information.  Some of that was procedural and some of it was things that had been bothering me and when you do dig deeper you see a bit more of what has actually happened here.

The interesting part of it all is that some of the language that has been used actually tells a story that what he claims and says is quite different to the reality of the situation.  The actions that were demanded cannot actually be enforced even if the vote were to go against me on Friday.  So what it confirmed to me is that the content was not written by the people who sent it.  My not responding to the last one was an interesting ploy and so here we are, a shareholder meeting and an attempt to oust me as the company's sole Director.  That should be interesting as at least I will find out and understand what I am dealing with.

The trick is to remember that it is a business meeting - he will treat it as a vent and personal vendetta.  I just need to minute his words and publish the minutes.  That could be interesting.  Always record everything and that's what I intend to do.  Always keep records of meetings and decisions so there can be no misunderstanding.  The production of such documents often helps to correct facts oftentimes badly remembered.

What surprises me is he knows my background, has worked with me on a number of documents and also has heard me explain why I do certain things in a certain way.  He is now challenging me on the very things he must realise I have available.  Oh well, there's none so blind as those who will not see as we used to say.

It's Like One Of Those Old B&W Silent Movies

 I thought we'd have a car crash with the current government and we'd just full speed drive into a wall or off a cliff, that sort of thing.  It actually feels like I'm watching a twisted macabre clown show, all psychedelic and almost unbelievable as it all starts to unfold.

Think of Buster Keaton in that famous scene when his car hits a bump in the road and all the bits fall off the car.  Laurel and Hardy too made a similar film scene.  But perhaps the best is the Laurel and Hardy where they and a protagonist destroy each others cars.  Each takes a turn to rip of a mud guard, smash a light until there is next to nothing left.

That's where we are right now.  The whole show is falling apart and there's no coherence to their policies, there's no combined strategy to deal with the threat posed by Reform who live rent free in everyone's head.  The various factions are all pulling in different directions, nothing is getting done because they do not know how to do it and then Mr. Charisma finds another idea whilst he's having his evening bath and shouts Eureka!  I have the answer.  He's done this a lot in 14 months and as there really aren't any adults around to stop him he declares that Digital ID shall stop the boats and solve everything.  

What planet do these supposed politicians inhabit?  Well I have no idea and this morning the Chancellor refuses to rule out VAT increases or perhaps changes might be the right way of saying it.  Already there is a reason that around January to April every year you cannot get tradespeople.  They know that if they earn over a certain amount tha they have to register and apply VAT.  It's not a level playing field at 20% on top.  I was faced with two quotes and one was around 75% less than the other totally due to the VAT and I spoke to the guy who was VAT registered and apologized that I liked his quote but... He knew straight away and that was a bit sad if you think about it.

I am reminded that this sort of thing has been going on all my life that they tinker with something and the laws of unintended consequences comes back to bite them.  Reviewing the latest stuff coming from the Office of National Statistics - not the headline stuff but the actual data, there's a lot more to be worried about.  The unemployment shows some losses but actually, when you dig deeper you find that state public sector job hires are the only thing that is propping this up and of course it's not real it's just spending more and standing still.  Underneath that in Hospitality (who must be taking a huge hit) and manufacturing likewise bashed about we ONLY lost 50,000 jobs last month!  It's a disaster and benefits etc are astronomical.  If a dummy like me can see it, why can't they?

Ideological theorists cannot understand why their Utopian dreams never come to fruition.  This is why.  I feel a mood in the country that isn't going to take all this nonsense much longer, fed up of being lied to all the time, watching the country go down the toilet telling us they have a black hole in their finances whilst spunking the money on weird stuff, stopping exploiting our own resources whilst happily paying more for them from abroad and with our cost of living going up at far more than the published 3.8% - I'd go 6 to 10% at least.  The price of gas has gone down but because they imposed a market cap everyone is paying far more.  Make it make sense?  It never will because all the departments are pulling in opposite directions.

Mention the Laffer curve and you get blank stares back.  There's not one of these people who has started and run a business, been in high office in a business or held a working tool or done a days work in the real world.  They instinctively know they are right when they are way off beam. 

Anyway, get the popcorn in and watch the bits falling off the car.  They see a shiny new car and we see a wreck.  One of us is wearing rose tinted glasses and It isn't me!  

When You Can Only Do

 As much as you can do and do your best.  Due diligence and research, scenario building and review, perhaps looking at "What is the worse thing that can happen?" 

This stuff is screwing me over and it is because I actually feel a little (not much admittedly) sympathy for this bloke.  It's wearing mightily thin but I have to continue to be professional and measured, level headed etc.  Thirty years ago the bloke would have got a bigger surprise as I took no prisoners when I was younger, it was my job and so many would try  but few succeeded in getting one over on me.

I recall that one of our ladies in the office heard me rip into someone and they said something along the lines of "I hope you don't kiss your children with those lips!"  you can probably understand why.

Now?  I don't want all this hassle and turmoil because some one who has thrown all their toys out of their pram decides that it is my fault and I should be the one who should be punished.  It's a pathetic waste of time, money and resources and wont get us any further along the road to resolving his problems whether they be in his head or elsewhere.  

But you can only do so much.  Thirty years ago Id have this resolved in 30 minutes, now, it will take a little longer as I need to prepare and cover many bases.  

Here We Go Again

 I find myself in "No, I  don't want to go [insert place here]" preferring to sit quietly here and attempt to get my head back together after another disturbed fitful sleep.

My mind, for what it is was, many years ago, was easily able to process such stuff but being an INTJ when I'm older is very different.  With all this nonsense going on with the company and shareholder meeting now arranged but requiring a lot of work to cover all eventualities.  I am not young anymore and so, what happens is a worry and doubt creep in and the self assuredness of my youth is no longer there.  I dealt with far far worse things than this, and to be honest, to lose would destroy the business under someone else's control and I could just walk away but the actual thing is, it's ready to launch, you can almost touch it.  My self assurance comes and goes in what, to me, is an illogical and not usual INTJ approach. 

I am meant to be out to see my friend get appointed to a very high position and I just don't want to go.  I don't want to leave the house much and I am aware that this is a problem that I've had for a number of years now.  So I need to apologise to him and I'll miss the meal I've paid for and all that.  There is no upside to this, it needs resolving and whether or not the current problem can be resolved will probably lighten or darken my overall demeanour.  

This time next week it will all be over for good or ill.  I am in a very strong position but when you are dealing with irrational, non linear, angry and non business like people, anything can happen.  Maybe that's what is gnawing away at me?  Who knows and it taking over my mind or more likely me just making excuses not to see the world is not helping in the slightest.  I had a few walks during the week and perhaps I need to take a few more?  I know that I need to do things but for now I also need to finance doing these (these are business things) and secure the business first and then I can secure myself.  If I can "steady the ship" then there's a secure base to work from.  

 

Worth Repeating I Believe

 The PM who appears to lie more each day now think immigration (illegal that is) can be stopped by making people have some for of 'Digital' ID.  

So here's what I want to repeat - the government and the civil service and all the other public servants are called servants for a reason..  They take our money and work for us and not the other way around and how many more times will it take to wake the public up and say that?  They work for you, not vice versa, they are "THE SERVANTS"!!!

It comes to something where the most outlandish things pass for policy, stuff not in any manifesto and how can someone so utterly despised think that this will increase his popularity.  Honestly, on the street, the man is hated second only to the Chancellor.  

After wasting our money on pointless virtue signalling rather than tackling the utter mess they and their predecessors have made they double down and it is now bordering on theft.  A few billion here and a few billion there just flushed down the toilet all the time.

Here's the thing, they don't even care about it, the way out of this crisis is to spend more, borrow more and spend it on wasted proejcts.

They also think that if you write it down or announce it (generally in isolation of other things that clash with it) that it will magically happen.  I wrote a not that I'd be a millionaire by now and do you think I am?  

Utterly pathetic and hopeless and I'm giving them a big up there using those words!

That Was A Rough Night

Old enough to know that if you have 4 double espressos before 9:30 you probably will have a brain with the synapses firing off.  So three hours after I went to bed I finally went to sleep.  Of course, I was thinking about this damn man who is trying to oust me from the company.

By this morning the notices should have arrived and my take down should arrive today or tomorrow too as planned.

Scenario strategies didn't help but there we are, that's what happens.  You should always, always prepare well for these sorts of meetings and have plans for any gotcha moments.  I have a few of my own but whether or not these are necessary only time will tell.

I do not feel sleepy at the moment but imagine I'll drift off for a short while during the day.

AI - Good To Have It At The Moment

 I use AI quite a bit and it is great to test out your ideas.  This meeting coming up for example, the Agenda, the letters themselves the statements and the procedures required and so once I'd got all that done I thought, let's try and see if there are any "gotcha" moments that could arise indeed there are a few.  four in fact but I'd already worked out two of them but it was good to just see what I may have missed.

There's a lot to think about and do and so the next step is for me to now put together the Agenda and a script plus any "points of order" and then produce something for the fil and then run it through AI once again.

It is interesting that a few points of procedure that appeared to be the easiest bits aren't entirely that easy so - we can have fun I'd suggest in trying a few permutations.  

Where Has This Drop In Brain Power Come From?

 The more I see of this current nonsensical situation I find myself wasting my time, stressing and frankly losing sleep about the more I wonder what on earth has happened to people's common sense? Where the hell did it all go and why are stupid people overpopulating the world?

Maybe it's me but this bloke has some perceived grievance and instead of saying so, talking it out, having it out with me etc., he just spends his time firing off sniping messages via his solicitor and when I offer mediation or arbitration he just doubles down.  That's no way to run a Ballroom ( The line originates from a comedy routine by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, known as Derek & Clive.)

So now, here we are more expense, more fannying around to fight this attack which he hasn't really got a chance of winning and it's just pointless and so not worth it but I have to do this by regulation so I have to go through all of the motions and all of the expense (or rather the business does) to circumnavigate this (Acme) road block.  Think of me as the Roadrunner and not the Coyote in this scenario.

But it isn't just him is it?  I think it can be attributed to so many people who do not seem to "get it"  I, as you know, only watch a few things on TV, Only Connect and University Challenge (forgiving them their occasional Climate Change bolloxs of course).  I watch any decent sport that's on there F1 and Rugby and Cricket mainly - the rest I don't watch because of this craziness we now have to suffer.

Examples:

Leading News Story: "The chancellor might...." that's not news that conjecture

"According to scientist"  Oh FFS what crazy prediction made by computer are they coming up with next?  Excel, the solution to and major problem of the scientific world.

Electric cars are selling to Net Zero targets?  The hell they are, just go and look how many brand new (registered as far back as early 2024) are being sold as second hand with 10 miles on the clock.

The there is the "Expert" brought on to the newscast.  Look who that "expert" actually is.  99 times out of 100 it is someone from a pressure group whose point of view is not balanced.  We see this with all sorts of subjects - as you know I think the climate and environmental lobbies are no such thing, they are not doing the job they purport to.  Look beneath the surface look on the charity or companies house sites and you will see what these people really are, it's an illusion.  The charities are eye watering, look at the CEO salaries for starters and the cost of the board then the staffing costs and the expenses and then look at how much actually gets dispersed - you should be shocked.

 I find this constant blitz of word wars tiresome.  Where have all the Statesmen gone?  20 years ago I'd watch political shows (Robin Day) not everyone's cup of tea but the programme.  You would have some senior politicians of many persuasions argue their case and they'd be respectful, factual (yes I know they are politicians) and whilst they may have wanted to interrupt and make a point (as long as it was valid) there would be disagreement but you never heard the sort of stuff you hear from well everyone these days bandying around insults that they don't actually understand the meaning of, not to make a point but to stop a point being made.  "Far Right!" "Far Left!" "Bigot" "Racist" "Denier" what this does seems to boil down to people who do not have the mental capacity to understand what this actually is.  Your opinion doesn't matter, I for one have been called a denier and a stupid remainer and this by people who describe themselves as the "Be kind" Guardian reading class who, in my humble opinion should now better and act better too.  

I can best sum this up by one of notes above my desk years ago "If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail," attributed to psychologist Abraham Maslow.  For this is the problem I face more often than not these days.  Why people who have a problem exercise extremes of view and action rather than taking a short breath and discussing the problem I don't know.  I have no idea how much this man's subsequent actions has cost him but given the level of anger and vitriol, the legal letters and so on, he must have racked up a grand I'd say.  I surely hope it was worth it as a 5 minute phone call and a met up over coffee would probably have been more productive and a lot cheaper.

That's the modern way I suppose?

Morning Calm

 Having now sent out the forms and resolutions before me.  The chap wants regime change and to kick me out of the business to be replaced by him, this morning finds me a little calmer than I thought I would be.  I suppose because I have sent out everything, made my case and if the truth be known, I'm now kind of glad and let's see what happens.

I also think that the work I have done to argue my response should actually make people wonder what is this all about and as long as they are rational human beings, they will see that something is very very wrong, but that's probably giving people too much benefit of the doubt.

The room is booked and paid for, I only need to work on the Agenda and how the maths work in a case like this.  There you have it.  SO feeling a lot better today and calmer which is good as I have been highly stressed and anxious.

Here is the thing though, I don't really need to be stressed as I actually know what the outcome will be and I just have to be professional for 10 minutes whilst the proceedings happen.  If there's a "gotcha" then that is fine too as nobody wins and I get to demand 9 years effort and watch whilst they squirm to unpick the businesses complexities and work out what they actually need to do to pick up the governance.  

Replacing me with someone who hasn't a real clue (which suggests hidden hands behind the throne) could be joyous to watch especially when they have to get the statutory elements sorted.  If I am dismissed I don't think I owe them anything at all until I get compensated and that, in itself should be most interesting.  

Another Walk Up The Lane

To a different postbox so that I can post the second set of documents to the shareholders.  I posted the notice this morning, they'll get that tomorrow and then the post this afternoon wont go until first thing tomorrow so on Friday my counter arguments will be delivered.

It's been a full on two days but now, once this has gone we have to wait until the meeting to have a vote on ousting me as a director of the business.  What jolly fun this has all been and whether or not it is successful relies on what trap has been set.  I imagine his allies when they actually see my response will need to give their heads a tweak when they see the shenanigans that have gone on (if they are not actually part of the plot of course).  Even those who are will wonder what the hell has transpired and let's see if they are moved by my plight?

Either way, it's been an unpleasant few days and in fact almost a year now and who could have guessed it would lead here?  Well me actually which is why I'd background planned for the event and whether or not I am right time will tell.

All I know is that I am stressed out, annoyed, upset and have a serious headache.  I can do no more other than having to Chair the meeting next week and see what the results might be.

Ouch My Head

 No, not drinking, just working really hard to sort this nonsense out.  Why do people do stupid things?  The trouble is it drains me and I don't go into battle like I used to 20 years ago.  This stuff shakes me up and I suppose it shouldn't.

But what a headache I've got, so much stuff I've had to do once again for no apparent reason.

Whatever Next

 A was watching the rugby when a letter arrived and blow me down if it isn't this bloke,once again, demanding all sorts of nonsense but it caught me at the wrong time and upset me more than I thought it should, it is, after all, only business.  I think that's what they said in the Godfather anyway.  

Accompanied by the usual threats if I don't do this or that I've kind of had enough of it and it really did make me shake and I still am the day after though not as badly as yesterday.  It spoiled the afternoon and the evening and night as I stupidly tried to wash it away with beer even though I know that's not the answer or the solution to it all.  I decided to sleep downstairs so as not to disturb P.  Fitful night and once again, this bloke, what on earth is he thinking he is doing?  I imagine it would actually be harassment the way it is panning out.  If the business gets enough money together then I will get something done about it.  For now, it is ugly, annoying and very upsetting.

I think he is being manipulated or he is ill, one of the two.  The trouble is, its silly, the business is worth nothing at all, not a penny has come in in revenue and there he is being the big corporate bully.

So this morning I've grabbed a coffee and sat out in the sunshine and drawn some deep breaths.  I will just take it easy today and then tackle this latest diatribe tomorrow.  I already know what I have to do, you've guessed it, I had a plan in case this happened and so now to execute that and see what comes next.  I really don't need all this nonsense in my life I am meant to be retired and this is something defaulted to me.  I have to do the right thing but he is free to throw metaphorical rocks at me being the one that caused most of the problems in the first place.

Really? A False Hope, Surely?

 A new massive deal between the US and UK and I cannot help feeling that our government haven't got a clue what it means.

AI Data Centres are massive.  Thinking back to when we used to install midi and main frame computers and server farms the power consumption to run hundreds of thousands of processors and servers is enormous and then you need the air conditioning to keep these things cool.  Top that up with UPS sets and generators and as you might imagine these are significant undertakings and so the headline figure for buying and operating these is in the hundreds of billions.

It's great news of course but, and there is always a but, with the highest electricity prices in the world and a lack of infrastructure let alone the right sort of electricity how on earth is this going to succeed?  These centres take the sort of power a town takes to run and they cannot have any intermittency at all so solar - on when the sun shines and windmills on when the wind blows just aren't going to cut it and the supply whilst it could be run through UPS sets needs proper generation back up.  Not only that, you've got to get the power to where these centres are.

Why build something here that will be 4 times more expensive than building it where they could do?  Subsidies maybe?  

The abyss we are rapidly entering and sinking into is, in some ways caused by the total lack of cheap affordable and reliable energy.  It takes far too long to build the nuclear stations because we no longer just go and build them, there's far too much hesitation and regulation.  The lead times on some of the equipment is also lagging way behind.  We are talking 5 or more years for generation equipment and of course, we no longer manufacture that stuff here in the UK.  Give you a guess where you'd get some though but you'll still have to wait! 

Anyway, having been involved in these areas I'd be very surprised if these appear as they cannot be commercially viable at the moment.  Maybe if there is a change in policy and a proper understanding of future needs we might start to get somewhere but no one seems to be aware of the problems we have.  I imagine that some numbskull minister will proclaim that it all going to work on wind and solar but I'd imagine that unicorn farts are his best bet!

Trades Description

 So, inflation is 3.8%, food inflation 5.1% and our bills for fuel have almost doubled in 5 years.  You notice it too.  Add to that the thieving scheming government of the day are robbing the populace and in return for these taxes, the service we get has almost collapsed.  We've got councillors arguing about greenhouse gases rather than doing their job and looking after the people who elected them and asked them to do the stuff we expect of them.  It is outright theft and non delivery of even the basics that we now pay so much for.

45% of our GDP is public sector spending (I include myself here as a pensioner).  In 20 years the NHS has increased by 90% but probably delivers 90% less.  My old mantra about working life "I always thought management were a punishment from God.  A little later on I was horrified to find that they were actually there to help you!"

There was our local county council yesterday and a protest about them stopping the "investment" in green energy, zero emissions and blah blah bloody blah.  The BBC (of course) had the temerity to cover this and they bigged it up and when we saw the protesters outside County Hall you could count them with both hands and with your shoes and socks off.  And then they were squabbling like kids in a playground.  As I am loathed to say to quite a few people "Grow the f**k up!"  The general level of ignorance is abysmal and then they lecture you about CO2 as if they actually know what they are talking about.  They are seriously deluded and I actually think that they are mentally ill and lack the basic ability to do. like I did, go and read up "The Science" that they use as some form of argument.  "It's the Science don't you know" roll it up tight and shove it up your arse you waste of Oxygen! 

These people wanted to add something close to £15M to our bills so they could virtue signal to the world (I guess) how green we are.  It doesn't make the minutest difference at all.  It just wastes money and requires subsidies to make it work so it costs far more than you save.  It isn't commercially viable and being a narcissistic useful idiot wont actually do anything to achieve what you alone and not the vast majority see as a problem.

Wasting our money on stuff that doesn't do what it says it does, wasting our money on schemes that don't work apart from making rich people richer and paying China for the privilege and all of this complete and utter bollocks isn't doing anything except ruining our country and ruining its people, you know the people who actually have to pay for it rather than the, what is it now, 10 million who are on benefits of some kind or another. It's f**cking crazy.  No wonder people are angry.

You are forced to pay for services and for stuff that isn't delivered in any meaningful way, you then f**k up so badly that our economic outlook is horrendous and tail spinning in to recession, you charge more, we have no choice but to cough up and then you p1ss on our shoes and tell us it's raining.

The state of central and local government is woeful.  When you try and do something about it the hair shirted useful idiots make a bloody nuisance of themselves and chant for things that would send them back to the caves if they were to be accepted.  Stop oil they chant wearing tabbards made from oil!  In clothes and shoes made from oil!  Drinking their Soy Lattes from plastic thermal cups made from oil.  

So yes, where did I start.  Trades Description - protecting for the consumer.  If I buy an Appliance that doesn't do what it says it will do, then I can get my money back and there are consumer guarantees to protect me and my fellow citizens.  If you applied that to our cr@p politicians and councillors you'd get all of your money back all of the time as they cannot run a p1ss up in a brewery and are as useful as the proverbial chocolate teapot!  

And breathe Rant Over LOL....

How's Your Head?

 My head is whirring at the moment and computing away like no one's business.  It does that a lot, it's part of me and I am used to it but it can be both a blessing and a curse.

At present my mind is computing any possibility that the guy who abandoned the business and cut off all channels to talk to him and completely withdrew with a series of threats to add good measure might reappear now that things are about to go live.  It's been a year or a half a year if you consider his legal (not legal) letter.  So hold on, you've done what he wanted, demonstrated that is what he said and that is surely that?  Well, I'd like to think so but I am certain that he needs one more throw of the dice.  If you've ever been at a venue where a drunk rightly gets thrown out you can almost bet that he will come back for a second rant as the anger in him rises.  If I see such behaviour I normally find another exit and go, it's not worth being in the firing line if he does come back.  Walk in the opposite direction even if it takes you away from your desired destination.  Spider senses take over and survival trumps leaving a half drunk beer.

So what am I worried about?  Well it's because people are likely to become irrational when they get all angry and resentful and so when I received the legal (not legal) letter I was pretty horrified that it had escalated on his side to be my fault.  It was pretty much a fabrication and a complete distortion of the truth of the matter and was written in such a way as I knew it was not his idea or him behind it.  Some worm-tongue had constructed a vile attack piece on me and it had the desired effect that these letters do and I was pretty upset about the contents.  I dislike being called a liar, or having my professional reputation called into disrepute.

Of course, when you delve deeper and then see the gaping holes in the argument the hypocrisy and double speak plus the inaccuracies it appears, as it was some desperate attempt to make me do something irrational in response.  Luckily having dealt with sh1t like this for years and years and once I calmed down a bit, I was able to respond with a few facts backed up with documentation and whilst I have had a toned down reply I have not felt it worthy of a response, it is beneath contempt and not worthy of me spending time engaging in something that is, as far as I am concerned done and dusted, over, closed and in full compliance with his wishes.

So why now are the grey cells skipping, jumping and firing off?  I think that as the time nears for the business to commence trading, the chances will be that the red mist will once again take over and the little green genie of jealousy will attempt some other action.  So I am computing all of the stuff once again that I have already done and testing my own biases (because we all have them) and making sure I know where I am just in case.

If you know me, you'll recognize this behaviour and some have warned me about it and forced me to stop albeit that was due to me reflecting on the past and frankly beating myself up about stuff that had already happened, that could not be changed and was in the past and no matter what, that cannot affect the now at all.  So I don't do that anymore but occasionally the past haunts me but only for a short while until I put it back in check.  

I may be worrying about nothing but it is always as well to be prepared.  I fully expect the kickback but the argument was lost a year ago and the only issue now is whether we get the drunk bully coming at me or something equally squalid, vile, hateful and wanting to harm me.   

A Bit Of A Relief

 Well, it has taken 8 years but we actually have an approved App to release to the world.  We aren't going to release it just yet as we want to do more testing ourselves and make sure that it is cosmetically what it should be and as tidy as possible.

It is 11 months since the ugliness of my coworker throwing his toys out of the pram and it would be poetic if I were to release it on the very day but symbolic gesture aside, it would only satisfy my inner ego and he'd not know or I imagine care about that.

So here we are and at last something to throw out there and for the world to make a judgement on as to whether to download it in the first place and buy it in the second.  I don't feel anything at all about it.  No huge joy or cheering or anything else.  I have so many false starts with this including all the marketing which looks particularly stupid as it was leading up to last Christmas and the Christmas before that and the one before that.  So I'm neutral and it will be what it will be.

It's only half of the story though as we commissioned two versions (Apple and Android) and only the Apple is ready.  I very much doubt that the Android will be anytime soon, this time last year when it should have been delivered the developer slipped it 9 months a week before delivery after having been paid extra to get it completed.  Time will tell whether that ever comes about.

For now, we are a little closer to the goal of getting it out there into the wild.  It does need to pay for itself and reasonably rapidly, or of course, it can just fall on its arse and that will be an end to it.

It's Probably Just Me Then?

 Someone just posted a photo stating that a wind turbine in Norway had its blades pained black and it reduced bird deaths by 70%.  It sort of beggars the question why we have things that kill birds (and bats and especially Avian predators) in such high numbers in the first place but progress is progress as we are only killing 30% of those birds now!!  Isn't 30% still too high and as I always say 30% of what?  It's hundreds and hundreds, the blades look innocuous enough but the speed they actually travel is far higher than you'd think.  So I asked Gemini.  It gave this response:

"For large, utility-scale turbines, the tips of the blades can reach speeds of 180 to 200 mph (290 to 320 km/h).

Some of the largest offshore turbines, designed for very high wind speeds, can reach speeds of over 250 mph (400 km/h).

For smaller, domestic wind turbines, the tips travel at a much lower speed, typically around 75 to 100 mph (120 to 160 km/h).

To put that into perspective, the tip of a large wind turbine blade can move faster than many high-speed trains."

Whilst I am on the subject I find the whole language of journalists problematic.  So two words they use are "Unprecedented" (nothing to do with Donald Trump) and "Exponential"

Again, trusty AI states:

Unprecedented means something that has never happened or existed before.

The word literally breaks down to "un-" (not) and "precedent" (a previous example or model), so it describes a situation, event, or action that is entirely new.

The term is often used to describe things that are shocking, significant, or on a scale never seen before, such as:

Unprecedented levels of rainfall

An unprecedented global health crisis

The company saw unprecedented growth in sales.

So now just think about that in terms of the first example because that is where I read it.  Yet, there was nothing unprecedented about it at all.  It had happened in the same area some fifty years prior and some seventy odd years before it as well so it was perhaps once in a generation event but not unprecedented at all.  

Then there is this:

Exponential describes a process of growth where the rate of increase is proportional to the current amount. In simple terms, it means something is increasing at a rapidly accelerating pace. Think of it this way:

Linear Growth: This is a steady, straight-line increase. If you earn an extra $10 a day, that's linear. You're always adding the same amount.

Exponential Growth: This is a doubling or tripling effect. If something doubles every day, it starts small but quickly becomes massive.

A classic example is a single grain of rice on the first square of a chessboard, with the number of grains doubling on each successive square. You start with 1, then 2, 4, 8, 16, and so on. By the 64th square, the number of grains is larger than what the world could ever produce.

So, when someone says they've seen exponential growth, it means the numbers aren't just getting bigger; the rate at which they're getting bigger is also increasing dramatically.

So now go and look at the news and where they describe something as exponential they generally mean fast not linear and yet describing inflation as exponential when it has gone up a lot or population increases isn't really accurate - perhaps for Locusts breeding out of control they'd probably be exponential but it is a lazy term and is used out of context.

I think that is it really, a lazy catch all phrase overused and abused as it doesn't mean what they use it for.

Watch out for those weasel words and those strange benefit claims which now reduce deaths by 70% when really we shouldn't be advocating machinery that causes any deaths! 

Tinnitus Is Back

 I thought I'd gotten rid of this high pitched screeching in my ears and I have not been troubled with it for months but this morning it is back with a vengeance plus the heart beat thumping with it too.  I cannot think of a reason why that might be but perhaps it is the change in the weather - it feels cold and I've had to add a layer (not too cold to put the heating on yet).

Maybe some other reason whirring around in my body or brain?  Who knows?  It is distracting and quite noticeable as it hasn't been there for quite some time.  I will have to work out how to ignore and block it all over again.

Dawning Day's Promise

 After the rain and wind, today dawns bright, sunny, a little breezy and I progress a little more.

Tuesday's routine a cooked breakfast to start and then on with some more work om the App and who knows, it has been resubmitted, we may get a little further and gain a few more ticks in the box towards release.  Once that happens I expect that I will be pretty much full time on selling and marketing (plus any other things that are bound to be thrown up).

I see that as the diversion I probably need and it will be good to get there after 9 years graft and all the brickbats that have been thrown at me. 

Once that is under some sort of control and I have a view on how it is going, then I can work out what I am going to do as the uncertainty of the last few years will be partly (not entirely) gone.  

It feels good this morning and I will leave that here and go and make some breakfast.  

Is It Possible That

 The parasite class are beginning to lose their hold on the sleep walking masses?  I say this as over the weekend there was a massive assembling in London and, as many know you get the odd divot who wants a punch up and indeed 25 were arrested for being Muppets and causing agro.  Rightly so, it was a peaceful protest but if you listened to our parasite overlords they condemned it and the use of the flag whilst commenting that it was (add description here) that these thugs and right wing hooligans took to the streets in support of, let's see shall we?  Well making this country great again and all that good stuff.

The MSM were over the arrests like a rash and yet with upwards of 150,000 in attendance and some say 3 times that amount the BBC could manage "thousands" and many did not show the aerial shots showing a huge throng.  Anyhow, back to the parasites and their reporting.  The furore about 25 arrests is interesting to me as when you look back at the weekend before there were, well.... 890 arrests and at the Notting Hill Carnival billed as a great day out and one of the UK's finest carnival celebrations there were.... 528 arrests, 18 sexual assaults and 46 weapons among those arrested.

The PM also was worried about seizing the flag for some such blah blah.  I don't listen to him anymore, he's toast and we all know what he stands for, yes, nothing at all by the looks of it.

So here we are once again and the chattering metropolitan elite must surely be starting to be rattled by this rising of the hoi polloi. You can hear it in their shrill responses and they condemn and disparage rather than learning the real lessons and addressing those.  They cannot of course, so suckered in to their ideology are they that common sense, management, direction and the like are foreign words to them.  The MSM are reporting these things in such an obviously skewed way and it is, well to me at least, blindingly obvious that there is no balance and that agendas are at play.  The BBC is unwatchable and you have to dodge through the woke crap - so I find that mute the build up and analysis to say the Rugby or Cricket and just go for the commentary if you need to.  It's awful.

The news too is misleading and skewed and am I the only one who paid attention during maths lessons?  The statistics don't add up, the numbers make no sense and just do the sums yourself please.  Then do what I do and avoid the MSM like the plague! 

It was interesting to listen to Allister Heath (Telegraph) explaining the dire financial state we are in and the lack of action that will bring about financial woes similar to 1976.  The rush to bankruptcy is entirely visible and the trouble is the pain we feel today is nothing like the agony we will be feeling when we have to balance the books.  45% of GDP is spent on the state.  I am now one of that 45% as my state pension is in that figure of course.  It is unsustainable and they think that more tax and spend is sustainable.  The debt service costs are eye watering in the tens of billions just to pay off the interest and those interest rates go up as our debt increases.  £3.2 Trillion as I write.  See here National Debt Clock   That amounts to £ 51.693 Debt per citizen and £ 88.913 Debt per taxpayer.

So I called these parasites and here is a general definition: "A parasite is an organism that lives in or on another organism, known as the host, and benefits by deriving nutrients at the host's expense. In return for these resources, the parasite harms the host, though it generally doesn't kill it immediately, instead relying on it for survival and to spread to new hosts."

Sounds so familiar. These ruling classes have fed at the trough for most of their working lives.  They live off of our taxes and are actually meant to serve us but they just rob us blind and waste our money and when they've p1ssed it up the wall they come back to us for more.  They think not a jot for us and treat us as stupid and a cash cow riding rough shod over our wishes.   Perhaps it is time for a massive shock incoming.  Given the dire financial position and the headlong rush to waste our money, I'm looking at you Mad Ed Millipede, spending £32 Bn to put CO2 into the ground with technology that isn't available yet and cutting off our ability to use our own gas and oil (and coal too if needed).  The CO2 thing is hilarious as in a year if the tech works we'd be able to put into the ground about one days worth of CO2.  

We are being governed by lightweight politicians with no real world view and certainly no idea how to run and economy or spend money wisely.  Added they tax the very people who pay them and treat them like sh1t it can only end badly (Ohh I sounded like the Donald there).  

Still the train crashes in slow motion and no one can see it from the government, but we are beginning to see through it all now.

The Art Of Retirement

 Especially when you still have this business that I have ended up running here too.

I've been trying to work on this as I have been retired for two years now but I have also somehow ended up running a business when I thought it would have been up running and sold off by now.  Oh well, here we are I guess.  It's almost there (well half way there) and it's only been 8 or is it 9 years now?!!

That aside, there's been a really bad time for me in terms of settling into not doing things.  The structure of years of habit forming activity means that I still mainly, get up, come into the office and clear the backlog of emails and actions I need to do for an hour or two then go and grab a coffee and on Mondays and Tuesdays, have a hearty breakfast but the rest of the week, these days, I do not eat until around 1 pm a little later if I can so I have just two meals a day.

So perhaps, there is a routine I can play around with but I also have to revolve around P too.  

The current down has also stopped me being Mr. Maintenance and most of that is bloody mindedness rather than apathy although, to be fair, that is also part of the trouble too.  I can see that this isn't a good place to be but sometimes that's the way my mind works when it is riding the black dog and knowing that it isn't the right thing to do is quite different from stopping yourself doing it or changing course.  This not sully self-destructive behaviour is difficult to shake off and difficult to burst through especially when the problem isn't entirely  resting with you.

I watched a YouTube video last night on a chap who had retired and worked his way through this and past all the dreamy half romantic adverts of what retirement looks like.  Yes it isn't every day is a holiday on a Cruise Ship or silver sanded tropical island.  I have to say that I found Mauritius, when we did the trip, not entirely up to the expectations built up of how it would be.  Don't get me wrong, it was nice but it wasn't all you would expect it to be either.

This chap just made use of his time and did things he wanted to do and just enjoyed doing them.  Walks almost every day, Gym trips, Padel (I think it is called) and other things that were habit forming in a different way and so he had time for a coffee (if he was at home) with no phone, no PC, no book even, just time for the coffee and enjoying that.  It was an interesting take on things and worth a look for me especially.  

I tend to work at least 3 or 4 hours every day on the business, it will be a 24 x 7 x 365 operation and whilst I hope that it will not need too much looking after, I need to keep up with it and so, in a way I am training myself to do that.  I have to be careful, once it is launched, not to be running it full time but we will come to that when it is launched (not long now for half of it anyway).

I suppose things will settle down over time and a pattern will emerge, one that I can work alongside rather than full-time on.  I do fancy doing some walks, we are blessed with footpaths here though they can be muddy in places.  I fancy the walk from here to a local hostelry and a nice local beer and then a nice meander home.  It's hard surface on the route I am thinking of and a nice reward at the middle of the walk!  

At least I can see that there is something that I can change to loosen myself from this current situation.  

Time For Rugby And Cricket

 It's the Women;s World Cup Rugby quarter finals and the game has come on in leaps and bounds over the years.  It is fast and entertaining.  Then there's the Cricket and the T20 last night (on the radio) was amazing and watching the highlights it was some game.  There's more Cricket on today too but it is clashing and I cannot listen / watch both at the same time - I do not have the mental acuity to do that.

And, I'm retired so I don't need to do anything else, although I am struggling to put together a cardboard model that my grandson has requested I make him.  It would be round too to make it easier for me.  And where's the craft glue gun?  I have no idea, it isn't where it was left before so I need to wait for assistance to arrive. 

So, time to go and get comfortable now and watch the rugby.  I am in a better place this weekend than I was last and generally feeling lighter and less dark cloud than I have been.  

Losing Power With Aging

 Physically I forget my age (I'm 68 now) and I think I'm 40!  I can happily go and do something not thinking about my age and the next day I am suffering aches and pains and muttering to myself "You silly bugger, you've done it again!" 

Mentally though too the odd word doesn't appear yet you thought it a moment ago and whilst I have never been good at names, sometimes I can see their faces but cannot recall their names.  

So it was about six months ago now I met someone who I haven't seen for a while who was a great speaker and raconteur and witty and filled a room, he's a big chap with a big personality and presence or, rather, he was.  I noticed that he wasn't as steady in his voice or his mannerisms and tripped over the odd word and just appeared slightly less self assured than he has been in the past.  Funnily enough, he said to me that he was "slowing down" and it was quite noticeable indeed.  The old  glint and mischief was still there but his light had faded a little.

I suppose that is true too of me, I am no longer the centre of the room and I suppose I have no need to be as I am no longer in those industries and I have no staff or customers to please so maybe that's what I am noticing.  I used to have a false mask on of course.  No INTJ would be seen dead being the centre of attention unless they had to be and in my day to day job, I had to.

I do find my self belief and self belief challenged now.  Did I "Do the right thing?" and have I got this or that right and generally I do but there's not the conviction there once was, there's a hesitation and self doubt creeps in.  The nonsense with the business is proof in point as I took ages to do what I would in the good old days have done by return in one draft.  I took a full couple of weeks I suppose and even then remained unsure I had done the right thing.

I wonder if we become more cautious as we age, I know I shy away from conflict more now - I mean there's still things that need to be resolved and argued through but it's more the sh1t stuff involved in the business that you just don't need, that's arguing for arguing's sake if you know what I mean.  It drains me but the younger me would have relished the fight and gone in guns blazing but now, not so much.

I'm still a big guy and I imagine that helped intimidate others back in the day but I don't have the wit nor the physical stamina to do that sort of thing these days.  It looks as if you just fade away with this stuff.  

Do You See It Yet? Let's Pull Back The Curtain

 Events are beginning to unravel the deceit and the lies told around the world and maybe, just maybe, the veil is dropping from people's misty eyes and some of the ugly world damage can be seen for what it is.

I've always liked this scene from The Wizard Of Oz.  I imagine you can understand why?

Toto pulls back the curtain and the truth is there to see for us all.  Such is the events of the last few weeks I'd say.  The awful slaying of two quite different people in the US, firstly Ukrainian refugee Iryna Zarutska slaughtered on a Train in Charlotte NC and then the assassination of Charlie Kirk serves to highlight some of the problems we are facing.  Why?  because the keyboard warriors believed they both kind of deserved it!!

Yes, people thought it was OK.  From the passengers on the train to the media classes.  What the hell is wrong with people?  It's gone too far when you actually believe this, surely no one deserves to die for no reason like that and on the eve of 9/11 too, what were you thinking?

Then there's our slip into totalitarianism.  If you are not allowed to criticize or challenge your (elected mind you) representatives then you are heading into the abyss and that's dark and it needs to stop.  The trouble is we can (those of us who are awake) see it and they cannot.  Cognitive Dissonance or blind stupidity.  We have a wishy washy PM who two weeks running has said he had full confidence in quite senior people who next day after he'd said it were both relieved of their duties.  The guy causing huge damage to our energy infrastructure refused to leave his post and the PM did........ yes, noting about that.  I'd have sacked him for not following my orders but then people who worked with me knew that LOL!

The economy is now in the toilet and our prospects are based on people who think you can borrow your way out of debt!  Good luck with that.

I do hope the people who wish ill on the living and the dead will be rightly exposed for what they are and receive the punishment (if that's not too strong or emotive a word) they deserve.  In what civilized society is it acceptable to wish death on someone or rejoice in the political assassination of someone because they don't hold the same views as you?  This should be a turning point in society.  The cynic in me says that we will have the candles and the tweets and the headlines, we will have "Lessons will be learned" and in a month's time we will be back here.  I really hope not, I hope the groundswell sorts it out.

I hear the phrase "did not die in vain" and yet looking at the way we behave I think our veterans and those who went before may well have done so.  

Slagged The Butcher Off and it's Still Early

 Quality of service is a big thing with me.  Customer service goes a huge way to customer satisfaction and for the umpteenth time they failed to deliver yesterday so I was on the system to them and the lady I usually deal with came back quickly and suggested unexpected circumstances prevented delivery.  Then they asked "How did we do?"  

I need no second invitation as those who know me are fully aware.  So I gave them (nicely) both barrels explaining that this wasn't the first time and that they regularly fail to deliver or don't deliver everything I wanted and here's the thing.  If they had proactively said - sorry there's been something unexpected then I'd be OK with that, we all f**k up and it's how you deal with it that's important.

I was writing elsewhere about how I used to tackle these sorts of problems.  I'd quickly evaluate what was about to or had happened and go see the customer straight away with an apology and a plan on how it was going to be dealt with.  This would mean upping the number of times I'd call them and keep them informed.  I'd get agreement,. follow up with the plan and execute the plan.  But so many people would lie or try and hide the truth and that becomes cumbersome, unwieldy and difficult to maintain.  99% of the time the customer would find out anyway.  They used to say I was fearless and didn't I mind being shouted at?  Well not really, don't put it off, you rarely get shouted at but you need to approach the customer in a way that yelling at me isn't going to get this fixed.

I will check in a minute that it is actually coming, I haven't seen a dispatch note so I am not convinced.   

Yes, That's Better As Well

 Surprising how quickly things turn around but I suppose I've had this most of my life and so I can flip flop between states much to my amazement.

Another good day as I am doing small tasks and achieving them  they don't need to be massive and so getting rid of stuff on my desk and shredding a lot of paperwork has made things look and feel better.  The App has entered advanced testing now and that also has made things better.

Of course, things have been sent to try my patience and once again, my delivery from the butcher has not arrived and no one has advised me, picked up the phone, dropped me an email etc so I am having to do the chasing.  Tiresome.  I like the produce but the customer service can some times be missing.  

It was interesting that P thought today was miserable.  It's raining for sure but is rain actually miserable?  I suppose it limits your ability to get out but I'm not sure that I'd call it miserable, it's weather and we need the rain.

What is miserable is watching the country implode financially and morally, that's miserable and shocking at the same time and these people have no idea at all what damage they are blindly inflicting on their fellow citizens.  It's crazy but as I have stated before, I can do little about it other than watch the car crash and hope that the lights don't go out too often and that somehow we will pull through it all.  It's not just the UK either.  Oh well,  it will be what it will be I suppose.  

So there you have it, a better few days, not so much inward loathing, not too much Black Dog and let us hope that continues as I feel a lot better like this than I have done for some weeks / months now.  

A Better Day

 What did I do that was different? Not a lot but I did write down some business related stuff that was on my mind and that allowed me to do a bit more thinking about the situation and then make a decision and clear my mind about that decision.

There are some important steps needed and things that I must do but in some ways, was unwilling to face.  It's to do with changing direction and in doing so, it affects a number of people but the bottom line is that only I know it will affect them and they will never know as, in reality, nothing changes circumstantially for them at all.  I know that doesn't make sense reading it like that but I now am happy that I am doing the right thing for everyone.

I felt much better, lighter if you will and it is progress, not a lot but enough.

So there we are, a little progress goes a long way, a decision I needed to make has been reviewed and is now settled and the course of action is clear. If only everything else was as clear.

FAFO In Action

 FAFO is a slang acronym for "F*** Around, Find Out," meaning actions have consequences and one will discover the negative results of their behaviour. 

I just noticed that Mallorca are finding out what it means when they tell the British Tourists that they don't want them what it actually does to their trade.  They are hoping September will restore something back to their local economy.  Then Spain itself was also unwelcoming and 1 million airline seats are going away as people like Ryan Air decide it isn't worth flying there.  

It is the same in a number of these episodes n'est pas?  The Jaguar cars re brand.  The Bud Light advert and so on.  Read the room, smell the coffee or whatever they say these days.  You see ideologically driven adverts or policies inflicted on people without any analysis what those policies would do or worse still that they do know what they will do.    

I just watched a short video about the job situation in London where there are four days of strikes happening and again, has no body read the room?  Disrupting passengers for four days and beating up an already fed up working population.  They got a mega pay rise last year but now the trough is open they've joined all sorts demanding above inflation pay, shorter working weeks and so on.  And they don't see it, they don't feel the vibe.  I recall seeing people hastening their own demise way back in the 70s when I first started work.  My own trades union would strike and as an Apprentice it was OK as we went to the training centre to do some work but when I got on site I was sick to death of it and losing money so I cut up my card and sent it to the top man explaining that I didn't get more money that I actually got less as I wasn't working. 

There's lots of rumbling going on at the moment too.  I cannot recall a PM being made a chant at an England Football match before nor such words used for someone who is the top man and leads the country (YES I know he is pathetic and not really but you know, he's the de facto leader).  The lot of them look pathetic and woefully inadequate to do their job let alone lead anything.  It's pretty awful the lack of calibre these people have, they lack in every discernible way.  My old phrase "His men would follow him anywhere but only out of curiosity!" 

The other phrases were "A village somewhere is missing its idiot" "Like a six pack but without the plastic thing that holds them together" "A sandwich short of a picnic" and I could go on but that's why I am unemployable these days, I used to come out with this stuff all of the time, you could call someone stupid, idiot, imbecile and so on back in the day and it was an accurate reflection of their competence levels.  Today you have to tell them they are marvellous and it was a great team effort more so when they've just lost you a few million pounds!  

Anyway it always makes me smile when there people get found out and FAFO and the look of shock and surprise on their face and in what they say and the rest of us all look on and wonder why we alone could see it coming and they, allegedly the cream of the political or business world, run full speed into a wall that they did not realise was there?  

And This Sums It Up

 This is what it looks and feels like at the moment.