Here We Go Again

 I find myself in "No, I  don't want to go [insert place here]" preferring to sit quietly here and attempt to get my head back together after another disturbed fitful sleep.

My mind, for what it is was, many years ago, was easily able to process such stuff but being an INTJ when I'm older is very different.  With all this nonsense going on with the company and shareholder meeting now arranged but requiring a lot of work to cover all eventualities.  I am not young anymore and so, what happens is a worry and doubt creep in and the self assuredness of my youth is no longer there.  I dealt with far far worse things than this, and to be honest, to lose would destroy the business under someone else's control and I could just walk away but the actual thing is, it's ready to launch, you can almost touch it.  My self assurance comes and goes in what, to me, is an illogical and not usual INTJ approach. 

I am meant to be out to see my friend get appointed to a very high position and I just don't want to go.  I don't want to leave the house much and I am aware that this is a problem that I've had for a number of years now.  So I need to apologise to him and I'll miss the meal I've paid for and all that.  There is no upside to this, it needs resolving and whether or not the current problem can be resolved will probably lighten or darken my overall demeanour.  

This time next week it will all be over for good or ill.  I am in a very strong position but when you are dealing with irrational, non linear, angry and non business like people, anything can happen.  Maybe that's what is gnawing away at me?  Who knows and it taking over my mind or more likely me just making excuses not to see the world is not helping in the slightest.  I had a few walks during the week and perhaps I need to take a few more?  I know that I need to do things but for now I also need to finance doing these (these are business things) and secure the business first and then I can secure myself.  If I can "steady the ship" then there's a secure base to work from.