It's A Very Strange Time I Am Living Through At The Moment

 I am in one of my "down" times at the moment.  Things aren't going well but I am healthy and actually feel physically fit.  I am a bit immobilized and procrastination has entered the building so to speak.  I am not getting on and doing things that I should which are therefore piling up and I am staying indoors too often which is a problem for me as I am happy doing that.

I just cannot get going other than doing my mundane stuff ready for the business which is still in limbo, in touching distance but in limbo nonetheless.  It will soon be a year on from when the business partner threw his toys out of the pram, the developer failed to deliver yet again and I had to make some serious decisions about the way forward.  I thing that perhaps the second option would have been preferable, in hindsight, of just shutting it all down given the evil letter I received some 6 to 7 months after the event.  I do think that and other similar things have destroyed my faith in people.  There are very few good guys left and that in itself is worrying.  You can trust no one and lies and disinformation are everywhere around.

I had to remind myself this morning that in reality the things are all "IN YOUR HEAD!" and not real.  Some stuff is external pressure for sure but only if you let it get to you which it has.  It's just another phase of my life I am going through and I know how to handle it but don't have the wherewithal to actually take the action I know I need to do to get out of it.  I should, in all honesty, walk away from it and start again, I've done it before but as they say "It's complicated" and so it is.

It's the point in time where you just have to accept that it is what it is and you have no power to change the circumstances you find yourself in.  The answer(s) are available but not practical and timeliness is also a thing.  In some ways I need to see what the business does before making a key decision.

Trying to haul myself back to the present is proving a little difficult and so I've abandoned the biography and bladder cancer book for now - they were both not actually doing anything for me as I was picking at the scabs of my past life and whilst some of it is hilarious, the other side is not really, it drags up the past and apportions blame (generally on myself) and so I'll give that a rest for now.

I need to break the monotony of sitting here and preparing for the business launch which I have been doing for a few years now, please God, this is the real thing this time!  It needs to be and it would be great if it was just moderately successful.