Generally I can pretty much sleep through the night unless there's stuff on my mind and last night was pretty bad - awake after 2 I went back to sleep - not sure what woke me up but P was stirring too. Around 4:30 though I was suddenly awake and the room was closing in on me. This has happened throughout my life to various intensities. Last night was about a 6 on the scale. I got up and got dressed and came downstairs.
A six means that it was above normal and required getting out of the situation. So I came downstairs, had a large drink of water and then switched the cameras off and went outside for some fresh air. I'd forgotten about the big PIR floodlight which came on but hey ho. About 5 minutes was enough. You could hear all sorts of wildlife making early morning noises.
I came back in and then sat in my chair and fought the demons and fell asleep. There are lots of dreams flying about and I can only recollect tiny fragments of them. They aren't particularly dark as far as I can tell and they aren't the terrors and worries of say 18 or 19 years ago.
It's strange to be getting these quite so often but I am not particularly good at the moment, a bit Black Dog and up and down many times a day. I need to work my way through it and if I was honest with myself, I deep down inside know what the answer is and what I must do. It's just difficult and history repeating itself but this time, my options are quite limited.
Oh well, it's morning, the sun is shining so hopefully I'll feel a lot better about things later on?
No comments:
Post a Comment