That Dread Feeling

 Do you get that dread feeling in the pit of your stomach sometimes?  Well, it is happening to me right now.  The PC looks as if the PC guru might have fixed it but the server still looks as dead as a Dodo.  I thought I'd covered eventualities but probably not and that's annoying that I hadn't made a double double back up although, of course, I had made some back ups but you then find you never made enough back ups LOL.

I find that things that happen are almost "personal" affronts to me.  I know they are not but the gates have started playing up again and were fine a day ago!  The PC and Server broke.  The Hot Water Cylinder needs a new installation and so on.  I just felt that these things were all happening at once and for some strange reason, I should have been able to mitigate them.  Of course you can't mitigate any of them.  You can over engineer things and over think things (my particular Achilles Heel) to a point where everything affronts you and causes you pain etc.

Of course I know better than that, of course I do.  The trouble is that your head then plays a sort of chess game between ego and rational and various other areas of your mind and you have to stop it.  It takes a while, you have to realise what it is that is going on and then switch it off. 

It's been a list of things really.  The Inventor blowing up, burning his bridges and leaving the business, the developer suddenly adding a further 9 month delay to an already 6 year delayed product. The gates not working, Microwave blowing up, PC stopped working, Server stopped working, car needing a new tyre (but thankfully nothing else) and on and on it goes.

I think also there's the back of my mind what is it going to cost part too.  It's not cheap at all.  The repair to my PC is around half of what I paid for it but of course that was 10+ years ago so in real terms it isn't too bad.  The Microwave should cost around £12 to repair - I was an electrician so I can repair things like this together with fault finding so that's OK too.  You can get parts shipped over from China in a week or two and at reasonable prices.  The Magnetron is £12 shipped.  How on earth they can make them at this price and ship to the UK is beyond me.  But that's what they do and you can see the mark up from UK based suppliers.  I don't think anywhere else makes these things these days.

Watching programmes about China it is impressive how they have taken over almost the whole world in terms of manufacturing, there are a few things they don't do but they are catching up and they lead in some areas way ahead of us.

Our "people" just don't seem to get it at all, we are destroying our manufacturing capabilities by hiking energy prices and also refusing to produce our own raw materials relying on imports.  Don't get me started on it really as it is a whole new conversation to be had around economics and global dominance of markets.  China doesn't actually need our markets in the West if we make it difficult for them to trade.  Just look at the rest of the world and the population spreads.  Our 67 million people aren't exactly a huge market place especially if we restrict and lump on tariffs it's easier for them to sell to countries who don't do this.  Anyway, another discussion for another day.  Let's get my PC back and working then try and do CPR on my server (hitting it with a defibrillator would really kill it though LOL).  Please send luck and good vibes for the patient!

Inconvenient

Yes, it is inconvenient and I am now on my backup of backup old laptop which sort of works but trying to update it to the latest incarnation of Linux has proved fruitless it just won't do it!  Oh well, it's something I guess and here we are.

My password machine is part on the server and part on the PC which is a pain in the arse once again - it is secure but not when both parts of the equation break down simultaneously.  Stuff like addresses and important dates are also shared across the two areas.  

It makes you wonder how we operated without all of this "good" IT stuff before.  

I'm just going to have to make the best of it at the moment and work my way through recovering (it that is possible) all my stuff.  I think I can get all the files recovered but it is just such a pain having to do it.  Once they are recovered I have to re-build the IT system and take out any possibility of a double failure like this

In other news, I have found the fault in the Microwave and the new Magnetron is on its way to me.  Hopefully, that will give me a chance to repair and clean it ready for Christmas.  It's very useful although I do have another Microwave as well, this one is quite a lot more convenient.

My hearing aids are great but need adjusting down a bit as they make everything so very loud, like they are supposed to.  There are a couple of settings for outside, inside, and general that I need to get used to.  

The boiler has been serviced and now we await the quote to replace the megaflow and associated pipework.  Just another bill to be paid but with any luck this should set up for 25 years as long as it is regularly maintained which the previous one wasn't. 

FIngers crossed that we get all this stuff fixed ASAP.  

Oh Bugger it!

 Bugger it indeed.  We had a power cut on Saturday.  A big storm rolled in and took out the power lines. It happens every now and again.  I'm pretty careful with my it and data.  the pc is backed by a RAID 6 server and I have some mirroring in the cloud.  If my PC died I have a backup.  however, not only did that happen but also my Server with all its protection and battery system didn't do its job and is now refusing to restart!

The PC is in for repair I just hope that it is the PSU that has gone.  If so, then I can possibly get the server back online.  If the PC is toast  then I need to get more creative.  It's annoying as I was just waiting for the Black Friday event to get a new server and to set up mirroring on site and off site!

Typical for your IT system to do this.  Oh well, we live and we learn  

Stop Telling Me What To Do

 The creep of the State in this country is ominous.  This socialist ideologue driven government seem to want to Nanny us in everything we do.  The latest under 16 use of social media for example.  Why aren't parents allowed to look after their own children as I did with mine.  They soon found out that various websites weren't working and that I shut down access to the internet for them at bedtime.  What a terrible father I was!  It is easy to do if you have a router.  There were some sharing sites that may have been what everyone was doing back then but I am sure were not legally doing so, so I explained what I was doing and why, what copyright was/is and that those sites wouldn't be available.  If nothing else, it stopped virus and Trojan attacks too.

The  state don't actually work FOR us at all, in fact we, the very people who give them the power are meant to be their masters but it doesn't happen.  It hasn't happened for years and so the only thing you can do is ignore them, get around anything that they do and build resistance.  Live despite them.  When I used to be employed my directors and managers had rules imposed because there needed to be rules of course but some were plainly stupid and wrong.   So what you did was use them when they were to your advantage and get around them when it was likely to affect business or the customer.  You used your common sense and if someone said "You broke the rules" you could always point out that the customer was happy :-)

Using the rules works well when it is a stupid rule.  One of my businesses decided, in its infinite wisdom, to change the reporting system from one that took me a few minutes a day to one that took a whole day.  The level of granularity (it must have been an accountant) went to 15 minute slots and these were also entered using a work code that was broken down to a number of extra levels.  This was to analyse what we were working on and how much GA (General Admin) time we were claiming.  I used to claim around 1 hour a week as I had to do a time-sheet and expenses claim to bill the customer.  I did that on a Friday afternoon evening and so on Monday morning the boss and the admin person would have these to bill the customer.

I remember being horrified that instead of a single sheet for each element we then had a combined system that we had to complete online.  That system rather than being local was located abroad on a server.  Better than that, it was loaded with the company's rules (expenses Vs grade levels etc). If you strayed outside of one of the rules it would red flag your submission and you had to write why the rule was broken - even if it was know that my customer asked specifically for these rules to be broken and was willing to pay for them.

 I dropped a not to my boss stating that the customer wouldn't pay for me to fill in this new form and so I would do it on a Friday afternoon and so we would lose half a day's fees.  He wasn't happy but I suggested he explain it to the customer why he should be made to pay for something that he didn't normally pay for and to explain  to me why I should spend my time doing this sheet outside of the hours he paid me for? He had no stomach for a fight and my manager never went to see customers, they didn't really do that!  

So the first Friday report I did took me way more than four hours and I decided to not fill it in properly and sent it in half complete with an email saying how long it had taken me and that it needs fixing, I also attached the old sheet which had taken me 20 or 30 minutes and suggested they get an admin to do this as I was an expensive asset.

The next week I took the whole day off and started doing this sheet, it needed the activity, activity code and sub code etc.  As it was on a server in another country it took forever to get the code and populate the sheet.  As a stickler for the rules I made sure that every 15 minute increment was slightly different in activity code for the job.  The whole of Friday was of course now time spent filling in this form and so my general admin went from 1 hour a week to 7 and a half hours.  Better than that I was posting my expenses in and my customer used to book me in to stay at a very nice Hotel in Brussels and also I used to enjoy first class travel on the Eurostar to get there and back too.  This had been agreed and so I paid, the company reimbursed me and the customer paid plus the admin fee on top.  The Hotel was the same one other members of the team stayed at and it had been agreed so all was well until I entered the expenses.

Red Flags went off everywhere.  It was against company policy, it needed all the information and emails were sent to head of VP Europe Consulting, My boss, head of UK and how about this, the Office of the CEO also got a copy of it.  We are talking here of perhaps £50 over my pay grade Hotel cost LOL.  You'd have thought a world war was about to start I got emails from all these people and my boss was going apoplectic.  I had a standard piece of test that I'd send off for this sort of thing saying that this was agreed with the business, to see the contract documentation etc and that it had been going on for months.  Now you'd have thought that they would alter the timesheet to take account of this wouldn't you?  NO of course not, they would get the responses to my email and then alter the sheet after sending me the pay grade email saying don't do it again to which I'd respond and say go talk to the customer and rearrange the contract that agrees to this and also you are being paid for it so what's the issue?  So I'd go every two weeks for two or three days at a time and bingo, every occurrence was red flagged.  

I got called into the office thereby wasting a further day of Admin GA time.  When I got there the manager read the policy out to me.  I asked if that was it?  Apparently so, so I explained that I'd wasted a day coming into the office which could not be billed to the customer andthat if he read my emails and looked at the contract he'd see that this was all agreed and also to speak to the sales team who agreed it.

So that week I only did three days for the customer, two days were wasted (as opposed to now one day a week) and he had the cheek to drop me an email saying that my GA time was now 20% (and of course 40% the week before) where it had been almost zero before.  We were losing revenue and not just me the whole business had suddenly lost productivity and were scratching their heads to try and work out why.  A big meeting was called and once again, (the distance of my customer meant I couldn't travel to the office and back and there in a day).  Over 120 of us in a room where my dickhead boss said that he was concerned with the way we had dropped our numbers and how GA time was going up and revenue down.

He obviously saw me shaking me head in disbelief and wasn't complimentary and asked me to speak.  So I did, he was horrified when I explained what problem we were all having.  I then explained that today, every one of his team was not productive and he'd lost 20% of his revenue this week in a meeting and was likely to lose a further 20% of revenue later when we all had to try and combat the crap IT system we were trying to use.  We were an IT company FFS!   When I said the problems I was having and my customer was getting unhappy with me not working as I previously had you could hear and see people agreeing.  I also said the system was thrust upon us and it wasn't fit for purpose.  I had a copy of the CEO's email to me as it was he that had to pass my expenses!  The CEO, not VP Europe and not my boss.  

I have no idea if they ever dealt with it but I used to have Fridays off at home spending all day filling this stupid form in and making cups of coffee in between waiting for it to come up with a work code and also watching it red flag everywhere.  I left that business and set up on my own after that.  

Just another thing, like the government that suits their spredsheet jockeys but not the workers or the customers.  There's always a way around it or you use it to your advantage and make them looks stupid.

Here's a quick aside.  We were not allowed to buy certain goods over a certain value (let's say £5K) without 3 quotes.  OK, the purchasing department were meant to get them for you but they weren't engineers and so the spec may have been a problem.  Some customers actually specify a particular thing and manufacturer supported with a quote.  So we had to buy a Diesel Generator a backup for a large building it was, even back in those days around £175K or perhaps a bit more.  Our Purchasing department were kicking off and so my boss said, buy a barrel of diesel from the company who made the generator.  Which I did so the purchase order went in and then we did an amendment to order for a generator which went through the system without issue.  If you know your way around.....

So Stop Telling Me What To Do.  If it is silly I'll get around it! 

Strange Sayings

I saw that someone posted whether " A poke in the eye with a sharp stick" was still used in everyday parlance and I think it is and whilst I am waiting for my videos and photos to upload so I can send them to Customer Service in China it got me thinking about what people say.

"To be honest with you" or "I'm not going to lie to you" are strange ways to start a reply or a sentence with don't you think?  Yet a lot of people do that.  So what does that mean?  Do they tell lies normally?  Sometimes you hear "To tell you the truth" as well. Are all my friends untrustworthy?  I doubt it but it is one of those start a sentence lead ins that we use.  

A friend of mine when describing a conversation that someone had would describe it "So I turned around and said...." and then "he turned around and said to me..." "So I turned around and said...."  etc.  Gosh you must be really dizzy when it's a long conversation.

English is an interesting language made as it is from a mashing together of other languages but with strange rules and hidden meaning and nuances you have to have grown up with or you probably wouldn't get.  "Yea, but..." is another strange start to a reply and it is much used even when there is no "Yea" or indeed when there is no "But" either.

"you're not going to like this..." OK so don't tell me then!  Of course they'll tell you anyway.  "I shouldn't tell you this but...." and you've guessed it they tell you that too.  

I am sure you could pull together your own list and certain people have a certain way of talking to you and others.  I know quite a few that go "Mmmm, right" or "Mmmm" and then whisper repeat what you've said or the last few words in your own sentence.  Especially punch lines in jokes get a laugh followed by the "mmm, yea <insert punchline whispered here> .."

We all have our own mannerisms and quirks I am sure that I do having to deal with people who often made excuses for not delivering.  I often halted their "Yea but" "To tell you the truth.." and son on by holding up my hand for them to cease talking and repeating the question I had asked slowly but adding the words "Can you give me a straight yes or no answer...?>"  This was repeated until it was yes or no.  Depending on what the answer was we could then move on from there.

Hearing Aids Time

 I've had trouble with my ears all my life, especially my right ear which I had 11 or 13 operations on - I cannot recall now other than being very upset as a child about it culminating when I was around 19 with a Mastoidectomy which proved to be quite a painful experience with what I guess were migraine headaches for between 6 and 9 months afterwards.  

I managed to perforate the ear drum in a diving accident when I lost pressure.  That WAS painful and so I had all sorts of operations and plastic surgery and so on.

So my hearing although not perfect has done pretty well at around 80 to 90% and even a few years ago when I did a test it was still borderline whether I need aids or not.  

I did an online test and it concluded that I need to have a think about aids now and so I purchased a rather nice looking set from Amazon with great reviews.  I had a small amplifier before just for my right ear but it was quite loud and didn't do what I needed which was loud room work.  I can hear just fine normally but in a room full of people and also these days where there is hard finishes and echos, I struggle.

 I've only warn these a couple of times, goodness me, the difference is amazing.  It actually feels too much but we will see when I next go out how they actually fare.  I can hear myself breathing, rustling clothes and noises that I wouldn't normally hear at all.  I guess we grow deaf over time and I've managed to hold out until my late 60s so that's kind of OK especially as I was in the building trade when younger and I loved my loud music too.

I was very surprised quite what a difference these made and so I'm hoping that I will be able to get a bit more out of going out but I just need to turn them to minimum as they make everything so loud! 

Get Back To Reality

 Life's not like that is it?  What do I mean?  Well, check out the adverts and the way that those who communicate to you via whatever your chose media channel is.

Do these adverts and opinions and news pieces reflect what you know is reality? I'd be surprised if I recognise any "real" people in the current wall to wall Christmas adverts.  There's a loose grasp to things I suppose but other than that what are people trying to say and why are we getting certain types of family groups displayed on our screens.  If adverts for example are meant to get you buying the advertiser's products why does, for me, it do the total opposite?  Their message doesn't make me interested, spark my curiosity or anything else.  I just turn off or decide to steer clear of the product or the store etc.

Some adverts I've noticed pander to less than 1% of the population and that's fine but what about the other 99% who are watching at the same time and do the 1% actually watch this trash anyway?  Depictions of the countryside are way off beam, modern households comprise an interesting mix of people too.  I happened to watch a few adverts over the past few days and I honestly think that two of the brands that I have used have decided that I no longer fit into their plans for future sales.  In many ways the "Go Woke Go Broke" label applies in these cases because their adverts put me off ever going there again.  It will be interesting to see what happens to these "Brands" already one has had a lot wiped off its share price.  Sad for the employees and as for the managers and directors... What were you thinking?  I imagine you weren't thinking about your customers at all but want to appeal to any virtue signallers who you think might be interested in your, let's face it, middle class brands.

I read with interest that "People" don't really understand the countryside and how food gets from the great outdoors into plastic covered trays and fancy packaging and in to your kitchen.  Here we often discuss the fact that for us to eat, generally something has had to die to achieve this.  Despite a lot of programmes being available on how stuff gets made and distributed there is a glitter edged telling of the tale.  I live in the country and yet I don't realise the day-to-day life people lead to get food to us.  I worked in an Abattoir setting years ago, a local co-op of pig farmers ran it and let's say for most of us it would be a pretty upsetting scene.  Of course the animals were dispatched humanely and the factory part was scrupulously maintained and cleaned etc.  This production line saw every part of the Pig used.  Understanding this journey might be a useful life lesson for those who think food comes from supermarkets! 

When you see the large scale of farming it should blow your mind.  Here's a piece that you can read that will put a lot into perspective LINK.  So many people have no idea when it comes to how things get on their plate and all the "stuff" that goes on around it.

It's as if there is a big bubble of general ignorance that exists in our society and a huge knowledge gap.  I was impressed that quite a few people thought that pests should not be controlled?  How bizarre is that?  Anyway, I'm back to reality myself now!

What A Strange Day This Is

 It really is quite a strange day today.  Nothing to do with yesterday or last night I don't think.  A few strange thoughts in the morning about my Ex and how life might have been but I don't think it is that either.

I'm just sort of lost today.  I don't know exactly what it is.  My mother rang to say that she finally got her tests through and everything is fine, no problems which is great news as it sounded very bad indeed six or eight weeks ago.

I cannot quite work out why I feel so lost and helpless other than the world seems to be going to hell in a handcart.  I shouldn't let that bother me anyway so it's not that either.  I wonder what it is?  I've got to continue fault finding my gates but it is perishingly cold out there at the moment and I need to do some work that is delicate in a way with limit switches and so I'd rather do that when it is slightly above zero freezing.  That's not it either.

So what is it?  I can't quite fathom it out.  I know I've got to spend a lot of money on the house but I realised that when I called the maintenance man in.  I knew there was something not quite right with the heating and hot water.  So it might be that I have to dig into my savings.  Perhaps it is the fear of continually doing that but, I saved up when I was younger and hopefully I can fall back on some of that if I need to.

Perhaps it is something else that I haven't considered?  It could be age and thinking about that I suppose or maybe that I am just not getting on?  The business has stalled yet again with a problem in the software development process.  I don't know, it could be that or the delayed impact of losing the inventor and business partner and now doing it all myself?  It doesn't ring any mind bells typing it but once again, it is possible.  There really isn't much to do now, I've got everything lined up and just need to push the button but I wonder if it because we are heading towards Christmas and yet again, deadlines are being missed?  It would be good to actually launch it and see if it makes some money though.  Of course, I need to guarantee that there's money there in case we don't make any sales!

I don't think it is that either.  So is it something a bit deeper than that.  I often felt that I never really changed the world but then again, did I want to?  Working on things that changed people's lives, kept them employed and so on is probably enough I suppose.  But once again, why the strange not quite malaise I feel today?  Did I waste my life perhaps?  Could I have done things differently?  Without a doubt of course but given the choices and the paths I followed or went down things could only have been as they are now.

I felt really bad that I left my Ex though and she was in my thoughts earlier.  I tried my hardest not to but I probably left it too late and I hung on and hung on but things got worse not better but I did admire her for pulling me through the battle of Bladder Cancer and I am very glad she did.  Maybe I feel guilty that her reward was for me to leave?

Then I feel somewhat lonely every now and then.  When you leave someone, you don't just leave them, it is as if you divorce your friends too.  They either line up with you or your Ex.  Many of the friends I had are gone and I am out of contact with them.  Maybe, coming towards Christmas that is another thing I miss?

Whether or not I'll work this out I suppose doesn't really matter, I'm sure I'll be fine in a day or so.  Winter always makes me a little down anyway, the dark nights and mornings yet in a month it will be the shortest day and things start to return full circle.  

I am really not sure why I am so empty today though.  I feel very well in myself and the loss of weight really does seem to have made a difference and I have noticed in the past few weeks that things like my finger ring is loose as is my watch.  My trouser belt is in another notch too.  Clothes that were tight on me are now loose too.  That's all good stuff surely? 

I expect it is a combination of things perhaps all of the above that combine, that and yearning after lost friendships that should never have been lost in the first place.  

Shouldn't Have Done That

A bit silly last night.  I was on my own and after a successful day decided to have a beer.  I really shouldn't have done so but I did.  I say A beer but I had 4 cans albeit small ones throughout the evening.  It was quite pleasant to just actually relax and enjoy some "me time" as I haven't done that for a while.

There's a fair bit on my mind once again as it looks as if I will have to find money for a new cylinder and pipework for the heating / hot water.  I had the service engineer over and he confirmed my fears about it.  At least we know about it and can actually do something about it.

So I was sat there working through finances and the like and working out what needs to be done and drinking a beer.  I knew I'd had some and the alcohol content was obvious as I could feel it.  I'm OK this morning but I must not make a habit of it.  It was good to have one but that was it really.  I've got some in for Christmas which I intend to leave in their boxes.

The gates are still a problem but it looks as if the troubleshooting we did yesterday may have given us some ideas for solving the problem.  Limit switch adjustments to be made today to see if I can get the gate to open properly.  It is cold so it numbs your hands being outside.  Hopefully this will fix the issue.  Quite why the limit switched may have slipped after 9 months or so is a mystery though.

Finally, age.  I wished someone a happy birthday today and I'd always thought they were older than me or maybe the same age.  They had grown up children quite a bit older than ours so perhaps they started their family early?  Unless they put their DOB down on Facebook different they are 10 years younger than me!  I'm rubbish with ages of people, I've never been able to accurately work out how old people are.  

Doing Things

 You know one of the things that makes me feel good with a sense of accomplishment is to actually go out and do something.  Today, a bit of DIY on a broken bed frame. I had to get creative as it was old and brittle and the snap was  messy.  So purchasing an Aluminium piece of tube I was able to make a metal jacket around the wooden frame and hopefully hold it all together.

I haven't worked with metal for a while but it was satisfying to measure up, drill, cut and file what I needed and then glue and screw everything together.  It's drying now and whilst it isn't pretty it is functional.

My drive way gates however are still proving problematic.  I've tried what's been recommended but it doesn't appear to have worked.  I have no idea what it is but the gate just doesn't quite go back to where it started from and that's despite following the instructions and making videos to show them what I've done - hopefully they'll come back with a fix!  Such a nuisance. it is only about a foot out but it does mean it is difficult to get the cars in.

So having been outside on this cold and frosty morning I can look at the bed end and know that I've done something useful.  Of course the gates remain an issue.  I have no idea what it is as they were fine up until a week ago and suddenly they've stopped working properly.  

Anyway, doing constructive things does make you feel a bit better I have to say.

Did Someone Say "Stuck Farmer"?

My hearing is not what it used to be.  Actually I now have some hearing aids to see if they can combat a problem I have in crowded rooms where I can't clearly filter out the hubbub and  so cannot clearly hear someone speaking to me.  So let's give these a go.

I like a bit of word play and yesterday the Farmers came out and protested at this new government (led by Starmer) who have messed around with inheritance tax that will potentially break up our farms in the future.  There's a general sympathy towards farmers we live in and around farms and they are hard working and out in all weathers no matter what.  The metropolitan "elite" (they are anything but of course) are forcing their ideology onto this country and as not one of them has held down a real job even if their CVs may state they do, their decisions, not thought through, untested, not considering real ROI and certainly not prepared with joined up thinking are harming the economy and damaging the very people this party has always said they represent.

I am going to keep trying these hearing aids as I'm certain I misheard Stuck Farmer!

In other mildly interesting things, I am feeling a lot thinner this morning and I tried on a tee shirt that I haven't worn for some time as  it was too tight and it fitted with room to spare which is great and I am almost on another notch on my trouser belt.  My trousers actually fall off me without a belt now and I can wrap a good couple of inches past the top button.  So the diet (perhaps I shouldn't call it that) is working.

What am I doing?  Well the first thing is no beer.  Liquid bread they call it and it has made quite a difference to me.  I absolutely love a beer but it is loaded with easily absorbed carbohydrates and the body just converts it effortlessly into fat!  Secondly, a Keto/Carnivore diet and intermittent fasting appear to be working really well.  I've been doing the intermittent fasting for a good two or three weeks I guess and the weight is coming off nicely and in a controlled manner.  I try and do intermittent for 5 days a week if possible but it often depends on what is going on.  

I feel healthy and overall I feel less exhausted doing things, I feel satiated when I do eat, I interestingly only feel hungry just as I break the intermittent fasting and it isn't pangs it's more anticipation that food is on its way.  My head is clearer and my anxiety is less.  We had a maintenance engineer over yesterday and I'd normally be on edge about it but it was fine and I felt OK.  I knew that there'd be work to be done which they will quote me for.  I am kicking myself for not having it done regularly but there you go.

Anyway, I am tackling my hearing, losing weight and feeling good about it, my stomach is going away now nicely and it's noticeable that my arms are now losing their fatty bits as are my legs.  I can see parts of my body that I wasn't able to just 3 or 4 months ago.  It's taken a while to lose this weight but I need to remind myself that it was only July that I started a short 4 months ago and whilst I have been strict on not drinking I have had a weekend away and had some zero alcohol beers a couple of times.  I don't eat much Vegetables and I steer away from potatoes, pasta, rice and all that sort of stuff so my diet is nearly all meat or fish.

I am really pleased with progress and now I have lost at least two stone the weight is noticeably coming off as clothes now fit loosely, my other clothes are beginning to fit again and I feel so much better for not carrying that around - it's 14 bags of sugar to give you an idea that are not being carried on my body it is noticeable for sure.

Anyway, let's see how these protests are going and what this pathetic government are going to do.  If reports are to be believed there's major impacts coming from business.  It's cold and the pensioners (of which I am one) will be trying to work out how to heat their houses and keep warm.  It's like watching a very slow motion car crash.  You can see the wheels wobbling and about to fall off, you can see that the car will hit a brick wall but the driver still has their foot to the floor accelerating.  Thousand of people are watching and muttering under their breath quietly in a whisper almost "watch out" and "stuck farmer".  They like me, watch in curiosity rather than horror at the unfolding frame by frame scene even though we know the outcome, the watch is enjoyable in some sort of evil delicious way..... 

Not MY Job!

 Computer says NO, Not MY Job!  Needed some advice on a light fitting that is quite new and has started to flash occasionally.  So dutifully take videos and stills and ask advice from the manufacturer - you know the people that actually make the thing and who's name is plastered all over the instructions.

It's a pain in as much as it is in the apex of the vaulted ceiling in our dining room - 10 tread steps aren't tall enough to reach the control box!  So, a simple query was met with.  Ask the people where you bought it from who, after all are just a retailer of the light fitting manufactured and supplied by the company with their name emblazoned on the instructions.

So, we have to go back to a retailer who apparently has this company's specialists as part of their team?  My arse they do.  

Does anyone use a modicum of sense these days?  How about they forward the query on the team that they haven't given me contact details for?  |Far too difficult just some old blurb about how we have to jump through sh1t loads of hoops to get stuff done thereby complicating and confusing the customer journey and not solving my problem at all.  Knobs and Muppets the lot of them.  

So another round of going round in circles will ensue and they wonder why customers get irritable and upset being pushed from pillar to post.  It's not a cheap item, it was a nightmare to fit as it is so high up and a simple look at the video and a bit of advice would be fine but Oh no....  Computer says no!  

So How's That No Alcohol Going Then?

 Surprising well and thanks for asking.  I've done OK with this and whilst I have all my Christmas beer in the house, I haven't felt like touching it at all.  With a more strict Keto / Carnivore approach plus some intermittent fasting too I'm down 2 stone in 4 months which is great.  I feel good and I can certainly tell how much lighter I am and how much fitter too.

I had some beer the other day but it was 0.5% as I was waiting for my car to be completed.  It was nice to have a beer whilst not actually having a beer.  A sort of Schrodinger's Beer if you will.

I've also just got some decent hearing aids that I am testing out.  They arrived this afternoon and now they are charged up I am experimenting with them.  I have to say they certainly amplified everything including my breath :-)  I think they are too loud so an adjustment session plus getting the right setting as my main problem is listening to people when there are others in the room and the hubbub is the problem as I cannot concentrate on what is being said to me.  I don't need these all the time but it will be good to have them and to be able to clearly have a conversation especially in a noisy place.

Put Simply Half The People You Know Are Below Average

 I say that because it is one of those strange things - are half your friends average below or above average?  Mmmmm???

It's a bit like these bandied about words these days "Right Wing" and "Far Right Wing" as well as "Denier" and so on.  I'm apparently a far right bigot and a supremacist using my tendencies to oppress others.

So, if you know me, you'll probably recognize that I am certainly not a socialist nor am I beholden to that style of collectivism they practice.  But, that is not to say that I do not sympathise with the plights of people and want to be able to help.  In fact, I find the injustice of the modern day wokerati difficult to fathom.  These "be nice" brigade people are anything but and by disagreeing with them, it certainly means that I am far-right, of course it does, in their keyboard warrior basement lifestyle.

I wonder if this means that half of the people I know are angels and the other devils or perhaps some are nice and the others are evil?  Is that really so?  I know some dreadfully wet liberal types and some dyed in the wool socialists and as long as we don't talk politics they seem nice enough to have a beer with.  I find them misinformed, not particularly gifted at debate and also a bit loose when it comes to delivering factual information and applying logic and reasoning to matters of the day.

But, I don't call them far left or bigots or anything else.  I feel a little bit sorry for them and I certainly dislike them when they argue very loudly and shout at me.  It is totally unnecessary - that's not debate, that's shutting down debate.  These people feel that it is acceptable that people who hold different opinions to them should be banned from say, X (formerly Twitter) and yet they are advocates of free speech!  Well, free if you think like them.  They cannot be challenged on their views but they can challenge you as long as you don't answer back. I say challenge they are likely to launch a pile on attack with streams of abuse but no substance.

It's the very thing they despise, bullying.  They hate it but enjoy participating in it against others.  There doesn't seem to be any cognisance that they are behaving like this at all.  It's worrying that they do not have that built in switch that warns their brains that they are behaving in exactly the way that they themselves hate. 

So perhaps there are people below average out there?  It would be great if they could grow up and we could all be human again.  I really don't know what has gotten into people these days. 

TV - Does Anyone Still Watch It?

 I ask as this year I have steered clear of the TV if at all possible.  I happened to bump into a 30 second clip of Strictly Come Dancing.  It took me that long to realise what it was, grab the controller and blip away to the TV Channels timetable.  There was nothing on.  It was a Saturday night filled with trite!  Awful selection of programmes and so I went over to Prime and now suffering adverts despite paying for the service (OK I know they have to subsidise it somehow) watched a few more episodes of a post WW2 documentary about Sea Power and the various ships, U-Boats etc.  Entertaining in a strange way - the use of dramatic music and that clipped 1940s American information film accent made it almost unwatchable.  

I think that it was the way that the information was delivered that did it for me and so after two episodes I had to do something else.  So I did some work for the business.

So dire has terrestrial TV become that it is all but unwatchable and it does not inform, entertain or anything else.  I'll cite two other things that should tell me / us all about the problem.

I don't think I saw a single channel that presented President Trump in anything other than a bad light, showed that he was going to lose big time and so on.  Then yesterday we were treated on the news (I normally don't watch it but was to lazy to get off my arse and wander away in to the cold Snug area) to a Climate Change piece in Pakistan where glacier melt burst and washed away a village.   

I watch alternative media and I could have told you that Trump was ahead in the polls in all the swing states by 4% or more at least a few months before the election.  It was pretty much assured after Joe Rogan's three hour marathon with Donald Trump.  I saw bits of it and it was like the old TV back again.  I understand that too many conditions were sought for the opposition to go on there.  The vast majority of people know that the TV  and sadly radio are left leaning and give you the news as they see it, not as it is.

So my old bang the drum on climate change.  Here's the thing, I watched a lot of key parts of COP29 and once again, there was nothing in it.  It's an ineffective talking shop.  I said 50,000 people went, I now find out that is closer to 75,000 and they were handed their arsses to them on a plate by the President of Azerbaijan who rightly explained what natural resources are about.

So the BBC are in Pakistan and the first thing was that global climate change was warming the glaciers of which there were thousands but incredibly only in this area so it wasn't global it was local and there was no mention of what the word inter-glacial means.  People build close to rivers and when they flood there are consequences.  Where these houses were washed away was almost precipitous building on what looked like shale it didn't look solid rock at all.

So at COP29 (they've had 29 years to do something haven't they) what plans did they have to stop this sort of thing?  Well nothing for if they stopped it they'd have to stop these junkets for 75,000 people.  They were putting forward the insane view that the western world should bankrupt itself for the planet and at the same time redistribute their wealth to the third world.  Ideally, let the third world use their resources to build their own economies not withhold their ability to do so and call it progress.

There's so much stuff that they now provide that is not balanced reporting, that you can find more reliable data for.  Just dig a little deeper behind the lipstick and makeup and you'll find it but not in radio and TV anymore.  Documentaries are all but unwatchable as are many "fact based" programmes as they go whirling off about local weather and call it climate change.  Just look at what they are saying.  COP29 stating devastating fires in Australia.  Remember when that was?  Five years ago, so it is an occurrence but there's the lead chairman making this statement which the Aussie, all blinking at each other said, No, that hasn't happened this year.  Floods in Spain, Climate Change not mismanagement of river courses and - floods happen and they've happened before and guess what, if you pay a few more dollars on top of the trillions (yes trillions so far) you'll stop it - of course you wont, we live on a planet that's spinning around a huge gravity contained nuclear explosion and the hubris of man to believe they can control the climate is laughable.

TV and radio has made people not think for themselves, not rationalise the arguments, not get to the the data they need to analyse to make a decision based on fact and logic.  Instead of giving me the tools to make up my own mind, I am treated as too stupid to do that, they fire their soundbites of information at you to convince you that these things are happening.  

There are lots of things that aren't "quite right" going on at the moment.  I don't know if things are covered up or deliberately obfuscated but people know that this is happening and what's interesting is that the room isn't being read by the establishment, not at all.  Those who have started to make the escape from the Matrix can see it and are asking questions.  We are being lied to constantly, fed some "truth" which can now be seen to be completely different.  The Trump victor was met with meltdowns of TV commentators and "the public" are starting to wake up to the fact that for months and months we were told that Kamala Harris would comfortably win the election and everyone is surprised she didn't.  Our government have been caught lying to us on a number of key issues and slowly, for it takes a while, anger is building. There are other things which are subject to so sort of - I'll call it a cover up for now.

If your national institutions are becoming untrustworthy and they weren't really.  Perhaps for a brief period in the 80s and 70s but now, they cover stuff up, look the other way and don't "do their job" and that's because we, as Plebs, aren't allowed to know.  It's interesting that this disconnect between the establishment and the general public is happening right under our noses.  At what point does the hypocrisy and the lies come out.  When they do, what will the public actually do?  They are programmed to do nothing as long as the TV and Radio tells them that that is the right thing to do.  

As an aside, I wouldn't like to be the person who has made recent decisions to bury pertinent information from the public.  When the truth comes out which it eventually will (although quite how long that may take is part of the plan) we will know that those who knew lied and they then purposely kept the truth from us.  I wouldn't like to be in their shoes. 

A Year Ago

 I was reminded that a year ago I was in a particularly dark place.  It happens occasionally that I get depressed and it can be for many reasons.  I think it is a bit of not being where aspirationally I thought I'd be, over thinking stuff, not getting where I wanted to be, getting old, getting fat, eating the wrong stuff, drinking too much and so on.

I can also trace some of it back to good old survivor syndrome and I was talking to someone who was ill and passed away shortly after Christmas and so there were lots of things going on.

I've come through that but there are still things that I need to change in myself and one of those is procrastination.  I still have the devil's own job getting motivated to do things.  I can and often do just go and do things but I can sit here and just do nothing and that's a problem too.  Feeling bad about doing nothing is a problem.  Sometimes doing nothing is OK I think.

Maybe it's all tied into the old work ethic, being busy all the time and not having time to myself.  Now I have time to myself I don't know what to do with it and I feel guilty for not working every moment of the day!  I can't win LOL.

Anyway, given up drinking the middle of this year was good.  I tend to only drink very occasionally now and not all the time, going Keto on my diet and also intermittent fasting is doing me good and I am around 2 stone lighter.  I'd like to lose another 2 or more stone over the coming year.

I also have this urge to get my affairs in order.  I'm feeling THAT OLD that I think it needs to be done.  I am putting that off but there is no need to as it is just being well organised and should help after I'm gone!   

I am so much better than I was this time last year and I feel quite well too.  Long may that continue...

I Wonder If They Know What They Do?

 Often you'll see me moving my head from side to side in disbelief at the things I see or hear that happen in our country and indeed abroad.  The latest in a line of ridiculous things include people being offended by something they saw and then making a formal complaint about it.  I just shake my head and get on and remember not to engage with whoever it was not because I'm offended because I rarely get offended but because the idiot posting or saying is obviously mentally deranged LOL.

Really though, have you heard these clowns?  I was watching delegates from COP29 being interviewed and after 29 years of this, they still come out with utter nonsense and unrealistic things.  This young lady suggested that the answer was to divert all defence spending and invest in climate change mitigation.  When asked what exactly that would take the form of, the usual spouting of batteries and windmills, solar panels etc were spouted as the saviours of the world.  When questioned further, she really struggled to explain how these were actually going to change the climate (what's the link) and what it would achieve?  Lower temperatures, less hurricanes etc.  This is where it all starts to collapse and she wasn't the only one.  They've had close to thirty years to come up with something that doesn't involve bankrupting the world to fix a problem that is easier to mitigate than try and control.  Fifty Thousand of them at the conference (haven't they heard of Zoom?) and you could see that many were head in the clouds fantasists.

Then we have our government and their disjointed and not properly joined up budget.  Farmers are going on strike next week and the PM yesterday had an opportunity to meet some of them but no, he's getting heckled everywhere he goes as his ideology and not his common sense or representation of the people are destroying things right in front of us but he cannot see it and neither can his cabinet colleagues (or maybe they can).  All we see is incompetence, form over function, complete lack of brain power and disconnection from the very people they are meant to represent.

Then there's the potential that one of the senior government ministers may not have been straightforward about the jobs they had and may not be what they said they were.  Interestingly a lot of people have been calling this out for a long time and there's only so much deniability you can do.  They aren't facing tough questions because they really do not understand the situation they've got themselves into.  Some of their decisions look to be backfiring now and it will be a joy to see them but I am slightly concerned that the country is about to suffer a massive series of financial blows.  I wonder how many businesses will fail in the early New Year as all the stealth tax comes in and affects the bottom line?  

There are very few people who actually appear to know what they are talking about and understand the overall picture both here at home and the wider world.  The BRICS alliance is building outside of our own bubble and no one appears to see that the opposing market is larger than our own.  Look to see where sales of goods are outside of the US and Europe and understand that these countries no longer need out market to sell to, it's easier for them to get millions more customers in these BRICS countries than the small market share we present to them.  Why is no one looking at this?  Because they are too concerned with policing hurty word tweets and navel gazing than actually getting on and running a country that needs to pull its socks up and start being productive again.  Higher energy costs, punitive taxation and damaging nonsense on transport policy (sure we are all going to ride bikes like they "used to" in China, Korea and Taiwan).  

Please let's get some adults in the room together with some senior industrialists, economists and strategic thinkers and maybe, we can actually see what's coming and do something about it.  It appears to me the best places to do business are going to be the BRICS countries but we are destroying our ability to compete in our own country let alone globally.

I am of course most impressed that my local parochial council have given extensive thought to the impact of climate change on our little hamlet.  Rather than looking after planning matters and keeping the place tidy and their other duties they now have the weight of the planet's CO2 emissions on their shoulders.  It must weigh heavy on them!  Sarcasm Off! 

Stepping Up The Business Input

 I guess that this was always my part of the deal, along with getting the product to market and that was/is to get everything ready in terms of advertising and all the relevant things like Accountants, Insurances and so on.

It's quite a feat I think that I've got two websites working, email systems, a developer and accounts ready to launch the product.

Even without the partner now, I would have still been head down at my desk doing all of this.  It's a relief in some ways that I don't have someone looking over my shoulder as I don't particularly work well with criticism (constructive or not) especially when there's been no input to the thing I am working on.  It's OK to contribute but I don't like having holes poked in stuff that I've produced and against my plans.  Most of the time. they wouldn't have even have known let alone understood what I was doing anyway.  

There's a fair amount of work then to get things ship shape and ready for social media and other marketing avenues.  It's not the sort of thing that you need to have traditional adverting for although, who knows, once it gets some traction, perhaps it might be.

Right now it has as much chance as anything out in the market I guess and my instinct tells me that if it gets traction, it should do well.  If it fails, well then we can shut it all down I suppose.

Our competition isn't great - there are some massive empires out there and they charge a lot of money for their Apps but we aren't really competing with them.  We are much smaller fish but also we are agile and better able to respond to the market we are in.

The strangest thing is that I am now on my own in this endeavour and I was only ever there to assist someone achieve their dreams.  I am just running the business and they were providing the ideas.  At the 11th hour they've fallen by the wayside and I suppose, so be it, I juts need to get on and complete this now.  At least I've been able to call the shots over the last month or so.  Looking, yes it's been about a month since this all kicked off. 

I do feel sorry for him that he's come this far and then backed out of it but another part of me thinks that the way he did it was particularly unethical and nasty too.  Maybe he is ill. I may never know as he doesn't want to talk to me.  He's also found out the hard way that the developer cannot talk to him either as they are contracted to the business.

I suppose the only thing to do is to work my way through it. 

Back on subject - maybe

I was horrified to hear that my mother, who had a scan about a month ago still has not received her results.  They were testing for Cancer.  They say it could take up to 12 weeks as they are short of (I think) radiologists!  Now call me old fashioned but with a staff of 1.6 million people you'd have thought that they'd be able to muster some health professionals in there rather than equality and climate change managers now wouldn't you?

Well, I am sure that the Government's answer to this will be to lob a few more billion into the system and show how well they are funding it and stating that "Lessons Will Be Learned" and all that old guff.

Honestly, no one believes them anymore about the "World Class NHS", "Our NHS" etc.  It's a cult, as are many things these days.  The doers and the workers have to make the best of it whilst the managers and the hangers-on get to take home huge salaries for work they are under qualified and do not get monitored for.  They were cr@p 30 or 40 years ago when I worked in the system.  Utter waste of time and resources.  They were still recently and the waste beggars belief it really does.  

Add to all this the ineptitude, the tribal rivalries, the lottery of treatment and the non accountability of these people and you have a right royal mess.  Of course, like just about everything else in this country these days, you'll be told you are a health service denier or something like that.  All of these things are cults, they have tales and stories woven around them to big them up but just look at the effectiveness and the stories everyday folk tell you and is it any wonder that it's all falling down in front of your eyes.  It's the Emperor's New Clothes - the vast majority can see it but the small minority keep up the pretence.

With an inept government (small g) and politicians who don't seem to have done a day's work in real life in "charge" we are living through the Nero period and you can make all the noise you want but the best thing is surely to let it crash to the ground whilst all those in charge stand mouths wide open, agog, incredulous as their empires burn and collapse.

Retirement - Are We There Yet?

 "Are we there yet!?" as I recall was often heard from the back of my car when transporting my children.  They used to do it as a joke which was good although occasionally tiresome we all thought it was very amusing.

I often ask myself the same question as I should be retired but I am involved in this business / project that should have finished some years ago and should be being tested on the great public at large.  The fact that it is six years late is a matter for debate but with being abandoned to finish it alone now, it adds extra pressure on me to either make a go of it or close it down.  The easiest would be to close it down but the Gauntlet picked up has for all my life been where I am at.  

I can almost touch the final product - almost and even after all this time, still not fully.  Half of the project delivered may just give me the opportunity to actually make some money from my close to 8 or 9 years investment.

My own stupid fault for getting involved I suppose.  I'm waiting for the inevitable, "you stole this business from him" and other such trite, non-knowledgeable guff that you often get when friends hear one side of the story but do not take the time to investigate the other.  I like that some will say that I caused a rift, forced out the guy and so on.  Nothing could be further from the truth of the matter.  In fact, it was because I spoke about the way the business functions and the need for professionalism to come to the fore that suddenly and without any explanation, I got a disgusting letter and that was it a complete burning of bridges, no way back and here I am left with a problem.

Oh well, at least I shall endeavour to make a go of it and see where we get to.  If it doesn't work, it doesn't work and I can shut it all down without too much to worry about.  Like a lot of people though, I imagine he's ruminating on what he's done and is possibly too proud to mend things.  I'll provide opportunities in the New Year that he can take if he wants to.  After the disappointment and all the work I've put in to make his dreams reality, I felt I probably deserved better.  No matter, I kind of hope that it does well and then I can enjoy my own satisfaction of a job well done and who knows, there might even be some reward for it.  There's been bugger all in the last 8 or 9 years!

So I'm not there yet.  Much as I'd like to be, I'm not retired and I'm somewhere I had no idea I'd be in and in many ways, I was expecting to have built this, handed it over to a business person to run and be sat back getting occasional rewards.  Now I have to run it myself but hey ho, that's where we are.  At least I have done all of the work I need to do to get it up and running.

I feel sorry for the other chap though, he's thrown his toys out of his pram and I think it is dawning on him that he's walked away from everything.  He attempted to chat to our sub-contractor who rightly explained that he doesn't actually work for him he worked for the business to whom he is contracted.  I think that must have rocked him and I understand he got angry about the situation but if you walk away and resign, you have no further input.  It is now my call and I've made commercial decisions (to stay in business mainly) that he would not like.  It's kind of tough but it was either do that or shut it down.

Onward and Upwards - who knows maybe I'll get this bit finished soon and can actually start to run the business and finally get something out of it!