Random Flashbacks No Discernible Reasons

Other than I was doing my biography a few weeks back and I am still jotting down the odd thing which could be the catalyst, these random moments are quite strange.  So this morning, a flashback to the car, my first one, a Mk1 Cortina, somewhere near Wandsworth but on the lower road possible heading toward Putney and there's two others in the back, forgotten one of their names but Steve was one and Gary was in the front seat.  There's a row of shops to my right and a bus a red double-decker.  People at the shops a few cars and that's the whole flashback and nothing else, no more context than that.  I remember it as if it were yesterday but it was around 1975 or 1976 I guess.  It might have been when we finished our exams and we headed to Lewisham for a beer on the way home, I remember that too but it's just one of these mysterious moments in history, pulled out of my brain at (apparently) random choosing.

There are other moments as well that flash in and out of my memory like that.  Peculiar moments in time.  My grandparent's flat in Chelsea, a walk to Rye from Camber, picking Blackberries in the lanes on a walk to Dulwich and Crystal Palace and things that aren't in themselves memorable for anything other than their ordinariness.

There doesn't appear to be any link in these at all.  Maybe it is to do with current circumstances?  I'm not right again, claustrophobia once again, I don't want to be where I am at the moment and I'm not happy particularly.  I really want to dump all responsibility and enjoy retirement but that isn't happening any time soon by the looks of it.

The Ongoing Struggle

 I'm tired of a lot of things and the day-to-day idiocy is wearing me down as is just about everything at the moment.  I am so very tired mentally although physically I feel better than I have for a while.  I find everything tiresome and annoying and I am powerless in a way to do anything about it and perhaps that is the bottom line of it?  I care about things that I cannot influence or do anything about.  

I actually got out of the house yesterday and met a friend for breakfast and almost lunch the way we were going.  It's always good to catch up with an very good friend and we are similar and different in many ways.  I enjoy his company and we sort of hit similar wave lengths on most things.

I do need to get out more and I did promise myself I'd do that but it's easier to just wallow here and stew in my depression and curse the world, the people, relationships and do noting about them!  It's not easy to get out of this protective shell built to (I suppose) protect me but being insular is one thing but I am not sure it's the answer.

I'm reasonably happy being on my own and being within myself but I do not think that is the long term answer to this.  But what worries have I really got?  Well, in some ways, none.  There's friends and relationships not all of which are good and not all of which I am interacting with at the moment.  There's the business and that's just slow, ugly and complicated. It needn't be but it is and once again. not of my making. Then there's my relationship with myself and that's not entirely a confident one at the moment.  Imagine knowing in your mind full well what you should be doing and having ideas for how you could do that and then just ignoring or not acting on it?

That's the problem, it's inaction designed to hurt who though?  Is it myself or is it a wider punishment beating? It's as if life has come to a dead stop.  I don't want to do things because I am always doing things and not really getting any recognition for them.  I see problems that need addressing but why should I always be left to sort them out?  That problem isn't going away any time soon though and I feel imposed upon and put upon and relied upon but it's not shared, it's not "our" problem when it absolutely should be our problem and not mine.

This is going to continue for some time I feel and it will come to a head at some point in time.  I am hoping that the business will kick into being shortly and that I will be able to disappear into that and keep myself occupied that way. 

Two Steps Back

 Well that didn't go quite as I had planned.  I thought that I would use this blog to compile a book about my experiences and with that noble endeavour in mind I set off to try and do that.  The automatic blog to book sites didn't seem to cut it so I started off cutting and pasting between the blog and a word processor but as I progressed and edited and checked I started to feel really down and it got worse as I delved deeper into the story not just the health side but some of the bastards I had to deal with too.  In hindsight I had let my guard down on some of these charlatans and was not in a position, at that time, to fight it off.  In the main because I didn't recognize the threats nor did I have time to being focused mainly on myself.

As I read on and got into it, I started to realise that I was being taken advantage of and saw a lot of things in a completely different light, hindsight being an exacting science of course.  So I was getting angry inside and of course the more I read the more I realised and also the story was unfolding and again with the benefit of hindsight I could have done things differently.  

It was depressing and distressing too and you cannot undo history but you can interpret it in a different way and you see the mistakes made although not in the context that those decisions were done with all best intentions.

So, I have stopped for now as it really wasn't helping me at all.  I want it to help someone, anyone, in the future but they can find this stuff online as well as I can.  So for now, not being strong enough to see the pain and suffering I went through is one thing but to see the circling vulture like behaviour of some, means I have to stop as it really is upsetting.

How Fortunate We Are

 To live in such interesting times.  So my old boss used to say and he was right.  Often used as we read a contractual letter or departed a meeting where some sleight of hand was being attempted it sort of meant we could sit back and watch the car crash or have a play with our opponent much as a cat plays with its victim.

Here, in the UK, there's stuff stirring away and it is indeed interesting times as I am certain none of these clowns in government have the slightest idea what they are doing or how to manage (govern).  It was interesting that not one person had been to understand why the protests were happening?  Not one.  As I recall, the PM isn't the sort of empath you'd want at the scene of a tragedy as he doesn't appear to like to be near, well... people really!

If I read the financial vibes correctly, and also look deeply into the latest statistics (albeit not sure the ONS actually knows what it is doing) the country is in deep do-do indeed and some of the "policies" being bandied about to correct an even bigger "black hole" in the finances are going to have the diametrically opposite effect.  The CGT and IHT plus attacks on Pension funds and the idea of a Wealth Tax are also sure fire winners NOT!  I wonder if they recall what happened last time a Poll Tax was tried?

Anyway, on top of that the online safety bill was brought sharply into focus today.  So I was interested in a new AI chat system, as I heard about it and so duly went to have a look.  I like that most of them allow a free access model which allows a couple of queries a day and that's just about all I use it for.  So I get to signup and get the message that due to the Online Safety Bill they need my Credit Card!  WHAT? Yep, apparently that's a thing.  So I just switched on my VPN and that's not needed now.  WTF are these idiots playing at?  The Sledge Hammer to crack a Walnut is definitely what these twits do ALL THE TIME.  They are just illiterate when it comes to IT, finance and commerce, law & order, crime and punishment and they are wishy washy flip flop.  So naive it hurts, the whole of the world must be laughing at our hopelessly out of depth PM who, let's remember, notoriously and shamefully took a knee with his deputy and he used to be the head of the CPS FFS!

Day after day you see the inaction of the government, the strange actions of local government who act all big and world leading when they can't even get the bins emptied and the pot holes filled, but fly the wrong flag, woe betides you.  I want my local councillor to deal with local matters, that's what they are there for, servants of the public who voted for them and pay their council tax to them and you'd think that these councillors would do the very job we pay them for but oh no, fines this, fines that, mucking about with speeds on the road, sticking gastly white Elephant cycle paths in at huge expense that no cyclist uses as they prefer to stick to the very roads they narrowed to accommodate the cycle paths.  Getting involved in world-wide initiatives at Town and village level.  Our local village Pop. 474, has a climate change policy because, you know, in a population of over 7 billion people, the residents and change the global temperature by 0.000000000001 Degrees in a thousand years! FFS.  An ex-mayor, town councillor I know was telling me about "Climate Justice"?  I have as much idea as you do.  I had a discussion about car parking in the town and why I no longer go into town.  A few months later they stuck the prices up again to park and extended the hours.  Not that you actually get anything in return.

The stirrings are out there as people rightly start to wake up (it's taken them long enough) and now there is the expanding backlash building up to Tsunami status perhaps? I don't know but in many ways we've seen enough of the UK being turned into a hell hole and we are soon to face the consequences of our mismanagement going back many years.  I wouldn't be surprised if we don't end up having a serious chat with the IMF the way we are going and I wonder whether the PM, his Deputy and the Chancellor will face their Margaret Thatcher Poll Tax moment?  The way it's going it wouldn't surprise me if something like that kicks off.  You can't keep taxing people in the vainglorious hope that it will bring about financial stability and growth.  They already borrow huge amounts to service the debt.

So, let's sit back, strap ourselves in and repeat after me "How fortunate we are to live in such interesting times." 

It's As If They Don't Know Anything

 I see that the war on motorists is still waging whether in terms of taxation (double in the case of fuel) and let's not get started on taking our money to bribe ourselves to buy EVs!

So I did a quick AI search this morning on the use of cars, train, bus, walk and cycling so just look at these for a moment:

By Passenger Distance

When measured by total passenger kilometres, cars are the dominant mode of transport in the UK. In 2023, road modes—including cars, vans, and taxis—accounted for around 90% of all passenger distance travelled. Within that, cars and taxis alone made up about 85%.

Buses and Coaches: Accounted for around 4% of total distance travelled.

Rail: Comprised about 9% of passenger distance.

Motorcycles and Pedal Cycles: Each accounted for around 1% of total distance travelled.

This data shows that while other transport modes are important, private cars are overwhelmingly the primary method for long-distance travel.

By Commuting to Work

A different picture emerges when looking at how people get to work.

Car: The most common method of commuting is by car, with around 66% of workers in Great Britain using a car or van.

Walking: A significant number of people commute on foot, accounting for 11% of all journeys to work.

Rail: This is the third most popular commuting choice, used by 10% of workers.

Bus or Coach: Used by approximately 7% of commuters.

So I thought there was a little incomplete picture here as like many councils ours has invested heavily into cycle lanes although you hardly see them used and a large number of cyclists are in with the traffic and ignore the lanes around here anyway:

While cycling has seen a notable increase in recent years, particularly in urban areas, it still represents a small percentage of overall commutes.

Overall UK: Data from the 2021 Census for England and Wales indicates that just 2% of people in employment usually travelled to work by bicycle.

London: This figure is significantly higher in London, where 5.1% of workers commuted by bike in 2021. This is a testament to the city's investment in cycle lanes and other infrastructure.

If you were to ask a local Government employee or politician you can bet that they'd say that cycling was the way forward and rail or bus.  What they tend to miss entirely is that out here in semi rural England the only practical way to get around is by car, there are buses but I have to walk 30 minutes in one direction and perhaps 10 to 15 minutes in the other to find a bus stop. There's 1 bus an hour in one direction and in the other 3 buses and hour but after 6:45 that's your lot it stops altogether.  A taxi is hideously expensive to get me to the train station a good 45 minute walk away (in the dark for some of it).

Rail is interesting as only 10% use it at most and not surprisingly as the fares are the highest in Europe.  I did a trip around Europe mainly in 1st Class and the prices for some of the intercity trains was perhaps a quarter of the prices here.  It's a lot of money, poorly serviced and still doesn't really cover that much of the country.  You have to work on what the onward and inward journeys are.  Cycling is not practical here unless you have a mountain bike for the first part of the journey.  

But they are penalizing car drivers, the cash cow for successive governments, they raise car parking charges to such a rate that I no longer go into town unless I have to.  When I do go, these days, I can always find a car parking space as the usage has gone down significantly.  Have they scared people away?  Then there are fines for this and fines for that.  It's all on its head now and there is no incentive to visit town when I can turn my car in the other direction and go and park for free at retailers that want my custom.

The rubbish we are fed from the media and these nut jobs who tell you black is white and vice versa has got worse, or I've risen above the stench of their headlines.  It's hilarious that the BBC feel they need to run a Verify section on certain topics headed up by someone who actually embellished their CV shall we say?  And the stuff they spout off as truth is anything but, just scratch the veneer from the surface and go and do your own research.  We have the Internet (yes I know) but it does allow you to go and do some research and draw your own conclusions. Just read past works like could, might, scientists predict, according to research and so on.  The headlines rarely tell you where they got the data and if they do it is not normally actual data driven research, the stats they do give are flawed and incomplete.  Given a spreadsheet and a few graphs that I can alter the x and y axis and cherry pick the data I too can bend the figures to frighten you.

The whole thing is slowly unravelling but still they come for more money from our pockets to fund their fantasies and service the huge debts they have caused.  

The current approach stifles growth and mobility, taxes people without delivering any tangible benefits and leads to a punishment not incentive based government.  We see the beginning of the problems now arising and the only way that they appear to tackle problems is to spend more on them.  Good money after bad we used to say.  It reminds me of the 1970s again but this time there are even more idiots in charge driven by ideology and bad data and worse than bad data is bad analysis and little risk management or planning too. 

I'll have to do more on EVs but that's enough for today I'd say! 

Doing Me No Good

 I thought it would be an easy thing to do, back up the blog, turn it into a record of the times but it has actually not done that I feel quite disturbed by it all.  I am certainly going to give it a rest for a while.  It wakes up some deep dark area of my mind (and body) which had been stored away and it disturbed my sleeping pattern and my day-to-day activities, it even makes my food taste bland and so it has to stop and those memories need to go away from whence they came - perhaps another day I can do some more work on them but for now, I really don't need the mental turmoil that's being conjured u.

This stuff is all in the past and so cannot hurt me, it's all done and dusted but they way people treated me when I was seriously ill triggered the reaction and as I said previously I imagine Karma has dealt with them properly over the years.

Reliving The Past

 Having to give this book (based on the blog) a rest.  It actually stirs up emotions from long ago and of course, they no longer exist and they are over but it strikes right into you some of it.  And actually it's not worth the bother of the memory or the waste of time feeling it and replaying it all again.  I was feeling quite upset and annoyed about one particular relived area and it's upsetting and yet, it's happened, it's over and I can't do anything about it really.

The characters in that episode are I imagine dead or in prison and it was part of the journey through life at the time.  What I can see is how ill it made me and I imagine that's what is stirring up the emotions.  You can see from an overview what it was doing to you when you see it month on month and of course, when you are at the coal face, you don't see it at all (the woods for the trees).

So I am going to give it a short rest and try and be disconnected from it for a while.  What is interesting is how tired I was.  I see it as a recurring theme and I see how stressful the job was but as I'd only given it a short while to see how it would go, it didn't matter in the overall scheme of things.  The upside is that I had gone through the life of an internet start up seen the horrors of the green eyed, observed the failings of the incompetent self professed entrepreneurs and watched them implode as they hadn't thought through the business properly, had been incompetent about the software and negligent on the financial and business side.  Their Laissez-faire approach to company law, insolvency practice and insurances etc was mind blowing.

In all is stood me in good stead for the jobs that came afterwards and even on the one I am on now.  

What Goes Around Comes Around

 I noticed some striking similarities between my times in 2007 and now.  Situations, work, relationships and the like are all getting the synapses to fire off and draw parallels and conclusions from those.

The work one is yet again, people have betrayed me, questioned my professionalism and commitment.  That's potentially the worst thing you can do or say to me as I am and always have been fully invested (until I'm not).  When I might change is when the breakdown is or has happened and woe betide you if you are on the wrong end of it.

So there I was looking at this bloke who had gone off the deep end at me and then found that it wasn't me he should have written this quite damning email.  But here's the thing.  When he found out it wasn't me did he even apologise or withdraw his accusations? Not a jot of it.  People do things like this and then throw their toys out of the pram, cause chaos and then blame someone else, often me. 

Underestimate me at your peril ought to be tattooed on my forehead perhaps LOL. 

The similarities are quite striking and here we go again all these years later!

Shocking Review Of The Past

 I decided that I would look back on this blog to the earliest and darkest days right at the beginning and I have been pulling posts out to go into a journal.  This is not without it's own dangers of course.  I find posts that I made in 2006 and 2007 where I can barely remember who I was talking about or who in fact had died or what meetings I had and so on as I didn't say at the time who they were.

On top of that as I edit and tidy the posts I find that I was reliving some of those moments and recalling the highs and deep deep lows of the journey and I am only just one year into the journey.  The not so fun part is the hindsight.  Things that I didn't do correctly, advice I took (and subsequently gave) that I now know to be incorrect.  The most interesting is the job choice I took which turned out to be a bit of a disaster but actually and interestingly, I had that in the blog that I took the job as it was a start up and that it could go well or it could fall flat on its face (which it did).  It annoyed the hell out of me but there it is, in black and white, that I would learn a lot from this start up and that it would do me well in any way it worked out.

So it came to be and of course I've been involved in three or is it four now and falling flat on our face is always an option.

I was also acutely aware re reading some of these posts how ill I was.  Read between the lines and whilst I mention it, I think the way I wrote about it (and reading it now with knowledge) alludes to a darker time I was having of it all.

What I have taken away from it is how on earth I managed to work and have treatment and I see at one time I had three gigs on the go and was having immunotherapy at the same time!

It is slightly disturbing though going back over all of this stuff, half remembered occasions, the worry and concern, the highs (only a few at 2006/2007) and the lows, the mediocre and mundane and the frantic and downright craziness of it all.

Tucked in the late 2006 and early 2007 is a post that leapt off the page and it was about collateral damage.  The post wondered if the fallout from this would affect the family unit and would things ever be the same again.  In 2013 we found out the truth behind that.

I am giving it a short break though as it gets intense when you see the things you were going through and how (in hindsight) you'd wished you'd tackled things differently (or would you?).

Spendthrifts

 I recall my younger days and people living beyond their means.  On occasions I have bailed these people out only to find that they continue to not learn their lessons but often double down on them.

Finding a sum of money unexpectedly in their account they spent the (thousands) and then when the bank spotted the error they had to pay it back.  Surely you'd have spotted the error yourself and would know how much you had?  Others continue to go out for meals and get take away, buy things like pre-made sandwiches and bottled water etc.  

What am I driving at? Well the government are now looking to go for those of us who saved prudently, want to give something to our kids, put money away for our old age etc.  This is just another form of theft in my book.  You've taxed the money before and since and now you want to do it again and why?  WHY?  Because they are shit at running the economy, because they are the sort of people who cannot live within our means (it isn't their money is it) and because they just spunk the money they do have up the wall, waste it, throw it away, give it away, cannot control it and frankly do not look after or care for any of it because it doesn't affect them.

The waste is atrocious, the payment of I think they said 4 million sick days in the Civil Service, lobbing out for all sorts of freebies - I like that the free ice creams they tried to sort out for their staff ended up in both Ice Cream vendors being done for their vehicles, licenses and insurance and so no one ended up winning.  Then they are spunking £32 Bn into carbon capture that will (if the untried tech actually works) save 2 minutes worth of CO2 output per year!!!

They cripple the economy, restricting everything with red tape and overarching regulations.  And when the interfere it comes down to us to pay for the fall out caused.  If these imbeciles    had another brain ell they'd qualify as amoeba.

Every time that they f**k up, we pay.  They don't do anything to look at themselves and take a scalpel to their waste.  They whinge about black hole this and black hole that but are cowards when it comes to actually doing something about it.  Instead of cutting back on the supermarket offers of a "meal deal" and doing it themselves, they double down, instead of making economies of scale they come cap in hand (well they just take it actually) and expect us to have deeper pockets.  We no longer have deep pockets, we don't get anything from all the taxes we pay and it is wearing thin that this bunch of amateurs are allowed to run a country the way they have.  The smart money has gone, inflation is going up, unemployment is rising but not in the public sector where, miracle of miracles they are still employing people on great salaries and gold index linked pensions.  Many having had record pay rises last year are now going back to the handout bowl and asking for more huge pay rises.

It's like the 1970s again.  I am old enough to recall the dark days and the IMF intervention.  They want to take my money, take my children's future for ideological reasons.  I wonder what the uproar will be like if they do in fact bring in these measures?  How on earth they've survived this long in government I don't know.  It would be nice to think that this next round of tax the workers and aged into oblivion will pop the genie out of the bottle but no one seems to be that interested at the moment.  When they find that they can't afford ordinary food let alone their take aways, perhaps then it will matter?

Goodness Me 2006 was a bad year

 I decided that I ought to put the posts from this blog into some sort of order for no other reason than I felt my descendants might like to cure their insomnia! 

It's been quite a journey - I am around 10 months in and now in 2007 at operation 3 and following the first immunotheraphy sessions.  Losing my job and then getting a pre-diabetes warning after following "government guidelines" was a huge shock to add to the others.  In fact as I see it all play out and things less well remembered surface.  I really wished that I knew then what I know now.  Good old hindsight of course.  

The advice to load up on carbs and fruit and vegetables almost gave me Type 2 Diabetes.  FFS!!  There was me worrying about salt intake and I should have been worried about fruit, fruit juice and carbs in all their disguises.  

It is surprisingly (or not) a little upsetting to see the very ill me wrestling with diet, health, treatment, unemployment and so on. And it got worse in many ways before it got better.  

BUT, it did get better and whilst it took 15+ years - I made it and came out the other end.  At one time it looked as if I was going to be a yearly checkup but the science has moved on and so I was discharged a few years ago.

Bringing it all back I am not sure if I am actually enjoying the relived experience.  

Don't We Say Thank You Any More?

 I've probably said this before but it's worth repeating I think.  As a genealogist I look after the one name study and records for the family tree.

I get enquirers and I try and diligently answer their questions and try and give some more detail and suddenly that's it.  I've spent quite some time sorting out complex tree connections, telling them their ancestry sending them documentation and bang, you hear nothing back, not than you, not that they were interested or appreciated the data provided.

I imagine that is what it is like these days.  You don't get thank you cards any more either and you never know if they liked the money you sent them or what they spent it on, even a Facebook Message or email would be something.

We appear to have lost many things in the past 50 years and manners, politeness and chivalry are among the ones I miss the most. 

Well That's Worrying

I watched an interesting podcast last night and at close to an hour long it was a good investment of my time and whilst it reinforces my own views which I understand doesn't give me anything to debate those views it does make me even more concerned at the way we are tracking and how we are probably having our own little car crash where other countries may dodge the bullet.

For my own part I think that there is a global reset coming and a realisation that "the West" has brought upon itself some serious problems.  the BRICs setup is beginning to demonstrate why and the decisions made may years ago in the West are starting to bite (I'd like to say Bigly) as we understand the place in global supply chains.

But that is for another day I guess.  Here, in the UK, things are going to take a turn for the worse.  The podcast looks at the economic situation and of course the political situation too.  Socialist ideology is being applied to a problem of our own making and rather than correcting course it jams the heavy leaden foot onto the accelerator of our impending car crash or train crash or whatever else you want to call it.  I don't know if millionaires and business people are fleeing the country but I did have course to look at the Directors of a company in the UK and I was surprised that their Directors and major shareholders all lived in Dubai - this is a local butchers with an online shop and 10 or more large retail and a big wholesale business outlets.

So maybe those with the money are getting out from the higher taxes we are paying.  People are hunkering down and I am somewhat concerned that increases to corporation and business taxes will start to seriously kill off UK businesses.  A rate reduction down to 4% yesterday when inflation is increasing seems to be a strange way of trying to combat that and it seems that painted into a corner and allegedly, no one really understanding economics either globally or locally,  is going to do for us come October when the Budget is due.  All the indicators are really bad and the Laffer Curve appears to me to be in full play here as the Government spends its way out of trouble.  How on earth the OBR and the Government can get their sums so wrong is worrying and the ONS need to employ people who actually know about, you know, statistics. 

Quite where this leaves us, who knows?  Taxing your way out of a fiscal hole isn't really going to sort it out - I like that they use "Black Hole" as if that makes any difference at all, it is incompetence of the worst kind.  How can you go from £80Bn projected deficit to £121Bn in a few months is ineptitude of the worst kind, surely? (and don't call me Shirley).

Watch the podcast and shudder at what is coming down the line at us and goodness knows how we are going to pick up the pieces.  Finally someone has also talked about the VAT limits and how the vast majority of small trades don't really work beyond February as they approach the VAT Threshold and they don't start work again until 6th April when the new tax year cuts in.  It is blindingly obvious that this happens but as none of these Politicians has done an honest days work in the real world, they don't understand it.  

I suppose I shouldn't be rubbing my hands to see what these clowns do as I do recall the 1976 IMF things and it would be seriously bad to go back there.  If we do we will have something in common with Italy and Greece I suppose! 

I See No Ships

 Only hardships as my old colleague used to say.  A play on Lord Nelson's quote placing the telescope to his blind eye!  But it also encompassed the day-to-day struggles we had at work especially with useless management and people with a complete lack of vision.  People I hoped that I'd never turn into.  Hopefully I succeeded but I suppose that's for others to judge?

You see it all the time this inability to do the job they are paid for, to think ahead and plan for all eventualities, to get the materials for the job and the people for the job to be at the same place at the same time.  I recall being asked to have 20 men on site on a Monday morning which I did have and arriving late to site the customer opened his car boot and gave me a couple of reels of cable.  "So what do you want me to do in 5 minutes time?" I asked.  Where's the materials?  Long story he hadn't organised any or rather he had but it would arrive later in the week and so I promptly charged him for the standing up time and then showed him how to call in a favour.  I called my supplier who was local and asked them for every bit of cable and racks etc they had and could they get them to me ASAP.  They did, in sort measure and a couple of journeys he and I organised the delivery of equipment and we got the job done charging appropriately for the privilege.

It's how I got to work in the IT business proper as they saw I could sort this stuff out.

Today, it appears you don't need to do your job properly judging from the utter nonsense that is going on in this country, neither do you need to understand the actual job you are tasked with doing or be an expert in your field.  I watched the economic figures coming out yesterday and the total lack of awareness of the damage these people are causing by not understanding even basic economics.  Whole industries are having dire straits in this awful oppressive environment of taxation in all of its forms.  As the economy shrinks they believe it is external factors and yet cannot see that their policies are to blame and confidence is flat because we can see that they are driving us over a cliff.  Why they pursue policies based on ideology rather than good old fashioned common sense is beyond me and 99% of the population. 

Typically, the very things bringing the country to its knees is the thing they are keen to do more of!  It's not just this Government either, the previous lot sat on their fat arses and did nothing as well.  They cannot do the basics right, they have no plan, they have no clue how they are  going to get out of this and we are left watching the car crash in slow motion and they cannot see it.  How is that even possible?  

You can actually feel it at last.  People are fed up with this mismanagement and incompetence and it is affecting our safety and security now.  The underlying feeling is that they just don't care, that the more they tax us the better things will be and they miss the fact that external observations of our country, its government and tax regime put off investment.  There's no profit in it for the savvy investor and they can go elsewhere.  It isn't in the gift of the overburdened tax payer to invest into this country mainly because most of the spare money they do have is gone in tax, higher bills etc.  People are hunkering down now, they know what's coming and they aren't spending and that puts us into the spiral that the sown seeds of low confidence and oppression by this poor excuse of a Government will inevitably lead us to and that's a recession (let's hope it isn't a depression).  

These problems are of their own making and they can get out of it but their socialist, Marxist, spiteful policies blind them to the possibilities available to do so.  

Inconsistency of AI

 It amuses me when a website, basically a series of ones and zeros, asks me if I am human?  Likewise, realising that the developer has written something for the beauty of the code not for the easy operation of the user.  Fundamental stuff really.

AI works fine if you know how to use it but the inconsistency is annoying.  I am joining groups on Facebook, just buy and sell groups.  I noticed that after 20 a day they'd halt access thinking that I was a robot.  So I worked out that the most to join per day would be 16 and for many weeks now, I have limited myself to 16 a day and things are fine, I get to join the groups and they get a new user and participant but Oh No, not this morning, Facebook kicked off at me joining 12 groups (well 11 actually, I was trying to do the 12th when it decided that it would halt me doing that operation).

It's like my Instagram page.  I got a message saying that they liked content and I should somehow be encouraged to post more often.  So I upped it to twice a day, not a huge increase if you look at other posters who you know everything they've done since they woke up this morning.  Anyhow, upped the content to two pasts a day whereupon my account gets suspended for spam activity!!  I kid you not.  So hold on, you want content and then you don't.  You ask for me to up my posting for that is what Instagram is all about and you suspend my account for doing so?  I then had to go around the bloody houses and do all sorts of tests to prove I was human and of course, after the sheer inconvenience they tell you that they are protecting me and the users!  A short apology by robot and blow me down if two weeks later they didn't do it again.

This is what is wrong with the way they set up algorithms and the way that AI is used.  It's a lazy way that p1sses off the user - I'm surprised some of them have any users left.  Facebook is turning into a police state.  Oh well, just have to live with it I suppose.  

React Or Ignore

 When the seething anger has subsided and you reflect back on that and try to deal with the inevitable fallout then there's a point where you just no longer react or perhaps don't react so much.  It's a tightrope walk and balance between actually saying what's on your mind or letting the other party reflect on their actions.  I'd like to say that I ignore the bait but I probably react via a facial expression or just move away without any contact whatsoever.

There we are, the walking on eggshells trick and it's tiresome really.  Can I ignore it all or will I react at some point?  Who knows. 

Onward To Hell, In A Handcart

 With origins supposedly about the dead from the Great Plague it conjures a vision of bodies piled high and taken away to be buried.  All a bit Monty Python I imagine and my Tee-Shirt "I'm Not Dead Yet!" refers.  It was the Tee Shirt I purchased when I was ill as no one ever really wanted to ask the "Are you going to die?" question when you told them you had cancer. 

But I wasn't thinking of that, I was just looking at the state of the UK now.  Everywhere you look it seems that there is another car crash of an interview from a Politician who isn't on their game, is completely out of touch with the reality of the situation and who has no idea whatsoever what the problem is because try as they might they cannot see it.

Basic maths would surely assist along with logical thinking or critical thinking.  What we get is cognitive dissonance and surprised looks.  It's desperate out there.  I thought the way that they are handling just about everything is diametrically opposed to what they should be doing.  The record imports of Gas was interesting, it's to help with reaching net zero and we are paying to import it because the network really isn't robust and because we shut our own Gas supplies down?  Other people's Gas must be net zero Gas then?  Of course not.  The economy is just falling apart and "going for growth" probably implies fungal growth I presume as there is nothing growth like about the policies in fact, the opposite and we get ready to double down rather than review and change direction.

I have seen this behaviour all my life where a decision is made that can be plainly seen will end in disaster and yet the manager goes headlong for it.  If you say "That won't work" you are the one who is called out and they increase the speed and the likely impact to smash their project to pieces.  My job, as you may well know by now was to stop that happening or pick up the pieces and Code Red the project.   What surprises people is that sometimes, you cannot save a project and have to close it down and walk away despite protestations it just isn't viable.   A badly specified piece of software, an engineering project that would never work, a project with no defined end point and so on.  

The job was all about risk identification, monitoring, mitigation and review.  I was horrified that not many businesses actually run projects properly (or Programmes for that matter).  People lose sight of what the project was for and all the planning around it was not properly set up at day one.  In today's situation, running the country, there is agreement from many what the problems are and how to tackle them.  I think that today's politicians have no balls, certainly no courage and no experience to do the job we expect them to do.  Brave politicians are few and far between.  Faced with the blindingly obvious issues that they have to deal with, they shirk or side step them.  They do not grasp the problems perhaps and for that alone they shouldn't be in charge.  Neither do they measure the consequences of their actions or more likely inaction and they blink as if sun-blinded at the chaos they themselves have accelerated because they have dealt with it incorrectly.  They throw fuel on the fire and wonder why it burns even more fiercely.  

So here we are, still driving at full speed towards the rail or car crash whichever your preferred method of destruction is.  People are yelling advice and they aren't listening to them.  We, the men and women on the street, at the coal face can see it but they cannot and the road to Armageddon is stoked by SPADs and Civil Servants who have never been in business or practised risk and crisis management and couldn't punch the skin off a rice pudding or fight their way out of a paper bag.

It seems to me to be a disgraceful betrayal of trust for the public that these halfwits and shysters should have access to power and be making such a bad fist of it.  Hell in a Handcart it may well be but when will they actually realise?  I fear it will be too late and once again we find out that following the Dogma of socialism will make us all poorer, it always has and doing it over again hoping for the desired Utopian outcome never works.  But you try telling that to them.  Try showing them the facts and figures and they won't believe you until it all comes crashing down around them and they struggle to comprehend why?  How did this happen? We know it will not be their own fault, far from it.  It will be those useless voters who should have worked harder and paid more taxes.  It's never their own fault, never!

So You'd Better Watch Out!

 I've never liked threats and I have never liked being told what to do.  Threats are made by people who cannot articulate clearly what is going on in their head and lack a basic vocabulary to express this and so resort to physical or verbal (mainly) intimidation.  So I get they might be angry and upset but when did yelling at me either in person or second hand written ever settle whatever is wrong in their heads.  It may momentarily ease their angst but actually, in trying to put right whatever is wrong, antagonizing the very person you want to sort things out for you isn't actually going to get you far.  Not with me because when I dig my heels in, I very rarely move.

And then there's telling me what to do.  Expressed in a way that suggests team work and assistance and gratefulness for me doing something for you which I am not obliged to do and isn't what I was going to do can work.  However just ordering me to do something without a reasonable reason, thought through and encouraging me to do whatever it is really does not work at all and many have found to their cost that when I say no, I mean NO.  Very un-English of me I must say but it's not some sort of arse kissing exercise.  We say yes too often, we try and help out and generally, as I have found to my cost, I end up getting screwed to the wall for the other parties failure to recognize that they asked for me to do something in the first place.  I lose count of the disappointments and my time and money wasted on these people.

The recent flying off the handle coming out of the blue after years of looking after them is a case in point.  Who ends a letter that cuts off all future contact and commercial and contractual relationships with "if you don't do <certain action> or else!"  I mean really? In writing you threaten me although what "Or else" actually might be can be argued but I think "Or else" instead of "Yours faithfully" could be construed as a threat.  I had done the action, the letters crossed in the post and so whatever "Or else" might have been I imagine has gone away.

Doubling down on that some time later I wonder what thought process goes through people's heads that threats and accusations are necessary when to pick up the phone which I tried, isn't the very first thing you do stating what your problem is and let's fix it.  People don't act like that anymore do they?  I used to say that if there was any sort of problem, especially in business you've got to "Eat the frog" and go and sort it out, you cannot let things fester and you cannot ignore it especially if it is your customer.  So many people didn't get it.  They'd be frightened and sure some customers could yell at you or swear at you so just put the phone down and when they said we got cut off tell them that they need to discuss these things properly.  

It used to infuriate the boss when you'd find there was a problem, ring up the customer, go and actually see them, tell them what the problem is and how you intend to fix it.  If they were worth their mettle they'd understand and appreciate your candour and that you would sort it out, cr@p happens, deliveries get lost, things get broken and so on.  Own up and sort it out.  Of course, my boss who liked to get involved (this actually for 95% of the bosses I ever worked with) would go to the customer and not inform me or ask and come up with some pack of lies (never lie unless you have a great brain) and the customer would often let them know that it was all under control and they'd be exposed as liars.  Then the boss would get angry LOL.  I'd then explain why they should always ask the person in charge (me) before setting off on a Propaganda mission.  They'd never learn though and do something similar shortly afterwards.

So, I have found the recent set of threats quite disturbing but that's from the betrayal of the action.  You never really know people even having worked with them for over a decade.  The threats are all made and amount to nothing and are barely worth a worrying about now but it's taken me a good 5 months to regain my equilibrium.  The thing about people throwing accusations and the slings and arrows is that you can gather all the bile and hatred and return them with interest later on.  Again, telling me to "watch out or else" will come back to haunt them (if it ever goes that far which I doubt)  as you just turn the tables and present facts and figures without anger and hysteria back, arguing each point, stating the truths of the matter and one by one countering their claims.  There's no need to tell them to "watch out or else" as the point by point destruction of their points and the little outbursts dissolve from view.

Official I Am Clearly Too Old

 Yes, I don't feel any of my 68 years at all.  I'd say I felt 40 or 50 maybe.  It is strange, but of course things happen that bring you screaming up to date with your age and frailty.

I had to wait for help to put up some scaffold to change our light fitting in the high apex of our dining room roof.  Before I had used steps but it was precarious to say the least and I had scaffold available and should have used that really then.  Of curse the damn thing got a fault and we had to change it.  The scaffold was ordered to be used by the other half who rightly so, suggested that it would be safer (for a man of my age probably whispered).

It is very light and easy to assemble but I still needed assistance as the fitting is big and cumbersome and awkward to hold etc.  The first thing I noticed was that I had difficulty getting over the trapdoor and onto the platform.  I then had the problem of balancing and trying to support the light and disconnecting and reconnecting the new one.  This resulted in shaking hands - not good when trying to do up electrical contacts LOL!

So, it was all quick and relatively painless but I wouldn't want to do it again.  I find that things I used to do when I was younger like that are just difficult now, I am reasonably fit, I wasn't for example puffing and wheezing with the effort but it was the bending and stretching and lifting myself through the trap door that was difficult.  I could easily carry the scaffold and move it around but I must start to realise my limitations.

It's Tough At The Top

 It is and it's lonely too.  I like the references to my now solo business venture and to those who think it is easy, it's anything but.  It's stressful and a minefield of red tape and I haven't turned a buck yet!  Ten years it has taken and it still isn't finished and indeed I have had to compromise yet again and only get half of the product to sell because of the incompetence of one party and the irrational behaviour of the other.

It really is a bloody nuisance and I think I perhaps should have walked away when the irrational person threw his toys out of the pram and left me in the sh1t not that he thinks like that of course.  He wants nothing to do with it but keeps coming back for a little bite here and there.  Reminds me of these thugs who lose a fight and then come back and do something stupid to someone else in revenge (seen it loads of times).  I am now ignoring it and whether or not it will go away remains to be seen.

Everyone knows what you are going through and yet, in reality, no one does.  Full of advice about how to run a business when they never have.  The vast majority of my acquaintances were employees in large corporate companies or public sector and so have little direct experience of the angst of running a business other than reading about it I suppose.

So there we are, I am on my own, battling opposing factions on a business that hasn't any revenue and has only spent a shed load of money over the years.  Great, I was hoping that retirement would bring something other than this.  I hope that my fortitude will shine through but I am really beginning to have my doubts about it as it has slipped another month and soon it will be a whole year since we made a go no go decision to launch at Christmas last year!  

Disheartened and somewhat lonely sum it up and they have the cheek to ask me what I have been doing when the business has had three false launches and we look like incompetent idiots and all the work has been done to launch with all the sales and marketing available and poised.

Not a good day today at all.