Shocking Review Of The Past

 I decided that I would look back on this blog to the earliest and darkest days right at the beginning and I have been pulling posts out to go into a journal.  This is not without it's own dangers of course.  I find posts that I made in 2006 and 2007 where I can barely remember who I was talking about or who in fact had died or what meetings I had and so on as I didn't say at the time who they were.

On top of that as I edit and tidy the posts I find that I was reliving some of those moments and recalling the highs and deep deep lows of the journey and I am only just one year into the journey.  The not so fun part is the hindsight.  Things that I didn't do correctly, advice I took (and subsequently gave) that I now know to be incorrect.  The most interesting is the job choice I took which turned out to be a bit of a disaster but actually and interestingly, I had that in the blog that I took the job as it was a start up and that it could go well or it could fall flat on its face (which it did).  It annoyed the hell out of me but there it is, in black and white, that I would learn a lot from this start up and that it would do me well in any way it worked out.

So it came to be and of course I've been involved in three or is it four now and falling flat on our face is always an option.

I was also acutely aware re reading some of these posts how ill I was.  Read between the lines and whilst I mention it, I think the way I wrote about it (and reading it now with knowledge) alludes to a darker time I was having of it all.

What I have taken away from it is how on earth I managed to work and have treatment and I see at one time I had three gigs on the go and was having immunotherapy at the same time!

It is slightly disturbing though going back over all of this stuff, half remembered occasions, the worry and concern, the highs (only a few at 2006/2007) and the lows, the mediocre and mundane and the frantic and downright craziness of it all.

Tucked in the late 2006 and early 2007 is a post that leapt off the page and it was about collateral damage.  The post wondered if the fallout from this would affect the family unit and would things ever be the same again.  In 2013 we found out the truth behind that.

I am giving it a short break though as it gets intense when you see the things you were going through and how (in hindsight) you'd wished you'd tackled things differently (or would you?).