I have suspected that I am not "right in the head" for sometime now and it is a series of things really that are beginning to settle out what is going on.
There's the reflections on this blog back in 2006 to 2008 which I have stopped doing now as it was stirring up memories long forgotten and long past that really shouldn't be remembered.
There's the business and the ongoing shenanigans with that including someone who doesn't want to be involved trying to get back and involved! Plus all the messing around which is still going on 8 years after it started FFS! It's neither one thing nor the other and if it was one or the other you could do something about it.
Then there's the claustrophobia again closing in on me. I hate it and it shouldn't be there but it is and it isn't caused by me I now realise. I've blamed myself for far too long about this and once again, I am being taken advantage of and I am not pushing back against it which I should.
So I've worked out what all these pressures are and I am going to have to do something about it and it's not nice, it certainly sin't going to make my life any easier either so I am going to have to eat the frog on this one.
All along I've known this and all along I've avoided the really hard decisions I am now going to have to take. If I thought 2013 was a bad year and that I didn't want to repeat that experience then I have been kidding myself for too many years and trying to get things sorted out. They probably will never be sorted out and people are going to get hurt all over again something I seriously wanted to avoid! Ho hum!
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