I've never liked threats and I have never liked being told what to do. Threats are made by people who cannot articulate clearly what is going on in their head and lack a basic vocabulary to express this and so resort to physical or verbal (mainly) intimidation. So I get they might be angry and upset but when did yelling at me either in person or second hand written ever settle whatever is wrong in their heads. It may momentarily ease their angst but actually, in trying to put right whatever is wrong, antagonizing the very person you want to sort things out for you isn't actually going to get you far. Not with me because when I dig my heels in, I very rarely move.
And then there's telling me what to do. Expressed in a way that suggests team work and assistance and gratefulness for me doing something for you which I am not obliged to do and isn't what I was going to do can work. However just ordering me to do something without a reasonable reason, thought through and encouraging me to do whatever it is really does not work at all and many have found to their cost that when I say no, I mean NO. Very un-English of me I must say but it's not some sort of arse kissing exercise. We say yes too often, we try and help out and generally, as I have found to my cost, I end up getting screwed to the wall for the other parties failure to recognize that they asked for me to do something in the first place. I lose count of the disappointments and my time and money wasted on these people.
The recent flying off the handle coming out of the blue after years of looking after them is a case in point. Who ends a letter that cuts off all future contact and commercial and contractual relationships with "if you don't do <certain action> or else!" I mean really? In writing you threaten me although what "Or else" actually might be can be argued but I think "Or else" instead of "Yours faithfully" could be construed as a threat. I had done the action, the letters crossed in the post and so whatever "Or else" might have been I imagine has gone away.
Doubling down on that some time later I wonder what thought process goes through people's heads that threats and accusations are necessary when to pick up the phone which I tried, isn't the very first thing you do stating what your problem is and let's fix it. People don't act like that anymore do they? I used to say that if there was any sort of problem, especially in business you've got to "Eat the frog" and go and sort it out, you cannot let things fester and you cannot ignore it especially if it is your customer. So many people didn't get it. They'd be frightened and sure some customers could yell at you or swear at you so just put the phone down and when they said we got cut off tell them that they need to discuss these things properly.
It used to infuriate the boss when you'd find there was a problem, ring up the customer, go and actually see them, tell them what the problem is and how you intend to fix it. If they were worth their mettle they'd understand and appreciate your candour and that you would sort it out, cr@p happens, deliveries get lost, things get broken and so on. Own up and sort it out. Of course, my boss who liked to get involved (this actually for 95% of the bosses I ever worked with) would go to the customer and not inform me or ask and come up with some pack of lies (never lie unless you have a great brain) and the customer would often let them know that it was all under control and they'd be exposed as liars. Then the boss would get angry LOL. I'd then explain why they should always ask the person in charge (me) before setting off on a Propaganda mission. They'd never learn though and do something similar shortly afterwards.
So, I have found the recent set of threats quite disturbing but that's from the betrayal of the action. You never really know people even having worked with them for over a decade. The threats are all made and amount to nothing and are barely worth a worrying about now but it's taken me a good 5 months to regain my equilibrium. The thing about people throwing accusations and the slings and arrows is that you can gather all the bile and hatred and return them with interest later on. Again, telling me to "watch out or else" will come back to haunt them (if it ever goes that far which I doubt) as you just turn the tables and present facts and figures without anger and hysteria back, arguing each point, stating the truths of the matter and one by one countering their claims. There's no need to tell them to "watch out or else" as the point by point destruction of their points and the little outbursts dissolve from view.
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