Progress - Actually Doing Some Work For A Change

 Quite pleased with the last few days as I have been cracking on with setting the business up and implementing some risk management strategies, some corporate  paperwork and getting on with the sales and marketing side of things.  

There's always plenty to do and I have been balancing out the work, breaking it into chunks and getting on with it.  AI is great for thinking or discussing things and most useful to assist in closing loop holes and assist in document formation and things like agendas - its all starting to get real.  After 7 bloody years it should do too.  How can you deliver something that late and not be severely embarrassed by it I just don't know.  

Anyway, that's where we are, I am actually doing things, taking breaks and not staring at my screen doing nothing so that's a start.

Flash Back Time Again

 I was sitting here working away and suddenly I was back to when I was 18 driving through Wandsworth going to college in my (not so) trusty 1963 Ford Cortina.  Those were the days, you could drive all around London, the City everywhere and park and at weekends I always used to drive up there to go to work then on to see my first serious girlfriend driving back on a Sunday night through the Blackwall tunnel as fast as my poor little car could go - which was all of 60 with a tail wind downhill! She lived in Chingford, I lived in Orpington, both our grand parents lived in the Chelsea area so we would go and see them too.

Lovely days now I look back on them and these little flashbacks are "interesting" as suddenly there I am in a situation I recall with people I haven't met in - well - fifty years or so.  I can picture them and hear them talk to me too.  Names drop out of my head and I wonder whatever happened to them?  

I don't hold on to many friends, I have a few people I still keep in touch with and a small handful of friends and even then those relationships aren't the same since I got divorced and went my own way.

Not to worry though eh?  I was also just reminding myself how many people I have met have treated me like a statue to their pigeon and generally shat on me from a great height.  Too many people treat you like that don't they?  I suppose if you are nice to people that's the reward you get. 

There's A Huge Lack Of Scientific Thinking These Days

I know that I've always stood out as being cold and calculating normally (95% of the time) applying logic and some sort of process to analysing what I see, developing ideas, working out different strategies and outcomes, that sort of thing.  

I know it infuriates some people I know as they tell me something I don't immediately react.  I am not great at seeing that someone wants some reassurance or comfort or that they are telling me something that I need to act human to!  So if I hear things I rarely react in a way other than gathering information mode and that really sets some people off.

It matter not what it is but let's take politics and the actions of the Chancellor and the way that they are trying to tax their way out of problems.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work it out, take the Laffer curve or industry data to get you started on working out what is going on.  The Laffer curve sort of says the more you tax the less return you will get and high net worth people who are able are leaving for other sunnier climes to avoid the crippling taxes foisted on them from people who don't understand how business works or indeed how increasing taxes and the like proves to de-incentivise people.  

The regime launched last October that punishes entrepreneurship, working, taking on employees and so on is bound to work its way through and figures recently for example the huge return of company vehicles to the leaseholder and the huge drop in new car and an sales should ring alarm bells surely?  These are huge increases in returns and decreases in sales and no one is adding 2+2 to work out why?  They say that we are doing well?  Really?  Highest energy prices in the world for some wet dream of zero CO2 to which as a country we probably generate 1% of the world's total.  The Steel works priced out by the huge costs of energy and the inability to source locally but that's OK we ship it in from around the world instead.

The incomprehensible attack on Farmers, Fishermen and the absolute base of our food and well being.  They don't get that either.  Why are they so blind to facts and figures?  Could it be that none of them know how to manage anything (it is it's rhetorical).  This ultra slow train crash government have no idea what they are doing.  Because they write it on paper or learned it from a book they think it's policy and it magically happens, no one has to work for it!   

I just stare on incredulously at them and wonder why they are so cretinous, so stupid and given all the information I can gather about them, so blind to cause and effect.  It's beyond belief, it really is.  I know it's not just the UK but we must take Gold Medal for stoopid! 

Not Said Much About Bladder Cancer Have I?

 If this blog proves anything it is that Bladder Cancer is (mainly) survivable if you catch it early enough and you change things to give yourself the very best chance.  That life goes on and is the same mixture of good, bad, downright ridiculous, humourous and all the ups and downs we suffer and enjoy in our chequered existence.

I have the occasional flash back and I still have remnants of the claustrophobia and general distrust of the modern medical profession.  Don't get me wrong they sorted me out and cut out the cancer and treated it and along the way I saw the very best and very worst of it all.  I found out I have this Vasovagal syncope which occurs when the part of the nervous system that regulates heart rate and blood pressure overreacts to a trigger.  Mine is if they try and clear a cannula or back pressure a catheter or try and put a cannula in.  No matter how often I say it, they don't listen and out I go!

It took close to 17 years start to finish and the ups and downs along the way have been just that, stuff that happens.  You get tired and worn out, you forget and overdo things.  You struggle with silly things, weight, supplements, diet, drinking (or at least I do) and many other things and for me, I tend to overdo things to extreme sometimes.  I go all in on a particular diet, a set regime and then I drop it and perhaps come back to it.  I'm human but also I'm a little bit obsessed with things when my INTJ brain sets to work.

I've got into silly ruts, gone high and gone low, been full of life and alive and gone to meet Black Dog.  Far too often I think the Black Dog has visited me.  It's something that I have struggled with all of my life, I over analyse, I don't live today often enough, I procrastinate, go into risk management mode and generally, I seem to be aimlessly wandering at the moment.

Not sure what it is although deep, deep down inside I think I do.  I worry too much even though I know I shouldn't and the older I get the more things trouble or annoy me. 

I'm alive, I'm a Cancer Survivor and I owe it to myself to be a little bit more grateful.  Not sure if I owe that to anyone else, perhaps my consultant who by prompt action and skilful intervention saved my life.  Maybe you do owe those who looked after you to live your best life.  

I need to reflect on this a little more - other people getting me down because of their faults (not mine) are dragging me down.  I shouldn't let them should I.

Well, That's A Lot Better Day

 Gosh, getting old takes away much of your confidence doesn't it?  The recent nonsense really did knock me sideways and it was taking up my days and making me anxious and doubting my own sanity.  These things feed doubt into your mind and all the confidence I had was punched out of me.  I wouldn't mind if it was me that set all this in motion or caused it.  Both actions taken were bolts out of the blue and pretty much unpredictable.

So now, I am pretty certain that the penny has dropped on their side and that they will soon realise that they have painted themselves into a corner.  Despite the awful way in which they have behaved, I left two openings for them to recover if they so wish.  I cannot make them do that, only they have the ability to do so.  I cannot imagine it will be easy having played all their cards at once and left themselves with little to room to manoeuvre.

All out attack is a strategy but it doesn't always work out how you think it will.  I recommend the book 'The Art Of War' by Sun Tzu - which has served me well over the years.  A 2,500 year old book it has some very useful lessons.  Some other lessons include (think it was Bonaparte) "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake" I may have paraphrased that but it is also quite useful watching people digging themselves a deeper hole as they go about whatever they are doing to you at the time.

And so, a little peace and sanity have descended over me this weekend.  It's not that I have forgotten what I know about how people behave but more that it deeply affects me now.  I have ended up in this position (running a business) by default, by doing someone "a favour" if you like and as you know, being kind and nice to people gets you screwed over.  Happened all my life, probably happen again and I shouldn't be surprised I suppose.

The other lesson from a few years back was the greed and also self fulfilling prophecies that you come across in business, especially start ups.  Greed is where people can only see the £s and $s and the "riches" that the business promises but lose sight of the undeniable fact that you actually have to work for the money and work bloody hard it isn't just going to drop into your lap and if you don't pull your weight then you are going to be left behind with a broken dream and not understand why you failed (again).  The self fulfilling prophecy is often encountered too, where a previous experience is recounted and has been burnt into their minds and blow me down, if they don't make the same mistake as before almost masochistically and then complain that it happened again when it was entirely of their own making.

After A While, It All Clicks Into Place

I watch a YouTube channel presented by a Barrister and it's pretty interesting stuff.  I've had years of claims and counter claims experience and a few scars to show for it.  What's refreshing is that after some months of not being right and feeling pretty miserable I needed this wake up call to realise that it is the way some people go about things and not me.

Here's the video and it's worth a watch and a like and subscribe - there are some very interesting things and not just only in this video. I certainly enjoy Dan's candour and I like to watch what the "legal take" is on some of the things you hear.

So, this video suddenly re-enforced the opinion that the recent pretty awful letter was indeed just that, a nasty tactic to get me disturbed and worrying about something that has had me annoyed, worried, losing sleep, analysing, strategic planning and more.  I should know better having faced this sort of nonsense most of my working life but, now, I'm not working (well I am but that's another story) I should be retired but some people want their cake and eat it and want you to make them more cake so they can have that too.  All the while they are just being plain nasty.

I finally stopped worrying about this disgusting letter I received and made my mind up that it was, as I had suspected, a ruse.  It actually now makes no sense whatsoever, it doesn't actually say what it wants resolved and it doesn't stop short of being abusive and almost threatening.  So watching this video really did clear up all of that for me.  

What I do not understand though is why the very first letter is an all out assault and not something stating what needed to be resolved.  Such a powerfully arrogant, nasty and downright insulting letter actually paints them into a corner, there's no possibility of discussion or mediation it's his way of the highway and that's it, they are cornered.  Why play all cards at once, stick the "frighteners" on and leave no way out for either party?  It seems a bad call to me.  There's now no nice, clean and agreeable way forward.

Anyway, glad I came across this video at this time.  

 

Distraction As A Technique To Getting On With It

 I am still seething about the way I was treated and I still don't know if it is over.  I am hoping that it will be and that it disappears or if it does raise its ugly head again it will be in the form of a grovelling apology.

I've put myself full on into building up the business marketing strategy and having tested this morning I can see we are pretty much there now.  Some hard work to do with the launch but it will just have to be hard work won't it?  The next thing is to tackle my anxiety and this shaking which is annoying and a little concerning.  I'm sure it is stress related to what's going on but I just need to monitor it and keep an eye on it.  I dislike it as I can see my hands tremble and that's not good.

I've got to try and get back on top of all of this and I am hoping that the business will prove successful and if it does, then some of the worry can go away.  Work is proving the distraction I need but of course that's related to the whole shenanigans going on too.  

Still I'm Not Feeling Great

 Without doubt the betrayal of trust and sheer vengeful nastiness aimed at me not only caught me off guard but still makes me feel quite sick even now I feel anxiety and stress caused by this awful hideous attack on me.

How anyone can go from being quite fair and reasonable to the diametric opposite is just beyond me, unless he's ill of course and then. perhaps, that might account for it.  If he isn't ill and this is his alter ego then it proves that you never really know someone.  However, how dare he do this and what on earth is he thinking after 9 years I've helped him try to achieve his dream.  He hasn't always been good listening to advice, hence we are somewhat delayed as I prediced if he followed his instincts.  You can't tell non business people what the impact of their decisions are going to be even if you tell them directly.  

I am pressing on and yet I feel the shadow of his presence hovering over me, willing me to make a mistake.  In clearing off he's left me with a business to try and run and he spent month and months doing nothing and now sends sniper shots!  Yes, makes me feel nauseous all the time about it but I hope that maybe when we go live, if we make some money we can move on from here.

I've just got to work through it I suppose.  IT's not nice though, not nice at all!

A Little Me Time Helps I Think

I say "me time" meaning that I was at my Lodge yesterday afternoon and met up with some old friends and it takes your mind off of everything really.  It helps to be thinking about other things and I was presenting a talk too so I was able to concentrate on something else for a change.  It's been months of trying to work out what to do and how to do it and having sh1t thrown at me to have to deal with.

But, here we are and I'm feeling better today than I have done for a while which can only be a good thing.  There's time off now for some months to get on top of things and then it will all satrt again in September.  

I am just going to soldier on for the moment and see where we get to with all of this.  I'm hopeful that things will start to get back to normal as I really can't see if there's any sh1t left in the pile to throw at me.  I really hope not I am far too old for it and it makes no sense.  Why are people like that?

Anyway, feeling better and hopefully things will settle down a bit now.

Should You Wish For Revenge? Let Karma Do Its Thing? Or Forgive?

 It is a difficult thing this because as I have grown older my wish for revenge (if that is the right word) has diminished, I may think it for a while and then I let it go and think that Karma will actually sort this all out.

I have to say that I am pretty livid about recent events because I suppose it isn't logical and generally, that's how I am excepting recently which my brain has decided that high anxiety is the permanent state 😃 and I find myself swept up between moments of outright anger and frustration, then a period of calmness, then reflection and yes even forgiveness for perhaps this person I have known might be ill or having some sort of breakdown or being controlled by other forces unbeknown to me?

In the bad old days I'd have plotted something for this chap that would have pulled the rug out from his feet and he'd be left bewildered as to what had happened and would not have connected it with me or his actions, it would have been something out of the blue, not physical but certainly something mentally shocking to them.  It's something you learn about when you are at work to protect yourself and your projects.  It's almost like a war or boxing strategy where you let them come on and think they are winning and then boom, they're not anymore.

So I actually feel sorry for this bloke rather than revengeful.  Perhaps Karma will level things down but at the moment I am still quite angry and upset about what he's done to me, it's made me anxious and nervous and a little worried as to what the hell he is going to get up to next.  Shouldn't worry about stuff that you have no control of of course, but you try telling my head that!

So Here We Are - Back To Earth Again

 It helps to write things down I find and so I wrote about the past few months and the treatment I've been receiving from someone who has leech like taken my time over the past nine years and then betrayed my trust in him.  Enormous trust too.  I like that they think that my contribution is worthless and that they can dictate what I am to do under threat that if I don't I'll be in trouble.

So, I wrote it down and looked at all the angles and I did a more thoughtful piece as I had done a angry rant a few days earlier.  I always used to write when angry and get it out of my system and actually it often threw up a few home truths to be used in responses.

So I worked on it and provided balanced views and ideas and actually it helped yet again to review a possible way out for him and me.  I was unsure about it all but the more I analyse it the more I come around to the view that what ever he may throw at me going forward can only be an unhinged response - there's nothing in the accusations to worry too much about I think.

So today I am a lot calmer than I have been and I am thinking more strategically in terms of what I can do about all of this.  The main thing is that I let it run its course now.  It has a life of its own and his attempts to derail it have come to nothing so far.  I can't do much about it anyway but at least I am nowhere near as stressed as I was earlier this week.

FFS Why Am I (Knowingly) Allowing This?

 I'm a reasonably smart cookie I like to think.  I used to work in a business that was at sometimes quite contractual and not particularly nice but "It was business" of course.  I know that people can be arseholes and I realise that they don't care about me but yet it affects me that somoene whom I've known for quite a while would turn on me.

Yesterday was really horrific, I felt dreadful and for why?  I don't know, the world closed in on me and didn't let me operate closing down my brain and my body.  It was a meltdown of sorts and I knew I should have done something but also knew that it would have been bad for me to do.

Having blitzed through that, working my way through and making myself be active rather than sit in a self induced sulk with the black cloud over my head I find myself back thinking about it all and it depends how I look at things as to how I feel about them.  I find that the thing that I cannot comprehend, the thing that isn't logical or makes any sort of sense is in fact the thing that is troubling me.  That is why.  Why pursue something in such a way as to play all your cards at once, to go "all in" and have no back stop, no trump card, no get out of jail free card?  Why would you do that?  I would always have a plan that had a back door in it or many avenues of extraction because you don't always win, because often the first attack is parried and so you have a strategy surely.

I cannot see what his strategy is.  It's a strange mixture of attacks from different angles but none of it is joined up, none of it is coherent, cohesive if you like.  The bottom line is that all these attacks and all these strange parables actually have no reflection or bearing on the reality of the situation.  Diametrically so, the arguments are as a result of their own actions some time ago and that's the strange thing.  If you took a calculated decision, some time ago and set that out and then acted on it, who's decision is it?  Who metaphorically pulled the trigger so to speak and for what purpose?  Once that action had been executed and put in place the reality slowly dawned that not only was it incorrect but it was also pretty terminal.

Now, I would have left myself an opening right there.  But oh no, rather than throw hands up and say my mistake, apologies, make up and move on.  They want to fight and make it my fault.  They are doing the Celebrity Lister shouting that it's someone else's fault.  

That's the thing isn't it, not just the betrayal in the first place, not that they've painted themselves into a corner, not big enough to own up to it, they explode with anger and resentment towards the very person who would have rescued them had they only humbled themselves and asked.  The bottom line here is it is affecting me really badly and yet I know that it shouldn't do that.  It's not my problem, it is firmly theirs but call me old fashioned if you like but it does affect me that they would choose to be like this when a phone call would have sorted this out all those months ago.  Not for want of trying on my side, they would put the phone down or just not answer.  

I must stop doing this to myself, it's all in my head and because it is (or was) a threat, it engages my INTJ brain to work out all the various paths this could take. 

What Is Wrong With Me?

 I'm back in the past again with my head.  This morning I was getting ready to go to a freind's funeral and checked the route and saw there was a lot of traffic and that there were delays of around 40 minutes it said.  Instead of planning a different route I suddenly came over all shaking and was at my claustrophobia worst, worried about getting there on time, being stuck in traffic, not being able to park and so on and the death spiral started so that I was just a mess.

What on earth was all that about?  I made my excuses and was going to go lie down in a darkened room for the rest of the day but my partner said that the best thing I could do would be to get out in the air, it's a lovely day and so I've spent hours in the garden sorting out her sunset bench and the fire-pit arrived a short while ago which sets it all off nicely.  

Of course, I've damaged my hands a bit strimming the lawn, mowing it, raking and so on, laying paving slabs and jet washing the bench.  It looks good and I feel that I have achieved something excepting my hands are in their arthritis gloves for a short while to help me recover them from all that lifting.  I do feel better, she's right but I couldn't have felt any worse frankly.

I hate that this stress and anxiety is being caused by someone who doesn't deserve to live rent free in my head.  The threat of something else happening to me, planned by him is not helping.

I have two meetings with friends on Friday and Saturday I hope that I am over this awful shaking and worry by then.  My hands have been shaking now for a few weeks not uncontrollably but visibly noticeable.

And Now I Am Angry

 So many emotions that I really don't need right now.  With all this stuff going on I find that now, today not only do I still feel a little sick (back of the throat nausea) but I am now very angry.  I've gone through the Kubler Ross cycle a few times LOL!

But here's the thing.  Wrongly accused, spitefully libelled and treated like something you stepped in isn't particularly nice after giving nothing but good vibes and being diligent etc.  I recollect that one thing I will not have done to me is to call my professionalism into question.  I once told a prospective employer to shove his job where the sun doesn't shine after he treated me as if I were some child at an interview.  Well the look on his and their faces when I told them that if they were going to treat me, a very senior engineer like a dickhead and some unruly youth and "keep an eye on me" then they could stick the job up their arses and f**k right off!  That shut them up and I picked up my stuff, walked out of the door and down to the reception area where the guy who had arranged the interview was sitting so I told him that he'd better go and see them as I'd told them where to get off.

It felt SO good.  What was funny was that my father and brother both knew these people and both said good, well done, they were all the sorts that were up their own arses.  I don't need sh1t like that.  And I don't but at the moment, I have some non-business type telling me how to run a business, what I should and shouldn't be doing and that's the least of it.  Well he can jolly well go and f**k off and when he gets there he can f**k off some more.  Not big enough to say it to my face and not clever enough to have presented the evidence to back it up, he can go and p1ss right off.

Oh I do like this, it's getting the anger out of my system.  I hate cowards and I hate idiots and I hate that they snipe at you from a safe place but haven't the guts and balls to face you.  Sometimes I hate humans for being so sh1tty.  

When You Think Things Through - It Falls Into Place.... Eventually

Choral Evensong at Rochester Cathedral yesterday was a good time to reflect on the past five or six months and to return home with a calmer, clearer mind.  

What it actually meant was I once again returned home, sat on my own and let my brain compute the various scenarios and work its way through, perhaps for one last time, where I am at and what can possibly happen now.  The result is that I have done exactly what I should have done given the horrific attack on me and that is to offer to meet and to work through the other party's problems.  They are only MY problems, if I let them be, for not one of the actions leading to this have been mine, none of the aggressive stance is mine either.  I returned a copy of a document that completely invalidates the assertions and diffuses the entirety of it.

Any interference, and he has tried to do that, has been firmly countered as he cannot conduct company business or do anything on behalf of the business as he does not have the authority to do so.  So, interestingly it boils down to that in many ways in that he is no longer a sleeping director, has no authority and no control which makes it interesting.

There's a last throw of the dice I think he may want to try but if he does he destroys everything, a nuclear option that may not be worth contesting, life is too short and I can't be bothered if he does that.

It is funny that these people value your worth as nothing but believe they hold the 'God Card' and their efforts are miraculous and omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent LOL.  On review, I can confirm that it is anything but and in fact it's been a drag on the business and still is really.

Anyway, I may be viewing the world in rose spectacles at the moment but I am pretty certain that the vast majority of the accusations can go away from whence they came and my peace offering remains on the table to be grasped or otherwise ignored.  

So, Is That It? Anymore To Come?

 Now, the limbo period where you wait to see if there are any further attacks incoming.  It's stressful but I suppose I ought to have the attitude that no news is good news but when you are dealing with irrational behaviour you never know what they'll get up to next?

Having dealt with the outright hostility by offering to sit down and discuss it, I hope I've defused some of the vitriol and vexatious accusations levelled at me.  I don't need this especially as it is unfounded and not of my making at all.

I suppose that in reality it has affected me quite deeply.  Betrayal does that but it isn't the first time and I suppose it wont be the last.  People who you think you knew turn on you or fade away never to be seen again.  I've spent time with all of them, been by their side through thick and thin, bailed them out (I really don't want to know quite how much money I'm owed - it is substantial) and invested my time with them only for them to just melt away and now I'm lucky if I hear from them once in every few years or maybe bump into them at weddings and funerals.  

It is disappointing and I suppose human nature to be so self centred and selfish.  I like the words from the Royal Family when they used the phrase "Recollections may vary" which is very much how it is at the moment excepting, I've got it in writing direct from the author and it's the trump card so to speak.  Having sent the copy of that back with my response it should make it all go away if you were sane and sensible that is.  If you are bordering on insanity and not being rational I am sure it is like a red rag to a Bull.  Let's see?

What I hate about this all is that it's not my actions, not my hurt feelings, not my ill thought through strategy and it's all unnecessary.  Just come and talk.  He won't though as he's worked himself up into a lather and it's personal.  It's not personal, it's business and that's the point, it's got nothing to do with business, it's all to do with ego, bruised as it may be, muddled thought processes, lack of understanding of the way things are done and a complete misunderstanding about how the business functions, how it makes money and the practicalities of running it day-to-day.

It's upsetting though that after a very long time working together, this has happened. Oh well, onward and upwards. 

FUD - Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt

 What are they going to do next?  It could apply to just about anything these days.  For me it is a case of exactly that, what are they going to do next?  When you are dealing with rational, logical people, you tend to have a good inkling what they will do next.  When dealing with irrational, hate filled emotional and off the rails types, then you wonder just what is coming your way.

I'm hoping that they are just going to go away but that depends on whether they have understood what their position is.  They've already made a painting into the corner move and that's the trouble, that in doing so, they've left themselves no room to manoeuvre or negotiate out of the problem they themselves have created.

Dealing with these types is dangerous as you just don't know what they are going to do as it is often illogical and so you cannot prepare for it.  It's like a fight in a Pub.  You don't know what is going to happen and there are often "afters" that impact the innocent.  If I see anything like that (it is rare these days) I'm out and gone before it kicks off.  At present it feels a bit like that.  I don't know if or when it is about to kick off, if indeed it ever will now.

Based on the previous behaviour it seems to me that I'm dealing with full illogical, revenge, vengeance anger.   There's no science in this, no logic, no particular reason.  He may be ill of course and that would perhaps explain it.  Like a cornered animal these are dangerous times for me.

I can't believe how badly this has affected me but I am much older now and I don't really need all the hassle.  When I was younger I'd thrive with this sort of conflict in a sort of gladiatorial manner.  I really don't feel that great and I find myself shaking sometimes.

As someone stated, "The process is the punishment" and so it proves to be.

Calming Down, Re-Focusing, Rational Thoughts etc

 Bloody hell, the last few weeks have been horrible and there's uncertainty and some trepidation that having kicked the problem into the long grass and hopefully disposed of it, the irrational accusations, for that's what they were, could easily raise their head again.

Such is the nature of people who set off without a preconceived plan of what they are trying to achieve continue to paint themselves into a corner and like a wounded animal it makes them desperate and dangerous.  If you conceive a plan where the outcome you want is the destruction of your fellow colleague and to grind him under your heel to dust and humiliate him then you'd better be right, you'd better have all the facts to hand and you'd better have an escape plan.  But, if you go all in through malice and vexatious intent then you will be blinded by your own anger and be unable to understand the complexities of the war (for that's what it is now) you are about to unleash.

There's no way out you see when you run a campaign on anger and without a clear strategy about what you want to achieve and how you are going to get there.  There is also the fact that you blindly believe in your case and your cause is just and perfect in your own judgement.  Heaven knows why it was felt necessary to go all in and then double down leaving no way out when the truth of the matter was demonstrated by their own hand!  Forgetting a key piece of evidence was folly and stupid and now that it is in full view, it destroys the whole reason for the min campaign.  There's no ability to retreat and there's no real chance to reconcile even though I have provided that avenue for you.  It's a big climb down and a huge loss of face but ignoring my entreaties over and over again will just add up to further painting yourself into a corner.

I imagine there's now a difficulty in having to deal with me after having abused and accused me of various things, professional stuff and that's one thing I have always maintained.  Thinking that I wouldn't have the documents to back up my position was another miscalculation on your half.  But I can see you not wanting to do the right thing and come and sit down at the table and discuss these things and retracting your falsehoods and attempting to restart.

Why do people do this?  Why do they make a rod for their own back and practice self immolation?  What on earth is the point of getting so angry (and so wrong) that you destroy all hope of reconciliation or retraction and leave yourself with a trail of destruction in your wake surely you must know that it can only lead to your own downfall?  I suppose not, people let their anger overrule their logical brain and sacrifice everything for nothing.  A shame after all these years but I cannot be my brother's keeper and I am unable to stop the little voice in his head taking him over and resulting in an outcome diametrically opposite of that which he probably felt he was going to achieve.  Sad but he has wounded me after all these years.  

I doubt I will trust anyone else in the future which is my take away damage. 

Another Shock To The System

 A Facebook posts announces the death of someone I know, not well but knew on first name terms and enjoyed his company and had a laugh with.  Shockingly he died this morning and it was announced as these things are these days on social media and it was a shock as he wasn't old and whilst he had a little ill heath he wasn't at death's door etc.  

Reading the comments I was then really shocked as someone else I knew better than this guy also died earlier this week and I hadn't heard anything about it until I read the comment.  He and I had a few interesting times up in London at various meetings and he was a special sort of character who appeared gruff and hard as nails on the outside but once you got used to his strange ways and his sense of humour you realised quite what an interesting and sharp witted man he was.

You never know do you?  It's like my friend who died in the early days of lock-down - only a young guy and I'd only been speaking to him a day or so before and gone, you never see them again do you?  It's sort of strange that you can be chatting to someone and you (and they) have no idea it will be the last time you'd interact with them and they'd be gone.

How strange it feels to write that they are no longer here and you'll not see them again.  Two in a week.  

Polling Day

It nearly didn't happen here as our Council leaders wanted to defer the vote.  I wrote complaining and got a good response from my councillors and a less than good response from the leader of the Council.  Taking away the democratic right to vote is a step too far but the way we are heading in this country at the moment.  A lot of people don't see anything wrong, many didn't know, so many don't care but these people are meant to be our servants and talk about power and pontificate over us.  Let's see if today, people who do care will demonstrate how much it really means to them.

I'm jumping the gun here but there needs to be a shaking of the ground and a reset - I have my local council wedded to climate change and carbon neutral but they don't tell you how much extra that costs.  We all know who pays and it's us, all the time.  Gone are the days when they looked after the local service for the residents.  They play party political games - watching their council meetings online is like watching playtime in a kindergarten. 

Let's see if people are awake and will vote to change things.  I'm not particularly upbeat as we've heard it all before and people don't always do what you'd expect.  It's a very sunny day here so maybe that will encourage voting.

Will the incumbents get a bloody nose?  You kind of hope so if only to get a good feel for the mood of the country.