Looking Forward To This Evening

I am going to a Masonic meeting and I am giving a talk.  I was looking for something interesting to give a talk about and there was a web site where some kind soul had put up a series of talks all of differing length and subjects.  The one that took my eye is The Statue Of Liberty and Freemasonry.  The statue was the idea of French Freemasons who raised the money and their own members actually built it.  It's a good story and I'm looking forward to doing the talk tonight.

I will have to walk there and get a bus back or walk back - it's not a problem it isn't that far at all because L has left her car on the driveway blocking mine in :-)  Oh well - not a problem and I can enjoy a drink which will be good.  I also like walking there & back it gives me exercise and I can listen to my sounds and it gives me thinking time too.

I was going to book an appointment to see my Doctor but I still have some bruising on my chest from a week or so back and if they want to redo my spirometry test I imagine that won't help my cause :-)  It can wait until I get back home at the end of next week.

I'm still really quite calm and quite laid back about things.  It's great, life's good, life's not quite exciting but you know, give it time.  I was trying to think how to describe myself these days and in many ways I'm still the old me and in some ways that's good.  I carry around so much less baggage these days though - I actually feel lighter and I feel, strange as it may sound, hollow inside.  My body doesn't feel weighed down with all the nonsense I had and I've noticed that my breath is very different - it is shallower and not so rasping it isn't stress breathing it is relaxed and measured.  

I know I'm not fully in control of everything but I am able to notice when things are happening and then actually do something about them - stop myself getting angry - although the odd outburst is inevitable - I can stop it quickly and understand what it is and change it.  I can stop bad thoughts, I can stop thoughts from the past and also stop the impossible future planning dreams.  It's all good.

Will see a friend this afternoon who's had 3 lots of Chemo and Upper Tract Cancer - not sure what his prognosis is after his meeting with his Consultant last week but he is coming to the meeting which is good.