I'm so miserable it's just like your're still here

So the saying goes - it's a bit cruel but quite funny and you have to maintain a sense of humour I think or you'd go bonkers.  

Have to say that since I've got back it's been pretty fraught around here.  I also feel terrible about things, I really hate hurting people and more so Mrs. F. she looks so sad and so hurt all the time.  Of course I suppose you can balance that with how I've been and the hurt I've had over the years too?  I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for her but I know it could never work or be repaired it's too far gone and it needs two to change.

I guess that I'm the one who has finally got it all off my chest and off my back and I notice that my throat has finally returned to being normal after being quite husky for weeks possibly months.  Stress no doubt and I was pretty glad that my mum was OK with this and wasn't upset which was the last stress point and worry.  Mind you I'm her son so I guess there's that to balance it all.  
Just had a catch up coffee with Flocky Bicep and discussed getting a House together as he too is separating from his wife.  That would work out well I think and allows us to get a bigger place for the same sort of money as if we were getting a single flat each.

I'm hoping that it will be pretty quick so I can move out and we can get used to being apart.  Until then I can immerse myself in work and get cracking with decluttering which is going OK at the moment.  It is amazing how much stuff you collect when you've been in the same house for 25 years!  I'm hoping to be able to spend some time this week to work on the business a bit further.  I've got the Accountant's stuff now and the Bank Account so things are lining up.

It is quite interesting being the "new me" because by now I'd have stuff organised and stuff in boxes, check lists and plans and I've got the square root of nothing :-) No plans, no ideas at all as until we find a place then it doesn't matter what plans I've got.  It is great just having that freedom of mind these days and not being trapped within the plans and outcomes.

In many ways I have a fortunate personality type as I can just walk away from this and move on and not dwell on it but I'm also so glad that I dumped all that past stuff too and also got rid of the voice in my head as well - it makes a huge difference and allows me to get on with it without any pressure now.  

All I want now is to get out of the house and let what will be, be.  People are thinking about Christmas and arrangements - I think I will wait until nearer the time to make up my mind on that.