Stressed? Angry? Upset?

Not me surprisingly.  It was amazing to myself that I wasn't after telling Mrs. F. I wanted out.  It was the worst thing I have ever had to do as, let's face it, I had been thinking about it for years and the last few days almost brought me to a standstill, my throat constricted I could hardly talk so stressed out was I by what I was about to do.  My throat is better now after I saw my mum last week as that too was stressful especially being made to wait close to 10 weeks to say anything.  

Immediately afterwards though, after I'd managed to cut through the guilt I felt in upsetting her, for I've never upset her like that before in my whole life - in fact I don't think I've ever done that to anyone - caused so much misery to them.  I felt pretty wretched but once I'd reassured myself that I'd done the right thing - and goodness knows after all the years it was the right thing, the pressures lifted and the weight came off, the stress left my body and I was able to begin to breath properly and there was clarity of thought too.  Suddenly, I was going to be "free" of this burden and I was going to be able to work on getting my life back.

It's a complete role reversal now.  I see Mrs. F looking so sad these days and of course I feel for her and of course I sympathise but I'd felt like that for 15 years I have to keep reminding myself.  I wouldn't say that to her of course.  I just hope that she comes to terms with it as quickly as possible because she does look so very upset.  

So I keep getting asked am I stressed out? "This must be a difficult time for you?" and the answer is no it isn't really.  It feels no different from normal in the house, in fact we probably speak a bit more but only short sentences :-) When I actually get a place then it may be different but, whether it is wrong or not, I feel excited and charged up by the idea of moving on and then getting my own place, setting up my business and making a go of that and all those good things.  Yes I'm super charged up and ready to face the world and whatever gets chucked at me.