Losing the need to achieve anything

I used to beat myself up about all sorts of things and it makes me smile just writing this as I know why I came up with this thought. It was that with the bank now way over their 72 hour return call promise to get back to me might until recently have bugged the hell out of me because I couldn't "get on" until I'd got that milestone nailed and achieved the goal and the task and now, well - it doesn't matter that much at all - after all it is just a day or so and I'm not desperate to start the business until later this month and I'm also filling in the time decluttering the house and finally getting rid of my stuff on eBay.

I've got loads of stuff to just get out of my life and just wonder what on earth was I thinking when I bought it, asked for it and worse than that somethings I have I never used them ever.  How bad is that :-) 

I am working steadily through a list of things I want to get done and it isn't frustrating me any longer that it takes time or that some of it is drudgery - it has to get done and so just do it and do it with a good heart and it gets done and things tick along nicely.  I think you should have a sense of achievement a pride in doing things but missing a deadline or something slipping a day or so is in the longer term not that important (yes I know there are some exceptions).  What I mean is that if I don't quite complete all the things I set out to do it isn't because I am useless or bad at something.  It might be because I took my time or perhaps that I enjoyed doing something that I got involved in it.  There's just no reason anymore to feel bad about it, to gang up on myself and hurt myself for what at the end of the day isn't life threatening or likely to even go noticed in the world other than in myself and in my own head!  

It's been great getting to this point and it gets better every day my attitude is good and my temperament is good and I am good at holding stuff in check but not like I used to.  When I used to get angry I would seethe internally and go off an be quiet (vision of little black cloud following me around over my head).  Now sure I may feel angry but it disappears as I stop myself, see where the anger came from, check it, and it dissolves - it's just a matter of disengaging when you feel it and then to let it dissolve back realising that it wasn't necessary and it surely wouldn't help matters.  I love the control but I also like that fact that there's no longer any brooding about things - once it is gone and dismissed it doesn't come back to nag me later because it is in the past and it is gone :-)

It would have been nice to have had this sort of mental knowledge and control years ago allowing me to have moved on sooner but perhaps I wasn't "ready" for it and maybe I had to get to the brink before finally it all made sense and it also that I was ready to decide never to go back there again once I'd changed myself around.