Continues to take me up and down the emotional highs and lows of living with 'post cancer' survival. I had a great day yesterday and yet arrived home and from being high I ended up being morose and down. That's how quick it can come and go these days. An interesting conversation this morning suggested that it can take a decade or more to get over the impact that having had cancer makes to your body.
Your body goes through all sorts of changes and of course the treatments and the operations and tests all take their toll. It's difficult to explain to someone who hasn't had the full Hospital experience and the build up to operations and treatments quite what this means. It's exhausting both physically and mentally and as I said many times in this blog it is very similar to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and so there's all sorts of problems including depression and sleep problems, ups and downs and the most incredible fatigue you can imagine.
What this means is that this makes it difficult to make decisions or be rational sometimes as your emotional state is switching about and making logical thought difficult. I know and realise this and so tend to take my time to come to conclusions but of course in talking and writing it tends to put a different slant on things. What I mean by that is that it depends on what my mood is like as to the way I write, talk and act so it's a bit like living with a schizophrenic I guess :-)
Anyway, I'm all OK today so far.
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