Things are a little better. My mate gave me a call which was good of him and that's made me feel a little better. I'm not sure if I am going to get myself up to go out next week. I kind of hope so but I'll make a decision over the next day or two - that's standard procrastination that comes with this sort of depression. You leave it and leave it and then corner yourself :-)
It's been a strange day today as I've not actually done anything constructive as such. Taken the bins out and fixed my Stove Fans that I killed by having the log burner burning over 300 C!! Oops. Hopefully, they'll be fixed by inserting these new components.
So I still feel sick most of the time, not like I'm about to throw up but it's there just in my stomach, clear signs of stress and a reminder to me that everything is not "alright", far from it. At least I know what it is, I can manage it, I'm in control most of the time but the flashbacks are most unusual. These are daydreams, full colour and sound of incidents of my life. Everything from encounters with specific business situations, girlfriends and other meetings with people who I thought I'd long ago forgotten about. Going back to my teens and my first job and the people I met at College and so on. It is most unexpected and also somehow, these flashbacks are tinged with regrets. What might of happened plays out in many of them. People lost along the journey is also a common theme. By that I mean people I was close to in my working life and we just drifted apart and that was it, I never saw them again and it plays on my mind now but I don't know why.
Here's the thing, you cannot change anything that happened to you, nor can you worry about it or I suppose regret it. It happened, it was what it was and could be no other outcome and it's over. You can only truly deal with now, this moment. You cannot do anything about what might happen tomorrow nor should you worry about it either. I'm expecting something stupid to land in my email from the narcissistic idiot. I should not worry about it but I am. I need to take my own medicine or eat your own dog food as it was once put to me :-) It goes back to my absolute hate of idiots and stupid people (stupid by nature or by design). People who are incompetent, stupid, feckless and unprofessional will bring out the worst in me too. No one needs to be ignorant or stupid but a lot are. I'm very surprised that their brain tell them to breathe or sit the right way up on a toilet but I suppose it might be hard programmed thing and nothing to do with intellect.
I now tend to treat the majority of people as stupid unless proven otherwise. There's a total lack of common sense these days. Stuff on the TV is obviously bollocks and no one calls it out. Useless statistics make huge claims about pollution, nature, climate change, and so on and people regurgitate this stuff as fact. One of the claims was that let's say butterfly numbers are 70% lower this year. OK, lower than what? What number are we talking about, over what period etc etc. This stuff is cherry-picked out. Like the hottest temperature ever at Heathrow Airport. Firstly, there wasn't an airport in the 18th century, it certainly wasn't surrounded by square miles of brick, concrete and tarmac and aircraft pushing out hot exhaust emissions. So how is that representative of "The Climate" utter bollocks once again.
Why do rational human beings swallow all this stuff and regurgitate it parrot fashion to you? I have no idea, these are the mask-wearing public who think that if you walk around a shop in one direction only saves you from getting a cold? Who thinks that an IFR of .096 is frightening, who sees death as some sort of outcome of getting a cold when they are fit and healthy. When will people see that they've been played, that they've been part of one of the worst lies in history.
And so probably this too is playing on my mind in as much as the vast majority of people I speak to seem to have had their intellect stolen. They no longer discuss things they take sides and argue aggressively and use ad hominem attacks to make their points. Since when did shouting at people and calling them names secure an argument? I had an interesting conversation with someone about climate change just before Christmas and it was a civilised discussion about facts. I challenged their accepted thinking about CO2. Having worked with that particular gas most of my life, I think that I can discuss its properties quite well. I gave the example of bailing out CO2 fire suppressant that had gone off in a transformer bay. It was bailed out by hand using buckets. It, being heavier than air (let's call it) was trapped in the chamber and needed to be removed. At no time did that room get any warmer. When I asked how much CO2 was in the atmosphere, they were wrong by a factor of hundreds. Most people think it warms the atmosphere but if it is just 415 parts per million i.e. 0.04% then how does it do that? Everyone appears to have forgotten thermodynamics and surely water vapour is a great greenhouse gas than CO2? Surely it must be? Just think about other things like how much water there is on the planet. I like the warming poles too, that makes me chuckle as it is warming twice as fast there they say. What does that even mean???? It means nothing at all. For it to melt, wouldn't it need to be able 0 degrees C? In winter in the northern hemisphere, it's dark and cold the sun doesn't shine at all on it and some odd molecule of CO2 is going to heat it up and melt it?
So where am I rambling, oh yes, of course, do some basic investigation, do some research and fact-checking and ask is that right? How would that work then? What are the figures behind the claims and so on. No one asks these basic questions and we are lied to constantly and it once again, irritates me that people accept what they hear and see on the Radio and TV as fact without challenging it and then proceed to berate me about my lack of knowledge. Of course, once I'm belting out the facts and challenging them, they generally go quiet or they say "You're a climate change denier!" Always a useful addition to a conversation is that. Bravo, you've used a phrase alluding to Holocaust denial to prove that you are right and to close down any debate. That's annoying me too.
Blimey I didn't mean to write that lot but obviously, it was in my head so it's good to get rid of it. Maybe I've a few more issues that I thought I had :-)
Onwards and Upwards.
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