Something to Ponder

I'll write a bit more but:

• No sign of tiny recurrence / tumour
• No sign of anything untoward in bladder
• Biopsies taken to check anyway

This is like Scar Wars X - then they saw a red mark / spot and did a TURBT only to find nothing.

What makes this different for me is:

1. I thought I was some tissue fly out while urinating a few weeks before the flexible cystoscopy
2. It is difficult to interpret but some of my urine strips appear to show trace blood 
3. I thought the Locum suggested that my Cytology had results that supported his observations
4. It is the second time this has happened to me - are there more false positives

I can't even begin to tell you what a relief this is for me.

A Couple Of Hours To Go

I've eaten a late (very) late meal of scrambled eggs.  They suggest that it is worth doing and I'm still drinking water.  It is just gone 1am and I'm winding down for the night.  I'm going to get up at 6 and have a shower and then get ready to go - I have to leave at 7:15 to be there at 7:45.  I hate the fact that I have to sit in Planned Investigations - I've seen people sitting there at 9 in the morning and I don't find that a great place - it is ridiculously hot too and so I'll sit near the door and get some breeze as that opens and closes.  I'll also just wear a light tee shirt too.

I have enough music on two MP3 players and my Phone so that if I am in overnight I can entertain myself.  I really don't speak to anyone as I'm really not that interested in discovering what people have or not and the quality of patient small talk isn't ever great I've found.

Some good wishes emails have arrived which were thoughtful and thankfully received.  Nice to know people are thinking about you.  This time tomorrow it will all be over and I guess I'll know something of what has happened and also what the next steps are likely to be.  I then need to get my arse into gear and sort out my future.  However the week is also full of meetings - Thursday Night - postponed drink with the lads (from Tuesday).  Friday Night a  Lodge meeting then I have two meetings on Saturday one with lunch and one with dinner (thank goodness it is cheat day).

I just hope they haven't beaten me about too much in the meantime.  Best get off to bed now - it's going to be a busy morning as three of us will be getting ready and having showers - hence I need to be up first - even more so that I can have a final drink at 06:30....

More when I get back.

One Day To Go

It will most probably all be over by this time tomorrow - although the only other time I've been in early and didn't get seen until the late afternoon and was terribly dehydrated was probably the first or second time.  I can remember just waiting for ever and ever and eventually they took pity on me and let me rinse my mouth.  It didn't help we were waiting in a room with a water cooler!  Great :-)

I'm OK this morning - no jitters or nerves at the moment.  Had a good breakfast and continuing drinking water and I'm going to take it easy today.  I'll be reading up some more about Type 2 Diabetes but the more I read the remoter it is from how I am and how I feel but the proof will be when I do some blood work.  I haven't got a sharps bin yet so I will wait until I get that and after a day or so after I return from Hospital.  It will be interesting to get some readings and to record meals, weight, glucose and perhaps urine tests and my blood pressure over a period of time and then "have a conversation" with my GP.  I've just ordered my BP drugs online so let's see if that works again this time.  They haven't called me in for a review even though one is due and when I called they said to wait until there was an attachment on the prescription form.  

I've got my music and books (Kindle) ready to go in and my bag needs a final pack and that will be that.  I need to reread my notes from Wednesday's Pre-Assessment and make sure I eat and drink "up to the wire" ready for tomorrow.  They suggested, for the first time ever, not to take my Aspirin in the morning which is fine by me.  It's not as if I miss out on these - I think I have only ever missed one or two in all the time I've taken them and normally it would be a Statin on a late night back or falling asleep before taking it.

There's a Grand Prix on a little later so I will sit and watch that and study my books and see if I can make any sense at all of the Type 2 stuff.  The one thing I do know is that it is possible to reverse Type 2 and as I'm currently eating a low glycemic index, low insulin diet, albeit without the full exercise regime to go with it (I need to sort this out), I can't imagine I'm a Type 2 but there you go.  The tale of the tape - or blood monitor will tell and once I've got data to work with, then we can do something about it.  I certainly don't want to be in and out of the Hospital having loads of blood tests - I've enough to worry about with the "Tiny Recurrence" 

Let's hope that it is just that, tiny, insignificant and that I won't require treatment.  If I need to, then I need to but, let's see what happens.  With any luck my Alkali treatment will have kept things in check too.

Cheat Day - A Sort Of Non-Event

As if I hadn't had enough cheat days this week - but there you go.  I hardly did anything other than spike my system with some bread and beer.  Other than that - not much to report.

I am getting a bit of the jitters ahead of Monday but it looks like it will be a dry yet cold day and I'll probably walk to the Hospital.  I have my wife's number so I can call her at work (very rarely am I allowed to use that).  I have no idea how long I'll be there but I reckon that there won't be the pressure to get out I normally put on myself and so with a whole afternoon to leap through the hoops of things to be done to go home, it might be that I can come home as she comes home from work - that would be nice.

Feeling a tiny bit sorry for myself this evening but I suppose that I'm allowed to do that.  Getting a recurrence really is a nuisance and it throws up some long term concerns for me (us) too.  I was hoping to talk about some of those with Mrs. F. today but she was otherwise busy - maybe tomorrow :-)

Good News

An ex-colleague has been given the all clear after 5 years of treatment. Good for her!

I went out last night to my friend's party and it was worth it.  It was one of those interesting evenings - I did well for most of it sticking to red wine when some wag decided to bring something called a Jägerbomb so I had two of those rather reluctantly I hasten to add.  The "hit" if I can call it that was in the Red Bull I guess and so having destroyed my best efforts to stick to diet we then went to a Turkish restaurant and ended up having a small beer and some great food which was also way off diet.  Got home OK and then sat in front of the TV watching a concert (Rush).

Feeling sort of OK this morning but a little stressed - it's difficult to explain.  It's a sort of anxiety which you can feel right inside your stomach and throughout your core.  It's manageable and that's the main thing.  I've started to get things ready and my Blood glucose monitor has arrived together with the spare lancets and test strips.  I don't have the sharps box yet (to dispose of the lancets) and whilst I've set it up I may just do a practice shot and then wait until after the hospital and operation to set up and do this regularly.

To Go Or Not To Go

I was umming and arring what to do and finally after Flocky gave me a call I decided I ought to go up to London to meet my mate - it is his 60th Birthday and in many ways whilst I don't feel that great, perhaps this will take my mind off things.  I certainly knew I'd feel  a bit rough by now and so it proves - my whole core feels ill but perhaps this change of scenery and my friends will cheer me up?

I got good news this morning from another Masonic Order I am in - I've got an active office for next year and a pretty senior one at that - it is totally unexpected but nevertheless appreciated and it is a great honour.  

Right off to get ready and head off to London for the party.

Great Evening (and Afternoon for that matter)

I arrived at the station too early and found my travelling companion already there and so we jumped the early train and headed off to London - there was an almighty shower of rain as we got near but when we arrived it was quite pleasant and so we walked to Drury Lane and then popped into a pub and we had a couple of drinks prior to the meeting.  The meeting was really good as was the reception and meal afterwards - I do like Champagne and there was plenty of that to start with.  A number of us travelled home together and that was nice - we had quite a laugh on the train and I managed to get a laugh out of some of the travellers as I explained how my travelling companion had to change in another room to us but came in.  I suggested that we "give the old chap a few pence for a tea and send him on his way" :-)

Anyway, it was a very pleasant day and that's the great thing - finally we've gotten around to the fact that we are in this to enjoy it.  Some people don't get that.  It was nice to meet up with a number of the Masters and Secretaries - we all go to each other's meetings as honoured guests - affectionately known as the Mafia or the Red Apron Mafia.  I may even get to go out more next year as the chap taking over from me really isn't a travelling sort and so I may get to represent him during his year - who knows?

Chatting to a friend about the "diabetic" issue he was surprised that I'd not shown any symptoms considering the "masonic meals" I eat and also the drink and everything else.  I'm surprised too I have to say - I don't recollect having any Hypos but of course there is the day after cheat day when I do often feel rough and I would probably have eaten stuff that would spike my insulin - mind you this doesn't happen until the next day and so it's all a bit of a mystery.  At least all my stuff I notice has been dispatched and so I'll do some checking of my own on this.

Lots of people were wishing me well tonight and some who had heard were a bit distressed but others once I told them wished me well and I'm still pretty positive about all of this - it will be what it will be (of course) but the words used are "tiny recurrence" this is on the left wall of my bladder beyond the ureteric orifice.  I'm on the urgent list and so it obviously can't be left for too long but let's see what happens.

I'm certainly OK tonight about it - I feel fit and crazily I feel pretty healthy - losing the weight helped a lot of course and I hope that helps in recovery too.  

Another Day In London

I think I will make this the last thing I do before Monday - I need to go into my shell for a few days.  At least I'll be seen on Monday morning not have to wait until the afternoon.  They've told me to prepare for an overnight stay - not that I particularly want to do that but at least I have all afternoon to recover and see if I can get off home, whatever the terms and conditions are this time.  I've learnt not to pre guess them - they continue to change.

Today I'm meeting someone and we are off early so I need to start to get ready this morning!  I have to leave just after I've had lunch we will be there in plenty of time so perhaps can have a leisurely drink.

At least I shouldn't be home too late.  I'm still annoyed about this type 2 diabetes thing but I'll sort that out after I've been in and recovered.  

All ordered

Glucose monitor, strips, lancets and sharps box, software downloaded and I will hopefully get all the stuff next week and can do some checking on blood glucose levels and see where it is all heading.  The software looks cool and you can do all sorts of averages and trend monitoring.  

It will give me some ammunition and give me enough data to discuss what needs to be done, if anything.  I'd be very surprised if I have any problems but there you go forearmed is forewarned etc.  It will also be interesting to see how the diet I am on is affecting my blood.

On the FOCC experiment - today I tried 3 cottage cheese to one Flax Seed Oil and then added some tomato puree to make it into a marie rose type sauce and whilst the tomato made a bit of difference it didn't make it much nicer.  I shall try various options until I get something that is palatable.  My pH remains at 7.5 and above although early this morning it was as acid as I've ever seen it but then again I had been out eating and drinking the day before.  Although I tried to keep to diet it was almost impossible.  I enjoyed the food and the company and the drink too and this Thursday is also another difficult day too.   Anyway the main thing is that I know enough to keep to diet or as near as possible the major thing is to have or continue to have low insulin and low glycemic index foods.  Well now I can check myself and that's the main thing - at least I will be able to determine what is going on with this body of mine. 

Thanks GP

Interesting pre-assessment - now done at the Out Patients area and by one of the senior staff on the Urology Ward who I've seen before.  It was very quick and of course my Blood Pressure was through the roof.  Sky High - it came down of course and once we'd had "the chat" well things got on fine until she queried my questionnaire form.  

She said I read that you were a diabetic and I said no I definitely wasn't a diabetic but that years ago I got a bollocking from my doctor for eating too much fruit and since then I'd changed my diet.  She then dug out a letter from my GP saying that I was a Type 2 Diabetic controlled by diet.  Well - hold on a minute, when were they going to tell me this news - rather important I'd have said?  Anyway, I shall bring this up the next time I have a review which must be due soon.  Maybe I'll do a few tests and get a handle on whether I do have a problem.  Certainly the urine tests aren't throwing up anything noticeable and I suppose I ought to get some glucose tests done but I hate blood work but perhaps in this instance it will be worth doing.

Anyway the upshot is she has me down as a diabetic type 2 controlled by diet.  Of course I'm on a low glycemic index diet anyway so I'm doing the right thing but  frankly, it would have been nice of them to tell me FFS.

I didn't need the ECG this time - I'm not that old and everything else was tickety boo so that's great.  In on Monday and let's see what they come up with.

Pre-Assessment Day

Indeed - pre-assessment day is here.  My second letter arrived and as I noted the words "tiny recurrence" are in it so that's OK.  Of course my original G3pTa and CIS aren't going to help matters in the longer run and so - well - you never know - they may need to do something a bit more radical dependent on how things move on from here.

For now - I'm doing all I can to make sure that I give myself the best chances and I'm certainly keeping to my diet and continuing to take my flax seed oil and keeping my alkali levels above 7.5 - let's see if that does anything.  

If I continue to have recurrences it will lead inevitably to something more radical and whilst that isn't particularly pleasant - I still need to be aware of it.  I suppose I just need to see what grad this recurrence (tiny as it is) may be and we go from there.

It's Late - It's Deep and Meaningful :-) To Me!

And so it is.  It IS late and I've had a drink.,  my words are a sober man's thoughts I suppose?  I had a few chats tonight about what I'd like to do now.  Of course, present surgical procedures and prognosis will determine some of this but it is nice to note that I have a tiny recurrence.  That is something for me to grasp onto.

I do, however, still have a problem.  That is what am I to do with myself from here on in?  I feel great, I've now dipped below 16 stone and I'm getting back to my stable pre cancerous weight :-) So many people are on my side and are helping me - it really is so nice.  I really have to wait until next Monday to sort out what will happen to but I am assured that I will have people in place should I need to.  That really is reassuring to me but I hope that I will be able to do all of this myself. I suppose next Monday's outcome will tell.

It is so nice that people have stepped up to the plate though.

A Great Day Out

I was very pleased with today - Breakfast at Simpsons and then to get promoted to a Past Provincial Grand Junior Warden and then a nice meal with great friends and a taxi ride to another friend and a late train journey home and it is gone 1 in the morning now!  What  great day I've had.  I was one of the first called up to the top step as a Past Provincial Officer - third in line and it sort of shows how long I've been around - just a few months over 30 years!

When I got home I had a letter from the Hospital.  The gist is "This has shown a tiny recurrence on the left wall of the bladder beyond the ureteric orifice"  The plan is to have a biopsy and diathermy - basically a TURBT as far as I can tell.  Anyway - I'll find out a little later today at my pre-assessment.

I take heed in the fact that it is a tiny recurrence and let's hope it is just that and it can be contained through management.

I've had a great day and that's the important thing - the last time I had a day like this would be 6 years ago when I had the active office as Sword Bearer.  Here is my picture in the Lodge carrying the sword - one of the most memorable days of my life!  That's me in the middle of Grand Lodge holding the sword.  I suppose - unless you are in Masonry - you won't understand what this means but there I am, in front of the Provincial Grand Master, in front of 1,200 or more people.  One of the proudest days of my Masonic Career.  There aren't many who can say they've done this for sure.

Looking Forward To Tomorrow

Whilst I have to be up and moving early - it will be fun as we are off to meet for breakfast at Simpsons in the Strand - a bit extravagant but hey this may be my last time to be promoted, I'm about as far up the tree as I can be (only one possible promotion without becoming a member of the Executive).  So breakfast will really push the boat out to start our day, then I can grab a drink or two before I need to be on duty at around 1 pm.  Then the meeting starts at 2:30 (for me) and then we will dine in the Grand Connaught Rooms in the evening before going on for a few evening drinks and heading our way homeward.

I've been going to this for around 23 years (I think) and only ever missed a few although I've often been to the meeting and not dined.  I like the idea of getting a coach up there from the local centre but as I'm inevitably working on the day as a Steward (a type of usher) I don't get the chance to do that - it is meant to be good fun.

Anyway - I'm looking forward to this as I have the pre-assessment on Wednesday and it just takes my mind off of that.

It is meant to be warm and sunny today and as is to be expected, the clouds rolled over mid morning and have stayed rolled over - so much for the "heat wave" promised.  Mind you they say heat wave and it was going to be 19 degrees - they also say we have an epidemic when only 1000 people are infected - what school of journalism did these people go to?  Makes you wonder.  I particularly like the fact that they can't get the weather right a day in advance but can predict the climate way into the future using the same modelling computer.  Yea - right!  

A glimmer of hope - a gap in the cloud and the sun has just peaked out.  Like all good Englishmen, with a possibility of sun it's on with the barbecue - three pullovers and just go and enjoy ourselves :-)

FOCC Experimentation

I used to have my FOCC (Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese) with breakfast cereal or with probiotic yoghurt which made it quite palatable and I also used to make my own sort of muesli type arrangement with dried fruit, berries and grains.  However, all of these food stuffs are off the menu as they contain in varying quantities of carbohydrates and or other sugars that I just don't eat day to day.  So I've been trying to use the FOCC more like a mayonnaise that I can have with salads etc.  The trouble is, it is very salty and it just doesn't appear to work well with prawns, tuna, egg etc.  

I've realised that I've been making up a reasonably large batch of it anyway - 4 Tbsp Cottage Cheese to 2 of Flax Seed Oil blended.  So today I made 2 Tbsp to 1 which meant that I didn't have to work through as much as I normally have.  I then added tomato puree - be careful some have strange ingredients but the one I got just has Citric Acid in it so that's fine.  I had a mixture of Avocado and some left over prawns and tuna and some crab sticks which seemed to go down OK with the FOCC and Tomato Puree making a sort of sour marie rose sauce.  I'm still experimenting to get this right - I might try some mustard powder and lemon juice to try and mask the Flax Seed taste.

I'm continuing the Bicarbonate of Soda twice or three times a day and let's see what happens after my operation and the results of that.  I'm pretty keen to make sure that I give myself every chance of beating this recurrence and I'm doing whatever it takes to do so.

A Better Day After Cheat Day

Must have been tired out as I slept in and dozed until around midday (yes I know but I must have been really tired).  This got over the having to force breakfast down and I felt fine when I got up.  I had some scrambled eggs and mushrooms and my pint of cold water, half teaspoon of Bicarb and a coffee and feel fine no queasy feelings at all.  

There's plenty of activity going on in the house as it is a Bank Holiday tomorrow A and her friends are around making stuff for a picnic tomorrow which is meant to be a nice day.  We are awaiting L's boyfriend to arrive through the holiday traffic and other than that - it is a quiet Sunday.

I'm looking forward to an interesting week - I'm out twice on Masonic business this week - I get a promotion Tuesday and so I'm spending a day out with friends doing that. On Wednesday it is pre-assessment day so I just need to get that out of the way and then on Thursday back up to London for another Masonic meeting where I'm a guest of honour.  It should be interesting as that's the one I went to last year when the heavens opened and everyone got soaked.  It should be a fun day out.

I'm not sure now if I want to go to my mate's 60th on the Friday and also a further meeting on the Saturday.  I think I might just duck those as I'll be getting cranky and when I get cranky I tend to overdo things.

Cheat Day

Yay - cheat day has arrived and I'm looking forward to a day of not being too tied to my diet.  I have continued with the bicarbonate of soda (in water) three times a day just after meals - this I hope will continue to keep my body Alkali and I'll do a few more tests later - I tend to do mid morning and mid afternoon.  I find that I'm keeping to a pH of 7.5 or a little above.  I can see the test result for a little trace blood in my urine but that's to be expected with a small tumour in the bladder.  At least I see no haematuria (blood in the urine) which is pretty awful and spooks you out.  I haven't seen any tissue being passed either since some weeks before the procedure.

I'm reminded that on Monday it is the 35th running of the 1066 motorbike jamboree - some information here. A lot (thousands I reckon) assemble up the road from us and all you can hear are bikes going up and down the main road for a hours until about 9:30 when all you can hear are the roar of motorbikes and they seem to keep coming past the end of the road for well over an hour.  More information here.  It cause quite a bit of congestion for perhaps 3 or 4 hours in the morning but after that it all quietens down.  It's certainly not a day to go down to Hastings unless you have a bike I guess.

It should be a nice day for it - I can't imagine we will want to venture out although I may go and have a look at the bikes this year.  I used to take the girls along to watch the bikes.  Some pop wheelies and do short burn outs to entertain the "crowds" which turn out to watch.

Working on whether to go to the pub at lunchtime or not - I suppose it depends if Mrs. F. brings back beer from the supermarket! :-)

Feeling sort of OK today as I intend to try and make the best of cheat day and the long weekend.  

Nice morning out

It's a lovely day out there, blue sky, not too hot and good old Flocky suggested a meet for a coffee - which was just what the doctor ordered - or he would have done if I'd spoken to him I guess! :-)  A quick trip to the supermarket and got my lunch and dinner - some prawns to go with my FOCC and some Mussels for tonight - I also bought some celery and mushrooms to go with the Mussels - nice!  I made a sort of prawn cocktail with lettuce, tomato, cucumber and the FOCC mixture.  There's still something missing - I think it tastes far too savoury and salty and I thought about making a marie rose sauce until I looked at the contents of the Tomato sauce (Ketchup)  loaded with Fructose - how awful that everything appears to have corn syrup, fructose, sugar etc in it.  I'm going to see if I can try something else like perhaps Red Pesto to change the taste.  I never used to notice it before but of course I had it with cereals and yoghurt both notorious for bucket loads of "sugar" however disguised in it.

Cheat day tomorrow and if it is really nice - I might suggest a lunchtime trip up to my local - I haven't been there for ages and I feel like having a few beers and lighten up a bit.  I need to regain my sense of humour and do some pragmatic working out of my situation.  I think the recurrence is a body blow although it's not the end of the world by any means it adds to a complicated mish mash of things going on which are all about life, the universe and all that good stuff.  I don't trust myself to make any long term decisions at the moment - I feel that I'm thinking straight and yet somehow don't feel comfortable with what I'm coming up with - being an intuitive sort - this mistrust defies the logic that I put into reviewing the situation and coming up with a plan of action.  

Anyway - nice to get out and lighten things up this morning and the walk was very pleasant indeed as well as good company and a couple of decent black Americano coffees went down just fine.  Here's to a good weekend and fingers crossed the sun will continue to shine.

It's Not Surprising I'm A Bit Down

Mrs. F. - bless her!  Gets back from work and she doesn't really want to go out for our anniversary even though I'd asked a number of times during the week etc.  So that's fine by me, I thought it might cheer me up and perhaps be different from a night in.  I was ready to go out but there you go it got into a circular death spiral of british understatement and pleasantries and niceties dancing around the fact and being overly polite and so we ended up doing nothing.

I made myself some food and then Mrs. F. sort of realised half way through the evening that I was a bit quieter than normal.  I guess I was looking forward to even an hour out of the house but there you go it wasn't to be.  I think that the disappointment is all the more as I'd been doing some planning and ideas stuff during the day and need to spend some time discussing this with Mrs. F. before I go any further - it's no use me going off and doing my thing if it's the wrong thing for the wrong reasons and doesn't add up to where I or we need to go.

We have the long weekend coming up and next week I've got a pretty full time being out Tuesday and Thursday in London and Pre-Assessment on Wednesday.  

A Long Hot Summer Would Be Nice

The sun is out today and indeed yesterday I enjoyed a walk to the centre in glorious warm sunshine.  We certainly could do with a good summer especially after last year's wash out.  I saw something amusing this morning from one of our national newspapers - they suggest that May will be so dry that we will have water shortages.  Where do they get these people from - it hasn't stopped raining here for about a year when they last predicted a drought.  

In fact I recall a huge storm over London around this time last year as I went to a meeting and many people came in soaked from head to foot.  I was lucky I got in the door as the first lightning flashed and the thunder rattled the windows - it was amazing hail turned the roads white in seconds.  

The sun is shining brightly and things are OK - I've just called on my neighbour to tell him a number of things but mainly about a mutual acquaintance - the chap I met in the pub last year who was showing signs of dementia.  He's now in a home and they are looking to put him in another home but unfortunately he's turned a little violent which is so sad.  I've also just told him about my little tumour.  He had a lung removed suffering from Lung Cancer and so between the two of us we've been in the wars a bit :-)

I really do fancy just going away after my commitments are over this year and just having a lingering month or more in a Villa in France or perhaps Portugal or Spain and just chilling out.  we used to stay at a nice place in the Tarn area of France and enjoyed that.  It had a series of terraces at each wing of the old farmhouse, a lovely swimming pool and various garden areas.  There was enough space for 11 of us and yet we never tripped over each other and you could always find somewhere to be alone if you wanted.  That would do nicely right now just a place to chill out and recharge the batteries so that I could come back gird my loins and make a decision about what I want to do with the 10 or more years of working life I have and also more importantly to have a series of plan B scenarios in place should I need them.

Mrs. F. and I have been married for 32 years today - it doesn't feel that long ago which I suppose is a bonus.

Run Away And Hide

Tempting isn't it?  Just run away and leave it all behind and get a new life and just go and disappear off the face of the earth.  Well that's much what I'd like to do right now.  I've a mind to just melt away into the background.  I've got another opportunity to go for a job but you know what?  I'm not sure I want the stress or grief of it at all.  I just want to go and become a recluse somewhere and just drop off the radar for a year or so.  That would suit me.

I have so many things I could do, so many avenues I could pursue but I just don't know what I want to actually do at the moment.  In some ways - I suppose - the upcoming operation and the outcome of the tests will determine where next I could go.  In my mind I'd like to just disappear off abroad to some idyllic spot and just chill with some local wine and food and of course sun and perhaps sea or similar surroundings.

I'm not thinking straight  and I don't know what my prognosis actually is so in some ways the dreaming is for nothing at the moment.

Expected

As I suspected, they aren't going to take my job application any further and I managed to give them some serious feedback about the lack of process, attention to detail and time it took to go through the process.  In many ways it has given me the time to think through things and to consider my next move(s).  In other ways it has also thrown up more questions than answers too.

It's both disappointing in some ways and not so in others - I'm not absolutely sure I would have enjoyed it and things work out for the best in the end anyway.  It would certainly have not been easy to have started when I might be needing treatment on a regular basis anyway.

Now I have to consider whether to go for the other job - it involves a lot of hours, travel and grief.  Can't see why I should do that either - it might be good to find something with minimal stress I think.

Ups and Downs

To be expected especially as I just heard of a couple of people I knew have died recently from cancer.  I begin to wonder how much of this is 'modern' living and down to our food and lifestyle.  I understand that it is pretty recent but of course it could also be down to our living longer in general.  

I'm not in a dark place by any means and I just have my moments every now and then, reflection stuff not particularly anything other than that.  Of course these procedures aren't great things but I'll just go through with them and let things play out - what else can you do?

Today is a strange day though as it has started off quite cold and I feel as if I could easily go back to bed and sleep for the rest of it :-)  Not sure why I'm feeling this tired but I'm up now and had my breakfast and bicarb afterwards later on today I'm off to a meeting and who knows I might finally hear from this company that I've been interviewing with for 7 or 8 months now.  We played telephone tag yesterday so I hope that perhaps today we might get somewhere one way or the other.

Not much else to report really other than the slight pit of the stomach nerves stuff and I'm used to that - once I get myself into the zone I'll be fine.  Luckily there are a number of distractions coming up that should take my attention until then.

That's it - sorted out at last - music sound problems

Transferring my music  to hard drive and then indexing it and then getting the right graphics with the tags and the right genre and information has been quite a long and drawn out process especially with some 30,000 tracks.  The problem I then encountered was that when I shuffled the tracks to play randomly - the volumes were all different.  After some weeks of going through them and equalising them they are now all set at an appropriate level so that they sound like they should and will allow me to listen without having to keep reaching for the volume control each time.

I'm now synchronising these with my backup drives and enjoying listening to some of the fruits of my labours.  I like all sorts of music but this afternoon I'm giving my classical music a run out :-)  Very nice too.

I now know to check all new music for correct tags and graphics and volume levels before adding and indexing my collection.  

I can now get on with some other projects I have in mind including cataloguing all my Vinyl LPs, EPs and Singles and then seeing if I can move them to a collector or a shop or someone who might appreciate them.  As always I reckon 90% are the same as everyone else has - it's the 10% of records I have that are Promos and specials or rare that will be wanted.

I can also get my desk clear of all these small bits of paper with notes on dB readings and the like!

My Goodness - it will be Scar Wars XI in 2 weeks time

Yep - my 11th operation!  That's enough surely :-)  However, sure it won't be the last one I'll have although I'd very much like it to be I foresee they may have to do some biopsies again if this one proves to be a "bit naughty".

Anyway, I'm doing as much as I can at the moment to try and sort my body - the pH count is interesting it was around 7.5 which is OK I guess but I still took a little more bicarb to up that - I think I might do this after each meal more so lunch where I have the Flax Seed Oil (which is Alkali) and Cottage Cheese which is slightly acidic.  I'm going to try and make a sort of Tuna Mayonnaise with the FOCC mix today and add some vinegar and onion to boost the taste a bit.  I'm hoping that my mixing it together it will be easier to eat than as a cream on its own.

I gave a shove to the company that I am in the interview process with yesterday and they've rung back (missed the call) this morning so at least I should hear where we are in the process.  Not sure they've appreciated me giving them a cage rattle but they did say 1 week and it will soon be 8.

Not Sure

I had an invite from a friend of mine to go to a meeting on the Saturday before I go into hospital- I turned it down as I tend to get a bit "Cranky" in the days prior to going in.  Additionally in that week I will have already have been out twice up to London and have had my Pre-Assessment.  I wonder though whether I ought to take up the offer and go out and just enjoy myself?  It will be the first time with my new rank and also I'll be amongst good friends too so perhaps I might just do that.  I'll ask Mrs. F if she'd be happy for me to go - I imagine that if I am out from under her feet it may be a GOOD THING :-)

I had a strange evening this evening - it is funny when people suddenly notice how much weight you've lost - then they get interested - then they want to know the secret.....  Interesting :-)

Also some people weren't aware of my latest news and were pretty horrified and nicely upset for me.  I know that there's a bit more "risk" than I let on but generally, bladder cancer is slow growing and with any luck this will be a case of superficial bladder cancer, will be low grade and perhaps I'll get away with it remaining in the bladder - I certainly hope that it is the case.  Given the mess I was in when I caught it, I'm nowhere near the state I was in some 8 years ago now, I really had a bladder full of the stuff and constant bleeding.  

I do know that there is blood in my urine though as I can feel it - there is a very small "background sting" that you can feel not when you are urinating but leading up to wanting to go. It is discernible and noticeable if you know what you are looking out for.  It feels like you've been on a slightly acidic diet of rhubarb or something similar.

The upside is that they've seen this tumour, I'm going to get the offending thing cut out and it is early in the growth cycle.  That is good news for me even though finding it was bad.  Sometimes it is difficult to tell people that OK, it's bad news but the upside is that we know what it is, where it is and what to do about it.  It would be totally different and far more upsetting if they'd missed it!!!!

Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese - Hard to Swallow

I used to make up the FOCC mixture and then blend in some probiotic yoghurt or pouring yoghurt or perhaps some semi skimmed milk and then pour that lot over some breakfast cereal or muesli or some concoction made by myself involving fruits, berries, dried fruit, nuts etc.

With the diet cereals and muesli and fruit are off the menu as is yoghurt and any dairy leaving me just nuts and only a few of those at a time in reality certainly not enough to use in conjunction with the FOCC.  

The trouble with it on its own is that it is very rich and creamy and I suppose the nearest way to describe it is like thick mayonnaise and if you've ever tried to eat more than a spoon full of that you may begin to understand why it is difficult and slightly gag inducing.  

For the second day I've had it with hard boiled eggs to make a sort of egg mayonnaise salad thing but I didn't grind any flax seeds for it today but it still wasn't a nice meal.  I actually like egg salad and this didn't do it for me - I think because there is a lot of FOCC.  I actually use less than the standard recipes.  I used 4 Tablespoons of Cottage Cheese to 2 Tablespoons of Flax Seed Oil blended (they suggest 6 and 3).  If I have the flax seeds I tend to do 1 Tablespoon ground in a coffee grinder.

I think I will try a slightly different tack tomorrow using the FOCC where I'd usually use mayo.  Perhaps I might try and mix it with Crab or Tuna or make a sort of coleslaw with it or maybe a mixed bean salad.  I need it to be the background ingredient not prominent in the dish.

Steve K advised me that FOCC sets his body to be more acid and after receiving his note I duly went and did a quick test and found that my pH had moved from 8.5 to 7.5 following eating that.  So I'm going to take a little more Bicarbonate of Soda and bring that back down.  I can see that I'll need to do a bit more monitoring than I thought I would need - I was planning once a day but perhaps a couple of times will be more appropriate given this interesting swing in readings.  

I have a very mild trace of blood in my urine which is only to be expected with a tumour in there. Everything else looks to be in tolerance and so that's good news :-)

Talking of things that are hard to swallow - the Bicarbonate is a strange thing to drink mixed with water.  I tend to drink a small glass with it in and then follow up with a large glass of water to take away some of the taste.  If nothing else my dentist should be pleased as Bicarbonate will help keeping my mouth nicely alkali or neutral.

Start of the testing

I started doing the testing of my urine.  The early results look interesting with a high alkali response and some trace blood which is what I was expecting.  Everything else looks to be negative or intolerance so that's OK too.

It will be two weeks today when I'm in hospital and so let's see where things go.  I've been remiss in not having carried out my blood pressure tests for quite a while.  They are around 130 over 90 which is OK but I'd have liked to see them lower than that.  I feel that I may need to review my sedentary lifestyle again.  I did a lot of walking in Italy and I enjoy that so I need to incorporate some sort of exercise into my daily routine - or lack of it at the moment.

It's a nuisance not knowing about this job.  They said one week when I went for the interview and that was close to 8 weeks ago now!  One way or the other I need to know.  As soon as I do know I can plan for things - at the moment everything is a bit rudderless and I guess until I know what the latest episode of my cancer is it will remain so.

That was different

I just made myself a batch of clarified butter which was quite easy to do, you just need to melt the butter (unsalted) very slowly over a very low heat source.  It took quite a while but the results look great - so I now have ghee at a much lower cost.  Mind you when you see the gunk left in the pan afterwards it makes you wonder what you are shoving down you neck sometimes :-)

I had my version of Egg Mayonnaise but overdid the ground flax seeds - I need to remember that for next time.  It seemed to work out OK - I used three hard boiled eggs and cut those in half then made up the FOCC and poured (more like spooned) that over the eggs.  Added some baby plum tomatoes and too much ground flax seeds over that.  

I'm feeling a lot better now after lunch :-) I've had my half teaspoon of Baking Soda (Bicarbonate of Soda) in a pint of water this morning - it really isn't something I'd say is an enjoyable experience but let's see if it works along with the FOCC and I'm having a half teaspoon of Baking Soda before going to bed too.  

I'm just working out when is best to start checking how things are going - I suppose tomorrow might be good to start I've built the spreadsheet to put the records in.

Sunday woe day

I still feel rough on Sunday - normally because of my off diet activities on a Saturday :-)  Cheat day is great but after all those forbidden foods I do feel decidedly out of balance the next morning.  I hardly want to eat and have to force myself.  However, it does sort of prove the idea that some of the food you eat can't be good for you if it gives you indigestion and gas and it definitely throws my body out of equilibrium.

I'm just pulling together my spreadsheet for testing my urine and just having a review of what things are like now leading up to the operation and afterwards.  I was going to leave it until afterwards but now is a good time as I know I have a tumour I should be able to see a marker for blood in my urine.  I have no idea how this will turn out either so it will be a good experiment to do.  I'd often thought about doing my own periodic testing - mainly for blood as an early warning sign if you like but let's see what happens.  

I can also start my BP testing again especially as it is warmer and I'm not wearing jumpers and sweaters and can easily get readings.  

I'm back onto FOCC and intend to do a daily hit of FOCC as part of my diet.  I'm going to make a sort of Eggs Mayonnaise with the FOCC as the Mayo.  As I can't water it down with dairy, this way it can act like a mayo replacement and I can have it with a salad too.  I need to work on finding some interesting recipes for the FOCC - I have about 4 pages worth from a web site some time ago.  

Strange how well I actually feel

You can't second guess this stuff can you, I mean there I am with a tumour in my bladder and you and I wouldn't know about it unless they'd actually had a look.  In fact I feel great, not at all like I felt when I first got it when I did feel something was wrong but couldn't quite work out what it was.

So I'm feeling fit and well and altogether better.  Losing the weight has helped a lot with breathing and also the claustrophobia which appears to have abated - it's still there but no where as bad as it has been in the past and the meeting I went to on Monday where I'd had a very bad time the year or two years before was bearable but the air conditioning could have been better, it was the previous time once we'd got started.  

I'm out for a Centenary meeting of a Lodge this afternoon which I'm looking forward to.  It is my Lodge's sponsoring or mother Lodge and so more of us than just the two should be there. I imagine they will be in the big hall which will be great - no issues with space there!

Testing Kit Arrived

Amazon - you can find all sorts of stuff on there :-)  Not all of it as competitive as you may think but on this occasion it seemed abut right.  I've "invested" in a Urine test kit plus some bottles.

The urine strips actually do a lot more than I need for my use and so I'm learning about some of the other markers available in the test strips.  They all look useful but I'm really interested in the pH test.  This follows on from a blog entry by Steve in the US HERE, HERE & HERE.  Steve also kindly dropped me a note with some more information on it.

I'm thinking about leaving the testing until after the operation and until I've got over that but there might be merit in doing a before and after?  I'll think about that over the weekend.  There are 10 tests on each strip and I suppose it would be useful to setup a spreadsheet and record the results.  I'd also need to record intake too I guess so this will need a bit of thought.   Nothing ventured nothing gained as they say but it may be a useful addition to the armoury.  Some of the issues with this are the lack of protein but then the chap was facing radical surgery not a small recurrence.  

I'm certainly going to do some of the basics anyway - FOCC and then Bicarbonate of Soda - perhaps twice a day with my water intake - it is easy enough to add a half a teaspoon twice a day and to do the FOCC once a day.  I can give myself a good chance to get things moving in the right direction at least.  I'm probably at the top of my water intake at the moment - I was told to drink copious quantities of water to irrigate the bladder - which I am doing and with the slow/low carbohydrate diet you also need to keep drinking too.

Being on the 4HB diet (with slight mods) I think is still OK to do as I'm keeping away from sugars and starches and too many (bad) carbs.  

I have to admit to being a bit nervy at the moment - slightly heightened stress or nervousness.   It should pass I hope - perhaps I'm just getting over the shock or not looking forward (who does) to going into Hospital again.   I think though I'll sort this out in the next day or so, I just need to reset my head and get back into the zone.

Confused - you won't be after this week's episode of

Soap - blimey do you remember that :-)  Funny stuff...

Anyway, an update on calling the Hospital.  I had to have three stabs at it eventually but spoke to the Urology office and explained the situation - they were perplexed.  Phoned the New Referrals office where the letter came from - they couldn't find anything other than my Pre-Assessment and Operation.  Urology confirmed this too and once again when I called back to let them know that New Referrals didn't see my notes either.

So I just covered my arse as I don't want to be noted as a no Show when I would actually be in the same building albeit about half a mile the other side when they were expecting me there!  So it's just a pre-assessment as it normally is so that's good then.  At least I don't need to do the 6 hour fasting and then try and give a urine sample afterwards!!!  It just doesn't work and I'm not sure that it was the right scan as normally I'd have to have a full bladder rather than an empty one requiring a drink at least 30 minutes in advance.  

Anyway - that's all sorted out and it is just a pre-assessment so I'm happier now and some, but not all of the heightened tension is out of my body but not all, I can feel the tightness but now this is sorted it will probably retreat.

At least they looked through my notes and saw that a scan wasn't needed and certainly not for a small recurrence.  

Sort of even keel again

Well, I'm no longer angry which is good.  A good night's sleep sorted that out.   I'll call the Hospital later, get on to my Consultant's Secretary and explain the situation and no doubt she can resolve it for me.

More later.

Now it's anger

All the usual symptoms (Kubler Ross) going on here.  Nothing to see, move along please :-)

But really, tonight I was in a rage, a rage about the stupid letter but that had made everything real and sort of rammed it all home.  Then I was annoyed about the incompetency of the whole thing.  Miraculously the pre-assessment and the operation fall on days when I'm not doing anything so that's pretty good I suppose.  I can manage things - the pre-assessment falls between two meetings.

I'm off to bed now - going to try and get some sleep - hopefully the car will be back tomorrow!  I stayed in all day waiting and wouldn't you guess it, the only time I stepped out of the house (to go to the garage and fill up on some onions) the phone went.   Grrrrrr.  Anyway, hopefully tomorrow I'll get the damn thing back.

It's amazing how angry I am and at the same time how close I am to just wanting to go hide in a corner and feel sorry for myself too....  

Ohh stressy - depressy and messy

I suppose the letters make it all real and because they are so utterly stupid and badly coordinated it's set me on edge.  I certainly don't want to talk to the people today as I think I'd probably yell at them down the phone and ask them what were they thinking about to make both appointments clash.

Of course I could play arseholes and just not turn up for one of them :-) that's the anger talking there but of course I'm all wound up now and fuelled with adrenaline or whatever it might be that makes me feel this way.  It's a mixture of anger and fear all at the same time....  I feel degy one minute and depressed a few minutes later and just want to go roll up in a ball somewhere.

Oh well at least it will be within the month and interestingly gives me sufficient time to recover for my Sunday lunch a few weeks later.

I'll be alright a bit later today but I'm always like this.  I don't want to see anyone in case I bite their heads off - by the time everyone gets in from work I'll be in a quiet mode (I hope).     

Thought I'd add a bit more - late on this afternoon as I feel quite bad - all of a sudden it feels as if someone has punched me in the stomach, I feel quite low and it is only to be expected really - you can't feel up all the time when you've got a bladder diagnosis.  I'm still trying to work out exactly what they are trying to do with the appointments - but that WILL wait until tomorrow - I think I'll go direct to my Consultant's Secretary and get her to sort it out - she has always been very good on this sort of thing.  I ought to ask her what the scan is all about as they did a scope and so know what's going on.

Anyway - imagine you've just been punched in the stomach and you're slightly winded and also have that slight breathlessness and that metallic taste in your mouth where your fight or fright senses are kicking in.  I'll just have to ride this out for the rest of the day.  Which reminds me - where's my car - I was expecting it back this morning so I could go out shopping!  Probably a good thing actually I wouldn't want to drive in my present frame of mind.  

I actually know what is going to happen, how I'm going to feel and all that and yet somehow, that counts for nought at the moment, emotion has trumped reason for a short while but I'm allowed to feel angry, p1ssed off and so on.  After all it's me with the tumour :-)

Surely Some Confusion?

I have letters from the Hospital that all seem to be OK until you read them closely.

Pre-assessment on the 8th May at 14:00 and Operation on 13th report at 07:45 so nice a morning operation which will be good.  But hold on, they want an Ultrasound Scan (the first time ever before an operation anyway).  And when do they want that - 14:00 on the 8th May.....

Now I'm good but I can't be at Surgical Assessment and X-Ray at the same time.  A phone call will be made after I've triple read the letters.  It is highly unusual to want an Ultrasound beforehand but I suppose they know what they are doing.  It also screws the day up as you have to fast for 6 hours and are then - I suppose - meant to have the scan followed by the Pre-Assessment.  It suggests two appointments on the same day but it's obvious that no one has coordinated it properly so that they are at different times - I'd be surprised if they can get the timings right anyway - if one followed the other they'd be in danger of missing slots.

Oh well - let's give them a call and see what they really want to do.  I think I'll speak to the pre-assessment team first as they can make a call on whether the scan is needed.  They've also got the funny bit in there about requiring a urine sample - which is a bit difficult if you haven't eaten or drunk for 6 hours....  Surely some mistake?

Some more information

It is interesting the more you investigate your food and the way stuff is reported.  If you've read the other information that I put up on Bacon this ought to add some more and also put a little doubt in your mind in two ways:

1. Does the report from Harvard contain "shody" research and were conclusions jumped to?
2. Reading the other areas in this article - seemed to underline the research although the article seemed to imply what I stated in 1 above.

Like so many things you read it's all about how the science was conducted.  In many ways we still don't know an awful lot and with so much contradictory information out there you have to be careful what you pick up and use. 

I'm still convinced though that there is something to the reports even if it is statistical - and it was a high number of people polled.  It also "makes sense" that something that is smoked and contains "known carcinogens" is *likely* to not help an existing sufferer.  So in my book, it's out and might only be eaten rarely rather than everyday.  

Starting Point

So there's no Bacon or Ham or any other processed meat as of today in my diet - except for the odd bit that may slip in here or there.  There's none in the house so that's the main thing and today was scrambled egg using Ghee, Spinach and a small amount of Chick Peas.  I have steak, chicken and liver lined up for the next few days.  I'm also going to introduce small quantities of hard cheese into the diet as this shouldn't spike my insulin but should add some fat and protein.  I'm still not touching white stuff - milk, pasta, flour, potatoes, rice and the like.

After I get my car back today I'll go up to the shops and hunt out some cottage cheese and start to being that back into my diet regularly.  Not sure if I am going to do this daily at the moment but it is a possibility if I can make it appetising.  I used to make up a batch with probiotic yoghurt and then pour it over breakfast cereal, muesli or just make my own nut and dried fruit concoction.  Of course with my diet everything except the nuts can go :-)  So I'm thinking I might make the FOCC up and use it like a mayonnaise dressing and perhaps make up an Egg Mayonnaise with it - using the FOCC as the mayo.  That would probably work and would make it easy to build with boiled eggs, perhaps some salad and the FOCC mixture.

I've been advised to drink lots of fluids which I do normally anyway.  

Let's see how this goes then and hopefully the removal of carcinogens from my diet will bring things back to where they should be.   

Interesting Infographic

From this blog article 

Getting there - gradually

I took over the Lodge accounts some years ago and last year managed to finally settle 3 years worth of accounts after having one hell of a job in unravelling what had gone on.  With losses in the first year of close to £2,000 it wasn't sustainable but finally this year I've got a surplus of getting close to £1,000.  That's a hell of an improvement.  The problem now comes in recovering the losses of the last 3 or 4 years and keeping the finances healthy.

It's been a rough old time too as you tend to suffer the problems everyone else does in times of recession.  Subscriptions become difficult to collect, increases in costs force you to make demands on the members and so on.  Anyway, at least it is all under control, the balance sheet balances and I just need the auditors to check my work and away we can go.

Isn't it strange how music affects your mood?  I just heard John Barry's Midnight Cowboy played and it transported me back to the 70s and a happy and sad place all at the same time.  Happy as I remember hearing it on a holiday we had, sad, because I remember the ending to that film and also it was one of those hot summer holidays with the four of us together so fond nostalgic memories.  Of course there's also the Nilsson song on that soundtrack too which I remember very well.  I have the soundtrack loaded up and will listen to it tomorrow through my Sonos system - I like the way I just searched for Midnight and up it came along with other similarly named tracks.  

Started to get the first jitters at what will be happening to me in the next few weeks.  Difficult to plan anything but I've gone ahead with some engagements with a proviso that things may change suddenly.  

Ouch - more expense

The damn car's just needed all its up and downstream sensors replaced which has cost me another small fortune.  Of course they needed to be done - the damage to the catalytic converter would have been a consequence otherwise.  

Could have done without that - and I've still not heard about the job which comes with a car (if wanted).  It's crazy that no one has got back to me after all this time.  There you go though, it just  adds to the fun of my current life.  If they'd taken me on last year it might have been an interesting time right now with all that is going on with my return to hospital.  I have no idea if it will have a bearing on my prospects - I would hope not.

I have to keep in mind though that I may need to do something flexible in terms of turning a buck if this comes back and I have treatment again.  I guess I need to make up my mind pretty quickly what I want to do.  It seems to me that I should decide by the end of May what needs to be done - I may have the results and understand the lay of the land by then.  

No More Bacon

That's the end of my supply and so I'll just substitute that for some other form of protein.  I can have eggs of course and perhaps I'll work on some way of fitting some Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese in with that?  At least I'll make a start on this as soon as we've been shopping and I've got my ingredients to go.

I managed to successfully work my way around the food last night all except the crab cakes which were bonded to their breadcrumb outer coat!  Other than that it was easy enough to stay on diet.  I find it pretty easy now to think about what I can and can't have and just manoeuvre my way around it. 

I was reading a few more details about Nitrosamines which are a known Bladder carcinogen.  The PDF is available here.  You can right click on the PDF to save it or hover over until you see the disc (save) icon.  The trouble is that they haven't done the sort of study you'd expect and it is a bit open in terms of its findings - however, I think there is enough in this to make it prudent for me to skip Bacon and perhaps be careful about skinless chicken.  I think I will also be very careful about what I term as typical british barbecue food - - burnt :-) 

Just an interesting article anyway even though a bit difficult to follow for the layman.

    

Nice afternoon out

At a meeting over in Twickenham - Flocky Bicep drove me there and back - I just had to get to a pub near him and it was certainly an enjoyable day but so hot inside - their air conditioning is always a bit dodgy and so it proved again today.

I'm just waiting up for A to get in from work she is on a late event and they pay for a taxi home but she doesn't have her keys with her so I'm staying up to let her in.

I had a funny old turn on the bus going to the pub to meet Flocky.  I suddenly saw my dad at the end, lying in his bed, eyes open.  It fairly shook me - and I felt quite upset for a moment as the vision - clear as you like - came upon me.  I have no idea what brought it on or whether I'd been thinking about my dilemma.  Then there was a moment when I thought that I wouldn't want to do that to my family - a strange thought - because you really don't mind when someone is ill and for a long time.  You just get on with it.  You can understand feeling like that and that was something along the line of my thoughts.  Things like I didn't want to go like that or I wouldn't want to die alone or something like that.  

It passed as quickly as it arrived but it did take me aback - I don't tend to get moments like that, that often.

What is in my diet?

I'm following the Tim Ferriss diet, the 4 hour body (4HB).  It is a modified Atkins type diet, high in protein, low in carbohydrate.  Where it differs from Atkins is in the lack of milk or milk products, the cheat day (1 day in 7 you can eat what you like) and it brings in legumes to give calorific load and a sort of slow release (low glycemic) carbohydrates.  The main idea is to provide you with a low insulin, low glycemic index diet that helps you lose weight.

So far so good.  Protein builds your body, repairs it, helps maintain muscle and loads of good stuff.  Carbohydrates in quantity are bad they trick your body into wanting more of them than is good for you or that you could possibly use and so store it away for future use.  Of course you do use some of it.  There's no fruit and all white things - flour, potatoes, rice, pasta and bread are strictly off limits for 6 days out of 7.

So this diet shouldn't be bad for me, in fact being higher in protein it should be good and help me repair my body what could I possibly have done to brought on a recurrence?  Given that at the end of August last year I was clear and had a CT scan as well and had almost 5 years of no recurrences.

So I listed some of them:

1. I have reduced my Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese intake - in fact I haven't had any for 4 weeks.  I brought it down from daily to twice weekly then it tailed off for reasons I'll discuss later.  I've been on low levels for 6 months or more
2. I eat a lot of the same things over and over.  Eggs, Bacon, Mushrooms, Spinach, Chicken, Liver, Kidney, Steak, Sausages etc
3. I exercise a lot less at the moment so a little more sedentary than I was
4. I'm two and a half Stone lighter than I was in September
5. I haven't taken up smoking
6. My blood pressure is lower than it was 6 months ago
7. I'm in a better place mentally than I was 6 months ago
8. I'm no longer taking antacid tablets every other day for indigestion etc
9. I'm still on my basic blood pressure and statin meds

Well, there's not a lot to go on here excepting areas 1 and 2.  I had been eating a lot of Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese before my diet but last year was aware of the dangers of adding milk or these probiotic drinks to the mixture (to thin it down a bit as it is a bit thick).  Once I took away those parts it made it difficult to fit it into my diet.   I'd used it as a mixture for my breakfast cereal (museli) now not in my diet and then with dried fruit and nuts (the fruit not in my diet) and so got out of the habit.  I now intend to get back into the habit of having this again.

But the one that stood out from the rest was Bacon.  The reason?  I have 3 or 4 rashers every day with eggs to start my day off.  It's a staple of the 4HB but I remember questioning it at the time but hey, the pounds dropped off and it worked but there is something wrong with bacon and with other cured meats for that matter and somewhere in the back of my mind, last week, I thought about two things.  First, that there was an issue with bacon and a direct link to Bladder Cancer and secondly that it was the quantity and frequency that may be having an effect.  

So today I'm doing a little research about bacon.  I'm going to drop it off of my diet in the next day or so and then re-introduce the flax seed oil and cottage cheese.  I'm not certain what I am going to replace the bacon with at the moment.  I will also drop all processed meats for the time being including sausages and stick to chicken, steak, tuna and like.  There's no hard and fast stuff here yet but the circumstantial evidence is there. 

The evidence is a it sketchy but here are some links I've found so far:

Link One - Blog

Link Two - BBC News

Link Three - The Telegraph

Link Four - The Harvard Crimson

Link Five - The Independent

It appears that the Nitrosamines are the fellas to blame and I guess, as I've already had Bladder Cancer I'm just so much more susceptible to it.  I'm thinking that it may perhaps be OK to eat a few rashers of bacon once a fortnight but that sticking the stuff down you neck as often as I do can't be good for you.  

So that's where I am in my thinking.  I've made loads of changes to my lifestyle and a recurrence wasn't exactly what I was expecting or hoping for but that's the hand I've been dealt so I've just got to get on with it.  Right at the beginning of the journey I said that I had to take responsibility for the non surgical elements of my treatment and I've done that trying to change diet and lifestyle accordingly.  It would be ironic indeed if changing my diet brought this on :-)

However, I can at least remove bacon and all other meat that may have been cured or preserved in such a way and take away one potential contaminant.  I can also reintroduce my Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese regimen - although quite how I'm not sure yet - to boost my system a bit more and give me a good chance of recovery and hopefully no more recurrences....  That's the plan anyway.

Diet and Holiday

I had a real concern that I would stack on the pounds on a holiday to Italy but in general terms I tried to be pretty sensible but still have a good time.  So to find that I'd put on about 3 pounds over the week was pretty gratifying especially as I've had around 8 cheat days in a row.

Luckily the Hotel had cheese and scrambled eggs as well as ham available, the remaining things other than water and coffee were cereal or flour based or contained sugar of some sort.  Now a good plate of Scrambled eggs, ham and cheese will do you a world of good in terms of staving off hunger.  I could manage to exist on these all day long so on the odd occasion that we stopped for lunch I'd just have something like a beer and maybe bruschetta or a salad.  I'd leave eating until the evening and then generally have red wine and mixed meats and cheeses followed by some sort of seafood a salad and aubergines or something like that.  On the odd occasion I'd have the bread provided (with mussels to assist with the gravy) and I did have a couple of desserts and gelatos.  We did a lot of walking but even so I have to say I'm pleased with my visit to the scales this morning.

I don't eat ham, unless I make it myself as I find it salty and "wet" generally and I was loathe to eat it on holiday as indeed it was salty and wet :-)  but this got me to thinking, as you do, about food and processed food in general.  A lot of the food I had for a starter was meat cured in some way and then that got my head into a real tingle.  What had I done to myself in the past 6 months that could have brought on a recurrence?  Did the food I now eat do something to me?  See the next post.