Thanks Royal Mail - You gits. Not only did you manage to lose my Hospital letter posted on the 9th February but also the letter that arrived with it on the same day which I have now finished reading right through was also dated the 9th February! They only needed an answer at the end of February and as it was to do with my savings - there's another thing all SNAFU. Bloody great - I'll have to sort that out now too.
So it wasn't the Hospital at all by the looks of it. What are the chances of two letters both dated the same date arriving 3 weeks late together. You sods...
I think I can turn the flame gun off now, it does make you want to spit though doesn't it?
So I could have known weeks ago that things would be different and not have to pester the Hospital.
Oh well. Back to my paperwork then...
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Chirpier for sure
I'm a little bit chirpier than I have been and was certainly being entertaining this morning which is nice. I'm still coming to terms with "what it means" and that may perplex anyone else but me. I'm really spending a while thinking it about it.
I was quite disappointed that this wasn't the outcome in January. I then had to come to terms with a further year's worth of maintenance and biopsies. They are bloody challenging as you probably remember and then to have that decision overturned back to where it should have been in the first place is concerning me. Just when I had convinced myself that the maintenance was necessary I now find that it isn't.
I can't imagine that they would put me at risk if they felt the Atypia needed treating then they'd go ahead. As it stands, it is Atypia, not Precancerous and so doesn't need anything I suppose.
Let's all hope that I "get it" soon and get my life back.
I was quite disappointed that this wasn't the outcome in January. I then had to come to terms with a further year's worth of maintenance and biopsies. They are bloody challenging as you probably remember and then to have that decision overturned back to where it should have been in the first place is concerning me. Just when I had convinced myself that the maintenance was necessary I now find that it isn't.
I can't imagine that they would put me at risk if they felt the Atypia needed treating then they'd go ahead. As it stands, it is Atypia, not Precancerous and so doesn't need anything I suppose.
Let's all hope that I "get it" soon and get my life back.
Friday, March 06, 2009
I thought that I would be
leaping about and going crazy and enjoying things and actually I have surprised myself by being quite calm and cool about the news.
Work want to take me on permanently (despite the risk) and I am in a good frame of mind, I am perhaps a little more lively than before but I'm also getting better and with that lasting a little longer at work, not quite so tired and learning to relax a bit too.
Things are beginning to come back under some level of control. This news is unexpected. It is however what I thought was going to happen way back in January.
So I guess that June will be the biopsy time - maybe July but I could do with June. I really fancy a bit of a bash if things are good again and go off somewhere and relax. I think Mrs. F has other ideas, she never relaxes. I could do hot weather, pool, liquid fridge and barbecue for 2 weeks - that's it. Heaven. Mrs. F would have to see all the local sights, museums, go for long walks and all that old malarkey :-)
Maybe I could go somewhere warm and she could walk there over the two weeks?
Exercise - I didn't do any this week. Diet - I did a bit but had some meals that spoilt that. Next week is hardly better there are loads of things going on in fact for two weeks. I wonder how food critics stay slim. I am going to be off for a whole series of three and four course meals in the next few weeks.
Anyway, I can feel that I have a lighter sense of humour and so am obviously cheered up and feeling a lot better than I was earlier this week so maybe it is a gradual thing.
I tried to explain that I could still get a recurrence to the boss but he doesn't appear worried. It is the end of my first year at work at the end of March and they want me to stay - I'm pleased about that.
The longer you continue to be clear, the more likely it is that you will not get a recur. I can now join in with the people I have read about before whose fear now is a recur and going through it all again.
Work want to take me on permanently (despite the risk) and I am in a good frame of mind, I am perhaps a little more lively than before but I'm also getting better and with that lasting a little longer at work, not quite so tired and learning to relax a bit too.
Things are beginning to come back under some level of control. This news is unexpected. It is however what I thought was going to happen way back in January.
So I guess that June will be the biopsy time - maybe July but I could do with June. I really fancy a bit of a bash if things are good again and go off somewhere and relax. I think Mrs. F has other ideas, she never relaxes. I could do hot weather, pool, liquid fridge and barbecue for 2 weeks - that's it. Heaven. Mrs. F would have to see all the local sights, museums, go for long walks and all that old malarkey :-)
Maybe I could go somewhere warm and she could walk there over the two weeks?
Exercise - I didn't do any this week. Diet - I did a bit but had some meals that spoilt that. Next week is hardly better there are loads of things going on in fact for two weeks. I wonder how food critics stay slim. I am going to be off for a whole series of three and four course meals in the next few weeks.
Anyway, I can feel that I have a lighter sense of humour and so am obviously cheered up and feeling a lot better than I was earlier this week so maybe it is a gradual thing.
I tried to explain that I could still get a recurrence to the boss but he doesn't appear worried. It is the end of my first year at work at the end of March and they want me to stay - I'm pleased about that.
The longer you continue to be clear, the more likely it is that you will not get a recur. I can now join in with the people I have read about before whose fear now is a recur and going through it all again.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Double Take
The date of the letter that I received today - on the 5th March 2009 is the 9th February 2009!!!!
What on earth has gone on here then? It has been almost a month since they wrote the letter. Has he world gone mad - or did I just miss a month.
Anyway better late than never but even so - I could have had one months less worry!
What on earth has gone on here then? It has been almost a month since they wrote the letter. Has he world gone mad - or did I just miss a month.
Anyway better late than never but even so - I could have had one months less worry!
Laugh / Cry / Laugh / Cry / Both ??????
I have a letter from the Hospital it says:
"I have had a chance to go through your notes and actually you don't require any further BCG treatment as you have now completed the full maintenance course.
We will therefore need to just carry on with regular checks on your bladder and I will see you in 6 months for bladder biopsies.
Yours sincerely etc."
I heard the news late this afternoon at work. I'm stunned. Pleased, of course, but wow - that is great news. It is just I'm not sure how to react to it. I'm neutral at the moment. I had a few flashes of the enormity of it and thumped the desk a few times at work. I think it will sink in later this evening.
Stunned is definitely the right word at the moment.
"I have had a chance to go through your notes and actually you don't require any further BCG treatment as you have now completed the full maintenance course.
We will therefore need to just carry on with regular checks on your bladder and I will see you in 6 months for bladder biopsies.
Yours sincerely etc."
I heard the news late this afternoon at work. I'm stunned. Pleased, of course, but wow - that is great news. It is just I'm not sure how to react to it. I'm neutral at the moment. I had a few flashes of the enormity of it and thumped the desk a few times at work. I think it will sink in later this evening.
Stunned is definitely the right word at the moment.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Illegitimi non carborundum
Many other variants - not one of them correct
Nil illegitimi carborundum.
Non illegitimis carborundum.
Illegitimi nil carborundum.
Non illegitimi carborundum.
Nil bastardo carborundum.
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
Illegitimis non carborundum.
Illegitimus non carborundum est.
Nil illegitimo in desperandum carborundum
Nil carborundum illegitamae
It reminds me of the Monty Python "Life of Brian" sketch for Romans Go Home :-)
This however is meant to mean "don't let the bastards grind you down".
Or as I'd probably paraphrase it "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear!"
It was good to get the hell out of the house and enjoy the company of friends and to hear some very interesting Trad Jazz. The singer and Banjo player were superb, the beer was at its correct temperature cold but not enough to frost the glass. Morlands Speckled Hen is without doubt a very good reason to stay cancer free for!!!
Roll on my speaking engagement tomorrow.
Nil illegitimi carborundum.
Non illegitimis carborundum.
Illegitimi nil carborundum.
Non illegitimi carborundum.
Nil bastardo carborundum.
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
Illegitimis non carborundum.
Illegitimus non carborundum est.
Nil illegitimo in desperandum carborundum
Nil carborundum illegitamae
It reminds me of the Monty Python "Life of Brian" sketch for Romans Go Home :-)
This however is meant to mean "don't let the bastards grind you down".
Or as I'd probably paraphrase it "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear!"
It was good to get the hell out of the house and enjoy the company of friends and to hear some very interesting Trad Jazz. The singer and Banjo player were superb, the beer was at its correct temperature cold but not enough to frost the glass. Morlands Speckled Hen is without doubt a very good reason to stay cancer free for!!!
Roll on my speaking engagement tomorrow.
Sheeesh
Not sure if that is quite how you spell it. I don't hold grudges for long. It was interesting that I also had a "pop" at someone on Monday night which is out of character too.
I wonder whether:
I wonder whether:
- Waiting to hear what the Hospital is or isn't going to do is putting a bit of stress on me?
- The job really has got tedious
- Some people ought to be doing their own job not putting it on me and
- I'm just tired and not drinking lots of coffee etc. Mind you green tea and Earl Grey are taking a whacking. No sugar either...
Whatever it is - I am off to the Jazz night and good job too. That will bring a smile to my face. Tomorrow is likely to be a half day although I am at a speaking engagement (poor audience). They are paying for my food and wine so how sad is that? :-)
I just hope that no one else tries to be "fresh" with their answers. Since when did No actually mean Yes or even Maybe!?
Slightly calmer this morning
Thank goodness a bit of sleep and I am a little bit calmer.
It's a bad part of my character but you don't get second chances much. If you say one thing but mean the other, an INTJ won't get the subtlety of it.
Anyway - work beckons - must dash.
It's a bad part of my character but you don't get second chances much. If you say one thing but mean the other, an INTJ won't get the subtlety of it.
Anyway - work beckons - must dash.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Anger Management
I just want to go and break something at the moment. I don't go around thumping people or anything like that but when I do get a rage on, it is pretty bad. Things aren't calming down like they normally do and I really could do with going out and breaking something :-)
I really don't think I have vented my frustration and anger at all since I was diagnosed. Sure I was angry but not seeing red like I am now. I am calmly tapping these keys which surprises me but I suppose I need to measure what I am saying or the keyboard would become mush!
I can't even begin to tell you how angry I am. Really, really angry and yet I am sat here quite calm. I suppose seething might be a better word. Am I angry with Mrs. F? Probably not in the overall scheme of things. Myself? Possibly. Cancer? Perhaps - I don't remember being angry about it before - well not like this.
I will go downstairs and do some calming down after this. The annoying thing on top of this is that - whoops - I may just have resolved this - I haven't had any coffee at work today! Don't tell me it is that.
Oooopps
I really don't think I have vented my frustration and anger at all since I was diagnosed. Sure I was angry but not seeing red like I am now. I am calmly tapping these keys which surprises me but I suppose I need to measure what I am saying or the keyboard would become mush!
I can't even begin to tell you how angry I am. Really, really angry and yet I am sat here quite calm. I suppose seething might be a better word. Am I angry with Mrs. F? Probably not in the overall scheme of things. Myself? Possibly. Cancer? Perhaps - I don't remember being angry about it before - well not like this.
I will go downstairs and do some calming down after this. The annoying thing on top of this is that - whoops - I may just have resolved this - I haven't had any coffee at work today! Don't tell me it is that.
Oooopps
On Being Completely "bent out of shape"
Mr. Angry visited tonight. I am probably the worlds calmest person. It is true that if I think you are an idiot or being stupid you will deserve and get the benefit of my tongue and wit. After one such incident someone was in sincere belief that I had most of the oral niceties of a Viper!
Tonight, not sure why, it was slinging a gale (still is) water everywhere -rain horizontal and just a filthy night. I get off the train to find that it is like trying to round Cape Horn on a Dinghy just to get through the ticket barrier. I phone Mrs. F for some sort of respite - it is after all a mile walk home and I get the "too busy with something else answer".
I hung up the phone, turned that off and threw all my toys out of the pram. I'm still not in the right frame of mind to be talked to.
Right this minute, writing this blog, I could easily go and stove something in, break some crockery or some other such thing. I haven't been this seething angry in absolutely years.
I also don't think I have actually sworn that much since I was on a building site 30 years ago either :-(
Perhaps the pressure gauge needs to be let off? Is it the Collateral damage I have feared all along? I don't know, I may have been angry but I was really holding back. Maybe I need to go on one of those anger management classes. Gee a Magnum and a target would have been a most welcome distraction to vent some spleen tonight.
Damn it I am still so angry even writing this. I need hours to calm down. It is absolutely lashing it down outside and I've already got soaked through tonight so I can't just go for a calming couple of hours walk.
It is at times like this that I tell people to leave me alone and what do they do? Yes, you've guessed it, they try and talk sensibly to me. BIG mistake. When an INTJ goes "into one" you really need to get the hell out of the way.
As I said at the beginning, for me to get beyond standard cynical bastard and into "take no prisoners venom mouth" really takes a lot of goading and a lot of poking and prodding. Today, someone just learnt their limit. As for me, I feel horrible as I don;t like being this angry, this full of adrenaline, this downright vindictive and the loss of control that anger suggests may happen.
Tonight, not sure why, it was slinging a gale (still is) water everywhere -rain horizontal and just a filthy night. I get off the train to find that it is like trying to round Cape Horn on a Dinghy just to get through the ticket barrier. I phone Mrs. F for some sort of respite - it is after all a mile walk home and I get the "too busy with something else answer".
I hung up the phone, turned that off and threw all my toys out of the pram. I'm still not in the right frame of mind to be talked to.
Right this minute, writing this blog, I could easily go and stove something in, break some crockery or some other such thing. I haven't been this seething angry in absolutely years.
I also don't think I have actually sworn that much since I was on a building site 30 years ago either :-(
Perhaps the pressure gauge needs to be let off? Is it the Collateral damage I have feared all along? I don't know, I may have been angry but I was really holding back. Maybe I need to go on one of those anger management classes. Gee a Magnum and a target would have been a most welcome distraction to vent some spleen tonight.
Damn it I am still so angry even writing this. I need hours to calm down. It is absolutely lashing it down outside and I've already got soaked through tonight so I can't just go for a calming couple of hours walk.
It is at times like this that I tell people to leave me alone and what do they do? Yes, you've guessed it, they try and talk sensibly to me. BIG mistake. When an INTJ goes "into one" you really need to get the hell out of the way.
As I said at the beginning, for me to get beyond standard cynical bastard and into "take no prisoners venom mouth" really takes a lot of goading and a lot of poking and prodding. Today, someone just learnt their limit. As for me, I feel horrible as I don;t like being this angry, this full of adrenaline, this downright vindictive and the loss of control that anger suggests may happen.
Monday, March 02, 2009
On Tiredness and Fatigue and Recovery
I haven't had one of those crushing days for a while and I hope I wont get another but you never know. Today was hard work. Keeping busy is my major concern I am actually keeping very busy but there wasn't a whole lot of achievement today.
I am getting to a point where I am cruising and I don't like that. I want a few more challenges and yet I have specifically made time slots available to allow for treatments and things and as nothing is happening I am having to bridge those deliberate gaps in my schedule.
I am wide awake now at close to midnight and I don't want to be. I need to work out how I can get to bed but more importantly get to sleep earlier.
I suppose it is all about habit breaking and adapting and I can perhaps start to change that down this week as I haven't got too much on.
I am getting to a point where I am cruising and I don't like that. I want a few more challenges and yet I have specifically made time slots available to allow for treatments and things and as nothing is happening I am having to bridge those deliberate gaps in my schedule.
I am wide awake now at close to midnight and I don't want to be. I need to work out how I can get to bed but more importantly get to sleep earlier.
I suppose it is all about habit breaking and adapting and I can perhaps start to change that down this week as I haven't got too much on.
Diet? Maybe
Well the best intentions and all that. I ended up having a few beers this evening and so probably undid all the good I did earlier.
I have completely avoided chocolates and sweet things, stopped taking frothy coffee and sugar and in fact drank tea today mainly Green Tea with Jasmine and used sweeteners. I ate a muffin before I went to work (English Muffin) and so didn't stop for my customary Baguette or Almond Croissant.
No sweets (Candy) at all. I just had my sandwiches and soup and that was the lot. So actually I did quite well until we went for a beer before I came back from my evening out.
I think I can reduce my intake this way and eat the right things, I also managed to pack in my 5 a day fruit and veg and so think that I should be able to at least begin to sort things out.
Still no news from the Hospital. I think if I haven't heard in a day or so, I will ring up and see what is going on.
I am feeling a bit better about myself but have to say - some people saw a side of me you don't normally see and that is one who was a little p*ssed off with a friend of mine. I don't mind having to keep bailing him out of the brown and smelly stuff regularly but then to sort of rub my nose in it tonight and ask me to do some more sorting out for him in public meant he got the rough end of my tongue. I daren't even think what my facial expression betrayed. I am genuinely a very easy going person but don't push it or your luck too far. Believe me, my limits are pretty much unreachable but this guy managed it.
Also, I suppose luckily it was all over in a few seconds and was quickly diffused.
I have completely avoided chocolates and sweet things, stopped taking frothy coffee and sugar and in fact drank tea today mainly Green Tea with Jasmine and used sweeteners. I ate a muffin before I went to work (English Muffin) and so didn't stop for my customary Baguette or Almond Croissant.
No sweets (Candy) at all. I just had my sandwiches and soup and that was the lot. So actually I did quite well until we went for a beer before I came back from my evening out.
I think I can reduce my intake this way and eat the right things, I also managed to pack in my 5 a day fruit and veg and so think that I should be able to at least begin to sort things out.
Still no news from the Hospital. I think if I haven't heard in a day or so, I will ring up and see what is going on.
I am feeling a bit better about myself but have to say - some people saw a side of me you don't normally see and that is one who was a little p*ssed off with a friend of mine. I don't mind having to keep bailing him out of the brown and smelly stuff regularly but then to sort of rub my nose in it tonight and ask me to do some more sorting out for him in public meant he got the rough end of my tongue. I daren't even think what my facial expression betrayed. I am genuinely a very easy going person but don't push it or your luck too far. Believe me, my limits are pretty much unreachable but this guy managed it.
Also, I suppose luckily it was all over in a few seconds and was quickly diffused.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Waiting continues
It has been a week since I wrote to the Hospital once again and it is now March. I had the operation in late December so that is 2 months ago at least.
It is a bit concerning as I don't know what they are going to do with me. It will soon be 3 months since they operated.
It makes you wonder what is going on. Are they waiting for the 3 months and then scope me? Will they wait 3 months and then restart the BCG treatment? Then there were the 2 Rigid Cystoscopies to come too, she wanted those at 6 monthly intervals. It is all a bit strange isn't it? You see I was surprised that I'd need another year of maintenance - considering I had already had a year's worth to date.
I find it unusual for them not to be communicating with me or to have had the appointments if I am having BCG.
Maybe I'll find out this week what is going on?
It is a bit concerning as I don't know what they are going to do with me. It will soon be 3 months since they operated.
It makes you wonder what is going on. Are they waiting for the 3 months and then scope me? Will they wait 3 months and then restart the BCG treatment? Then there were the 2 Rigid Cystoscopies to come too, she wanted those at 6 monthly intervals. It is all a bit strange isn't it? You see I was surprised that I'd need another year of maintenance - considering I had already had a year's worth to date.
I find it unusual for them not to be communicating with me or to have had the appointments if I am having BCG.
Maybe I'll find out this week what is going on?
Long Day and a Shock
I left the house at 8:45 and got home about 5:45
It was a long and tiring, albeit, enjoyable day. The shock came when I put on my waistcoat and found that it needed loosening off.!! In October that fitted and whilst I know I have put on some weight - that graphically demonstrated how much.
I'd say a good 2" around the waist and shoulders. In addition my waist band and belt also showed the same requirements on my trousers (pants).
So I need to do something about it and the next steps really are to work out how to get back to being healthy again and to fit some exercise into my week. I see Steve's blog on just that as a timely reminder for me to go and sort that out.
Work seriously gets in my way in terms of the time I can bring to the job but perhaps I just need to be creative about that as well and work out a way to fit it in.
Whatever happens I cannot ignore this and need to do something about it and fast, it also needs to last too. The trouble with many diets is that they may make you lose weight but they don't address the whole area of sensible eating, exercise and keeping the weight off and being healthy so I am on a mission to sort that out today and also to sort out what has happened to my other PC which isn't working this morning! What is that all about? If it has gone then it is all three PCs in a few months :-(
It was a long and tiring, albeit, enjoyable day. The shock came when I put on my waistcoat and found that it needed loosening off.!! In October that fitted and whilst I know I have put on some weight - that graphically demonstrated how much.
I'd say a good 2" around the waist and shoulders. In addition my waist band and belt also showed the same requirements on my trousers (pants).
So I need to do something about it and the next steps really are to work out how to get back to being healthy again and to fit some exercise into my week. I see Steve's blog on just that as a timely reminder for me to go and sort that out.
Work seriously gets in my way in terms of the time I can bring to the job but perhaps I just need to be creative about that as well and work out a way to fit it in.
Whatever happens I cannot ignore this and need to do something about it and fast, it also needs to last too. The trouble with many diets is that they may make you lose weight but they don't address the whole area of sensible eating, exercise and keeping the weight off and being healthy so I am on a mission to sort that out today and also to sort out what has happened to my other PC which isn't working this morning! What is that all about? If it has gone then it is all three PCs in a few months :-(
Saturday, February 28, 2009
2 in the morning
In fact well gone 2 - about 20 past as my back ups for the PCs have begun. I have finally pulled together the bits for tomorrow. Not sure about the sneezing fit I am having typing this though - blimey, I nearly blew my head off with the last one!
So it has taken me the best part of four hours or more to plan what will happen tomorrow. At least I am well prepared which is the main thing. All the paperwork is now done and the bags are packed ready to go. All I need to do now is set my alarms to a little later than normal, make sure I get up and arrange to be back at the Hall by 9 tomorrow morning.
I will be so knackered tomorrow (today) evening when I get home....
So it has taken me the best part of four hours or more to plan what will happen tomorrow. At least I am well prepared which is the main thing. All the paperwork is now done and the bags are packed ready to go. All I need to do now is set my alarms to a little later than normal, make sure I get up and arrange to be back at the Hall by 9 tomorrow morning.
I will be so knackered tomorrow (today) evening when I get home....
Friday, February 27, 2009
A bit of a RANT earlier
I needed that - I almost ended it with "I've not been well you know" or other such sickism :-)
You really can't believe the bare faced stupidity of some people. I wouldn't mind, we all pay subscriptions and it is all voluntary and yet somehow it is as if life depended on it.
Whilst it IS in my nature to fire off a smart ass one liner, it isn't in my nature to not sort this out. I suppose only another year of this and I can relax a bit.
Roll on retirement in June 2010.
You really can't believe the bare faced stupidity of some people. I wouldn't mind, we all pay subscriptions and it is all voluntary and yet somehow it is as if life depended on it.
Whilst it IS in my nature to fire off a smart ass one liner, it isn't in my nature to not sort this out. I suppose only another year of this and I can relax a bit.
Roll on retirement in June 2010.
WTF? Disorganised people
Really hack me off. I have been out today at a meeting and there is a meeting tomorrow that I am Secretary for. How can it be that people are ringing my house and leaving messages for me on the eve of the meeting when they have known about the meeting for weeks and weeks and in fact the date is fixed by the week in a certain month so it isn't difficult.
So why phone me on a Friday night and then expect me to phone before you go to bed when I actually wont get in until you've been curled up for an hour or two. Of course, your message then means that I have to resolve some situation or other and I end up working way into the early hours to mitigate that and you turn up in the morning all fresh faced and I've had about 2 hours sleep - no wonder I look like sh1t sometimes.
It makes you mad that this sort of thing continues to happen and I thought I would retire from this in June but have another year to run.
I think it is 8 messages in the 4 1/2 hours I have been out.
So why phone me on a Friday night and then expect me to phone before you go to bed when I actually wont get in until you've been curled up for an hour or two. Of course, your message then means that I have to resolve some situation or other and I end up working way into the early hours to mitigate that and you turn up in the morning all fresh faced and I've had about 2 hours sleep - no wonder I look like sh1t sometimes.
It makes you mad that this sort of thing continues to happen and I thought I would retire from this in June but have another year to run.
I think it is 8 messages in the 4 1/2 hours I have been out.
Tempus Fugit
By heck - where has the day gone? I've been thrashing away at my PC and paperwork all day and it still isn't done yet.
I can see a late night coming on yet again. The trouble is that there is a sudden rush of people who realise at the last minute that they haven't done something and I get a hail of phone calls all wanting me to sort it out. The fun part is, I am not around tonight to take their calls or sort it out for them.
Oh well an emergency on their part should not create one on my part.
Feeling OK today, still not heard anything from the Hospital which is nagging away at the back of my mind. It would be nice to know what is going on. They have written to my GP saying they are going to re-do maintenance but that was before they realised I had already had that last year.
I can see a late night coming on yet again. The trouble is that there is a sudden rush of people who realise at the last minute that they haven't done something and I get a hail of phone calls all wanting me to sort it out. The fun part is, I am not around tonight to take their calls or sort it out for them.
Oh well an emergency on their part should not create one on my part.
Feeling OK today, still not heard anything from the Hospital which is nagging away at the back of my mind. It would be nice to know what is going on. They have written to my GP saying they are going to re-do maintenance but that was before they realised I had already had that last year.
Home a day off
Tempered with the fact that I have a pile of my own work to do is the fact that if I am honest, I really don't have a lot to do at work at the moment anyway.
By that I mean - everything is under control and the work that needs to be done is planned out. I have a good day coming up on Thursday when I will be presenting the work of the Charity to a number of people. There are a number of projects that I am starting that will see the year through.
The current discussions, which the Hospital by not telling me what is going to happen, are making a mockery of, will determine the next year's arrangement. I started at the beginning of April last year. I was actually looking at the original advert from a year back last night :-)
The arrangements are that, given they want to stick me on maintenance and not on observation, that I would have close to 50 or more days off this year. That's about 2 1/2 months and that it would be unfair on them to have to pay me sick pay for those. In addition, even though I might be deemed a "special case" the way that the contract of employment works is on three sicks you go on a sort of disciplinary procedure. Short of going around the office and telling everyone what is wrong with me (some know) that too would cause issues.
The best way forward is some form of contract or potentially to go part time but even that might prove hard to manage. I have put forward a document, contract and prices which are based on what I know from my last consultation. If that doesn't materialise then it would look a bit strange if I have priced not to be at the office and then I am.
For all sorts of reasons, not knowing complicates my life and I'd really like it all to be simple and straight forward from now on? :-)
Today is full of strange things for the Lodges like accounts, sorting out paperwork and checking on things. I need to sit down and get on with that without to many distractions. It is always unfortunate that this meeting and tomorrow's come one after the other like this.
By that I mean - everything is under control and the work that needs to be done is planned out. I have a good day coming up on Thursday when I will be presenting the work of the Charity to a number of people. There are a number of projects that I am starting that will see the year through.
The current discussions, which the Hospital by not telling me what is going to happen, are making a mockery of, will determine the next year's arrangement. I started at the beginning of April last year. I was actually looking at the original advert from a year back last night :-)
The arrangements are that, given they want to stick me on maintenance and not on observation, that I would have close to 50 or more days off this year. That's about 2 1/2 months and that it would be unfair on them to have to pay me sick pay for those. In addition, even though I might be deemed a "special case" the way that the contract of employment works is on three sicks you go on a sort of disciplinary procedure. Short of going around the office and telling everyone what is wrong with me (some know) that too would cause issues.
The best way forward is some form of contract or potentially to go part time but even that might prove hard to manage. I have put forward a document, contract and prices which are based on what I know from my last consultation. If that doesn't materialise then it would look a bit strange if I have priced not to be at the office and then I am.
For all sorts of reasons, not knowing complicates my life and I'd really like it all to be simple and straight forward from now on? :-)
Today is full of strange things for the Lodges like accounts, sorting out paperwork and checking on things. I need to sit down and get on with that without to many distractions. It is always unfortunate that this meeting and tomorrow's come one after the other like this.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Hanging around waiting for something to happen
Strange as it may seem, I'm worried about NOT having any treatment. I've psyched myself up to have it and nothing has happened. It really is a strange old feeling because - in a way - I'm not missing getting whacked with BCG Immunotherapy treatments but at the back of my mind is the worry that if they wanted to do the precautionary stuff, why aren't they doing it?
It would just be nice to know what they have planned for me so I can also plan my future a bit better.
Uncertainty isn't great and I'd rather get any "shocks" out on the table now. If they are going to wait and scope me or biopsy me or treat it, just let me know - please :-)
It may sound silly but planning out your life around how well you might feel is actually quite difficult. I know what to expect so that if I know a start date I can work out that I am going to be better travelling and attending meetings than others. If I don't know I have to keep putting things off, just in case. I've been ruled too long by BC and was hoping that perhaps I'd dictate some times and plan things this year. looks like I am wrong.
Oh well - what will be will be I suppose!
It would just be nice to know what they have planned for me so I can also plan my future a bit better.
Uncertainty isn't great and I'd rather get any "shocks" out on the table now. If they are going to wait and scope me or biopsy me or treat it, just let me know - please :-)
It may sound silly but planning out your life around how well you might feel is actually quite difficult. I know what to expect so that if I know a start date I can work out that I am going to be better travelling and attending meetings than others. If I don't know I have to keep putting things off, just in case. I've been ruled too long by BC and was hoping that perhaps I'd dictate some times and plan things this year. looks like I am wrong.
Oh well - what will be will be I suppose!
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