Thursday, February 26, 2009

Hanging around waiting for something to happen

Strange as it may seem, I'm worried about NOT having any treatment. I've psyched myself up to have it and nothing has happened. It really is a strange old feeling because - in a way - I'm not missing getting whacked with BCG Immunotherapy treatments but at the back of my mind is the worry that if they wanted to do the precautionary stuff, why aren't they doing it?

It would just be nice to know what they have planned for me so I can also plan my future a bit better.

Uncertainty isn't great and I'd rather get any "shocks" out on the table now. If they are going to wait and scope me or biopsy me or treat it, just let me know - please :-)

It may sound silly but planning out your life around how well you might feel is actually quite difficult. I know what to expect so that if I know a start date I can work out that I am going to be better travelling and attending meetings than others. If I don't know I have to keep putting things off, just in case. I've been ruled too long by BC and was hoping that perhaps I'd dictate some times and plan things this year. looks like I am wrong.

Oh well - what will be will be I suppose!

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