On Being Completely "bent out of shape"

Mr. Angry visited tonight. I am probably the worlds calmest person. It is true that if I think you are an idiot or being stupid you will deserve and get the benefit of my tongue and wit. After one such incident someone was in sincere belief that I had most of the oral niceties of a Viper!

Tonight, not sure why, it was slinging a gale (still is) water everywhere -rain horizontal and just a filthy night. I get off the train to find that it is like trying to round Cape Horn on a Dinghy just to get through the ticket barrier. I phone Mrs. F for some sort of respite - it is after all a mile walk home and I get the "too busy with something else answer".

I hung up the phone, turned that off and threw all my toys out of the pram. I'm still not in the right frame of mind to be talked to.

Right this minute, writing this blog, I could easily go and stove something in, break some crockery or some other such thing. I haven't been this seething angry in absolutely years.

I also don't think I have actually sworn that much since I was on a building site 30 years ago either :-(

Perhaps the pressure gauge needs to be let off? Is it the Collateral damage I have feared all along? I don't know, I may have been angry but I was really holding back. Maybe I need to go on one of those anger management classes. Gee a Magnum and a target would have been a most welcome distraction to vent some spleen tonight.

Damn it I am still so angry even writing this. I need hours to calm down. It is absolutely lashing it down outside and I've already got soaked through tonight so I can't just go for a calming couple of hours walk.

It is at times like this that I tell people to leave me alone and what do they do? Yes, you've guessed it, they try and talk sensibly to me. BIG mistake. When an INTJ goes "into one" you really need to get the hell out of the way.

As I said at the beginning, for me to get beyond standard cynical bastard and into "take no prisoners venom mouth" really takes a lot of goading and a lot of poking and prodding. Today, someone just learnt their limit. As for me, I feel horrible as I don;t like being this angry, this full of adrenaline, this downright vindictive and the loss of control that anger suggests may happen.