Some say that an INTJ are happy enough with their own company and that is true. I can happily go and sit in a pub, with a book or newspaper and read that, have a beer and be very happy with my lot. I work well in a team or as a team leader and all the usual stuff but occasionally I tend to find that if I haven't been able to communicate or express myself to someone else then I tend to off load when I do meet someone who is willing to listen. I try to be equal and listen to them but I've noticed that I do tend to miss not having someone to talk to about my ongoing recovery and how I am coping. My mates are good and so they tend to be the ones who "get it".
I can't say that any discussion happens here in the house. Whether that was protection for the children or just we only spoke about the treatment and the practicals I don't know. Certainly, unless anyone actually reads this blog, there isn't a lot of discussion going on.
People at work know that something has happened, a few are in the know, many recognise that there is something wrong with me, they guess it is serious, but we don't talk about it.
The Journey so far has been an interesting one in as much as some things that have happened have been revelations, some things have been unexpected, some have been disappointing but above all, the strangest thing has been that I've changed and no one but no one has reacted to that at all. I'm not the person I was going into this. I'm not at all like I was before, I feel that I am a lot friendlier and more approachable, less likely to deal with fools any better for sure but still, significant changes to the way I used to be and everyone has gotten on and accepted all of that. Its those nearest to me that I don't connect with anymore though and that is disappointing but perhaps they notice it even more than before? Perhaps I am just too different now, too demanding, too lively, talk in a different way and am not the person they knew any longer?
It reminds me of the couple who married and the wife set about changing her Husband, making sure he dressed properly, got on at work, joined the Golf Club and Rotary etc. After 5 years she complained that"he wasn't the man she married!"
I'm sure as hell not the person I was 32 months ago.
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2 comments:
I wonder if this is part of the whole cancer journey. I am certainly not the person I was 50 weeks plus one day ago. Everything has changed, and I have changed with it - despite an innate ISTJ desire for structure. Things previously taken for granted are now foremost in importance - time, relationships with family and others, priorities in work and non-work, and the list goes on. People are on pins and needles around me because I have been short tempered when not feeling well (while pretending otherwise - a bad tactic), and because some think I'm terminal and should be given extra consideration. Those that note my change in priorities and behavior are uncertain how to deal with it, and uneasy to mention it, since I am a bit of pariah due to cancer.
My boss asked how the group should treat me, and I replied "normally." She has gone out of her way to make it so, and that's been a blessing. I do think (except when not feeling well) that I am easier to get along with and more considerate of others' feelings - a very new area for me. I also need to be honest that everything is not normal sometimes, and allow others to cut me a little slack then, instead of resenting both my less than optimal performance and their accommodations.
I am also less patient with fools, a trait I was already known for - and that makes for some short answers to questions - the type of questions that demonstrate the asker presupposes that I must be an absolute moron. Need to work on that.
All this to say that while I am months behind you, I am noticing the same types of changes.
All the best!
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