4th Anniversary and a Frightening Moment

Last night I was out and met my Nephew.  I'd never really understood what it was like for people on the other side of my illness and he was very good and told me about everyone's fears and concerns.  We discussed loads of things and then suddenly he started acting - well - a bit strangely.  I ordered some food in case he hadn't eaten before he turned up to the wine bar but shortly after that it all kicked off.

I'll not go into too much detail but I managed to get him to the toilets where he stayed for a good 1 to 1 1/2 hours as I got water in and out and tried to work out what to do with him as he was coming in and out of conciousness and so I was keeping him awake and sticking water down his throat which promptly didn't stay there for long.

I grabbed his phone and managed to call his girlfriend and get their address in London.  I spoke to my wife to get her to do a bit pf phoning and then the really frightening thing happened.  I lost it, all of a sudden I just burst into tears on the phone and Mrs. F. said something soothing like "you're not going to help him like that" and it was over, I snapped back and said "NO, I've got this under control, I'm going to sort it out".  I was the only person who was interested or helping and so it was down to me.  I eventually got is address, half stabilised him, got a taxi driver and stuck him in a cab and let his girlfriend know.  

I went back to the wine bar, drank my wine, tipped the wine waiter who did help me get a taxi and gave me a bottle of water to give to the taxi driver to give to him if he was ill further or needed it.  I then got a very late train home and walked back here.  I was close to tears all the way, I can't exactly work out whether it was shock - it all happened so quickly and was actually quite frightening - or just the way I am these days - I would never have been like this before BC or something else at play.  I just found it all really distressing, really frightening and I'm emotionally drained this morning.

Today happens to be the 4th Anniversary of the first real signs that there was something wrong with me.   I'd driven to Yorkshire and on arriving went to the toilet only to emit a stream of red urine.  It really is stuff from a horror movie when you see it and it totally freaks you out.  Maybe it was that yesterday (as we discussed it) or maybe it was also that I realised that it wasn't just me who was petrified by what I had, everyone else around me had to deal with it too.

On a lighter note.  My business partner's cancer is also 4 years ago in a couple of weeks.  He and I had no idea about the other's condition until later in the July of that year.  After that we started to meet up and compare notes and feelings.  I have to say that 4 years ago, I would never have dreamt that he and I would be attempting to start a new business enterprise.  We are both really happy we have got to 4 years post diagnosis.  His magic number is 5 so this time next year he should be able to say it is beaten for him.  For me?  Well Bladder Cancer is different - controllable but it does like to come back every now and then.  Let's hope that isn't the case in a few weeks time.

As for my Nephew - it appears that he got home and was still in and out so the paramedics checked him over.  He had just drank too much.  I have to say - I didn't see him or appear that he was drinking too much but there you go - very hot weather we are having and if he didn't eat anything or maybe it was just his light frame but anyway - let's hope he just has the hangover from hell today.........  And never does it again.

No Pressure Then?

well - very little. My Blood Pressure readings have crashed these past few weeks. I'm amazed at the improvement - today I'm down to 127 over 74 which is a huge crash down from 155 over 110 just 3 weeks ago when I did my baseline measure.

This exercise malarkey is good for you - even though it sucks. I've seen a daily improvement and the graph looks like the slope on a championship skiing downhill!! Brilliant.

I'm laying off the exercise for tomorrow as I am going up to town and so won't have time. Friday Mrs. F. is taking me away for the weekend and there should be plenty of sea and sun and walking involved.

Life's good and my business partner was over earlier today as we were going through some of our plans. It seems to be going great so far. long may everything continue like that.

One week today is my pre-assessment. Two weeks on Friday is my operation. As I write that my left hand starts to twinge knowing it will get a cannula shoved up it and the bruising that causes. Oh well, it is all in a good cause I suppose.

I'm off for a shower now having completed my exercises and then will prepare yet another salad and perhaps fish tonight - maybe Pilchards. Flocky Bicep is horrified and things I may have "turned" :-) I'm surprised how good I can make a salad taste with all the ingredients I can bring to bear.

Blimey

That burst work I was doing over the last couple of days and today's exercise surprised the life out of me.  I knew today I was burning up a lot faster than normal and did an extra kM in 30 minutes - not bad considering the resistance of the thing.  Measure my BP and it was way down, probably the lowest I've ever seen it.  I waited 10 minutes in case it was an anomaly but no there it was. way below my usual so I'm pretty pleased with that.  If I can keep that going it will be good.  

L has given me some hand dumbbells to use and I did 5 minutes with those after my 30 minutes on the machine.  They made my arms wobble I can tell you especially holding out my arms away from my body.

Anyway, exercise really does appear to work - now to see if I can actually burn off some weight too.

The British and Their Weather

I know - no one else on earth understands this preoccupation we have with the weather but take today, about 28 Degrees C but humid too.  Tomorrow is expected 28 Degrees with 70 percent relative humidity.  We just aren't used to it.   Years of evolution and we still find it too hot or too cold it is never quite right :-)

That's the trouble though living here, you wither get one thing or the other and can easily have 4 seasons in a day.  We apparently have more Tornados and thunder storms than any country of our size more than USA so they say.  I wonder who came up with that stat?  Whoever it was, it seems surprising although we have seen quite a few Tornados of late even one in a London suburb!

But I digress what I was rattling on about was just how uncomfortable the weather is at the moment.  I did my exercises today but was pretty worn out afterwards.  I expected to be as I was sprinting and had another programme set which starts at high resistance and drops to a low plateau to do the crunch bit and then winds back up to the top resistance in the last ten minutes - that's the bit that grabs your attention.  I have a fan running in my office.  I have one in the bedroom too and it just feels so draining this weather.  Perhaps we ought to get air conditioning or I'll work in my Jag all day tomorrow - that will mess up the global warming figures if I do that!

We will have to see what tomorrow brings - a nice juicy thunder storm would be good to clear the air but I doubt we will get one.  Hopefully we can sleep tonight.

Hot work

Exercising in this weather is hot work and I have a fan blowing on me all the time - it sort of helps.  I've been doing 30 minutes a day around about 5 pm every day it finishes off my work day, let's me have a bit of chill out time and vent if I need to.  I tackle my workout using a pre programmed range on the Cross Trainer and I've also been doing these little short exhausting bursts of effort three or four times each session.  It absolutely puffs me out but that is exactly what it is meant to do.  apparently that burst sets off all sorts of good thing in your body.  I have no idea about that I just feel absolutely knackered and it makes the sweat pour off me.  No bad thing either.

I have ordered some sweat bands from eBay which I hope will arrive a little later this week - some cheap and cheerful ones that can be throw away when they invariably get tatty.

It was good to that Steve K in the USA has managed to lose a further pound this week.  I didn't move but was a bit worried I'd put it all back on again.  That may happen this week with Hotel food to look forward to.

Mrs. F. returned from a shopping trip today to say how easy it is to feed me these days.  Here was my bag of fruit, my bag of salad, my sardines, mackerel and pilchards, cottage cheese and crisp bread and soup.   The fruit includes figs and also some dried figs (I love these and no one else in the house does).  I've got walnuts for my salad and low calorie mayonnaise and salad cream (again only I like that).  I have tomato juice - yes you've guessed it only I like that too.  I caught myself needing a snack the other day - a stick of celery.  Suddenly it doesn't seem so bad eating all this stuff that was unappealing only a few weeks ago.  I enjoy the time it takes to prepare a salad and the time it takes to eat one.  The amount of fruit I eat these days is also far more than I ever did.  I can really feel the difference especially things like the exhaustion I used to get.  I still get tired but not anywhere like before, I feel good, my skin feels good and my blood pressure is down and all of this through investing about an hour a day in warming up and cooling down and of course exercising in between plus eating a lot healthier than I've ever eaten before.

Well I'm off for a shower now having cooled down sufficiently, taken and recorded my blood pressure and written this little missive. 

It's Hot Again

Phew - there's a lot to be said for air conditioned offices.  Unfortunately my office can only appear cool through the use of reciprocating fans (air blowers).  I'm stuck in my office and wondering if I'm going to last out for the remainder of the morning or go and work downstairs which is surprisingly cool.  The Front Room has always been so much cooler than anywhere else in the house.  It is north facing and shaded by the massive tree out front.  With wooden flooring it is just a few degrees cooler than anywhere else.

I'll see how I get on.  I was pleased that I didn't put on any weight last week - I reckon it may have been close but I've lost all the drop off weight you tend to get immediately and am into the slow burn it off process.  A little every week is good.   It looks as Mrs. F. has managed to book us a Hotel for my birthday which will be a nice change.   I think because the Goodwood Festival is on we couldn't get anywhere along the Sussex coast.  Instead we are staying relatively local and going down to the Cinque Port of Hythe.  I've not been there since I was a kid and did things like drive down there on a Saturday night with my mates for a beer and a game of darts!!!  Crazy - but then petrol was cheap in those days.

It is quite near Romney and Dungeness so we can get out and explore a bit - it should be fun.  My birthday isn't until the Sunday but that isn't a problem - it will be nice to chill out a bit.  At the moment I am working all the time.  By that I mean my brain is working overtime and all it does is think about this new business and so it can sometimes mean that in the middle of the night I can wake up with an idea and have to get up and do something about it. 

I've been doing myself with my age too - I'll be 53 on  Sunday - I've been saying I was 53 for ages - on Sunday I'll be right!  Apparently where we are going has an excellent fish restaurant with locally caught fare so that will be interesting too.  I'm looking forward to a few days off - the way things are going I don't see us getting away unless the girls get their acts tocgether.

Was that on or behind the line

I have to say that - it was really, really close and after a look in slow motion I can confirm that I'm still not absolutely sure.  My scales look as if I've lost a couple of pounds but the needle is that thick and the line that thin that it is difficult to say so I think that I ought to call it as no loss this week.  Still 232 Pounds.  I've managed to exercise every day this week and with the temperature reaching 30 Degrees C today it was a bit of a struggle.  

England are out of the World Cup - a pretty average showing and some schoolboy errors in their game.  If they played like they play their Premier League games here then perhaps things may have been different - a disallowed goal that was clearly in didn't help the medicine go down but, there you have it, once more we are disappointed but will we never learn?  

This week I have another one of those lunch time appointments but I've ordered a half decent meal - I just need to ensure that I don't drink too many beers either side of the lunch!

Feeling quite good about things at the moment, that will probably change this time next week as I start to stare down the gun that is my next operation on the 16th July with the pre-assessment on the 7th July.  At least I might get away for my birthday next weekend.  It will be curious actually going to a Hotel on the 2nd July given that 4 years ago, on the 2nd of July, I went to a Hotel and all of this kicked off.  Oh yes, and England lost in the World Cup that day too.  How can I forget :-)

Adieu

Saturday not as bad as it could have been

I picked up A from the station last night and packed L off to camp this morning, managed to clean up the kitchen changing it from war zone to habitable just to see it turned back by ravenous young adults at breakfast time.  A is getting ready to go to her friends and then fly off to Zante (one of the Greek Islands) tomorrow, L will be back and then I need to get her to and from work tomorrow.  In between times there are 2 games in the World Cup, Wimbledon, Moto GP, Formula One and GP2 to fit into a tight weekend.

I'm actually trying to work in between times too which is funny.  We are at the stage in the new venture where we need to have a name and a way of defining and differentiating our service from others - but there aren't any others.  So the quandary is that it is so different from modern computing that you can't refer to modern computing and there is the problem we are having.  we might as well call it cheese or tarmac or something like that because it really is so far away and needs to be off the wall.  So I am sitting in the front room with my flip chart doing word association exercises.  Things are so bad that I was actually dreaming about it two nights ago and every time I woke up I would have to go and write down what I'd dreamt.

The air fair is in full swing and a huge refuelling aircraft has just flown overheard.  The day is punctuated by the roars of jets and the thump of WW2 propeller crafts but they are just out of sight.  All day people have been walking past with collapsible chairs and bags going up to the heights past the Church to watch for free.

The USA play today and we play tomorrow in the World Cup.  Steve K and I are a couple of weeks into our trying to be fit and losing weight regimes.  I definitely feel like I've put weight on this week through two nights out and having a few beers on Tuesday lunchtime as well.   I'll check tomorrow evening and see what the score is.  I am really pleased though with my blood pressure which has tumbled down after doing 30 minutes a day on my cross trainer.  That is excellent and together with a few tips I picked up about doing some short burn out sessions during the exercises I hope to get a little more out of that in the long run.  

There is a long way to go and I need to drop a couple of stone - 28lbs at least to make me feel anywhere near where I was a couple of years ago.  If I can go lower than that I will be delighted.  I've now managed to get into a routine especially with food and how and what I eat and when.  I just have to continue eating the way I am and exercising and the weight will come off but gradually, no crash dieting - it doesn't work.  The first loss must be down to the introduction of a new diet and that initial loss of weight you always get on a diet and with exercise.  From now on I expect slow, steady progress. 

I also need to remember that I am in Hospital in a few weeks which will mess up my routine.  Last time I exercised after biopsies I managed to make myself bleed badly so I will probably have to take it easy for a week or two afterwards.

Funny Experience

I was doing my exercise which as readers of Steve K's blog know "Really Sucks!" and believe me it does.  Then I heard myself muttering as I was getting to the last bit of the three hills programme I tend to use and really giving it some effort, sweating like you wouldn't believe I heard myself saying things like "take that cancer", "you're not beating me" "I can keep this going" and so on.

Suddenly I realise I've got more than one reason to put myself through these agonies every day - losing weight is definitely on the cards but beating cancer is even more important too.  Diet, exercise, taking away carcinogens as much as possible and just fighting back make you feel good about this.  

I'm quite surprised that I was putting quite so much aggression into the exercises but there you go let's hope it does the trick.  It has already brought my blood pressure crashing down into reasonable territory so perhaps it will benefit me in many other ways too.  Here's hoping because no matter what, exercise really does suck :-) 

End of the week

I haven't accomplished as much as I wanted to this week.  I had two nice evenings out.  The curry was good last night and in the BBC news today Bromley, a few miles from here, was named as the Curry Capital in the UK and we were at my local curry house and as usual they did a fine job and the food was excellent.  

Exercise, every day so far and made certain that I did 30 minutes each time even on the days when I was out.  Mrs. F. is away this weekend, A returns from Scotland and then flies off to Zante, L goes to camp tomorrow where Mrs. F. is helping the 100 year celebration of the local Guides.  Just to keep me on my toes, it is the Biggin Hill Air fair. That means we will be virtually blocked in here in the village as they make things one way for the traffic management.  The trouble with that is that I have to get out just as they fair ends to collect L from work.  Maybe I will leave early and just wander around and wait for her.

I'm feeling good and relatively fit.  My stomach has grown a lot slimmer but I'm not sure that I've lost any weight though.  With two evenings out I doubt that all the good stuff I have eaten here at home, may all be to keep me standing still.

Big Day for England and the USA

And the for the football teams too.  I'm off to London to meet up with the old work crew.  My day meeting got cancelled so it is just a social.  Heaven knows what that will do to my weight as we will be having a few to drink.  I've been exercising each day, doing 30 minutes with a three peaks setting on my XTrainer.  It is getting back into a routine that is important and I've managed to sort that out.  Today I will probably try and exercise straight after lunch and then get showered and head on up to London.  

The match is on mid afternoon and no doubt there will be fans milling around at all the pubs in London.  Not my favourite but let's see how bad they can get between 3 in the afternoon and going home time.  Unfortunately for me I also have a Curry evening booked for tomorrow and so I think my diet is right out the window this week.

I hope for further victories for the USA and England - and let's hope that our teams will also follow our lead!

And at the Weigh In tonight the contender scaled

16 stone and 8lbs which is Llbs = 232 pounds which I was surprised at I expected no change or a slight increase.

I can only put it down to the stepping up of my exercise and the way I am eating at the moment.   I'm really pleased and my stomach is visibly smaller and I feel "tightened up" if there can be such a thing.  My trousers are beginning to feel lose so I can tell something is happening and as I said yesterday my skin feels better I guess because of increased circulation.   My blood pressure is dropping too - so all is going the right way and it is encouragement for me to see it and to record it.  My word though 129 over 81 is brilliant for me....  Cool.

I'm off for a shower now and some R&R as it is Sunday.  Tomorrow I have a full on day as I record all the stuff we did last week at Boot Camp.  Fun, fun fun. 

Strangely

I have felt a lot better these past few weeks and my skin feels totally different and I can feel weight coming off and muscles tightening up as I continue to exercise and my diet takes on a habit rather than being a novelty.  I tend to have a lot of salads now and I'm enjoying them as I make them with some little twists to the recipe.  I'm doing 30 minutes of exercise a day and hit the 7kM mark on the XTrainer today.  I'm exercising late in the afternoon after having done a days work which means that I am actually stopping myself being slouched over my desk and I get on and do a good 30 minute work out.  I've been doing three peaks in 30 minutes which is pretty strenuous.

In the world cup today the USA did brilliantly to come back from a 2:0 score to even the match.  England were utterly dire and had no zing or anything else going about them.  Perhaps a stick of dynamite up their backsides may have made them wake up.  It was utter rubbish and so I headed over to the DVD player and watched a film.

I fear thought that the England and USA performances may reflect on this week's tally of how Steve K and I are doing in our "gentleman's bet" on weight loss over the next 6 months or so.  Last week I did manage a flying start to the campaign but I think that is similar in every start of eating properly and exercising - I managed to lose 4 lbs which wasn't bad.  After 3 days in a Hotel this week, despite being a good boy and choosing proper food, I have to admit to having a few beers and tomorrow we are off to a barbecue.  I feel that the USA may indeed make a fighting come back this week.  We will find out on Monday. 

Health is one of those things that we just take for granted.  In a few weeks time it will be 4 years - YES - 4 years since I first realised that something was very wrong indeed.  About this time, 4 years ago, there had been one surprised moment when a small amount of blood came out when I urinated (I thought I had strained myself carrying a very heavy sanding machine up and down the stairs).  There were a couple of odd spots that appeared but nothing that made me ready for the sight that befell my eyes on the 2nd of July 2006.   The world cup was on then as it is now and David Beckham was captain of England.  We were playing Portugal and Wayne Rooney got sent off and we lost the game.  I was in a bit of a mess.  I arrived at my Hotel as the game started and went to the toilet.  I had been in the car for a good 4 hours I guess.  I had a full stream of blood coloured urine.  It was the most unearthly thing I had ever seen.  

I went to the shops and bought some cigars - I'd given up for a long time but needed something to calm me down.   I bought lots of different bottled drinks and water and tried in vain to drink them to stop the bleeding.  I went to the restaurant, had more drinks but nothing helped.  I remember ringing my wife in quite a state and explaining what had happened.  I had to do three days work and planned coming home on the Thursday and so an Appointment was made for me to see the doctor on Friday.  The rest is history (see beginning of this blog).  So the world cup means a different thing to me as it will always coincide with my finding out that I had bladder cancer, something that wasn't fully diagnosed until the 21st July almost three weeks later.

My how things move on.  I'm still here - Hurrah!!!!  I intend to be here in another 4 years too and in 4 years after that.  I wont push my maker with any more than that - I'm sure I've pushed my favours in that respect as far as the envelope will go.  I reflect and know that I'm still happy with my lot and privileged to be here. 

Back to exercises

30 minutes worth this evening which went OK - I've ramped up another 10 minutes and it seemed to go fine.  Based on this I reckon I could do 40 minutes if needed but I'll see how I get on.  I managed to eat very little today which I was quite pleased with too.  I hope that I'll see some further improvement over time in weight and in my shape.

I've just spent another 30 minutes messing around with network problems and router issues.  Conflicting IP addresses and a wire which had fallen out all make for an annoying end to the day.  I need to go and get into bed and calm down.  It makes me really angry that everyone has had issues all night but no one has told me until I found out for myself.  When I start doing something everyone says its been like that for hours!!!  I'm at a loss as to why no one tells me these things in the first place.  I could have cured it straight off if Ii'd had the facts in the first place.

Just another thing that is sent to try me..

Technology makes

My life slower.  The internet is running like a dog this morning - the router is intermittent, the major PC of the house is on a go slow and I'm beginning to lose patience with the whole thing.  It is beautiful and sunny outside and perhaps I might just take a walk out if the situation doesn't improve.

I certainly need to do some exercise.  Whilst I probably burnt off lots of calories in nervous energy I put most of that back on with the couple of beers I had and the food I ate, even if I was concious of what I was eating.

We have a lot of work to do in the next 6 months and I'm taking in just how much of that is on my shoulders as the operational "expert".  We have a good team but one that isn't full time or one that cannot actually spend more than the odd day here or there.  We are going to find it hard going I think unless I can find an interim financier.  But that is the excitement of the whole enterprise and part of the reason for doing it. 

I need to keep focussed on being well and fit as I will need to be that to put this much effort in over the 6 month run.  I like it that people think we are "brave" to give up our day jobs to try this out but if we didn't take this journey then we will never know if we could have achieved it or not.  Both of us are cancer survivors and have a different view about the life we now have bequeathed to us.  That too makes the journey important.

I am Shattered

Having battled with the M25 (London orbital motorway) or as we know it locally - "the Car Park" I arrived on Monday to a lovely hotel in the Surrey countryside and we have just finished three days of the most intensive sort of work - we called it "boot Camp" and it feels like it.  I am going to retire after a not too bad journey home.  

I#ve been pretty good with my eating but we have mostly sat around this week and so Ii don't expect that I've lost any weight - in fact I expect to have put a bit on.  A barbecue beckons on Saturday which I may try and escape from if Ii can....

My head is definitely spinning away so I need to get some shut eye and I've agreed not to do any of this work until the weekend just so we can "come down" from the intensive workshops we have been doing giving us all a chance to calm down..  It is all good stuff but amazingly challenging and at the same time really exciting.  

Well here I go

Off for a few days now to get cracking on some business ideas at our "Boot Camp".  We have a Hotel for 3 days to thrash out our business plans and to try and focus on what we need to do in the next 6 months.

I'm quite excited by the prospect and this should get us charged up and ready to go for sure.  The odd bit of work I am doing for the charity is a bit - well - distracting and so I hope this will give me the direction and the focus I require.

I might get to blog whilst I am away - if not - I'll be back on Wednesday evening and will add something then.

Weight

Just broke off from the Germany Australia game to measure myself and I'm surprised that I weigh 16 stone and 10 pounds.  Which is a lot less than I expected.  So that's 234 pounds.  I say I'm surprised because I've been out a couple of times this week.  However, I have been very good on eating and exercise so perhaps that accounts for it.

That's the end of an era

Last meeting as Secretary - had many plaudits and was made a fuss over.  Mind you it wasn't helped by a very nice guy reporting on my health but not getting it quite right.  He made it sound like the tumour was still in me and that they were waiting for it to grow to whip it out in July.  Which of course is wrong and what is actually happening is that it is already gone and they are taking a peek and some more tests.

England versus US at Soccer today.  Mmmm 1 : 1 not great and we always make it difficult for ourselves. Of course it was England playing on 2nd July 2006 when I found out that things weren't right with me.  It is coming up to my 4th anniversary with that and suddenly it seems a distant memory.

Life is funny and it throws some strange stuff at you.  I have no idea what will happen to me in the next few months.  The new business venture, relationships with work colleagues at the place I've left and so many other things are happening I can hardly believe it.

Oh well - I'm sure they will all come out in the wash.  I must remember to publish my weight tomorrow.  It has taken a bit of a pounding this week and will next week as I am in a Hotel for 3 days!!

A bit slow today

Poor old chap I am.  Yesterday was full on and I managed to do about 12 hours work.  then I went to the wine bar!  That was OK apart from many raised eyebrows from people I knew - why?  Well I was sitting with one of my female colleagues and so everyone added 2 plus 2 and got to 7 or more for their answer!

Anyway, it was funny a little later on when someone bought us a bottle of wine (a whole bottle).  I told him that we were very grateful and that we would name our fist born child after him :-)  Well I thought it was funny anyway.  The trouble was that I really didn't want to drink that much wine and we were about to go home so it just caused me to drink more than I wanted and to get home late.  I do feel a little slow today consequently.

I see Microsoft is doing its usual trick and loading updates and getting me to reboot my machines it's all very well but I've hardly got anything done whilst I wait for one or other of them to settle down.

I need to get some exercise today too so perhaps I'll have a go at that before dinner.  I'm out tomorrow and I am preparing for that but it just seems to be taking for ever to get the PC to boot up again and to finish the work I started about 2 hours ago.  In the time taken to write this blog the PC has rebooted but none of the programmes are actually working at the moment - sometimes PCs are rubbish.