It's Hard Work Getting To Like Yourself Again

I found myself wondering about this a short while ago.  I hadn't realised that I almost loathed myself and had a very low opinion of who I was and how I and other people saw me.  I'd already made a huge judgement call and my opinion of myself was of a bit of a loser, a sort of geek and someone who frankly you'd be well advised not to be around.   Doesn't sound like me at all does it?  In many ways I hadn't realised that I carried around this 'picture' of myself as this low down dirt trodden sort of guy.  

Quite how it came about isn't clear as I don't recollect me building this obnoxious and odorous character at all.  But I've always been relatively quiet and almost shy with new people and those I don't know well and it was blindingly obvious that I needed to do something about this.   I doubt I can actually change my personality type very much - it's after all what makes me, me.  But I did determine to do something about it and with some help am slowly building up my self esteem and self belief.  It's strange but I'm rather beginning to enjoy this slightly improved me :-)  

I found myself singing along to some music earlier and just being much lighter and funnier in the house.  Small steps but I can't remember the last time I sang (I have a very fine voice I'll have you know)!  There's more to come I'm certain, it's just a matter of building up your confidence a little at a time.  I like the EFT technique - it seems to just help focus on positive thoughts whilst tackling and removing negative ones.  It looks a bit bizarre and amusing but get yourself in a room alone and do a short burst of this and enjoy.  Deep breathing works too and I find myself struggling to just control myself (at the moment feeling stressed and having slight breathing spasms) and so do some deep breathing.  I tend to sit, breath in a big breath through my nose and when full hold my breath for 1 and 2 and 3 seconds then slowly breath out through the mouth.  I do this for between 5 and 10 breaths.  Normally after that things are much calmer.  

Do the two together and it doesn't take long just to calm down and then start to feel good about yourself again.  Mind you it isn't easy, I still get negative thoughts about myself and my circumstances but at least now I won't be seeing myself in such a bad light and then consciously or otherwise affect the way I see and deal with people and how they deal with me.