Stuff Gets Me Angry

Stuff like yesterdays sensational headlines about food and diet and then reading the balanced diet crap we've been given for ages whilst our children freely ingest stuff that will affect their health long terms in the belief that it is good for them.  We've plenty of everything in the West, any foods you want, anytime you want just pop round to the 24 hour supermarket, free parking, and they'll sell you two for one on anything.

That's not the only thing either.  Reporting on TV is pants - factual programs sell ideas and models not facts and observations.  There was a great idea of a Programme on a day or so ago all about the sun and its various cycles and blow me they still managed to stick man made global warming into the sodding programme.  There's this huge enormous gravity contained atomic explosion going off firing heat out way and that's got little to do with it?  At least they got the facts right about the cycles and the minimums.  They also alluded to some of the longer sun cycles and what's frightening is that things are awful quiet out there.  All of this consensus and modelled science make me fume.  That's not how I was taught science at all.  It's all about hypotheses and then blowing holes in it.  These days scientists stick to their guns, call each other names and not one of them seems to appreciate that if the observed data doesn't match the bloody hypotheses it is wrong, get over it and come up with the next iteration and go blow that out of the water, you know, science FFS.

I'm angry with myself, angry for having wasted my time and fannied around for years and years and not really grasped the nettle and sorted things out.  I'm angry at the sheer procrastination and not doing anything.  Of course it is easier to let things be, maintain the status quo and pretend nothing is happening.  It won't be the first time I've been wrong but damn it all, I need to sort myself out.  Consequences though, bloody consequences, hurting other people, pissing off and angering people, just as I get angry, I have to inflict pain and angst on people who I love and know.  It stays my hand every time I think to strike and be decisive.  I can't win the battles in my head easily :-)  Damn, going to get Harry Potter's Wand and with a wave all of it goes away, up comes the clean sheet and knowing what I know, all my years of experience, I just start again and move on.  Not going to happen is it?  

I'm almost furious writing this blog post because I could have done something years ago but didn't, I could have manned up, made some very difficult decisions and be out of this place I am in now.  Sure the Bladder Cancer kicked almost all my self belief and esteem out and I've had to rebuild but even so - I should have seen all this coming down the line at me.  I disregarded and ignored it and now, in my face, larger than life, blacker than thunder and threatening to overwhelm me is the prospect of what do I want to do with my life?  Where do I want to go and all the questions that go with it.  Given it so much thought over the years but just didn't do anything about it and I'm sat here not knowing exactly what I am going to do with myself.

I'm not alone though, I have friends who I know will help me through this one as they have helped me through previous crises.