Good Grief

Sorry, we've somewhat deviated from Bladder Cancer so let's get back on track a bit.

It's been 2 or 3 years since I was discharged after some 17 years of treatments and reviews.  So let's review where we are:

1. I'm not dead yet!  Yes, I survived and I lived to tell the tale.  My "I'm Not Dead Tee Shirt" is still around, still fits but is looking a bit faded now.
2. It's mentally and physically debilitating - I doubt that even now I'm fully over it mentally or physically but I am still here, still living life but not my best life.  I need to do that. 
3. I'm getting my weight back down - I ate and drank far too much and lock down didn't help
4.  I am a totally different person than I was.  I'm actually more tolerant than I used to be (that may surprise you reading my posts).  I don't get so worked up about things now, they will be what they will be and I cannot change what is happening.
5. I don't overthink situations anymore and whilst I'll not break out of the way I work and think, at least I'm not in the situation where my mind is buzzing and calculating all the time.
6. I still find myself wasting time at this PC and procrastinating too. 

So I think that clearly it's survivable and you can work your way through it.  It took longer and perhaps 7 years longer to get discharged but they were keeping their eye on me so I suppose it isn't too bad apart from the extra operations (that were not necessary but you never know).

I feel that I am a little ungrateful for the extra life I've been given and that needs to change.  The biggest rut you have to get over is the rut you are in of course.