That rare feeling is when you are unaware that it is or was a magical feeling. Somehow you were connected to something much greater, you felt quite different. It was probably fleeting, it was in my case but it is quite memorable and I can recollect these feelings in vivid recall.
I've probably mentioned the one that was the most powerful. Eleven years ago I was head over heels in love with my "Angel" as I called her back then, she came in and out of my life in a way that altered much of how I was feeling and changed things around. It was never to be, sadly for me I guess but the amazing summer of 2013 is vivid and whilst we only me a handful of times those moments were quite magical as were some of the experiences.
We met at a location where there was a "secret" walled garden with a pond nearby and we sat on a bench and so heightened were my senses that I could smell all the flowers, hear all the insects and we held on to each other in the softest way you could imagine. Everything was right, the soft afternoon sun, there were very few other people about. It was just the sun's warmth and the heady smell of the flowers, the buzz of insects and the wonderful person I was with. I wrote a poem about it, it's in a special place stored away.
Whether or not it was a warm and sunny summer in 2013 I don't know but to me it was always warm and sunny and I spent a lot of time wandering across the fields and woods were I lived and everything was alive. The wind rustled the Silver Birch trees and danced among the trees in the woods and when I got across into the golden cornfields, the pre-harvest heads were dancing in the breeze and it was like nothing else as I stood there, in the middle of all this corn with no one else around just me, the corn, the sun warming my body and the breeze making it all dance together and it was then that, once again, I was somewhere else, in tune with this landscape, at one with my surroundings and deeply connected to it.
When I was a young man and we had moved to Orpington / Petts Wood area I was walking toward home, from Petts Wood past the suburban houses and I was in Willett Way, I remember it most vividly when the sun again was warm and you could feel your whole body warm up but not humid hot or overly so just warm and comforting and it warmed your bones if you know what I mean? The Privet Hedges were in bloom and I recall the smell of them as I walked past, the smell of other fragrant garden flowers as all the gardens were so well tended with bedding plants. Again. it is only a momentary glimpse into something or somewhere else. Somewhere where we should be more often, connected to out surroundings and at one with it.
There are a few other moments like these but they are few and far between and it's something we are all missing. The trouble is you cannot find it by inquiring or reading books (although they can point you there I guess). It's a case of feeling it and letting it take you over. Being an INTJ does not lend itself to this sort of thing and trying to work out what is going on in a spreadsheet isn't going to help me. I intend to try and be at one more often but planning to let it happen is not going to cut it.
So here's a little bit of the lost poem:
I walk through countryside and remember the warm summer heat,
I see her now in every whispered zephyr in the trees and branches,
The warmth on my face from the sun’s warming rays,
The fragrance of a hidden garden and invisible breeze on the corn field dances.
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