Eastbourne

Not been there for years and years and so when P said let's go (on a Sunday) I was a bit hesitant.  The traffic was heavy but not too bad - and we got to East Dean OK in time for lunch - this is the Tiger's Head pub - I'd been there a number of times before - very nice too.  Then we headed off to the cliffs.

Tigers Head - East Dean

 It was a nice day although I should have worn cotton trousers not black jeans!  We decided to flake out on top of the cliffs and enjoy the views and just watch the world go by.

A Selfie Gone Wrong?  P and I on the cliffs at Eastbourne

 Part of the walk we did is shown below it is a lot steeper than it looks. 

Cliffs at Eastbourne

It's nice to have got out of the flat for a while and to have walked out and enjoyed the weather which had been predicted to be poor but was delightful although a bit humid.  

So glad that I did the walk though and that P and I were able to enjoy each others company.

I'm feeling great at the moment and healthy and about to change my routine.  I hope that I can stick to it and fit everything in.  

Up and Down Day

It was a good day and P met up with us at Shipbourne Farmer's Market.  We bought some nice produce and some cheese and olives and baklava.  So I managed to cook for P and mum and we had a nice meal out at an old favourite pub of mine from the old days.

P and I were OK today and had a lovely time but she has had to go home tonight. I'm dropping my mum off tomorrow so that my daughter L can take her home which is nice of her - my mum has all sorts of traumas about this and L driving in the dark and goodness knows what else!  She's making up disaster after disaster for not going.  For me it can't come soon enough - I love my mum but a week and a day of this has been over and above the call of duty - honestly - I nearly lost the plot twice today - it's the insane advice and how to do things I get all the time.  I become flabbergasted with it as I'm trying to drive "watch out for that lorry!" "What, that huge great big white thing behind me?"  FFS I can see it and I'm not likely to reverse off my drive at high speed into it!  I've actually been distracted a couple of times and ended up missing turns and going back around roundabouts and told her to stop it as I don't need the distraction.

I will at least be able to go to P's place and relax a little tomorrow night and spend the weekend with her - that will be nice.

How Strange

Indeed things are strange - communication being one of the strange things at the moment.  It's been a bit difficult with my mum here that's for sure.  I love her dearly but it's been a week now and it wears a bit thin I'm afraid and I can't always keep myself happy and cheery in the face of a constant bombardment of advice and ideas.  It's OK to keep saying OK and Yes but it wears you out entirely and that's the problem - I kind of live my own life and I don't particularly like the "views" my mother has on things.  We explored a few today like the number of Rats at anyone time near human beings.  There's loads of these stories "ten times more rats than humans!" "You are never more than 4 foot from a rat" were two I pulled out at random from the list of "scare stories" put about by the press.  

There are 60 Million people on our small island and the rats would number 600 million if there were ten rats to every human.  You'd have thought you'd see one or two of the blighters at least eh?  If you aren't more than 4 foot away from one at any one time then come on, you need to be pretty myopic to miss them.  Where's the data, where's this stuff come from.  So many headlines are utter tosh if you begin to scratch the surface of the arguments.  Mum goes off about the number of Peadophiles and Offenders and all that but, in reality, how many are there really?  Is there one on every street corner or is it more like there is one in every town.  I don't know but it can't be as bad as they picture it in the papers - it just doesn't stack up at all.

My mum has advice of every sort and if I took notice of half of it I'd be down several hundred pounds and have a box full of stuff that I'd never use and don't really need or want.  

Added to that Mrs. F. turning up yesterday and it was pretty obvious to P that I wasn't in a great place at all.  We've had a few wobbly days because of it - I hope that passes over pretty soon, we did have a long chat about it earlier.

Getting Around "that" time of year again

Last year I wondered why I was up and down and sad and confused but, of course, there was also the - shall we call it - affair all happening at the same time.  Jeez it all started this time last year and I can't complain really, it changed my life.

Of course the other thing is that it will have been 8 years since symptoms and diagnosis and operation and the beginning of the journey.  Eight years!  

My friend N and I were both operated on around the same time and so we regularly find ourselves in a strange place in late June and early July.  Of course on top of that my father died the day after my mum's and two days before my birthday in early July.

This year is different and also I'm in another strange place with myself and P.  It's been 8 weeks (well tomorrow it will have been) and things are going well and progressing nicely.  I hope that we will be able to get away for a long weekend just to spend some time on each other not on resolving problems which we've done a fair amount of this past 4 weeks.  

I feel better that my mum and Mrs. F. and A all got on well yesterday - I am pleased that Mrs. F. is now talking a lot more and that it was all amicable and that is doubly great.

Wobbly Day

A really wobbly day today - felt quite sick and not at all me.  Realised it was probably because Mrs. F. and A were coming over to take mum out for some tea and cakes.  I decided to go shopping to get out of the way so I hoped that would make me feel a little better.  

It kind of worked I suppose but it was still a funny old day.  I'd had such a fun day with P the day before and suddenly I was all glum and gloomy.  Unlike me but I suppose as Mrs. F. was turning up at the house it made me feel that I really didn't want to see her.  At least it was nice that my mum got to see A and Mrs. F.

I need to sort out my wobbly days - I haven't had one for a while but seem to get the odd wobble and I really don't need it.

Mum's Are Funny Aren't They?

My mum has a bit of advice for every situation, she makes me roll up and yesterday was so funny.  We were talking about candles and I have some in my room - rather nice ones.  "you'll burn the house down!" she said - I told her that they were a romantic addition and they were safe the way I had them set up and that if she'd experienced the house burning down - well she was using them wrong!  That got her into fits of laughter in the shop!  

The carrying a citronella candle around was a classic.  "What? All the time?"  How was I to know that I'd happen to go to a venue out of town on that particular day when I got bitten?  I was actually going to the centre of town.

So I just laugh and go with it these days and make fun of her when the ideas are so bizarre they need batting into touch!

Nice having mum over to see me and looking forward to a day out with the girls and my mum, nice.  S & P I hope will enjoy themselves.

Headaches and Insect Bites

I guess they are related - the cluster of insect bites on my neck are pretty awesome - now a huge lump on my neck!  Mum says I should buy a Citronella Candle but I'm going to look pretty stupid carrying it around on the off chance! 

A bit upset as could have gone with P tonight to a festival but as it happens there just wasn't time and not sure mum would truly have been up for it.  P sounded happy and chilled which is great.  She really needs to get out and enjoy herself.

As for me?  I want to kill something :-) lol - no really - I could go and sort out certain people and shake them until they realise the damage they do to other people!  I shouldn't, but am, getting annoyed with these sad excuses for humans being just downright nasty.  Surely there has to be another way/

It's the Spa Hotel luncheon tomorrow and I'm looking forward to that - taking my mum and S & P along too.  I'll have to remain sober as I'm driving but will have beer back here when I return :-)

Can't believe quite how much I miss P.  How funny :-) 

Some Critter - Bit Me

I hope it got indigestion.  Right at the back of my neck - could even be the cause of the headaches I reckon - really nasty inflamed neck and I've now got some cream on them - they've turned into one large lump on the back of my neck.  Not sure if that caused the headache or P's woes did?

P came over tonight and met my mum.  I can't stop talking about her and missed her a lot yet it's only been two days for goodness sake.  However, we really are close and it's all quite serious.  I'll see what mum makes of it tomorrow morning.  She likes the house and that's great and she gets on fine with my friends as she is quite funny.  Hope she likes P? Strange I need approval.  At last P is able to drive her car and it is nice that she can come on over here in her own transport too.  I'm so looking forward to spending time with her and getting out and doing things.  SO looking forward to getting the nonsense of her situation out of the way and moving on.  She was so much like her old self tonight - I was pleased she got on and made some progress.

Headache from hell

Two days running now a real thumper of a headache.  It's to do with sorting things out with P and her ongoing troubles.  It's draining for both of us and I've now taken her back to her flat.  I dislike leaving her there it is a pokey place and I just had to drop her off and leave her there after a couple of weeks with me.  It's been hectic - a roller coaster ride - but my head is just thumping away trying to get my head around what is going on and trying like mad to be on top of it all and be thinking on my feet all the time.

I'm off very early in the morning to take my daughter to the airport then go on to my mum's stay over there and then bring her back on Friday.  

Hopefully we will have a good weekend and week ahead.  Hopefully P will also be feeling a bit better.

Saturday - A Day Of Rest. Maybe.

P has been with me here for two weeks - it doesn't seem that long.  It's been a very difficult week for both of us.  She is having to deal with some pretty unsavoury stuff in her life and I'm helping but it does mean that days can be fraught and upsetting and for the both of us just starting to get to know each other it's a difficult time indeed.  If we can get through this and I think we broke the back of it over the week, we can get through anything.  

I'm in a really good place at the moment excepting that I've just dropped into my uncomfortable bank balance level where alarm bells are going off.  It isn't as bad as I make out - I still have enough money to live on but I now need to boot the business into life and my target date of 1st June is going to be more like the middle of June.

I've got my mum coming down later in the week and that will be great - she will stay for a week and we have the lunch at the Spa Hotel in Tunbridge Wells to look forward to.  Nice.

How fast things turn around and how amazing life can be.......  It's only been 4 weeks and 2 days as I remind her.  How frightening and wonderful all at the same time.

Where did that week go????

It's unbelievable isn't it?  My last blog post was a week ago.  I got my glasses a week ago and I haven't written since.  Astonishing for me to not write anything - I've been low profile here, on Facebook and fallen off the map altogether.  It's been a hell of a ride - a nice one but at some point in time I need to focus on getting my business going :-)  Actually my mum i down next week for a week so I reckon that it will be just after that if I'm honest.

P and I are going through some of her stuff and doing a sort out.  It's been a very hard week for both of us as it's been more business than pleasure.  Hopefully that will change shortly and we can move on and have more pleasure than business.  

Best not say too much at the moment but I am being pleasantly distracted shall we say :-) I haven't even thought about Bladder Cancer at all this past week.

Three Weeks Today

Blimey - just three weeks - it feels longer and so much has happened in such a short space of time.  I like the idea that neither of us were actually looking for too much to happen other than getting to know each other a bit more.  Well we have certainly done that!  I'm now having to work out what will happen in the next few weeks.  

Not Even Three Weeks Yet

It seems to me that I've entered some sort of time warp as it isn't three weeks yet since I picked up P from the Hospital and now we are as they say "an item".  It's all very strange indeed :-) It is all quite a shock as we keep saying to each other "How did we get here?"  It feels a lot longer than 20 days and I have to say that it's neither one thing or the other at the moment it's as if we are in a "no man's land." We are really compatible but my INTJ nature is making me ever so cautious.  P understands (thank goodness).

We are making a lot of progress on her issues and it's a step at a time existence moving a milestone at a time and getting over some pretty sticky situations.  

My main concern is that I am having to dynamically move things around to suit her schedule especially as she isn't allowed to drive for quite a while (another 3 weeks roughly).  So I'm doing a lot of driving and also making sure she is eating properly.  I think that's OK and I feel I've managed to sort most of the basics out especially eating and drinking and medication is being taken etc.

I'm cautiously optimistic that we will become very good friends indeed after all the grief of her operation and personal circumstances are resolved satisfactorily.  

That's Why Life IS Great

Two weeks ago, I wouldn't have known even then what was about to happen.  From absolutely nowhere (even though we slightly knew each other beforehand) two people's life paths touched and for a while have run parallel to each other.  It's all very close and it is all very strange and not at all what I was expecting or quite like it was last year - thank goodness :-) I don't think I'll say much more than last year I could hardly breathe and was wound up like a top.  This time around I think I'm being cautious - I got hurt quite badly and crashed and burnt last year.  I don't intend for that to happen again (although it easily could).

I spoke to P last night and she received my card in the post thanking her for a lovely weekend and I think she really appreciated it and that's exactly what I did it for.  I firmly believe we were destined to meet like this although I'd have preferred it if she hadn't needed eye surgery - poor thing :-(  But things like she's going through the same rubbish I went through and doing that almost on her own are key things.  I can fully empathise with her on the ups and downs of dealing with things that look insurmountable.  

I met lots of people yesterday they were telling me that I looked great and that I was on top form and so I was even though two incidents that actually made me angry - that's so rare!  But one bloke was really rude to me so I gave him two barrels and sent him on his way with a flea in his ear.  The other was just some guy being "Thick" and holding up proceedings - he wasn't best pleased when I gave him the hurry up.  I had to collect things from around 100 people and he was holding proceedings up so he also got a very rough tongue lashing.   Some people really don't get it.

I have NO idea what is going on

It is a funny old thing when you are dancing around and getting to know each other. I'm not heart eruptively entering into this as I "allegedly" did last year.  I am so much more stand offish - perhaps to my detriment.

All I can say is that I'm having a great time at the moment albeit there are some communication issues for us both - we are quite (but not exactly) similar and are both organised and a little headstrong so it is making for interesting dynamics. :-)

Anyway - I'm delighted that P is going to come with me to the church service at Rochester Cathedral on Sunday - it will be so nice to finally get to go to this event without all the whinging and hullabaloo that went before it.

P is off to Hospital in the morning - 2 weeks after her Retina Detachment corrective surgery.   Let's hope for good news.  It marks 14 days since I picked her up at the Hospital and dare I say it this rather extraordinary journey.

Geeeeeez - Karma? Serendipity?

Well hello there.  I've just surfaced after what feels like a month but had probably been less.  P has stayed with me over the weekend and I've just taken her home to her pokey old flat.  We've been getting on fine but are both still shell shocked that we are going out or whatever you may call it.  It's a big surprise to both of us :-)

I'm getting complaints over lacks of blogs and FaceBook activity.  I haven't had time and this week is bad too.  I feel absolutely knackered having driven P around for a couple of weeks, cooked, washed and all sorts of other things for her as her eye (we hope) starts to mend.  It's a tiny bit better but she can't drive for at least another 4 weeks.  She can just begin to see shapes and her fingers in blurred outline held to the sky or a light.

I wonder about these "chance" meetings.  Neither of us would have met unless the string of events that had happened to each of us had happened that way and that her friends were unable to collect her from the Hospital and the subsequent appointment - I can't actually do this Thursday but a friend of hers is.

Let's see how it goes....

Later and Later

Well that was a significantly better day than yesterday and each day is an improvement.  P looked great when I turned up but was slightly back in the doldrums.  However we knuckled down and sorted out her finances or most of them and her friend came around and helped her wash her hair and she was in great spirit.  S is a tiny tornado of a lass and was a great tonic for P.  Once her hair was done it just looked great - I have a thing about long blonde hair and it was so nice to see her happy and almost back to her old self.

I made dinner and seem to be making some great meals with just a load of bits from the fridge.  
It's not been a week since I picked her up from the Hospital and we are "pretty close" I did say to her that I was only meant to pick her up from the Hospital not "pick her up".  

I see in her situation how I was this time last year unable to tackle the day to day things that life was throwing at me and unable to really get a handle on things, tackle tasks and so on.  Here's a thought for you and for me.  Maybe I was destined to meet her and destined to help her through this rough patch in her life?  I have no idea if I am just meant to touch her life or be part of it.  That is part of the journey too.  What is good is that I understand what she is going through and how she is procrastinating at the hard decisions that have to be made.

Some questions for generally throwing out there for discussion:

1. She has lots of friends but none could pick her up that day or stay with her overnight as required
2. The same for the next day and the return to the Hospital (although that was a last minute curve ball)
3. I just happen to have had similar experiences as P and can help her through it
4. We actually get on great with each other

It's all slightly surreal but I like the fact that she sees me at my calm best and also where I don't worry about things anymore.  She couldn't understand how I'd happily walk away from the "money" in my house.  When I told her that I just wanted to be happy and enjoy my life no matter what that may be she started to "get it".

Sheesh - it's 5 days and it feels like 5 weeks.  I am though very mentally drained as it takes a lot of will power, persuasion and so on to keep overcoming objections, helping get past panic attacks and trying to keep the calm middle of the road logic and non emotional attachments to her particular problems.

I don't know where this is going but as long as she comes out of this with a successful operation and her eyes as good as they can be and that she can overcome her problems and her attachment to the past I think I will be very pleased.  

Just Home

Left a much better person when I left than when I arrived.  Lovely lady, beating herself up about some of her past (nothing she could do about it) and the added problem of having to not drive for 6 weeks after her operation is also giving her some issues. 

I've left her with a promise that I can return tomorrow if needed and probably do some shopping but I've virtually lived around there for the past 4 days!   She's not normally like this she told me and many of her friends agree on that too.  It's been a recent trauma that's done this and she's ended up in a tiny flat that really is small and very claustrophobic which also doesn't help her I think.  I've offered for her to come and use the guest room here for a few days, at least I can keep my eye on her, make sure she gets fed and watered properly etc.  She doesn't want to do that - fair enough.

It's been a lovely evening though and I've cooked for her again and given her some good hearty food.  We just sat and watched a bit of TV listened to some great sounds and lightly chatted but mainly I just encouraged her to think of nothing about the past.  Some deep breathing exercises and a lot of concentrating on her.  So it seems we may be there for tonight at least.

There's a load more rubbish to come I can see that and maybe I can help and maybe I can't.  It will be what it will be.   

And Again

I've just received a nice call.  It's interesting - I sent off a phrase I like to use  a lot.  It is by Anais Nin.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

I've been trying to help P out of her current predicament, it is so like myself just a year ago.  So I sent this to start her day and she loves it.  So the call?  She'd like me to come over later this afternoon.  That will be nice - I like meeting her, she's funny when she wants to be, I just need to get her being funny again and to stop beating herself up for her past actions - it was circumstance, not bad planning or decisions that put her where she is. 

Bam - Take That - What a difference a week makes

So - I don't know if I should be telling you this... :-)

But I will.  Last weekend I went out with S & P and asked P out for Lunch which went OK after the puncture and stuff!  We met up that night at my place with S & P and spoke about all things and P was having trouble with her eye that turned out to be a tear and a rip on her retina (A detached Retina).  Not good at all.  She went into Hospital on Tuesday and Wednesday she had to rest up and Thursday have the operation.  I was in touch with her but found she didn't have a lift home on the Thursday afternoon.  SO Now pay attention.

I got a call from her saying that she was waiting to go in for the operation but was having tests and it would be great if I could pick her up from the Hospital and she'd call me as she got out of the operation so I could make my way to Maidstone to pick her up.  She then told me that she'd just been informed that someone should have been with her all day and also someone needed to be with her overnight.  I know what you are thinking but stop that for a moment.

So I suggested that I could do that, I was available over the next few days for a friend.  

It's Saturday evening and I've just had the strangest few days!

I was called in the late afternoon to go to collect her and duly went - it was tortuous as it was rush hour but I got some fuel, some flowers, a get well card and our two roses from St. George's Day and an overnight bag.  I duly arrived and found the ward.  She was on her own lying on her side and had to remain like that for 2 hours.  On the way home I asked if she had any food in?  No she hadn't had time to think let alone do so I puled into Sainsburys and got salad, fruit, cream, antipasto and a selection of cheeses.  This worked great as I was able to pull together a nice salad for the two of us.  

I ended up sleeping on the couch - a more uncomfortable thing I couldn't imagine - it was pretty bad.  In the morning the poor girl was visibly upset and just not with it at all and we finally managed to get organised to go back to the Hospital in Maidstone.  I needed to be back in Tonbridge for my Optician's appointment but more than that I had an appointment in Rochester at 5:30.  I got her to her appointment and she really wasn't feeling at all well by this time (not my driving I hasten to add).  The Nurse took note and I left to drive back to where I'd come from.  I arrived with 5 minutes to spare.  

The optician delivered the message I expected - I need glasses for near, intermediate and long vision.  I knew that I needed something.  So I've also got a big bill coming for a second set of glasses.  They also did a hearing test which also came out that I'm pretty bad in my hearing.  I'd better get that sorted out too in the near future.

So After that I called P and she was going for one more test and check.  I came back to the Hospital and parked up and after 5 minutes she emerged, got her next appointment and I took her towards home.  SHe was hungry so we stopped off at a nice pub in the country called The Chaser.  Returning home we realised that time had run away with us and P needed to see her friend and time was short so I drove here to her friends around teh corner from us.  I then drove her back to her home and after making sure she was alright headed home.

I missed my appointment in Rochester altogether but so did half the others due to a major traffic accident.  

This morning I got a text saying all was great, how much she liked the flowers and everything else which was nice.  I then rang her and all hell had broken loose and some appointment she had had been missed and she was quite distraught about it so I grabbed some food and headed over to her.  I've spent a lovely day in the country with her trying to cheer her up and get her out of a little rut she is in.  I managed to cook a BLT for her to start and then a nice steak with a pudding following that.

So what's the score?  I'm not sure - I think it's all very nice at the moment.  She has a number of issues she needs to overcome and we've worked through them a lot in the past few days and she has ups and downs but that's good as before it was all downs.  She really started to come out of her shell later on in the day and after the meal I'd realised I'd done my job and I made sure she was OK and took my leave of her.  

I really like her, she's intelligent and very funny.  It's not going to be obvious where it is all going we are both a little hesitant at the moment I think but what the hell do I know about these things.  I did try and explain the INTJ predicament to her.  She laughed.  She has my Eckhart Tolle book by her bedside, if she had both eyes it might be OK to read it but the operation has slower her down a bit.