Slagged The Butcher Off and it's Still Early

 Quality of service is a big thing with me.  Customer service goes a huge way to customer satisfaction and for the umpteenth time they failed to deliver yesterday so I was on the system to them and the lady I usually deal with came back quickly and suggested unexpected circumstances prevented delivery.  Then they asked "How did we do?"  

I need no second invitation as those who know me are fully aware.  So I gave them (nicely) both barrels explaining that this wasn't the first time and that they regularly fail to deliver or don't deliver everything I wanted and here's the thing.  If they had proactively said - sorry there's been something unexpected then I'd be OK with that, we all f**k up and it's how you deal with it that's important.

I was writing elsewhere about how I used to tackle these sorts of problems.  I'd quickly evaluate what was about to or had happened and go see the customer straight away with an apology and a plan on how it was going to be dealt with.  This would mean upping the number of times I'd call them and keep them informed.  I'd get agreement,. follow up with the plan and execute the plan.  But so many people would lie or try and hide the truth and that becomes cumbersome, unwieldy and difficult to maintain.  99% of the time the customer would find out anyway.  They used to say I was fearless and didn't I mind being shouted at?  Well not really, don't put it off, you rarely get shouted at but you need to approach the customer in a way that yelling at me isn't going to get this fixed.

I will check in a minute that it is actually coming, I haven't seen a dispatch note so I am not convinced.   

Yes, That's Better As Well

 Surprising how quickly things turn around but I suppose I've had this most of my life and so I can flip flop between states much to my amazement.

Another good day as I am doing small tasks and achieving them  they don't need to be massive and so getting rid of stuff on my desk and shredding a lot of paperwork has made things look and feel better.  The App has entered advanced testing now and that also has made things better.

Of course, things have been sent to try my patience and once again, my delivery from the butcher has not arrived and no one has advised me, picked up the phone, dropped me an email etc so I am having to do the chasing.  Tiresome.  I like the produce but the customer service can some times be missing.  

It was interesting that P thought today was miserable.  It's raining for sure but is rain actually miserable?  I suppose it limits your ability to get out but I'm not sure that I'd call it miserable, it's weather and we need the rain.

What is miserable is watching the country implode financially and morally, that's miserable and shocking at the same time and these people have no idea at all what damage they are blindly inflicting on their fellow citizens.  It's crazy but as I have stated before, I can do little about it other than watch the car crash and hope that the lights don't go out too often and that somehow we will pull through it all.  It's not just the UK either.  Oh well,  it will be what it will be I suppose.  

So there you have it, a better few days, not so much inward loathing, not too much Black Dog and let us hope that continues as I feel a lot better like this than I have done for some weeks / months now.  

A Better Day

 What did I do that was different? Not a lot but I did write down some business related stuff that was on my mind and that allowed me to do a bit more thinking about the situation and then make a decision and clear my mind about that decision.

There are some important steps needed and things that I must do but in some ways, was unwilling to face.  It's to do with changing direction and in doing so, it affects a number of people but the bottom line is that only I know it will affect them and they will never know as, in reality, nothing changes circumstantially for them at all.  I know that doesn't make sense reading it like that but I now am happy that I am doing the right thing for everyone.

I felt much better, lighter if you will and it is progress, not a lot but enough.

So there we are, a little progress goes a long way, a decision I needed to make has been reviewed and is now settled and the course of action is clear. If only everything else was as clear.

FAFO In Action

 FAFO is a slang acronym for "F*** Around, Find Out," meaning actions have consequences and one will discover the negative results of their behaviour. 

I just noticed that Mallorca are finding out what it means when they tell the British Tourists that they don't want them what it actually does to their trade.  They are hoping September will restore something back to their local economy.  Then Spain itself was also unwelcoming and 1 million airline seats are going away as people like Ryan Air decide it isn't worth flying there.  

It is the same in a number of these episodes n'est pas?  The Jaguar cars re brand.  The Bud Light advert and so on.  Read the room, smell the coffee or whatever they say these days.  You see ideologically driven adverts or policies inflicted on people without any analysis what those policies would do or worse still that they do know what they will do.    

I just watched a short video about the job situation in London where there are four days of strikes happening and again, has no body read the room?  Disrupting passengers for four days and beating up an already fed up working population.  They got a mega pay rise last year but now the trough is open they've joined all sorts demanding above inflation pay, shorter working weeks and so on.  And they don't see it, they don't feel the vibe.  I recall seeing people hastening their own demise way back in the 70s when I first started work.  My own trades union would strike and as an Apprentice it was OK as we went to the training centre to do some work but when I got on site I was sick to death of it and losing money so I cut up my card and sent it to the top man explaining that I didn't get more money that I actually got less as I wasn't working. 

There's lots of rumbling going on at the moment too.  I cannot recall a PM being made a chant at an England Football match before nor such words used for someone who is the top man and leads the country (YES I know he is pathetic and not really but you know, he's the de facto leader).  The lot of them look pathetic and woefully inadequate to do their job let alone lead anything.  It's pretty awful the lack of calibre these people have, they lack in every discernible way.  My old phrase "His men would follow him anywhere but only out of curiosity!" 

The other phrases were "A village somewhere is missing its idiot" "Like a six pack but without the plastic thing that holds them together" "A sandwich short of a picnic" and I could go on but that's why I am unemployable these days, I used to come out with this stuff all of the time, you could call someone stupid, idiot, imbecile and so on back in the day and it was an accurate reflection of their competence levels.  Today you have to tell them they are marvellous and it was a great team effort more so when they've just lost you a few million pounds!  

Anyway it always makes me smile when there people get found out and FAFO and the look of shock and surprise on their face and in what they say and the rest of us all look on and wonder why we alone could see it coming and they, allegedly the cream of the political or business world, run full speed into a wall that they did not realise was there?  

And This Sums It Up

 This is what it looks and feels like at the moment.

Some Way To Go

 There's some way to go to get back to "normal" and this is a deep depression.  It's a series of things really and it isn't helped by the inaction it causes.  There's nagging doubt whether I will say or do the right thing and it all needs to be thought through before I do anything.  That leads to procrastination and that in turn leads to a general malaise about not getting things done, leaving things I would otherwise do and so on.  Down and down it goes and it is sort of levelling out but what do I know?

There's a general feeling of dread about what the country (government) is doing to add to this.  There is little or no leadership, you can see the infighting beginning and you can see the loonies for what they are, or at least I can.  Quite how much the country's finances can take is a matter for the markets I imagine who will determine such things but the debt and the loss of jobs, businesses and opportunities and the imposition of regulations to add more red tape to befuddle and catch out employers is the absolute opposite of what they promised.  Yes, they are politicians and you know they are lying because their lips are moving!

There's a sort of wading through treacle feeling as things grind on and nothing really happens in my life.  I am making small breaks through each day and I just hope that they start joining themselves together and things take an upwards turn.  I grind the days out and follow the habit forming chores of the week, bring the milk in, put the right bins out in the right order and so on.  

Oh well, let me hope that slowly I'll get back to my old self and things will even keel themselves.

It's A Very Strange Time I Am Living Through At The Moment

 I am in one of my "down" times at the moment.  Things aren't going well but I am healthy and actually feel physically fit.  I am a bit immobilized and procrastination has entered the building so to speak.  I am not getting on and doing things that I should which are therefore piling up and I am staying indoors too often which is a problem for me as I am happy doing that.

I just cannot get going other than doing my mundane stuff ready for the business which is still in limbo, in touching distance but in limbo nonetheless.  It will soon be a year on from when the business partner threw his toys out of the pram, the developer failed to deliver yet again and I had to make some serious decisions about the way forward.  I thing that perhaps the second option would have been preferable, in hindsight, of just shutting it all down given the evil letter I received some 6 to 7 months after the event.  I do think that and other similar things have destroyed my faith in people.  There are very few good guys left and that in itself is worrying.  You can trust no one and lies and disinformation are everywhere around.

I had to remind myself this morning that in reality the things are all "IN YOUR HEAD!" and not real.  Some stuff is external pressure for sure but only if you let it get to you which it has.  It's just another phase of my life I am going through and I know how to handle it but don't have the wherewithal to actually take the action I know I need to do to get out of it.  I should, in all honesty, walk away from it and start again, I've done it before but as they say "It's complicated" and so it is.

It's the point in time where you just have to accept that it is what it is and you have no power to change the circumstances you find yourself in.  The answer(s) are available but not practical and timeliness is also a thing.  In some ways I need to see what the business does before making a key decision.

Trying to haul myself back to the present is proving a little difficult and so I've abandoned the biography and bladder cancer book for now - they were both not actually doing anything for me as I was picking at the scabs of my past life and whilst some of it is hilarious, the other side is not really, it drags up the past and apportions blame (generally on myself) and so I'll give that a rest for now.

I need to break the monotony of sitting here and preparing for the business launch which I have been doing for a few years now, please God, this is the real thing this time!  It needs to be and it would be great if it was just moderately successful. 

The Ups And Mysterious Downs

Generally I can pretty much sleep through the night unless there's stuff on my mind and last night was pretty bad - awake after 2 I went back to sleep - not sure what woke me up but P was stirring too.  Around 4:30 though I was suddenly awake and the room was closing in on me.  This has happened throughout my life to various intensities.  Last night was about a 6 on the scale.  I got up and got dressed and came downstairs.

A six means that it was above normal and required getting out of the situation.  So I came downstairs, had a large drink of water and then switched the cameras off and went outside for some fresh air.  I'd forgotten about the big PIR floodlight which came on but hey ho.  About 5 minutes was enough.  You could hear all sorts of wildlife making early morning noises.

I came back in and then sat in my chair and fought the demons and fell asleep.  There are lots of dreams flying about and I can only recollect tiny fragments of them.  They aren't particularly dark as far as I can tell and they aren't the terrors and worries of say 18 or 19 years ago.

It's strange to be getting these quite so often but I am not particularly good at the moment, a bit Black Dog and up and down many times a day.  I need to work my way through it and if I was honest with myself, I deep down inside know what the answer is and what I must do.  It's just difficult and history repeating itself but this time, my options are quite limited.

Oh well, it's morning, the sun is shining so hopefully I'll feel a lot better about things later on?

I'd Like To See It From Your Point Of View

 But I can't get my head that far up your arse!!!  That is why I don't think I'd hold down a job these days. That along with "Don't you ever get tired of being wrong!"

So it amused me today to see how people reacted to the "resignation" and the reshuffle in the Labour Party and also how Reform were being viewed.  Now, I try and watch the Party Conferences and yesterday (and today) it is Reform and it's quite glitzy and glamorous and quite different to Tory and Labour ones of the past.  Of course they were pleased with the resignation of the Deputy Leader/PM and the reshuffle made them (and me if I am honest) laugh and moan at the same time but reading today's comments on Facebook you'd have thought it was quite a different thing that happened.

Someone I know who I have to hide every few months suggested that it was a blow to Reform and took the attention away from them.  Well I suppose that might be so but it wasn't unexpected.  Another person suggested that Nigel Farage (leader of Reform) had been savaged by the US Committee he gave evidence to a few days back.  Did they even watch it?  I didn't particularly like it but he wasn't savaged.  There was some parochial stuff going on and some misinformed opinions but savaged?

It is striking how people see the same thing and react and draw opinions quite differently as if their view of reality is quite different to mine say.  I watched the whole thing apart from the break where Jeremy Kyle (I am not a fan) was chatting to delegates and commentators.   What was apparent was that it was quite different to Tory and Labour Conferences. More razzmatazz - mini Trump style I'd suggest.  

There are some serious problems coming our way and societal breakdown is one but also, it seems to me, these views of the world that are quite different to the lived experiences of the majority of the population.  I cannot fathom how people do not understand the depth of the problems we have, why we have them and how to tackle them.  There's a lot of "I'm alright Jack" going on but many people yesterday and I imagine today too when asked were concerned about the future, not for themselves but for their children and grandchildren.  

There were some heavy subjects touched on and many I've mentioned before about business, finance, taxes, cost of living, lack of opportunities, the list goes on but the decline in all areas seems to hardly concern the metropolitan liberal elites (they say elites but they surely are not).  Those who wholeheartedly support higher fuels costs to save the planet, higher taxes, you know the sort.  They don't have a problem (YET) that the majority have and it will come as a complete surprise to them when the problems manifest themselves at their door.  So they don't get the populist movement away from the failed two party situation at all.  I cannot imagine what these people have been watching or where they get their news from over the past 20 years, probably the BBC and the Guardian most likely.

They cannot help themselves but to sneer at the changes that are coming as they do no to comprehend the situation either locally or globally.  If they stopped chattering for a moment, scrolling on their phones, taking Instagram pictures of their lunch and gym & yoga classes they might, just might have time to take in the impact of idiotic policies and the consequences coming down the line at them.

Whilst people have different views and opinions, it is the ones who cannot see or hear who make the loudest noise and will perhaps get the shock of their lives when they perceive the outcomes of failed policies, losses of freedom, increased taxes to pay for vanity projects and the freeloaders using our money to live off the fat of the land.  Our land.

Stirring Like The Balrog Maybe?

 There's some strange stuff going on at the moment don't you think?  Like the school bully pushing and pushing to see how far his luck will hold out.  We have an arrest for 'hurty words' and now we have our Deputy Prime Minister embroiled in a tax underpayment (that's simplifying it - there's much more underneath down in the depths).

It's pretty obvious that it's a resignation event but no, like most of these people, they grip on until the last molecule and atom of keratin finally gives way and they fall, disgracefully from view.  I had thought no more than a few weeks ago that she was likely to commence going for the PM's job and perhaps she was?  This blunder is pretty bad and once again, the party of the people and the workers are found nose in trough and declaring that the rules are for thee and not for me!

Good luck with that and inevitably there is damage here and who's to regret the loss other than herself.  Much as I dislike the woman, she did seem to be an able politician but none of their policies make sense unless you too are a Marxist I guess?  Yet they act as if the only people who have to follow these doctrines are the serfs they represent.

But, deeper down in the country there does appear to be a stirring and maybe that is a good thing as it slowly dawns on the populace what this government is doing behind the scenes and as these things manifest themselves we perceive that our once free society may soon not be (free that is).

In many ways, the whole lot should be razed to the ground and rebuilt, it is no longer fit for purpose and does not serve the vast majority who actually pay for it all.  A huge monolith, a Cuckoo who parasitically lives off of its host.  Britain never shall be slaves the song goes and too many of us now feel that the bully has pushed his luck far enough and like that bully, when you stand up to him, they retreat and turn out to just be a coward in disguise all along.

People in power should exercise the best levels of integrity and honour, they are trusted to do so and time after time after time after time let us down and they do not see what they have done wrong because the rules we have to live by don't apply to them.  A pox on them all. 

There's A Reason That There Aren't Any Battery Powered Aircraft

 Or Rockets for that matter.  I mean, where would you recharge them when you are in flight or on Mars?  The interesting thing is that once the charge has gone the aircraft or rocket probably still weighs about the same where conventional ones get lighter as the fuel gets used up and the stages drop away from the main craft.

It's the insanity of the Lorries and Buses that are now battery powered and the Ferries (no really) and that is the amount of electricity you require to charge them up.  The lorries and ships need megawatts not paltry kilo watts like at your house.  The Ferries had to be cancelled because no one had worked out how much electricity was required nor, indeed, how they were going to get it to the terminal and electric and water don't mix well (I learned that at Electrical Engineering College by experimentation - don't ask).

I see someone things that liquefied hydrogen could be substituted for kerosene but at 2000 psi I doubt many would like to be sat anywhere near that given it's other corrosive properties.  

The craziness is that no one asks basic questions about how heavy these batteries are and could you really use electric engines to power an aircraft and how meaty would the battery have to be to produce the energy you actually need to take off and fly?  Like the lorries they are trialling, the wight means that the loads that they can carry are diminished by around 25% - and it takes ages to charge the batteries.  They do not normally have enough charge to do a full day's work either.  

The practicalities of battery power can be seen in your rechargeable toothbrush or other battery powered home appliance.  They deteriorate over time, just run out without warning and take an age to recharge.   They are noting like mains powered or petrol powered tools (if you use chainsaws and drills etc) and you have the inconvenience of  less and less output over time.

We need, somehow, to work out what to do but the blind push to reach net zero is fraught with problems and batteries are not going to be the long term answer.  

Oh well, I haven't even got started on how powerful these cars, lorries and busses are when they are charged up.  Because of how they are coupled up, they can accelerate a lot faster than you think and so many people get caught out especially if they have a heavy right foot.  Have fun!

Language Timothy

 A sitcom from days gone by when little Ronnie Corbett was harangued my his over bearing mother and every now and then as he was exasperated and perhaps used a word like "blast" he would get the lecture from his mother "Language Timothy!"

And so I briefly looked at the new headlines this morning and wondered what happened to our language that makes headlines such as "OFCOM flooded with complaints"  When you get past that particular headline you find that those complaints amount to...... wait for it.... 500.  Yes 500 in a population of 67 or 68 million (that we know of) decided they didn't like something enough to "flood" the regulator.  Let's say 6 million people saw it.  It's way less than 1% complained.

Such is the use of language today that it adds "flooded" when it didn't need to say that and it isn't entirely accurate or properly descriptive of what has happened.  People complain all the time about programmes and what was and wasn't said and bias blah blah blah.  I do understand that in the days of click bait that it is required for the reader to click deeper to achieve hits and advertising revenue, I get it but, all it does is to do what it did this morning for me.  I just went elsewhere for my news and wondered what words they could dream up if it had gone to 600 complaints?  "Tsunami!" "Mega Tsunami!"?  

Everything these days has an adjective misused or is sensationalized and it's cry wolf stuff.  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by this but it is used all the time.  Climate Change is another area where words are used that rather than discussing the science they sensationalize opinion and misinform and when called out they accuse others of the same actions!  

On top of that no one applies common sense anymore to these headlines.  I could go on forever about this but just a few crazy things I hear is about how 1.5 Degrees C rise is bad for everything and that CO2 emissions are too high.  Travel for 50 miles from my house and I can show you 5 degrees of change, or just wait until a cloud comes over or look at the difference between a cloudy or sunny day.  No catastrophic problems occur?  CO2 - surely to God everyone knows that CO2 is, to all intents and purposes, plant food.  See that tree?  Any idea what it's made from?  Look it up.  A lot of people think that they are made from something in the soil.  Why do farmers in greenhouses pump the CO2 up?  Because it makes plants grow really well.

Carbon as they bandy the word around is what? Graphite, Diamonds, Coal, I mean what the absolute f**k are they doing other than to confuse the public, obfuscate the facts and not have the scientific debate you need to logically discuss these things. No, they use frightening words and the clues are that there is no debate allowed, no common sense thinking, no demonstrations of how this all actually works, instead, they rely on models and computer models, no real data to speak of.  The clues are in those words "Scientists predict", "Experts say", "Might", "Could" words used to grey out facts and obfuscate the masses and people buy it hook line and sinker.  Where did our common sense, scientific method and debate (without getting yelled at) go?  You cannot have a debate in this country (or rather you have to be careful who you debate with) for fear of getting yelled at.  So I was yelled at for my opinions on Brexit and called a "Climate Denier" loudly in a pub, the chap just lost it, I thought he was going to break his blood vessels.  You certainly don't want to have seen the scene when I called out the Covid ward overcrowding at a Hospital.  Having just visited one in the middle of it all, it was like a ghost town.

The argument was that a certain Hospital was at 100% capacity in its Covid ward.  I know that Hospital and knew (long reason why) that there were 42 beds in the ward.  So I suggested that there were 42 people being treated in it as there were no other allocated wards.  You'd have thought the end of the world had been announced.  I don't enter into discussions any more with certain people as they've completely lost the ability to debate and prefer to yell headlines without research at me.  

A Bit Lighter This Morning

Out with my school chums from 57 years ago last night. Actually it was good as I got that awful letter and the craziness off my chest and of course, there was plenty of banter and reminiscing but it did get dark at one point as we realised that the vast majority of our teachers were now dead with just a few exceptions yet even those teachers would be in the mid to late 80s!  

But we still had a lot of fun and there was a great photo of us all.

My grandson started school yesterday so we had the obligatory first day at school photo and hi little sister giving him a hug before he went - I imagine she is going to miss him a lot.

Here in the UK we appear to be arresting comedians using armed police for posting hurty words.  We are rapidly becoming Venezuela or North Korea. I despair that this government are doing anything about it and lip service is paid to each event.  I thought that the sort of intellect on display about national ID to "combat illegal migration" was just another nail in the coffin of our liberal, open society (well we used to have that 25 years ago).  I mean it's obvious that "Ihre Papiere, bitte" is the way forward I mean what could possibly go wrong with that that history hasn't taught us?

So - there's lots of stuff to wonder about among the hypocritical-arty government.  It's just worth sitting back and watching the car crash but at the same time realising that generations will end up paying for this nonsense.  

And Here We Are Back To Black Dog Times

No matter how hard I try to decouple from all this sh1t I end up back in this space and damn it, I know what is wrong but I am unable to deal with it as I am wrapped by layers of stuff that is holding me here.  It's full on The Matrix stuff, you have all these connections and ties into things, people, friends, relationships, family, property, finances and so on and all I'd like to do is to just go off grid, walk away from it all but, you know, responsibilities and these connections that you'd need to break and deal with the consequences.

I woke around 5:30 this morning and the pressure that I felt, more than my normal claustrophobia because everything was pressing in on me, the house, the business, the relationship and this oppressed feeling as if some huge weight was being brought down on me and the house was shrinking around me.   So I got up and went downstairs and as it was getting light sat in my office and fell asleep at my desk which was useful.

What wasn't so useful was trying to work out how to get out of this place I find myself in?  It's not as easy as all that is it?  I've pumped most of my savings into this house and to get those out is "interesting" and in the current financial crisis and any crazy taxes this odious government attempt to impose in October, may prove challenging.  

I actually don't know what to do at the moment but have several things I am looking into because I don't see a way out that is simple and sweet.  It's just so difficult to get yourself out of the pickle you are in.  

I can, of course, lose my self in work but that defaulted on me and I suppose what I really wanted was to just enjoy my retirement and that's not happening at all at the moment.  

Yes, lots of things to explore and think about, lots of options but none of them are pleasant at all.  I guess we will have to wait and see.  At least I am aware that Black Dog is here and doing his thing, that I probably comprehend what I need to do but I really don't want to face up to it because I know what it is, how to get out of it and I really don't want to be doing this for a second time in my life but there you go, not my choice, not my preferred way forward but it's no longer in my power I feel.

Yuk, I hate it when you realise what your options are, that you cannot take action this moment even though you know what that should be and it's going to be painful and soul searching to get it done!  

Got to Eat The Frog though, eat the Frog! 

Don't You Ever Get Tired Of...

 Being wrong?  I hope it is not just me?  The bare faced hypocrisy of the current bunch of politicians was breathtaking at first and now they just lie and wear their sanctimonious sneer level bald faced untruths in a way that can only be to goad an already distrusting and disgusted public?

It seems that the old adage of "Rules for me but not for thee!" flow fast and furious from a Socialist government and they appear absolutely certain of the voracity of their argument and don't appear to have their finger on the pulse one jot.  What next I wonder?  

I have dealt with people like this in the past and I normally engineer things in such a way as to be able to observe their car crash performance in a meeting, in front of a customer or some such massive fall from grace because, they bloody well deserved it.  So, to the tune of the Red Flag let's all sing:

"The working class can kiss my arse,
I've got the foreman's job at last.
You can tell old Joe I'm off the dole,
He can stick his Red Flag up his 'ole!". 

Breathtaking cognitive dissonance would be a way to explain it perhaps but the ugly holier than thou responses to perfectly reasonable questions about - O, I don't know, the economy, immigration, public services, tax avoidance, rules for thee but not me etc etc are met with sneering, sinusoidal, adenoidal bollocks, downright lies and a complete lack of empathy for the public and just an insulting assault on our intelligence.  

I can only hope that (I know if will hurt the country) the collapse of this government and everything that they currently stand for is massive and completely destructive to every one of the individuals who hold the electorate in contempt.  They are beneath our contempt and deserve absolutely everything that is coming their way.  Only because we live in a "Civilized society" will they get away with it.  Absolutely contemptible waste of oxygen the lot of them, a curse on their houses. 

Blithering Idiots

 And that gives them too much credit and insults real idiots!

I try not to listen to Sunday morning news on the radio but I happened to be in the room and so got a full blast of today's "next thing".  In a country of around 67 million a child has died of Whooping Cough.  Not meaning to belittle that tragedy but I think people are now very wary of the NHS and vaccinations, I know I am and I've written about the disgusting way I was dealt with by "the system".  A death is a tragedy but 1 in 67 million is that worthy of a 2 minute newscast unless it is a bump to you to get your child vaccinated?

Then the awful woman who is Education Secretary who, with her government have actually destroyed many children's education by imposing VAT on school fees half way through term and wondering why, now, schools are shutting down and the state system has a sudden influx of children and we are having to pay more for was prattling on about absenteeism, how big a problem it is and no doubt it is but kids have bunked off school for ever - I was too frightened to but did one day get an afternoon off and that, as I recall, was both exciting and frightening too. 

Back to the story and it was a not insignificant number.  But here is the thing, yet again, they will fiddle around with the system and not actually tackle it, they forget that they are in charge and so these failures they are happy to tell us about require a mirror so they can look directly at themselves when they say this stuff.  They've eroded parental control over their children and now there's a problem they say it is the parent's fault.  Same old same old and she, like the rest of these new MPs has the sinus problem too.  Are they taught to speak as if they are going to a train spotter's convention?  

These things may well be problems but they are the "Minister Responsible" and rather than prattle some standard deflection and blaming the parents perhaps they could actually do the job they are paid to do?  They don't know how to actually do it as they are ideologically driven and have their own jobs and careers at the heart of their actions not the children, parents and teachers whom they are supposed to represent. 

I was further amused by my Water Provider's email stating that the water shortage was..... "Due to the hottest summer on record!"  MMmmm now having lived through 1976 I could pretty much tell you from my own memory that it may have been one of the hottest summers ever.  So looking at my friendly AI we have:

2023 - 17.58°C

2018 - 17.1°C

1976 - 17.02°C

1995 - 16.96°C

2006 - 16.85°C

2020 - 16.79°C

1933 - 16.78°C

2022 - 16.71°C

1983 - 16.63°C

1975 - 16.51°C

However, way back in 1933 you might notice something and there is no trend here not for climate that is.  A one degree difference on average over 92 years would suggest to me that if anything there is a slight upwards trend but what's the problem in that?  I often cite the chap travelling from London to Edinburgh who regularly can see a 3 or 4 degree swing on his journey.  Stepping out of the sun into the shade drops temperatures significantly and so much of this bunkum is paraded out as science.  

They have even had to change terminology now that heatwaves can last just a few days.  As I said, until you lived through 1976 you have nothing to compare the couple of high twenties or low thirties we had earlier this year.

Of course the water company are saying that the weather is to blame for the low water we have in the system - which ignores the fact that they haven't built any reservoirs since the 1976 despite getting the very real warning then and the drought of that year so it also means they didn't collect what rainfall there was in fact they were telling us in March to get our jet washers ready as there was "plenty of water"  this company has one job, can you guess what it is?  And then you have the politicians saying build build build and there's no water in the area, no real infrastructure and no plans in place before you can do all these things.  Pathetic lack of insight, planning, foresight, grasp of complex systems and outcomes etc.  They really don't know what they are doing.

This present lot are a PR disaster too.  No one I know takes them seriously, they do things that make it obvious they hold the electorate in contempt and they do not understand why they are hated.  The public (i.e. the voters) are treated as last in the queue and you can see people getting, quite rightly, angry.  Looking at what is coming down the line in the October budget and listening to them floating their ideas out there - something is going to go off pop.   Thinking back to 1976 I see that there will also be a number of public sector wage claims coming down the line again this year.  Buoyed by the huge rises just over a year ago, I can only imagine what sort of winter we will endure.

Ho hum, that will do, it's not even 9 am and I've vented about a few minutes of nonsense this morning has brought.  Have fun! 

Dealing With...

 and accepting the situation you find yourself in.  It's bloody difficult right?  I am dealing with betrayal, incompetence and disappointment and it is affecting me but it really shouldn't.

I used to say about driving that if you treat everyone else around you as if they are idiots you will find that you can predict their erratic behaviour, their lack of planning their inability to manoeuvre properly and their downright dangerous actions.  

So I must accept that the vast majority of people I interact with are just stupid, dangerous idiots and not be surprised when they do stupid and nasty things.  It's the irrationality and the disrespect and sheer evil way that people turn on you for little or no reason.  I don't get it and generally they've already taken advantage of me on one way or the other, my friendship, my money. my time and then for them it's perfectly acceptable to just be a complete and utter knob!  Then they want to come back for a bit more later!

Oh well, I'm old enough to know better but I've never been someone to not help out but after all these disappointments, perhaps I should know better?  I try to be hard nosed about it but I know that I'll help the next person and then a little further down the lone my reward will be to get royally shafted once again.  Such is my life.  I probably need to say no more often.

Neither Fish Nor Fowl

 So I was once told when I had got the hierarchy of dinning seating wrong.  Done in a nice manner but there you go.

And so I find myself neither Fish nor Fowl at this point in time.  Neither happy nor sad, neither content or discontent and somewhere in a middle ground of my own making.  

Knife edged balance between them and struggling with a decision I had better make sooner rather than later but, and here is the but, I actually need to understand what is going on a bit better before taking the next steps.  Build a contingency plan perhaps would be another way of looking at it.  I'm back where I started 11 or 12 years ago and it makes little or no sense how I got here again other than my own INTJ let it happen way of dealing with things.

It truly is a problem coming down the track at me and this time, I don't have the easy ability to get out of it, get out of the way of it or to do anything about it.  I am kind of trapped and I need to extricate myself from the problem somehow.  Not sure how as it is very unclear what is actually happening.  There's no clarity and dealing with other personality types who don't do logic and the like, it means that things happen for no apparent rhyme or reason!

Of course, if I won the lottery all these problems would go away immediately but that is unlikely to happen.  I'm going to have to tough it out in the short term but it isn't great doing that because of that FUD (Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt) that pervades the situation.

Of course, it isn't life and death as such but it is just bloody awkward and transient.  Ho hum! 

That's Why

I have suspected that I am not "right in the head" for sometime now and it is a series of things really that are beginning to settle out what is going on.

There's the reflections on this blog back in 2006 to 2008 which I have stopped doing now as it was stirring up memories long forgotten and long past that really shouldn't be remembered.  

There's the business and the ongoing shenanigans with that including someone who doesn't want to be involved trying to get back and involved! Plus all the messing around which is still going on 8 years after it started FFS!  It's neither one thing nor the other and if it was one or the other you could do something about it.

Then there's the claustrophobia again closing in on me.  I hate it and it shouldn't be there but it is and it isn't caused by me I now realise.  I've blamed myself for far too long about this and once again, I am being taken advantage of and I am not pushing back against it which I should.

So I've worked out what all these pressures are and I am going to have to do something about it and it's not nice, it certainly sin't going to make my life any easier either so I am going to have to eat the frog on this one.  

All along I've known this and all along I've avoided the really hard decisions I am now going to have to take.  If I thought 2013 was a bad year and that I didn't want to repeat that experience then I have been kidding myself for too many years and trying to get things sorted out.  They probably will never be sorted out and people are going to get hurt all over again something I seriously wanted to avoid!  Ho hum!  

 

And Names - What's That About

 I can remember certain names from the past.  Certainly those I worked with or that made an impression at the time but thinking about my Apprentice friends I can only remember a few first names and only two can I recall their whole name.  I gave a lift to Gary every day at college for over two years, can I recall his surname? Not at all.  Then the others in the car - one was Steve who went to work in Saudi and the other tall chap with equally long hair - I cannot remember - I can see his face but that's all. Then Trevor who played in the band and we occasionally roadied for the band (called Evil Weasel) they supported Stray at Skindles in Maidenhead.  Yes I cannot remember his name but he was great fun.  The other name I remember as one of the lads swore like a trooper and so I recorded him on my cassette tape to prove it.  He was talking about Nikki Lauder's accident and used every swear word I'd ever heard.

Then the people I used to work with, once again, only a few of the real characters or those that I hated (quite a few) or didn't get on with can I recall their names.  If someone happened to say their name I'd recall who they were and so on but I do have a brain that kicks this stuff out and has a waste basket type function.  If I need to remember something, I will.  However, I erased a lot of this back in 2007/2008 I guess when I found that my head was nearly exploding with "the past" and I just reset it.

It is a shame as I'd like to remember some of these things but as I have just proved trying to convert this blog to a book, going over past history especially related to my Bladder Cancer and the collateral damages surrounding that, is not good for my present well being.  Maybe it's the defence mechanism kicking in.  

Putting the names to faces though - it isn't that important I suppose?  We were all young and setting out on our separate journeys.  I wonder whatever happened to them all?  I think there were 30 of us and a few dropped out along the way, some went abroad, a few of us ended up in the office and I bumped into one or two over the course of the years but they had to remind me who they were!!

Strange how that manifested itself with the flashbacks, the faces but no full names, even though we spent close to three years in our training apprenticeships together.