Taking things slowly

I want my whole life to change now, tomorrow, straight away.  I want to wake up and have a clean slate, a new piece of paper and just remember (but not regret) everything that has happened before so that I no longer make the same mistakes or travel the wrong paths again.

Valhalla right?  Well of course it is - it just isn't possible to stop the world, I want to get off.  And then again, is it?  

I doubt any of us would not want to wind back the past, do things differently but we are here because we did those things.  It goes something along these lines:

Good judgment comes from experience; and experience, well, that comes from bad judgment.

I was watching a programme tonight about albums and single and how in the 70s they were king of the music business and what they meant to someone - of my age - growing up around that time.  I had a horrifying thought that from the late 70s to now had all been a mistake, that I'd missed something fundamental out of my life.  I hadn't had a drink by then either.  What it was, was indeed quite profound in my mind and that was that they played some music of the 70s and More Than  A Feeling buy Boston rang out.  I had my first senior job, was a junior manager, drove into London each day in a pretty new car with an 8 track and a cassette player and used to have that song blaring out in the car.  Life was brilliant around that time.  Crazy girlfriend, crazy working, late hours, regular concerts and parties, great clothes, I was as fit as a Butcher's Dog, had loads of hair and hardly any cares in the world.   

I suddenly yearned to wind back the clock again to that simpler age where music provided the soundtrack, where there were no responsibilities and we just enjoyed life.  Of course, that's not possible to recreate it even if you wanted to but the essence of that time, the underlying principles would be a start.  Today my life doesn't have any soundtrack to it.  There isn't that carefree life even though my children are grown up and no longer a responsibility as such.  Things are secured, there's no need to be living in a who finishes first race to the grave and yet strangely that's how I kind of see things these days.  Where's all the fun gone?  Where's having a life gone? Why is everything such a chore and so difficult?

That's part of the reason I'm breaking out of the prison of my mind and going out and seeking getting a life or getting my old one back or reinventing myself.  It seems completely bonkers to just be breathing air and consuming resources unless you actually go and do something with them.

I rejoiced in a couple of things yesterday - one was that I saw a Nuthatch (A Tree Creeper) bird which is very distinctive on the tree outside my window, I saw some Jays come over to the tree and grab some Mistletoe berries, Cycled past the local Church and as I got to the Lych Gate the sun was shining down the tree arched lane towards the church and the light was amazing.  It's progress for me to see such things, it's lovely, it's charming and it's a place I want to go to.  If not, what was the point of surviving if not to rejoice in what we have, what is around us and to start to live a little rather than to remain a prisoner of my mind and body and my house and my office?

It isn't going to happen overnight, I wish it would all be different tomorrow.  It will happen in it's own good time at a speed that is appropriate (I hope) for me.  It's hardly been 4 weeks and so progress is amazingly good yet also it could be said to be slow as well.  I've just got to keep the faith, keep plugging away, hold on to my dreams and go for it.  I just need to remember to keep things slowly and steadily and not to be impatient!