Oh Dear

I've not been on great form today and was trying to work out quite why that should be.  Mrs. F says she's worried about me - apparently I'm moody and brooding and it's quite strange because she reckons I'm like I was last year when I got really depressed and down.  The strange thing is that suddenly I realise that I am a bit down and not my goodself - writing this I can feel it and yet there's me saying on the other hand that I'm really up at the moment and enjoying the new me.  It's not schizophrenia but mood swings are pretty much happening all the time and I'm just going to have to work my way through them.

I'm pretty sure I know what is bringing this about but it's nothing I can actually control and so perhaps, being the control freak that I am, it is messing with me head.

I think too that subconsciously I've arrived at a conclusion of my deliberations and the answer isn't the one I like or am happy about.  It's logged into the back of my head and now I've got to come to that same decision myself.  Maybe that is what it is.  I recollect being like this when I had to resign from the Charity - it was a decision that I had to take and one that I didn't like or enjoy at the time.  I remember too though that I had to resign from there - I certainly couldn't have survived being there any longer.  

It's a funny old thing is life, the universe and all that.  If Mrs. F. can see me looking back in the dumps and I'm not even thinking that I am - then there's some funny old stuff going on here and I'd better arrive at the conclusion pretty damn fast.  I'm an intuitor - I already know the answer, I don't like the question and I don't like the answer.